Barbara Scott - Fairytale Princess: 2

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Barbara Scott - Fairytale Princess

copyright 2011 Faeriemage

For Donnie, life was about to end. For Barbara life hadn't yet begun.

Karl opened the door for me, and I gratefully slid into the back seat. I knew that I had to put my rear in the seat first and then swing my legs in. I'd actually practiced it for that movie.

You know what. Fine. I'll tell you, since it wouldn't be that hard to figure it out since I've already given you the name under which I played my role. "Love's Sunset." Yes, it was a truly tragic death scene for me at the end. Yes, it made me cry the first time I saw it. I mean having your heroine die of cancer after admitting her love for the man who had stood with her through three failed marriages? And yes it's probably the best movie I've ever acted in.

Happy? Good. Now we're moving on.

We drove over to the location where the audition would be, and I realized that it was a cattle call.

"Crap, I'm not ready for this. I have no ID or guild number for Barbara or anything."

"Look in the clutch."

"You called in Giorgio didn't you?" I said looking at the contents.

Movies attracted some of the strangest people you would ever imagine.

Giorgio was unique even amongst all this variety. As far as I was aware I was the first person to use one of his props in a real life situation. Basically Giorgio was the guy that shows like CSI or Castle called when they wanted a realistic looking ID.

Giorgio also has a consulting job with the FBI teaching how to spot fake IDs and describing the processes used to create them.

I hadn't noticed them taking a photo of me, but there was Barb Scott looking back at me in a traditionally bad DMV photo.

They even gave me a new birthday to make me seem a little younger. Ok, a lot younger. I'd only turned eighteen a week ago according to this.

It was time to create a character. First, it was time to figure out my motivations.

"Who am I? Born and raised in Texas. Prom Queen? No, but it was a close thing. I've never forgiven my best friend for putting her name into the running."

Ok, knowing your character's history helps you to know their motivations. Knowing their motivations makes it real.

"I wear my heels to look taller, because I want to be noticed. I'm afraid of the notice at the same time. Texan to the soles of my shoes. Smart? Yeah, smart. No ditz here. But I've personally got ADD. flighty. I'll be flighty. Smart, but able to loose track of my conversation in the middle of it. Now, hopefully I can remember all this."

Karl was laughing at me in the front seat, "You're mostly describing yourself, you realize this?"

I put on my female voice that I'd practiced so long and hard for "Love's Sunset."

"Karl, honey. Would you just get my door for me so that I can get this meet and great over."

His jaw dropped. He'd wasn't needed on set with me for "Love's Sunset" so he'd never met Dawn.

He snapped his mouth shut and just chuckled. "you're going to knock 'em dead, Donnie."

"Just so long as they hire me, I don't much care. And the name is Barb."

"Let me get that door for you, Barb."

The moment I started walking I became Barb. There would be no calls of cut here. I could not break character for a moment.

I walked confidently into the building, and then stopped for a moment as if looking around.

Act a little startled that there are so many people. . .yes, receptionist there. Notice her and walk up.

These were the thoughts that I had as I stood there, and these sorts of thoughts continued as I went through this meat market of the stars.

If the receptionist was the same woman as I'd spoken to on the phone then I'd horribly misjudged her. She had the wiry gray hair, but her face was almost unlined and she would have hardly been out of place amidst the rest of us lovelies.

I walked up to her stopped for a moment waiting for her to notice me, and then cleared my throat softly.

She looked up, and then did a double take. "Hi," I said with what I hoped was a blinding smile, "I'm Barbara Scott? I had an appointment for an audition?"

"Hi, Barbara. I actually thought you were pranking me and were actually a drunk man."

I blushed at that, as it was both in character and I really was a bit embarrassed.

"Well, hey, people tell me that I sound like a fat old woman over the phone. I think you out-did me for difference in appearance between impression and actuality.

"I was quite drunk, I'm sorry to say."

"Well, you're here. I have to say you sound quite a bit better now as well."

"One day sober. Think I might actually quit this time."

That's too bad because I wanted to ask you out for a drink after you get through."

My mouth dropped open a little.

"All the hot ones are hetero. Mores the pity. If you're ever curious. . .well, this is what's called a cattle cal, sweetie. Mostly their just going to want you to get up there and look pretty, but you've got that in spades, hun. They might want you to say something. If they do they'll ask you a question. Think of it pageant and realize that sometimes 'world peace' is the best answer. Better to look inscrutable than stupid."

