This is the story of how I (came out)was outed by my parents as TG and how I really couldn't have done a worse job of it if I had tried to do it the worst way possible.
I was 17 years old(less than 10 years ago, just so you have an idea of tech available), I was out of school on winter break, I had recently quit my job because the managers son started (not)working there and I got written up(twice) for stuff he hadn't done and decided I needed to quit before I had to check the "have you ever been fired box" on my next app. I was on Spiro and estrogen but was running low and had no capital to buy more(from an online pharmacy). I couldn't seem to find a job(which really sucks!). Then all I could think about was never having testosterone poisoning my blood again.
One day I came up with the (not so)awesome idea of self castration. If they did it in the middle ages with such terrible tech surely, I could do it easily using the internet and modern technology right? Then I waited till a day when I had the house to myself(I have a brother and sister).
I found a guide online(what cant you find online these days?!) I sterilized the razor blade and needle in boiling water on the stove. I soaked some thread in rubbing alcohol hoping that would do. Then I put my testes in ice water for about a minute and located a spot on them with the least veins.
I stand in the shower so I wont make a mess then I made a cut in the spot previously located about an inch long as per the guide, at this point I start bleeding and shaking, but I don't see my testicle just red so I make the cut about 2 inches long and still just see a red inner sack, which I didn't remember from the guide so I washed my hands in the sink and went back to my computer(no I didn't print it like an idiot) leaving a trail of blood along the way(made worse by the fact that I was wearing socks for some reason). I bring up the guide(leaving blood on the keyboard because coagulating blood on my hands didn't wash off.) there was nothing in it about an inner sack so I decide just to cut it anyway. I start cutting into it and blood and sperm leak out and I realize that giant thing(way bigger than I thought it was) is not an inner sack but my actual testicle. so I squeeze it out then start cutting the string, which hurt really really bad and the razor blade wasn't well suited for it. So, not thinking clearly by this time I go back out into the kitchen and start looking for a pair of scissors(bleeding much worse now and getting blood all over the kitchen.) not finding any I get my mothers paper cutter. Leaving another long trail of blood into another room. Then I was too wimpy to chop it with the paper cutter so I went back to the razor blade and just started sawing at the string with my razor blade again, my hands were shaking so badly I had to keep starting over at new spots but finally did manage to cut it off.
By that time I was feeling light headed and there was blood everywhere and I realize I can't do anything else on my own or I might be risking my life(I was 2 wimpy to do the other testicle). A bit panicky I called my mother and told her "can you come home I really need a ride to the hospital and don't think I should drive". She came in the door about 10 minutes later to see half the floors in her house and me covered in blood(as well as all over my desk the bathroom and kitchen. I had been trying to clean up some of the blood but I was bleeding freely and just making it worse.
and the aftermath of that is how my parents found out I was TG.
this is really getting too long for blog post so if anyone wants to know what exactly happened after just leave a comment and I will make another entry.
If your TG how did you come out to your parents, or did you?
Comments
I'd like to know the rest
Kind of left us with a cliffhanger...
Very scary stuff to do especially with the blood vessels in that region. I'm sure you were in shock from the first cut..
{{Hugs}}
srry
Cliffhanger wasn't on purpose. I just felt felt it was getting a bit long for what it was intended to say.
holy shit
That was incredibly stupid thing to do. There is major bloodvessels there that cannot just be cut.
Also posting such things openly for others to follow isn't the best idea either.
I hope an admin removes this blog post truthfully.
Yes it was stupid
But I don't see how it is harmful to anyone? I think it shows just how bad an idea it was even.
Not so dumb.
I totally understand acts of desperation.
G
That was rude.
That was a rather rude comment. I don't see how this blog could make a person more likely to self-castrate. If someone were intending to do so they could just as easily find the information online themselves. The point of this blog was how incredibly stupid a decision it was and how terribly the OP came out to her parents. I think you owe her an apology. The only thing I see being unpubbed is your comment and the ones that come after.
Leaving things up
The original blog served its purpose, Tels comment made a valid point if a bit clumsily and your comment also makes a valid point. None cross the line into outright unfriendliness so they all stay up.
I will say that the original post would make a good fence post, reading it would likely cause a lot of mainstream males to quickly click away from the site. Little dark humor there. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Braver than you know.
Never put your self down for lack of guts, may be like a lot of us including me what we lacked was common sense and some better medical information. The rest of the story is important it would be for us to hear the rest of it. Please.
Huggles
Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Tels, I don't think it should
Tels, I don't think it should be removed. I think the blog post tells quite well that it's a bad bad idea.
