I struggled and fought until I was too exhausted to continue, but felt that I had succeeded in resisting temptation. Heavenly Father had been kind to me in a very special way.

The attraction of a young college student to a rich and powerful man who led her to face her darkest weaknesses somehow drew me and made me feel guilty in spite of the fact that I did not sin. I was tempted but did not sin. So why did I feel so guilty, as if I had sinned?

What happened? The aftermath of the battle threw me into deep depression and soul searching. The fact that I have no way to meet my own needs simply doubled the suffering. I have no husband, and even masturbation is not effective because I can not achieve release.

Fortunately, I don't have a strong desire, almost none in fact. It used to be that once a month sufficed but eventually even that stopped and I have no idea why.

So, this morning while getting ready for church, I saw an advertisement for the book once again, and like a moth to the flame, I found myself reading it and bought it for Kindle just a few moments ago. What will I say in Sacrament Service?

I have to leave soon, so must finish dressing. It feels odd to have this duality of natures; so guilty. I have read just a few pages and must admit that they inflame my desires in a way that I have not felt in ever so long. And, it feels as if I could be the protagonist or I could have in fact written it, so closely does it match my own psyche. I can already tell that this woman is me.

I too know what it is like to be completely overcome by admiration and too how a man can mesmerize a woman, completely discomfiting her.

I wonder if I will leave a wet spot on my seat?

Gwendolyn