I'd never had anyone help me this much at a cattle call before.

She must have seen my confusion and misread it, thankfully, because she continued. "Hey, don't worry, hun. You'll do fine. Just try not to make everything a question, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks for the help."

"You're welcome. Good luck, Barbara."

"I prefer Barb."

"Good luck, Barb. Heat through the door right there and get in line. They'll give you a number as you get closer."

I was about to step away when I stopped and turned back toward her. "Look, I wasn't shocked because of being hetero and propositioned. I was shocked because my girlfriend died recently and I'm just not used to being out without her. I'm not even sure if I'm attracted to guys, but I figured I'm an actress and I might as well get back to work."

"I've seen some of your work haven't I?"

Crap, why didn't I just give my name as Dawn Leary.

"And here I thought you were new to all this. You're good. You're really good. Probably a good thing you didn't give me your real name." She was cackling a bit as she thought over what I'd just pulled on her.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Joyce. Why do you ask?"

"I'll join you after this for that drink, as long as you neither expect me to drink nor do anything other than talk?"

"Sounds good to me, Barb. Come see me after you get done."

"See you later, Joyce," I said and headed toward the stage door.

I have to say that I felt sorry for everyone else the moment I stepped through the door. Not a single one of them had even close to the same preparation as I'd had. Most of them had thrown some little black dress from the dark recesses of their closet with their best three year old makeup and a scrunchie in their hair.

There were a few that showed preparation and a salon hairstyle.

There was only one other girl who I was worried about. That was because I could tell that she'd had professional help for today's meeting as well.

She was also the only other girl here who wore a backless dress. Hers was red though.

I tried to ignore her as we wound our way back and forth through the studio. I looked hard, trying to see if there were any other cross-dressers. If there were, then they passed as easily as I did.

I kept looking over at the girl in red. She was going to make it. I was sure of that. I only wish I was a bit closer to her so I could size up my competition.

She was relaxed and confident.

After she got on stage, there was a lot less for me to do as I waited for my turn on stage.

While the other girls were watching their competition, I did what I always did. I watched the judges. No matter what you call them, when you're at an audition you are being judged. The secretary, or receptionist, or whatever had given me some key pieces of information as well.

I read their body language, watch what they responded too. I had most of what I needed on my body. The rest would have to be my act.

Even as I'd been watching the woman in red, part of my attention was split to see how the judges reacted to the things the other girls said.

When I finally got ten people away from the stage a tech hand approached me.

"You'll be 496."

"Thanks!"

"Don't mention it."

It was a short wait after that until I got on stage as each of the girls only stayed on stage for thirty seconds to a minute.

"Next."

And I was up.

"Wow, there's a lot of you out there."

And then I flashed my smile. That smile would come to be one of the biggest draws that they had for the show. She used it in all of their promotions, and in the opening montage.

"Ok, so 469, You're trying out for a show called the Real Prince Charming. Basically, what we're looking for is girls who look good on screen but also come across as being genuine. This is more than just a pairing contest, though. There will be sixteen men as well as sixteen women. Only one of these men is the catch he appears to be, and it will be through the choices the women make that will slowly eliminate the women. The fake princes will be eliminated based upon their performance in contests held every couple of days.

"How would you determine who the real prince charming was amongst so many?"

"Whether or not a man is a good catch is not about his appearance or the size of his wallet. It's about who he is as a person and how he treats others when he doesn't believe he is being watched. I would need to talk to him one on one, and listen to what the other girls thought of the matches."

"Anything else?"

Think fast, they're bored. . .

"You can tell a lot about a man by the way he kisses you, and how he treats you when you decline a kiss."

"Thank you 469, you may go."

That perked up their interest. It would also get me the nickname of the Ice Queen. I'll get to the full reason why later, as it has its place in this story.

I was headed toward the back entrance when I was stopped by one of the omnipresent techs and given an envelope.

I waited 'til I got outside before I opened the envelope.

You have passed through to the second stage of auditions. Please be here no later than eight am on Monday morning the 14th of August. We would request that all ladies seriously considering this role arrive in evening wear.

The first step was down. I had five days to get prepared for the next step. I walked back to the front of the building where Karl was still sitting, I rapped on his window and he rolled it down.

"I've been asked out for drinks."

"You got picked up at a cattle call? He must have been kind of desperate."

"She, actually. Receptionist."

"Well, be careful."

"I will. By the way, were on to stage two."

