Looking over her shoulder, Christina saw that her uncle was busy in the back room. She temporarily deserted her post behind the counter and walked to the far corner of the store where Richard had gone. As she rounded the corner of the aisle, she felt two hands on her hips lift her up off the ground and deposit her onto the glass freezer case where ice cream and other frozen goods were kept.
"Maybe I can help you warm up," Richard flirted as he wrapped his arms around Christina's waist. He gave her a long kiss and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Being Christina Chase
Chapter 42 - The Future
by Admiral Krunch

        Christina carefully scanned the building as she entered. Her scarf was wrapped high around her chin, and her wool cap was pulled below her ears. It didn't matter of course, everyone in Oak Grove knew who she was, and even though her face was somewhat obscured, she was the only very tall girl in town with long blonde hair.

        "Hi Mr. Stevens," she mumbled to the mailman as he waved to her on the way out the door. She figured that no one in Oak Grove had any need to be in the post office the exact moment it opened; certainly not on a Tuesday. Everyone was either at school or at work. Anyone who wanted to get to the post office this early would still have to contend with early March weather, which was still particularly harsh on the mountain.

        No, there was no better time to come, and no better place to receive what was sent to the post office box she'd rented. The only downside to the whole affair was the fact that her package had turned out to be slightly too large to fit in a post office box, so she had to claim it at the front counter.

        "Hello, Christina," said the older man behind the counter.

        Of course he knew her name; everyone knew her name. Looking back over her shoulder to make sure no one else was in the building, Christina unwrapped her scarf and answered, "Hey ... I'm here to pick up my-"

        "I've got it waiting right here," he said as reached down. He placed a plain cardboard box on the counter before he reached for a clipboard.

        Christina stared at the box. It didn't look that big; if only it had been a half an in inch narrower, perhaps she'd wouldn't have had to come to the front counter to pick it up. Last week, when she ordered internet access for her computer, she'd started shopping for supplies. What was more painful than the dial-up speeds, or using the computer at night when everyone else was asleep, had been not knowing how she was going to have things delivered. She couldn't have them sent to the house; that was obviously out of the question. A post office box seemed like the best plan. Post office boxes of course, were not ideal for anything larger than an envelope.

        She was sure that package she'd ordered would be small enough, but she had measured based on the size of the box, not the size of the shipping container. Also, she'd ordered enough supplies for well over two months. She figured fewer shipments were probably best.

        "Just sign here," the man said as he turned the clipboard around to face the girl.

        She shot guilty looks at the package. Though she was not making eye contact with the man behind the counter, she was certain he was staring at the package too. She feared he suspected what might be in there. Even if he didn't, it would be just like any resident of Oak Grove to spread the news that Christina Chase had received a package from "LJS Medical". Soon the whole town would be wondering what it was; why she bought it.

        "It's acne medication," she blurted out as she dropped the pen.

        The man, who had apparently been glancing at a newspaper he had on a counter to his left, looked up at Christina.

        "See ... I have ... that is, I had really bad acne, and I need ... every now and again ..."

        "Young lady," the man said, somewhat officially, "I have been the postmaster for thirty-six years."

        "Okay," Christina said as she stopped rambling.

        "Not once in that time," he continued, "has the contents of a package been my business, unless it was addressed to me, that is."

        "Right," she said as she looked away.

        "Or alcohol. There are rules about shipping alcohol."

         "Yes sir." Christina took the package and stuffed it into one of Andrei's old book bags that she had taken from the basement. "Thank you," she told the postmaster before wrapping her scarf around her face again and heading for that door.

 

        An hour later, she was back at home. She sat in the tub and stared at her toes as they peeked up over the soapy water. Pushing her right foot until it was completely above the water line, she examined the shape of her foot. She traced the line of her large toe with her eyes and followed it to the heel. It was huge; she was certain of it. She lifted the other foot and stared at the both of them. Her feet were enormous, just as Andrei had said.

        She had never been happy with her body, but then, no one was. That's what it was, she used to think. No one was happy with their body. Parts were always too large or too small; too fat or too skinny. She'd always been too short and too thin. That's how it had always felt. Her body was always a little awkward. But now, she was certain that her feet were too large. Looking at them, they didn't just look big, but ridiculously too large for the ankles to which they were attached.

