"We'll also get your legs waxed, and we'll take a peek at your chest and back to see if you need any waxing there."

"Waxing?" I asked. I'd never heard of it before. "What is that like? Is it like waxing the floor?"

"Ahhh, yeah, it's a lot like that," Alice said, tongue in cheek. "It's fun, you'll like it."

My aunt wasn't home when I got in, and she was asleep when I got up. I changed into my shorts and sneakers, and put on a t-shirt that I never dared to wear before. It always looked girly to me. It was a pale blue, with a big round neck and too-big sleeves that almost reached my elbow. I'd never even tried it on before, and now that I did, it confirmed my old opinion: girly.

At five to eight I put the stroller and the diaper bag outside. I sat on the front step with the doll in my arms.

Alice laughed when she saw the doll. I told her, "You won't laugh after it's cried a few times."

"Whatever!" Alice replied. "Here's the plan for the day. We can't realistically do all the shopping you need, so we're going to get enough to take you through next week, and then we'll shop again next Saturday."

"What kind of sense does that make?" I asked. "How hard can it be to buy clothes?"

"If you're going to buy random clothes, it's not hard at all," Alice replied. "If you want to build a wardrobe, it takes time. You'll see." I started to object, but she cut me off. "Trust me. You'll see. Let me tell you what-all we have to do today.

"First, the hospital. Donny really wants to see you." I so didn't want to go, but how could I tell Alice that I didn't want to visit her husband in the hospital?

"Second, you're going to get your hair cut."

"Why?" I cried out. "Do you know how long it took me to grow this?"

She glanced at me. "The length is fine. It needs some shaping... you need a cut that screams 'girl'. You don't have it. And that reminds me: we have to get you a decent shampoo and conditioner and talk about how to use them."

"I know how to use shampoo," I sulked.

"Hmm," she smiled. "Won't hurt to go over it again, though, will it? Anyway, we're going to get your nails done. You can think about whether you want to use nail polish. There are pros and cons..."

I looked at my nails. Alice said, "It looks like you work in a garden. Those need to be cleaned up.

"We'll also get your legs waxed, and we'll take a peek at your chest and back to see if you need any waxing there."

"Waxing?" I asked. I'd never heard of it before. "What is that like? Is it like waxing the floor?"

"Ahhh, yeah, it's a lot like that," Alice said, tongue in cheek. "It's fun, you'll like it."

"Okay," I said.

"By the way, all the people who'll be working on you are friends of mine. I've called in some favors. The woman who'll be waxing your legs knows you're a boy. It would be hard to fool her. But don't worry, she won't tell anybody. The others all think you're a girl.

"And what else? Oh, right! It would be nice to get some cosmetics, but I doubt we'll have the time. I want someone to show you how to use them.

"Aside from that, you need underwear and better padding for your breasts. As far as clothes, I cleaned out my closet and went through my stuff. Those bags in the back seat are stuff I can't wear that I think you can use. With that, and a couple — like two — skirts and tops, you'll be ready for next week and a little beyond.

"So how does today's program sound to you?"

"It sounds like a lot," I said.

"It is," she agreed. "I don't know whether it's physically possible to do it all, but we'll find out."

"Oh!" she suddenly remembered, after she parked her car near the hospital. "Do you want to get your ears pierced?"

Alice didn't give me a chance to reply. I had to run a little to keep up with her.

Once we entered the hospital, getting to Mr. Bruce's room turned out to be quite difficult. Nearly every hospital employee felt obliged to stop me and explain that children were not allowed as visitors. I had to explain to the receptionist at the front door, to a nurse in the hallway, to another nurse near the elevator, to an intern on the elevator, and another nurse who got on the elevator, that it is not real baby.

When we got off the elevator at Mr. Bruce's floor, they really ganged up on me. It started when one nurse spotted me. She said loudly, "Miss? No, you cannot bring that baby on the floor! You must return to the lobby."

That was the signal that mobilized the others. Nurses blocked me from moving down either hallway. I was surrounded, like a wanted criminal. Alice was separated from me by the crowd.

"It's for the good of the baby," one of them said, over and over, "You must return to the lobby."

I was gaping, trying to talk, but nothing came out. The nurses talked all at once — the chatter confused me to the point of speechlessness. A doctor took me by the shoulders, spun me around, and pushed gently but firmly, making me walk back toward the elevator. I couldn't resist, but suddenly I knew what I could and couldn't do: I couldn't fight or shout. That would only make things worse. So in a clear, calm voice, I said, and kept repeating, "It's not a real baby. It's an infant simulator. It's a doll." The doctor got so far as to press the [-DOWN-] button on the elevator.

