...but... a couple of years ago I was typing something on the PC in our spare bedroom/office. My wife was watching TV and a commercial for some entertainment reality show came on with a young man dressed in women's clothing was singing. She called out 'What do they call men that dress in women's clothing on stage?" I was about to say, 'female impersonator' when my son interrupted his Anatomy homework long enough to say, 'FREAK!' It broke my heart, and is the major reason why I haven't come out further to my wife and not at all to my son.

It would be very easy and patently ridiculous for me to say that at least you have a family here, but nothing can take the place of the love and the acceptance of those we hold dear, and nothing is more painful than their rejection. What some face is hatred...out and out rejection by complete separation. What most of us get is what my son exemplified; transphobia. A fear of people like us that's borne mostly out of ignorance. It's no excuse, since ignorance is preventable.

I cannot remove any of the pain you feel, but I know from the pain and dread in my own heart what it feels like. I am so sorry that you had to hear such horrible words from someone of whom you expected more. My prayers to you, dear heart.

Six months ago I revealed my past from my perspective to immediate family (Mother, Father, Brother). It took a few months for extended family to get the highlights, but so far it is doing a pretty good job of causing a rift in the family. My cousins have all been instructed to have NO contact with me. One of them has come to my defense, causing her conflict with her mother and other members of the family. The funny thing is, no one is talking to me (except for that one cousin), so they are all getting a warped perspective on things. I am at the center of the turmoil, but I don't see it because I am not there to see it. Actually kind of fun to know you are being shunned and a major topic of discussion in the family, when for years I was a nobody who barely even got a mention in a Christmas letter. I separated myself from my family years ago with very minimum contact.

It still hurts a little to know that they have now separated themselves from me with NO contact. I am trying to maintain a simple attitude. "It is their loss." They have chosen not to know me. They have chosen to make judgement without talking with me. I am who I am and that has not changed throughout my life. I am here when and if they ever want to talk or see me again, but I am done playing their games. My life is too valuable to be brought down by other people's negativity. I can not change them if they will not have a civil conversation with me. The one thing that hurts me the most however, is what it is doing to my cousin and her relationships with the family.

Love - - our society makes us believe parents have to have unconditional love for their children. It leads us to believe family is more important than anything else and you must always be their for family. Love them or Hate them, you must be their for family. Reality is something else. I have chosen to place myself in a place where I am happy. For years now, that has not included family. Many tell me that is sad. Maybe it is, but I generally lead a happy life. I am not sure I could say that if I was still attached to my family. I walked away years ago and almost no-one noticed or cared that they never saw me. I tried to stay in contact, but it was a one way street. Find LOVE where you can. Live a happy and fulfilling life. Find a place in the world where you can be happy. If people around you are bringing you down, should you be around those people? Society has brainwashed us to believing we need to be around family and we need to have close ties to family. For forty years of my life desperately I tried to be the person my family wanted me to be so I could be close to them / loved by them. I failed. Not for lack of effort, but because a relationship requires both people trying to make it work. In my life only one side was trying and this was before all my views came out.

We get mad at people who make bias comments about LGBT issues/people. Yet, we struggle to stand up and state our own views on the issue to the ones we love. Some can be educated and view things differently - - - others can't. I was a wimp, I only revealed my views when I realized I had nothing to loose. I had no relationship and if I was disowned, things would be no different than before. I finally realized nothing would change if I was disowned, and there was a chance things might get better (they didn't). I have a life to live. I deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life. So do you Wren Erendae Phoenix. Be happy. Find a way to be happy in life. The world has a lot to offer. Go find a place where you can be loved in it.

Sympathetically Yours,

Teekabell

Wren,

It's a terrible thing when you discover the bigotry in your family includes your demographic. I can't begin to imagine your hurt. It's bad enough when people you have to associate with (like at work or some other unavoidable connection)espouse ignorant, bigoted ideas, but your own family? I shudder to think where that would go in my brain.

You ARE not a freak!!! You are simply a member of a small minority. Worldwide, there about 10% of the people who are left handed, about the same number as those who have gender issues. An even smaller number of people are ambidextrous. About the same ratio as there are true transsexuals. So being transsexual is no more freaky than being ambidextrous.

The smaller the minority the less understanding there is. I think that's why those of us who deal with gender issues tend to be loners. Even when involved with large groups we tend to hold ourselves back. It goes with the territory. I have a good relationship with my family, but I can't say I'm close with any of them, except my daughters who grew up knowing Dad wore women's clothes. It took until the oldest was nearly 40 to be OK with it. The youngest has been OK from the get go. She is concerned that her husband might not take it well, so I kind of keep it under wraps around him.

You might want to read my story, "Silence is Golden." It's the story of my struggle to accept myself.