Ditz Diary 4

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so anyway …
I’m so dyslexic that in my wild younger days I went clubbing on F n though it’s p’raps been a constant pain for editors n markers resistance is floortiled n anywaay, my reaction is always to try n turn a negative into a posidrive as my consonant confusion sometimes opens windows to interesting discoveries like last night when making a cheeky comment on a fellow contributor’s blog I had cause to use the word identical but afore spell checking wrote identicle which is like a combination word of identity and tickle you know in the same way that bicycle and sidewalk combine to make psychopath well anywaay , I got to thinking how neat it would be if we each had a unique tickle spot like a cleaner alternative to fingerprints now is that messy or what n the crazy thing is it’s the guy taking the prints wot gets to wear the latex gloves. Officer I sez, I ‘ent dunked my fingers into anything that colour since potato printing Lucy Lastik’s christening gown back in kindergarten I mean, not only does it damage your acrylics but from the second your fingers are painted-up there’s this intensive psychological compulsion to scratch your nose n as I tried to explain to the orificer it just goes against all the laws of fashion to be messing with black inks in four inch peep-toe mules, white seamed stockings, net-petti n a tennis dress, talk about practicing my backhand. Anyroadup, how cute would it be if that chip in your passport that records how wide apart your eyes are set (mine are biblical, you know, 1 Isaiah) was instead, your very own identickle pinpointing the exact location of your unique tickle spot, wouldn’t that lighten the atmosphere in immigration halls the world over n put smiles on the faces of dour officials as instead of robotically computer scanning your documents they just finger poke you on the requisite area n you giggle your way into the country n just as an aside, I was wondering if you can cash spell cheques in Diagon Alley? Keep ‘em puckered ...
k-jo

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