I only came out to my mother.
I only came out to my mother. This was about a year before she died. We had lost our house and my mother and I were sharing a hotel room and she caught me on the telephone talking to one of the guys I was seeing that time. So basically I had to fess up and tell her that I was interested in guys and that I always felt I was born the wrong sex. She said that she had both figured out from the way I always behaved. I was never a really masculine acting person.
x
nevermind
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
How My Rents Found Out
Basicly I told them! They used to visit me and my then wife. My dad liked my ex because she had risen to middle management in semiconductor makers fairly fast. She was a process engr, then team leader, engrg manager then manager for production, engrg and maintenance at a branch plant. She got caught in some high level politics, kicked upstairs then quit to go into consulting. She started her own consulting company and still has it. Dad was VP at some little electrical construction company, then didn't do well in some larger corporations (no experience with politics) then did consulting himself.
I had been depressed for yrs and didn't have a very good career. I think my rents only sort of believed in mental illness. They had a bit of affection for me, but were generally unimpressed.
I had finally grown tired of just XDing by myself. I found Tri Ess, Virginia Prince's org, passed an interview and went to a meeting; I was 40. There were 2 TS's running the club (against the rules; leaders were supposed to be het CDs). I met them, saw what was possible and started working on passing in public. When I found I could do that and how wonderful it was to be acknowledged as my proper gender, I just couldn't tolerate pretending to be a guy and feeling terrible doing it, anymore.
Later that year, I showed my parents that I was a CDer. I was happy about myself, and happy to share it, but I think it was more wanting to rub their faces in it. Dad or both had abused me, can't remember much about it, when I was almost 4 and told them I was a girl. I had dressed in the girl-next-door's clothes and was caught by her mom. I can't remember, but I guess my rents were telling me boys can't wear girl's clothes. I said: (and I only remember this one phrase) "But, I'm a girl!" OTOH, it's possible they had forgotten all about my trouble; I suppose it was embarrassing to think of it!
I saw a councilor and started in some support groups, one with a prof from AZ State U. He studied third sex and TG people and customs around the world. I then got a very nice clinical psychologist, a gay man who had been helping M2Fs for a while.
I started living full time the next yr. When my rents visited again, I told them I was TS and had surgery scheduled. They were both upset. Because of who they were: very private, rarely showing feelings or talking about themselves, dad muttered something and mom stayed quiet. Like, if you can't say something good, don't say anything at all! Be sure to hide feelings behind politeness.
A few months later, dad came out (VA to AZ) to "find out all about it". Unfortunately, his Alzheimer's had become noticeable; he was partially cognitively impaired. He met with my psych and this self-taught nut case who was leading a TS support group (different from the yr before). He and the pre-op (who later had to be mental hospitalized) couldn't communicate; complete waste of time. My psychologist, however, was from AR, as was my dad. They were happy to male bond and BS.
I expected my dad would talk to me next, but he didn't. He had this idea to go to Tucson and look for a sports car engine, he ended up getting lost then went back home. I had hoped, I hadn't realized for how long, that post-op, after he got used to my facts, that I could have a logical discussion with him and convince him that what I did was good for me and what I had to do. Unfortunately, news from my mom was that he was deteriorating and doing nutty stuff. No reasoning with him anymore.
I called them post-op and dad, still home, but going into care in a few months, didn't want to talk to me or let me talk to mom. After dad died from Alz related strokes, I asked mom about that; why had she gone 4 yrs without talking to me? She said she had to do what dad wanted, like, I guess, even when he was hospitalized and couldn't even talk or recognize anyone. I figured she was a lost cause; she'd been sort of mentally out of it, in denial about any strong emotions, for years. I saw her at dad's funeral; my brother and sister were really cool about me. My bro, 3" taller than I and much bigger overall, gave me a great, warm hug. I'd sort of lean on him and stuff, while all the olds gave us condolences. All the family friends (of the rents) visiting, thought I was my own wife; the "older son" was off someplace, but "his" wife had come for the funeral. Of course I was glad they could tell my gender, but I thought it was so funny that my mom couldn't (maybe was unable to) tell anyone I had transitioned. She's in end stage Alzheimer's now.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Thanks for sharing
Its sad about your parents Alzheimer's and its nice to hear that your sibling didn't reject you. As for my siblings, My brother and I text to each other occasionally although he sends me messages like "sup brosif"(he is 19). My sister and I get along just fine, recently she has been texting, emailing, and calling me for opinions on houses(her and her husband are trying to buy).