        It wasn't just her feet; her whole body was wrong. She could feel it like a tingling on her skin. As she washed her chest, she felt unfamiliar flatness. She had worn her mastectomy forms so much that the weight of them felt natural. They gave her body the shape she expected, and sitting in the tub without them felt strange and unnatural. Of course, she'd been wearing them so often that she'd nearly run out of adhesive pads. The trip to the post office had solved that problem. Temporarily.

        That was not the worst of it. It wasn't just that she felt like a stranger in her own body as she sat naked in the tub, the worst part was the reminder that it was all temporary. Her home, her family, her relationship; everything. There was no hiding the truth when she was alone. Eventually, it all had to come to an end.

        Christina had always realized that she felt normal when she was a girl. At first, she'd thought that it was just the clothes. Then, perhaps it was the magazines, or the makeup. While it was initially a struggle to learn about these things, Christina found that she liked them, even when she was spending her time as a boy in the city. But none of those things really mattered. What made her realize that she was Christina Chase, was her family.

        Maybe she hadn't entirely understood it herself until her talk with Andrei. It wasn't just that she had people who loved her. It wasn't just the fact that she didn't have to be alone anymore. She was someone's sister. She was someone's daughter. As much as it was hard to admit, she was someone's girlfriend. Christina had no doubt that as a boy she would still have had a family, but she didn't want to be Alek's son. She tried to picture it, but it felt so unnatural.

        Everyone had accepted her for who she was; even before she had recognized it herself. In a way, it was a miracle, but sitting in the lukewarm, cloudy water, it felt like a curse. Eventually, the truth would have to come out, and then it was all going to change. Worse than that, it would all probably end. Tears formed in her eyes. If only it were as simple as wishing; but Christina could see no way to reconcile how she felt with the body she was in.

        There was a knock at the bathroom door. "Tina?" Misha called from the other side.

        "Yes, Aunt Misha?" Christina answered, not realizing how tight her throat was.

        "Are you alright, Tina?"

        Attempting to disguise the fact that she'd been crying, she called back, "Yeah, I'm fine."

        "You have been in the bathroom for a very long time, dear."

        "I'll be out in a few minutes."

        Misha said, "Come downstairs when you are ready," before going back to her work in the kitchen.

        Christina pulled the drain on the tub with her toes, which she assumed were at least three times two large for her body. After the water was drained, she took a quick shower. Before leaving the bathroom, she applied fresh adhesive strips to her chest, then attached her forms. Even though she knew they weren't real, it made her feel a little better to wear them.

        As she exited the bathroom, she found Boris lying on the floor beside the door. He looked up as she noticed him.

        "How long have you been there?" she asked. He just got up and sat in front of her. He didn't wag his tail, he just looked at her.

        "Okay then ... I'm going to get dressed." Christina went to her room and began to close the door behind her. She stopped when she saw the German Shepherd's head poke through the doorway.

        "Okay," she said as she held the door open for him.

        Boris trotted into the room and sat in the corner while she got dressed. After she had picked out and put on a somewhat formal dress, she went downstairs to meet Misha. She noticed the balloons and the large streamer that read "Happy 16th Birthday Nina!" as she came down the stairs. She also heard the sounds of paws as Boris shadowed after her.

        "I'm sorry I took so long," she said as she entered the kitchen.

        "Tina," Misha said warmly as she put down the whisk in her hand, went to her niece, and gave her a long hug.

        After her aunt had released her, Christina asked, "What was that for?"

        "I do not know," she said tenderly, "but it sounded to me as if you needed it."

        "Thanks," she said, realizing she actually was feeling somewhat better. "So, what should I do?"

        Pointing at the whisk she'd just put down, Misha said, "You can finish the cake. It must be done before Nina returns from school, or it will not be much of a surprise party."

        "It's not a surprise party at all!" Christina laughed as she took over the baking. "Nina told me about the party before you did. She said it's the same every year."

        "It was not at the house last year."

        "Okay ..." Christina laughed.

        "Tina, it has been impossible to trick Nina since she was a very little girl. But she enjoys her 'surprise' parties, as do we."

