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So, a good friend of mine at church, mostly figured me out, or at least I thought she did. But, later she told me she had not and to have me talk to her about it was really jarring to her. I've been with this church for 18 months and am extremely happy. Now this latest stupidity on my part feels really awful and I am very frightened of the consequences.
I don't know what to do now? I've had a storybook life until now. I think I will take all my stories down with the exception of "Battle Field to Crib". They'll still be there but invisible, I hope. This feels like killing my child, because the work graphically portrays my anguish when I came out.
Much peace.
Gwendolyn
Comments
Why take your stories down?
Gwen -
Does your friend read stories here on BCTS?
I can't claim to understand your situation because I haven't even brought up what are only thoughts and feelings at this point with my family. But I know that I would be afraid to have my wife or kids even suspect that I'm questioning my gender.
I wish that I could tell you that you shouldn't be afraid, but I'm not in your position.
I just think that it's a shame that you have to feel threatened and I wish that you didn't.
Fully out
Thanks for your kind words.
I am fully out, had the SRS, and have the cigar. Lost everything over it. However, I will have to say that after years of moaning and whining I have come to the conclusion that I am a woman. I live completely in stealth except for this site.
be proud
Be yourself.
I don't think anything more needs to be said.
Others
Gwen,
You weren't being stupid. You took this woman at face value. That she's having problems is HER problem, NOT YOUR, problem.
Love, bugs, and blessings
A Journey to be proud of
Gwen,
You have made a journey many admire you for. The the sharing of another who does not understand should not discourage you. I hope you see as I do in other comments, the problem was the other person, do not compound it by discounting yourself.
I am a person of faith, but I am not surprised that others have trouble lovingly accepting what they do not understand. There are enough voices she is hearing to judge you. It is contrary to the grace of God, but even God has trouble freely breathing there.
Hugs, JessieC
Jessica E. Connors
Jessica Connors
I'm Mormon
I must say that of every church, and Islam that I have run into in the last 9 years, they have been extremely loving, kind and absolutely devoted to caring for me and helping me to grow into the role that Heavenly Father has for me.
Things haven't been right with me for a while, and as I write this, I am thinking of driving up to the Hospital and admitting myself. It is frightening that I could be this off kilter right now. I am feeling really paranoid right now, having lots of really bad headaches, and my body aches everywhere. This is really strange for me, because I am usually cheerful, bubbly and happy. I have less to feel sorry for myself about than anyone I know but right now I feel so out of control. It just feels like things are stacking up on me right now and I am about to go through all the old traumas again, and I do not think that I can take it this time.
Getting roaring drunk seems really good right now but my faith does not permit it.
After giving the matter a lot of thought, I think I will go to the Hospital in the morning.
Much peace
Gwendolyn
I wish you would leave your stories up
your journey is an inspiring one to those of us still on the path. But regardless, know you're loved here.
Something exceedingly stupid.
Please Gwen, leave all of your stories up! I sincerely hope that she accepts you and there are no consequences to fear.
May Your Light Forever Shine
I hope you feel better soon.
Why take your stories down?
See what this woman does with the info before you do or say anything else, and rule of thumb, only those with a need to know, do I tell - even if they say something which sounds as if they suspect or know.
Angharad
Angharad
I'm legally crazy.
Sometimes, I really need the steading influence of the people on this site in spite of the fact that some view us as being a few fries short of a happy meal.
Right now I feel like I got dragged into a dark alley and beat up. A half dozen very painful things have happened, and it has unseated me.
Thank you so much for being one of those people who are a calming voice to me.
Gwendolyn