He smiled hugely. "I'll let the gang know. So, what time tomorrow should we all gather for our war council?"

"I think we can get started at seven or eight."

"Not planning on going home with the lady?"

"She's old enough to be my grandmother."

He laughed at this and drove off.

I settled my dress and then walked back into the office. The girls were all in the studio and it was quiet. Joyce looked up and smiled as I answered.

"They already let me know. Congratulations, Barb."

"So, are you ready to go?"

"Wow, you are so different than you seemed when you came in. I can totally believe that you are a lesbian."

"Yes, I am. I was actually married. Didn't want to voice that with everyone else here."

"She was the one who died, huh?"

"Yeah. I vowed never to love another woman as long as I lived when I married her."

"Oh, sweetie. Come on. Let's go someplace else. I'll drink and you can talk about it."

We got in her car and she drove us to a local club. Not a dance club, thank goodness, but a club none the less.

I appreciated the subdued air inside as we entered. Looking around the place at the other patrons, I realized I was the only man there. I should have expected this.

"So, tell me. If were at least going to be friends, what's your real name."

"Dawn Leary."

"That sounds. . .oh no. Really? There's no way they're not going to know you."

"I've only been in one film, Joyce."

"But what a film. You know that I've been looking for you for three years?"

"What?"

"Mark has had roles that he wants you in every time that he produces a new movie. He keeps telling me that you've got star quality. I've got to tell him this."

"Oh please, don't. I need this work."

"But you could have any role in this town you want."

"No, I can't. This is my last. . .I need this Joyce."

She looked at me for a moment, and then a look of horror came over her face.

"You were committing suicide when you called me, weren't you."

I felt naked before her, "how did you know?"

"You're too desperate for a bad role, especially with how good you are."

"I'm really not that good."

"You really are."

I knew it would probably destroy my chances of ever getting on this show, but for some reason I needed this woman to understand.

"I was born Donni Aldeman. My screen name is Donnie Leary. I'm a man, Joyce."

She began laughing. "Well, that explains why I could never find Dawn. I was looking for the wrong Leary."

"I'll go now. Sorry for all this."

"Dawn, you may be many things, but you're no man. Male, maybe, and I'd have to see proof before I believed that, but there's no way you're a man. There is no way a man made it to the next stage of this audition. Unless you are a truly great actor, and if you're the same Donnie Leary I'm thinking of, you are not a great actor."

She realized what she said, stopped, and got a thoughtful look on her face. "No, it's not that you're a bad actor. You're just horrible at acting like a man."

I giggled at this.

"See, that wasn't forced. Dawn, this is you. This hair, and makeup. This dress. I'm sorry it took such tragedy to really bring this out, but this is the real you."

"Well, putting the breast appliance back on did feel like coming home."

"Those aren't you? That is some of the best special effects makeup I've ever seen."

"Go ahead. I know you want to. I don't mind."

I felt the pressure when she poked them, and then touched them. She looked amazed.

"Touching them I can tell that they aren't quite skin, but that's makeup for you. But through your dress? They move like they should."

"I have an excellent friend in the field."

"Dawn. I'm going to do something for you that I would never consider for anyone else. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I'm going to not tell anyone your secret. Just promise me something. If you ever decide you can move on, please keep me in mind."

I looked at her shocked.

"But, I'm. . ."

"A beautiful and genuine woman, and one of the most talented actresses I've ever seen."

I smiled at her and said, "thank you."

We made an early night of it and I went home spent emotionally. It was funny, but I think the reason I didn't want to think about "Love's Sunset," and the reason that Aimee had been so pissed about it, was that I knew what Joyce had told me already.

Not consciously, but somewhere deep where I refused to let it out into the light of day.

Let's be serious. She was right about my career as Donnie. The only movies I did any good at were "Transexual" and "Love's Sunset."

They were the only two movies for which I didn't first have to put on a male persona.

She drove me home. I went up to my room and cried. Not tears of pain or loss. Tears of joy and self discovery. I WAS a woman. I wanted to shout it from the housetops and scream it on the streets.

The first step of proving it was winning this contest.

I decided to spend part of the night watching my two movies. I decided in that moment that until the end of this contest, I WAS Dawn or Barb. Donnie died on Monday. So, I watched "The Transsexual Stalker" first. My portrayal of that character carried the show through buckets of blood and cheesy lines. It is so bad all things considered, but I wasn't embarrassed that I was in it.