        "So, we pretend we surprised her, and she pretends she's surprised ..."

        "Because that is the way we all like it," Misha explained.

        Chuckling to herself, Christina conceded, "Okay ... count me in."

        Many hours later, after she had iced the cake and left it out on the table to cool, there was a knock at the side door. Christina, who was still cleaning up, put down her broom and went to answer it. Opening the door, she saw Steph standing in the doorway with a gift in one hand and a bunch of balloons in the other.

        Taking the balloons from Steph, Christina said, "You were supposed to be here an hour ago!"

        "Tell it to him," she said grumpily as she entered the kitchen and placed the gift on the table.

        Andrei followed in after her with an irked look on his face. "I got to the florist as soon as I could," he snapped.

        Steph countered, "It's funny these days how, 'as soon as I could,' always works out to an hour later than you promised."

        "It's not the end of the world! We got here in time."

        "No!" Steph exploded. "It's never the end of the world! Not for you ... The rest of us just sit around with our thumbs up our-"

         "Children," Misha interrupted as she came in from the living room, "you are just in time." Taking the gift from the table, she said, "Stephanie, please help me in the living room? We need to replace all the sagging balloons."

        "Sure thing, Mrs. Levchenko," she answered politely.

        After Steph and Misha had left the room, Andrei took off his coat. To Christina, he still looked every bit as agitated. She went to him and wrapped her arms around him.

        "What's this for?" he asked.

        "Nothing," she said with a smile. "I just think maybe you need it more than I do right now."

        Andrei, though grateful for the hug, stared at his inscrutable cousin. He eventually said, "You're all crazy."

        "Who?"

        "Women."

        Taking him by the hand she said, "Hey, I'm being nice."

        Andrei nodded as she dragged him into the living room and crouched down behind the large arm chair. Misha and Steph were already hidden behind the couch. Christina and Andrei felt something spreading them apart, as a large dog's head emerged to fill what little space was between them.

        "Shoo," Christina whispered.

        "Boris," Andrei commanded. "Go over there!" He pointed a second time towards the couch, but the dog did not listen.

        There was a sound from the front porch and everyone went silent. The rattle of the door knob filled the living room, and everyone held their breath. They all expected that the door would open at any moment, but there was only a knock.

        "Why would they knock?" Steph called from behind the couch.

        Standing up, Christina answered, "They wouldn't." Everyone stood up as Christina and Boris went to the front door, and opened it.

        "Hey," James said from the front porch.

        Christina stepped one foot outside and surveyed the driveway. She let the boy in, asking, "Where's Nina?"

        "Nina sent me ahead. She wants me to jump out with everyone else." He looked around and added, "... I didn't think that was how a surprise party is supposed to work."

        "Tell me about it." Christina laughed as she took James by the hand.

        Andrei took Boris behind the couch, where the large dog was better obscured, and he crouched down next to Steph. Christina led James back to her spot behind the large chair, and they too, hid.

        The dancing of a few balloons was the only source of movement or noise as all in the room waited for the moment of Nina's arrival. After a handful of minutes passed, though they felt like years to the people who were crouched down, there was a noise at the door. All eyes were on the knob as a key struggled with the lock on the other side. Eventually, the door opened, and Misha, who was peering over the top of the couch, was the first person to rise as Nina and Alek entered.

        "SURPRISE!" they all shouted.

        Nina, who was all too accustomed to playing the part, effortlessly painted her face with shock. "So that's why Christina wasn't at work today," she exclaimed. "You got me again," she added as she hugged her father.

 

        After all the gifts were opened, and everyone had far too much cake, they broke apart into smaller groups. Christina and Nina sat at the kitchen table. Boris sat beside Christina, presumably waiting for more cake to be smuggled off of someone's plate. Steph was sitting on the stairs, with Andrei standing at the landing. Though Christina made an effort not to listen too closely, it sounded as though they had moved into the apology portion of the evening. Christina was becoming worried that this fight-apology process seemed to move faster every week. What worried her more was how often it occurred.

        From her place at the table, Nina could see her father lecturing James. James, who for his part, made a never ending series of nods and infrequently opened his mouth.

        "Dad looks angry," Nina said with a frown.