At the last moment, as the elevator doors opened, and the doctor was about to shove me inside, a nurse intervened and got the man's hands off me. She hustled me past the crowd and — guided by Alice's waving — escorted me into Mr. Bruce's room.

"Sorry about that," she said. "They meant well. Just stay in here until you're ready to leave."

I was a little short of breath, but managed to thank her.

"You go to Tierson High, right?"

I nodded.

"My daughter must be in your Home Ec. class. She has one of those creatures this weekend, too."

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Eden," she said. "Eden Hensel. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a little taller than you?"

I immediately knew who she was. "Oh, yeah," I said. "I know who she is. The prettiest girl in class."

She smiled. "Nice of you to say. Anyway, now you have something to talk to her about. I'll shut this in case the doll starts making noise." She left, closing the door behind her.

I turned around. Mr. Bruce was sitting in a chair by the window. Alice stood next to him with her hand on his shoulder. "Hi," I said, shyly.

"Holy cow," he said to Alice. "You weren't kidding." To me he said, "Come a little closer, let me look at you."

I did. As I got closer, he scowled. I hesitated, so he said, "It's not you, kid. It's that damn doll." He shook his head.

"Do you know about them?" Alice asked.

"I wish I didn't," he said, "But it was all that Tandy woman could talk about for months. Every blessed teachers meeting. I almost stopped going to the Teachers Lounge all together! She wanted every girl in the school to take one of those things, but luckily all the rest of us agreed it was excessive." He shook his head. I set the "damn doll" on the bed.

"I'm sorry if it starts crying," I said, apologizing in advance.

"Don't worry about it," he sighed. "Listen, I'm glad you came. I thought Alice was pulling my leg when she said you were going to continue — uh, to wear a dress." He looked embarrassed. "Is the rest true? Did someone steal your clothes, and you had to go to the Principal's office?"

"Yes," I said, "but it wasn't bad."

He colored. "Listen, the first thing I'm gonna do when I get back to school is to throw away all those damn outfits. I'm not going to make anybody wear them anymore."

"It's okay," I replied. "I understand why you did it."

"It's not okay. I owe you an apology. A big one. I'm sorry. I never should have done it."

"It worked out alright, though."

"If you say so. Even if it did — which I doubt — I have no excuse. What I did was wrong. I should have found a better way to deal with my frustration."

"It's alright," I said.

"Don't beat yourself up, Donny," Alice added.

"Listen," he said to me. "I'm going to retire. Alice has been begging me for a few years now, and it's clear that it's time. I'm gonna finish this semester, see if I can go out on a positive note, with a little dignity, instead of carried out on a stretcher. And, uh — if you're really going through with this, I'll keep your secret. I guess I owe you."

"Thanks."

"I don't understand why you want to do it, but I know I'm partly to blame, so..."

"Okay, honey, we get it," Alice said. She bent down and kissed him. "I'll be back tomorrow, but now we have to leave. We've got a big day ahead!"

"Fine," he said. "Have fun, uh... girls."

As we were leaving, I saw that nurse, Mrs. Hensel again. "I don't remember whether I thanked you," I said. "I'll have to tell Eden how you saved me today."

She smiled. "I wish you would. We just moved here, you know, so she doesn't have many friends yet. People don't realize, but it's often hard for a pretty girl to meet people."

Alice pulled me into a closing elevator.

"Did you hear what she said to me, Alice? Why did she said that?"

"I don't know. Guys can be intimidated if a girl is really pretty, and girls can imagine that she's stuck up. I hear that being beautiful can be a burden, but I wouldn't know."

"Are you fishing for compliments?" I smirked.

She looked at me in surprise. "Since when are you such a tease?"

"Sorry," I apologized. "I guess a friend is rubbing off on me."

Alice gave a wry smile.

A woman in the elevator turned and said, "Do you mind if I ask how old you girls are?"

"Thirteen," I said. Her jaw dropped, so I quickly added, "It's not a real baby," and held it up so she could see.

She stood in embarrassed silence for the rest of the elevator ride.

As we walked to the car, I was surprised to notice that Alice was seething.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"That woman on the elevator," she said through clenched teeth. "She thought I was thirteen, too."

"I didn't get that," I countered. "She was wondering if this was my baby."

"No," Alice retorted. "She thought we were the same age."

"Isn't that a compliment?" I asked her. She answered with a glare.

© 2006, 2007 by Kaleigh Way