Then I watched "Love's Sunset" for the first time. I hadn't had the courage to watch it before that moment because I was afraid of what I would see. I saw it when I watched. I cried at the end.

I did not see a man in a dress on that screen. I saw an actress who believed in her lines.

I watched it again.

I was very bleary eyed when I arrived at Washed Out Bridge the next morning.

"I take it your date went about how I expected. What did she think about your extra equipment."

"Actually, Karl, I watched 'Love's Sunset'."

Ilene had just stepped into the workshop, "what!? I thought you said you never planned on watching that movie."

"Donnie never did watch that movie."

"What are you talking about?"

"If I'm doing this, Karl. I'm doing it completely. I am Dawn Leary, who I might add is apparently a sought after actress."

"What are you talking about, Dawn?"

"Mark Shurtleff, the producer of this TV show, has been trying to track Dawn down for the past three years."

"Does he know?"

"No, and I doubt he'll put it together. My character in the movie had curly red hair after all. I'm a straight brunette."

"There's a question. How straight are you, Dawn?"

"Enough to get turned on while filming the love scene in 'Love's Sunset.'"

They looked at me. I blushed. "I was wearing shorts under that dress. Very tight shorts."

"So what next?"

"Well, he asked me out afterward and wanted to know if I wanted to finish him off. I left him very frustrated. . .oh you meant today!"

I blushed very red at that, and couldn't speak for almost five minutes while they laughed.

Suddenly Ilene sobered up. "You didn't did you?"

"Of course not. I was married and I told him so."

Ilene was visibly relieved, "good, cause I'd have had to kill you for cheating on Aimee."

"Ilene, you've seen the movie?"

She nodded.

"Imagine that was you on the receiving end of that scene, even if you were wearing shorts."

She blushed bright red.

"My co-star had a serious crush on me, and was trying to use that moment to let me know how much. For a moment there everything but his need for me disappeared."

"No wonder Aimee was so pissed."

"No, she was pissed because of what she didn't see in that movie, Ilene."

"What?"

"A man in a dress."

"Oh. . .OH. Crap. Yeah, that would have pissed me off too."

Karl looked blankly at us.

"Just a little girl talk."

"But he's a guy!"

"No, honey, she's not. That is what this is about."

"You mean. . .dayum. You weren't kidding about Donnie being dead, huh?"

"No, I wasn't. I'm thinking that I need to go through some laser hair removal or electrolysis before this all begins. Waxing might work before, but during I need to be hair free on my face and chest."

"And if we start now then we'll have a better change of it taking. So, when is the next audition?"

"Monday."

"Four days before we have to have you presentable. I know. You're already drop dead gorgeous

"I've been thinking, Karl."

"What about?"

"Win or loose, I'm not going back to being Donnie, and I am pretty sure I can get more, and better, work as Dawn than I ever could as Donnie. What I'm saying is that I'm hiring Washed Out Bridge for the duration of the contest. If I don't make it in, then I don't and you still get the full amount. If I do, then you're work will be cut out for you."

"Full amount of what?"

"The $81,292.43 in my bank account. It's your inheritance from Donnie. He considered you to be one of his best friends, and I only hope that we can be friends as well."

Karl wrapped me in a hug, and after getting a nod from Ilene I tentatively gave him a hug back.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you, Dawn. Ilene and Donnie have told me a lot about you."

"So, you're the boss, Karl. What's the next step?"

The next step, apparently, was to get me an appointment for laser hair removal in about two weeks. If I didn't have enough hair growth at that point, then we'd have to push it back, but it was a good probability that I would. Hair apparently doesn't need to be that long for laser hair removal to be effective.

Since I'd signed over a check for the full amount in my account, and would be closing it as soon as Karl got funds confirmed, he would be paying for everything from here on out.

I felt so much like the eighteen year old I supposedly was.

So, since it was Thursday, and I had until Monday before I had to go in for my second audition, that and we really didn't begin prep for that 'til Sunday, I'll take a moment and tell you what seconds skin is.

I know. I'm so evil, making you wait in a story over which I have complete control over time.

I could simply say they lived happily ever after and end it here you know. . .

No?

Ok, second skin.

Strangely enough, it actually started life as a medical product. It was also a mistake.

I'm sure you've all heard of Liquid Bandage? It is a great product in most circumstances, but a couple of doctors wanted to create something that would act like real skin, even breath, that would be applied directly to the wound and would gradually flake off like natural skin, never needing to be checked or touched up.