        Leaning over, Christina observed her uncle's behavior and said, "He's not angry. That's not the face he makes when he's angry."

        "But it's an angry face."

        "Yeah," Christina agreed, "but that's the angry face he makes when he likes someone, I think."

        "How can you tell?"

        Christina took a drink from her cup of milk and explained, "Because the angry face he makes at Richard is the angry face he makes when he wants to tear someone's skin off."

        Nina laughed, then asked, "Is that why he couldn't make it?"

        "That would be the reason."

        "Uncle Alek also makes that face like his intestines are gonna explode when I leave the house with him."

        "Come on ..."

        "I'm serious. I think James has achieved most favored boyfriend status."

        "... I hope so."

        "You hope so?" Christina asked with a raised eyebrow and a lighthearted grin.

        "... I guess he grows on you," Nina laughed.

        "I know the feeling."

        "Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't get too used to him."

        "Why would you say that?"

        Nina sighed. "James is a junior. Next year, he's going to be looking at schools ... and then he's probably going to leave ... And, I know I'm only a freshman, but I'm not going to be here forever, either. I know it's not going to happen tomorrow, but it's all going to change."

        "Of course it is!" Christina exclaimed. "Everything always changes, and believe me, you can never tell how."

        "Is that supposed to cheer me up?"

        As Christina put down her glass she asked, "Are you happy right now?"

        "... Yeah."

        "Then just be happy. The future will take care of itself."

        Nina stared at Christina for a moment then responded, "You're beginning to sound like Mom."

        "I'll take that as a compliment."

        Nina cast another worried glance back at her father, as the lecture showed no signs of abating.

        "So where's James taking you tonight?"

        Turning back to her cousin, Nina's eyes lit up. "We're going to the Clairmont!"

        "No way!" Christina gasped.

        "He told me right before we left the store! I'm so excited!"

        "Can James afford that?"

        "Apparently he's been saving up for a while."

        "Not bad ..." Christina joked.

        After checking on her father once again, Nina asked, "So what about you?"

        "I'm actually not going out tonight."

        "No, I mean what about the future."

        "The future?"

        "Yeah ... what's next?"

        Christina froze for a moment. "... I don't know ..." she eventually answered.

        "I mean, are you and Richard, you know, SERIOUS serious? Do you want to move out ... find a new job maybe ... I hope you don't want to move back to the city someday ..."

        "Stop it!" Christina begged.

        "... What?" Nina asked, somewhat shocked.

        Christina fiddled nervously with her now empty glass and admitted, "I have no idea what I'm gonna do." There was an awkward silence, after which she concluded, "I'm just gonna work on today for now."

        Misha came into the kitchen carrying a concentrated ball of wrapping paper and bows.

        Nina followed her mother with her eyes and pleaded, "Mom, you have to make Dad stop."

        "Stop what, Nina?" she asked as she deposited the wrapping paper into the trash.

        "He's grilling James!"

        Misha looked into the living room, and dismissed, "They are just talking."

        "Then why does he look so mad?"

        Checking again, Misha said, "That is not your father's angry face."

        "I told you!" Christina called from the other end of the table as she burst into laughter.

         "What is so funny?" Alek asked as he entered the kitchen.

        "Nothing," Christina answered with an overly innocent grin.

        James came in after him, and asked Nina, "Are we ready to go?"

        "Yes," Nina said as she rose.

        As they all went to the front door, Christina shot a glance at Steph and Andrei. It seemed, at least for the moment, the fight had ended.

        "Drive carefully," Alek instructed James. "The roads are still icy."

        "Yes sir," he replied as he helped Nina with her coat.

        "Don't worry so much," Nina complained. She tugged on Alek's shirt, and when the man leaned over, Nina kissed him on the cheek. "Bye, everyone! Thanks for a great birthday!" Nina called as she and James left the house.

        Shortly they had left, Steph got up from the stairs and announced, "I guess that's our cue." She went to Misha and gave her a hug. "Thanks for the cake," she joked, "I've always wondered what I would look like fat."

        "Nonsense," Misha laughed. "You should come over more often."

        As Steph thanked Misha and Alek, Andrei retrieved her coat from the kitchen. All too soon, they were gone as well.

        Misha, never one to sit still, started untying balloons from the railings of the staircase, and quickly moved on to cleaning the kitchen.

        Alek stood by the door and watched the stars. When he noticed Christina standing beside him, he commented, "She grew up so fast."

        "I guess so," Christina agreed.

        "This is the first year that Nina and I have not spent her birthday together."

        "You did spend it together."

        "I suppose ..." Alek answered.

        "Well, I'm all yours tonight," Christina added with a wide grin.

        "You are not seeing-" Alek stopped short of mentioning Richard's name. "You are not going out?" he corrected.

        "Nope."

        Alek wrapped his large arm around her waist. "Good. You should stay in more often."

        Leaning against her uncle, she whispered, "You know, I like it best when it's just you and me."

        For a change, Christina spent the evening with her aunt and uncle. She and Misha enjoyed cooking together, and she relished another family meal, even though Nina and Andrei weren't there.

 

        As the days passed, her life became a balancing act. Her time was divided between quiet nights at home with her family and dating. Much like the way she used to divide her life between the city and Oak Grove, her time was now a balancing act between Richard and staying home. While she made attempts to mix the two, the veiled hostility that was always present between the two men in her life always made things impossible.

        What made managing her time even more difficult were her activities at night. Almost every night, after everyone else had gone to bed, she went to work on her computer. It was difficult to make progress; she could only devote one or two hours per night to it, and only on the nights she didn't spend with Richard. Still, as March gave way to April, and April faded into May, her project neared completion.

        Richard was another problem altogether. The longer Christina stayed with him, the more physical their relationship became. Though Richard knew that Christina was not going to have sex before marriage, she could feel the frustration in the older man at times. For all his exasperation, he did not push her further than she was willing to go. The alarming thing, at least to Christina, was that she was increasingly welcoming Richard's advances.

 

        But that was not what was bothering her at the moment as she stared, blurry eyed, at the lines of code before her. There was no light in her bedroom other than the pale light emanating from her monitor. "Come on!" Christina complained. She was so close; all that remained now were bug fixes and testing. She was so close was to completion that she'd already contacted several magazines about advertising rates.

        She let out a long, defeated sigh when she realized that the modem had disconnected. The bug fix had never made it to the server. It was just another ten minutes of testing that proved nothing.

        Yawning, she told herself, "Just upload this fix, and then sleep. Lots of sleep."

        Just as the modem picked up the phone line again, she heard the jarring buzz of her alarm clock. Her body tensed as though the sound had given her an electric shock. Turning around, she saw that it was already time to start the day.

        "Oh crap," she whimpered. Ignoring her computer, Christina quickly got up, knocking her chair over in the process. She wavered across her bedroom on unsteady legs and turned off the alarm.

        "Crap," she repeated to herself as she crouched down next to her nightstand. She could already hear her aunt and uncle stirring on the first floor. Struggling as she stood back up, she shuffled back to her vanity and shut down the computer. With great effort, she lifted the monitor off her vanity, and placed it on the floor next to her computer.

        Christina felt a dull, dead sensation in her calf muscles as she willed herself to walk to the bathroom. After getting ready for the day, she joined her aunt and uncle in the kitchen for breakfast. She yawned as she poured herself a cup of black coffee.

        "Tina," Misha asked, "did you not sleep well?"

        "I slept fine," Christina yawned. She joined Alek at the table, though she did not take any food to eat.

        "Maybe you should stay home," Alek offered.

        "I'm okay," she lied. "I just need some coffee." But the struggle just to hold her mug betrayed her weariness. Though both her aunt and uncle suggested several times that Christina take the day off, she insisted on going to work. She'd nodded off in the truck as Alek drove into town, but soon after she got to the store, the coffee began to do its job.

        As Christina worked at the grocery that morning, she kept drinking a steady flow of caffeinated beverages. For a while, it felt as though she were working for Mr. Patel again. Long hours, low pay, and lots of caffeine.

        That train of thought was interrupted as she heard the bell by the front door ring. She looked up and saw that Richard had just come in. He flashed her his award winning smile then proceeded to the back of the store.