What they created had all the properties they needed but one.

It would not adhere to skin.

It could however be molded much like silicone.

They initially tried to use it as a prosthetic for women after a mastectomy.

The problem was that it was designed to slowly degrade due to environmental interaction. Who wanted to pay $4000 for something that would last, on average, six months before it became too ragged to be of real use.

They tried to marked it to the special effects industry due to its life like properties, but again, a price tag problem appears. The cost is about 10,000 to 1.

But, Karl being Karl, he'd seen to potential for it. Real potential.

Foam Rubber doesn't look like skin no matter how well you paint it. It doesn't look bad, however in low like or at odd angles. It also has the advantage of being lightweight.

Silicone is translucent like real skin, can be easily pre-dyed to look the proper skin tone, and has the general resilience of fatty tissue making it great for consumer use in products like breast forms and implants. However, silicone used in special effects is heavier than an equal mass of skin, and it tends to pull apart under its own weight given enough time, especially with very large appliances. It also tends to shine in the wrong lighting conditions.

Enter second skin. Karl was pragmatic enough to realize that if it caught on, it would drop in price, especially when generics began to appear on the market.

It was lightweight, compared to silicone, looked like skin under all lighting conditions, was easily dyed to skin tones, and even felt like real skin to the touch.

The last was what really sold me on it.

Did I say that I wasn't doing any prep before Sunday?

I lied.

He pulled out the first second skin appliance from the mold that Thursday afternoon. It was emotionally painful to have my breasts removed.

I know they weren't really mine, and they were really looking ragged before they were removed, but they felt like mine.

All concern to be losing them disappeared when he applied the new ones to my chest.

I overlooked the problems with silicone while the other forms were on my chest.

No makeup was needed to blend these in. As soon as he lay down the edges only a slight bump showed the edge was there. It was a very slight bump and I kept loosing it as I moved in the mirror.

"Dawn, put your braw and shirt on please."

"What's wrong?"

"I know they're not real and I'm getting a hardon."

I blushed and covered up.

"I've never before been so convinced that what I'm seeing is real. I used my strongest adhesive, and I want to see how long it lasts under active use."

"Um, how active, Karl?" I asked, blushing furiously.

"Oh, hell no. Not that. I was thinking the treadmill."

I breathed a sigh of relief and walked over to the treadmill. They had me running on the treadmill for about half an hour. I did most of it alone as Karl and Ilene had to go deal with something in the other room.

I think it was because I was running in nothing but a bra on top. My chest was sore by the time I stopped, and I simply couldn't run anymore. I'd never really been that fit before, and I really wasn't used to all the bouncing around.

Karl checked the edges. He was getting really uncomfortable before he got dune.

"Karl! You've worked on naked women before. Don't think of me as a woman. Don't think of me as pretty or gorgeous. Just do whatever you do to get through working on one of them."

Karl took a deep breath and then smiled up at me.

"I think I needed that, Dawn. You're right. I do this for a living. I just expect to see less flesh as soon as I apply a prosthetic. That's how I usually get through it. I cover their nakedness. This time I created the nakedness and it was freaking me out."

"We'll get through this, Karl."

"Go hit the showers."

"What about the girls?"

"I want to test the water resistance in a shower, then we're going for complete submersion."

"What aren't you telling me?"

Karl smiled evilly at me, "I used Permanence on you."

"Shit, man, I told you to throw that out the LAST time you used it."

I was really freaking out now.

Ok, I realize now that I forgot a VERY important thing about Karl Romano. He is properly Dr. Karl Romano with a PhD of Analytical Chemistry. He finished his dissertation and decided that he didn't want to be a scientist any more.

He applied his knowledge of chemical processes to special effects, developing his own paints, tints and adhesives.

Especially adhesives.

Now, no useful adhesives that you can use on human skin can really be water proof. Something about the nature of the surface you are adhering it to makes it so that if it's not going to irritate the skin it's going to dissolve in water.

Either that or its actual length of hold is measured in minutes.

That is unless you use Permanence.

The first and only time he used it was "Catastrophic Failure."

My fourth dorsal tentacle tore off during one of the fight scenes, I don't remember which one. What I do remember is that we had to halt production for two days while I spent a lot of time in a hot tub trying to get the nub to come off.

As far as I could tell at the time it is only partially water soluble, and we had no idea how long it would hold.

I'd been the one who nicknamed it Permanence.