        Looking over her shoulder, Christina saw that her uncle was busy in the back room. She temporarily deserted her post behind the counter and walked to the far corner of the store where Richard had gone. As she rounded the corner of the aisle, she felt two hands on her hips lift her up off the ground and deposit her onto the glass freezer case where ice cream and other frozen goods were kept.

        "That's cold!" she squealed.

        "Maybe I can help you warm up," Richard flirted as he wrapped his arms around Christina's waist. He gave her a long kiss and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

        After Richard broke off the kiss, she complained, "Seriously, my butt is cold."

        "Sorry" Richard apologized as he helped her off the case.

        "You missed my birthday," she pouted.

        "I most certainly did not," he countered. Twiddling the silver earrings that hung from Christina's lobes, he said, "I recall buying you a very nice gift and taking you out to dinner."

        "... Maybe you can come over to dinner tonight? At my house? ... With everyone ..."

        "I'd love to."

        "You would?"

        "Yes," Richard joked. "I just need to check my day planner and see if I penciled in an argument with your uncle."

        She let out a frustrated sigh.

        "Princess ..."

        "I just don't understand why you two can't get along."

        "I'm not certain myself," Richard joked, "though it may have something to do with his undying hatred for me."

         "You're exaggerating," she complained.

        "You're right. 'Undying hatred' is too harsh. I suppose it's more of an 'unending disdain'."

        "Richard!"

        "Let's not talk about this right now," Richard dismissed. "I have news. Allan and Tim from Bergman Industries are coming to town in a few weeks."

        "Here?" Christina was somewhat surprised.

        "Just for one day. Diana and I want to go over a few things with them at the office, then the next day they're making a trip up to the northern parcel. You know, neither Allan or Tim have even been there before, so ..." Richard trailed off when he realized Christina was not really listening.

        "Diana's coming?"

        "Yes, though I would not reduce the entire event to-"

        "So, Diana's coming."

        "Princess, you know that this is just business."

        Christina sighed, but eventually conceded, "I know."

        "When did you even start taking stupid cases like this? I mean, I thought you did medical stuff. Stuff that helped people."

        "Sometimes I need to take cases that have big paydays, too."

        "Yeah, like you're hurting for cash," Christina said sarcastically.

        "Princess, they are an important client."

        Christina apologized, "I know."

        "And I'm planning on renting the private room at the Clairmont. I want you to be there."

        "Really?"

        "Of course I do."

        Christina smiled at the man as he leaned in for another kiss. "Wait," she interrupted.

        "What is it?"

        "What if you had everyone over at your house? I mean, I could cook for everyone, and it would be a much friendlier place to discuss things."

        "I don't want you to have to go through all the trouble of-"

        "I want to help. I mean, I want to be a part of what you're doing."

        "You do?" Richard asked with a grin.

        "... Yeah," she shrugged. "I wanna be on the team too."

        He thought about the prospect for just a moment. "Fine," he conceded with a smile, "You can run the whole show."

        "Really?" Christina beamed.

        "Welcome to the team," he said as she leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss. His hand drifted down Christina's back and rested firmly on her bottom.

        "Someone likes me today!" Christina exclaimed.

        "I like you every day," Richard said before kissing Christina again.

        "AHEM," boomed Alex's voice from the other end of the aisle.

        Christina and Richard looked up and Christina immediately pushed away from her boyfriend. "Uncle Alek," she stuttered. "I ... uh ... I was just-"

        "Yes, I see this. There are people waiting at the register."

        "Right," Christina blushed. "I'll go help them right now." She rushed off to the front, leaving Alek and Richard alone.

        Richard started, "I just came in to tell-" but Alek cut him off.

        "I know what you came for," Alek barked. He raised his thick finger into the air and proclaimed, "Tina does not yet see, but one day she will grow tired of you. Until that time, you will not carry on in this manner in my own store."

        Shaking his head, he responded, "Yes. Fair enough." He gave the man a frustrated wave and said, "As always, it has been a pleasure, Mr. Levchenko." With that, Richard left.

---

Edited into coherence by Holly H. Hart.
Thanks to Sephrena Miller for taking an early read.
Hope you enjoyed it. If you liked it or hated it, please leave a tasty comment.
Krunch Away!