"I thought you threw it out."

"I did throw that batch out. Doesn't mean I couldn't remake it."

So, I went and took a shower, making sure to scrub my breasts. They would have been raw and red had they been real, and my chest underneath was even a little sore.

Damn, what was this stuff. Somehow the second skin was a little pinker from the scrubbing, but that quickly faded as they dried. Sure, it wasn't a normal capillary response like I got from my own skin, but it did react just a little.

I put on clean underwear and went out to find Karl so he could check out his handiwork.

He still couldn't lift up the edges.

"So, how are we planning on testing immersion?"

Ilene handed me the cutest bikini.

"Oh, no. Not a good idea."

"Why not. I take my creations to the pool all the time."

"I'm worried about the bottoms."

Ilene just gestured for me to put them on. I took off the panties, leaving the super gaffe in place and then slipped up the bikini bottoms.

They covered everything. Wow, that was so cool.

I slipped off the bra and put on the bikini top. Karl turned around while I was changing and I snickered.

"Dawn, you need to be nicer to my husband, girl. Even I'm not that casual about changing in front of him."

"You've also never run around completely naked except for stage blood in front of an entire production crew."

She looked at me shocked.

"You never saw 'Sorority House Murders III' did you?"

"Oh, wow. Yeah, I never really thought about what the set experience for that would be."

I tossed a tee shirt and shorts on top of my bikini and we headed out.

Well, we headed out to Karl's car, again with me in the backseat. I realized for the first time since I started wearing this outfit that I hadn't thought about my crushed jewels once. Sure, I knew they were there when I thought about it, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it'd be.

So, we went swimming. It took about four hours, but the edges began to pull away a little bit. Just the tiniest bit, but it was visible. By that point I was completely pruned out and wanting to go home.

Sunday. We went shopping in Aimee's closet, in the warehouse, everywhere till we found the perfect dress.

It even had a matching pair of velvet gloves. Did I mention that it was a crushed velvet dress?

It was a green so deep that it almost seemed black most of the time. It was another shoulder less number, but this time it had a plunging neckline and a full back. It had a full skirt that fell all the way to the floor even with me in three inch heels.

We decided to have me up by three am to begin my hair and makeup, so I got an early night of it while Karl and Ilene rallied the troups.

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Comments

Barbara Scott - Farytale Princess: 2

Coming along nicely. Wondering how many I.D.'s she will have.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Oh wow! I love the added details!

You've made an enjoyable story so much better! I love it!

The understanding that he is really a she was a major bevelation that adds a lot to the story. I'm looking forward to where this goes for Dawn/Barbara.

Wren

Sweet!

I'm really liking this story! You've already made it better than the 5,000 word version.

I'll second that!

Sweet! I know how much it bugs me when my stuff is compared to other similar works, but this is meant as a compliment, 'kay? First I'm really getting a "Tootsie" and a "Mrs. Doubtfire" vibe off of this due to the Hollywood makeup and acting thing. However, you've taken the basic theme and given it heart and soul. I've always been a big movie fan and the details you've added really makes this interesting and absorbing. Very kool!

Hugs!

Grover

Mrs. Doubfire

Actually, when I was first coming up with the idea I kind of pitched it to myself as "Mrs. Doubfire for the twenty-somethings."

So, yes, there are moments that are very much like that movie. I only know the basic premise of Tootsie as I haven't actually seem that move.



He entered the hall to get warm. She left it two hundred years later.
Faeriemage



He entered the hall to get warm. She left it two hundred years later.
Faeriemage

I really like this story but I have a pet peeve

Diesel Driver's picture

Fairiemage,

You probably know this but there is a huge meaning between there, their and they're.

They're going over there to get their cars fixed.

You have this: "Mostly their just going to want you to get up..."

Should be: "Mostly they're just going to want you to get up..."

Otherwise Great so far. I stopped reading at that point so I wouldn't forget. I'll go back and finish the chapter. Sorry, I can't help it. I used to do technical writing and proofreading/editing. I have a bug up my XXX about those three words/contractions.

I love this story but there are so many wording errors it's driving me coo coo. That's a really easy thing to do for sure but I've never seen this many in such a good story before. You need to have a talk with your proofreader(s). It's such a fun story (apart from the death of Aimee) that it deserves better proofing.

I'm really sorry
Chris in CA

Chris

Oh God! I hate to do this

Diesel Driver's picture

Sorry, removed and posted to the other comment.

Chris