Long distance relationships are tough, but what do you do when whole worlds separate you from the one you love?

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. None of the characters, places, or anything else is meant to be represented by anything in reality. Duh! Fiction, get it? I the author reserve the rights, so please don't go posting this anyplace else without my permission. A very special thanks goes out to Cathy and all the others out there in BCTS land who have encouraged and inspired me to write and keep writing. Another round of thanks goes out to djkauf who is the fastest proofer I've ever encountered. Any remaining mistakes are all mine.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Charles Dickens.

I was beginning to understand the true meaning of what old Charley had in mind. Since my return from Spring Break, my art work had taken off. My instructors were very pleased with my passion they saw within the graphite, charcoal, and paint I smeared on canvas and paper.

It was as if I had something inside that just had to be let and released. Unfortunately, I was pretty sure I knew exactly what it was. That lead to that 'worse' of times part. It was love. When Roy, Nazareth and all the others sang that it hurts, scars, wounds, and marks, they had it all too right.

It scared the hell out of me.

It'd only been a month that we'd been apart, but it felt like an eternity. Gawd, I feel so damn silly saying that, but it's true!

Absentmindedly, I began pushing the food around on my plate knowing I needed to eat, but not having any appetite. All of that didn't even count the other discovery I'd made during those days of Spring. Unfortunately, it wasn't Owen's real identity. I only knew there was lot more to him than just a 'curious traveler.'

I nearly fell out of my seat as my friends Angel and Kimmie ambushed me sitting down their own trays of food. While my temporary popularity, after I'd snubbed Mary and her conies, had subsided, the two of them proved they were more than of the fair weather variety, sticking by me.

“So who is she?” Angel asked, causing me to look at her in surprise.

“Who?” I asked clueless, re-seating myself.

Kimmie was staring at my plate inclining her head one way and then the other.

“Her,” said she looking at my plate too. “Is she the one you've been mooning over since Spring Break?”

“Huh?” What were they talking about, and didn't they have their own food?

Then I look down.

Right there, made out of meatloaf, and mash potatoes with gravy was Owen's face. I have to admit it made me blink too. The likeness was actually pretty well done considering the media. I guess his fine Elven features could be mistaken for feminine.

My face flashed hot, blushing.

“You know,” Kimmie said, “That actually kinda looks like a guy.” Her hands leaped to her lips as she realized just what she'd let slip.

Her and Angel exchanged one of those, oh-my-Gawd, expressions, as my blush instantly vanished into deathly pale shock.

Without looking at a soul, I took my tray and dumped it all into a waste basket on my way out not paying Angel's “Wait!” any mind.

I was lucky, that for once Alan, my roomie, was off somewhere else. He wasn't bad as far as roommates went, but we weren't close either. Right now I needed, had to have, some privacy.

Almost as soon as I flopped down on my bed, the Girls were banging on the door. They must have been on my heels the whole way back to the dorms. As tempting as it was to ignore the knocking, this was the middle of the week. Many students were studying or just cooling out for the evening and wouldn't appreciate this disturbance whatsoever. Their complaints would bring someone to investigate and just escalate this entire thing.

I knew better than to think Angel and Kimmie would simply give up.

Fighting the stinging in my eyes, I threw open the lock. “Come in.” I turned my face away so no one could see the tears.

“John?” I heard the concern in Angel's voice. “What's going on?”

Kimmie simply sat next to me unusually silent for her.

All I could do was cry. Once they figured that out, they were both hugging me.

I kept hearing my Dad in the back of my mind, 'crybaby!' That didn't help the pain and hurt that I felt.

“You know, it's not a crime or sin to be gay,” Angel whispered as she held me.

I started to deny that, but talking was just too much. There was so much I wanted to express, but it was all jammed up.

“It's complicated.” I sighed, easing myself free.

“I know,” Kimmie replied. “My parents still try to set me up with men 'from good families.' They just don't get it.”

Getting up, I felt their eyes on me as I unearthed my carefully hidden album.

Opening it up for them to see inside, I sat down. “No, I mean really complicated.”

I didn't need to see all those photographic 'memories' of Spring Break. They were all in black and white because the Wild Side didn't allow digital cameras' or most kinds of electronics. Good old fashioned chemical developing helped along with a bit of Goblin magic helped make up the slack of instant photos since Polaroid had gone bankrupt years before the Gates opened. If the company could've held on just a little longer they would've been raking in money hand over fist, but who knew if you know what I mean. Maybe someone will reopen an assembly line for the color stuff or a Goblin will work out how to do instant 'color' magic.

Oh Gawd Spring Break! Those two weeks were the most marvelous time of my life! Owen took great delight in showing the city that although it sat on more or less the same ground as Tampa it was totally different.

Owen just laughed at me and my fascination with, well, everything! “It's all just one big, how do you say it, tourist trap for Earthers.”

I didn't care and enjoyed it all anyways. Of course being on the bay, it still had the beaches and all the other outdoor stuff to do. Of course Florida didn't have real live sea monsters which made little things like shark attacks seem trivial, but it didn't have actual mermaids either, so it all balanced out.

Kimmie was oohing and ahhing, over all the pictures. “Hey, it's Mr. Meatloaf.” She said recognizing Owen from my culinary sculpture.

Angel however got it first. “You just aren’t' the type to moon over yourself, so it really is this Elf guy that you've got it for so bad.” She stared at Sioned's image. “Oh my Gawd, you're this Elf babe!”

“John is a hot Elf?” Kimmie disbelievingly blurted out looking back and forth from me to the picture.

“See, she's even got John's drawing bag, see?” Angel's finger stabbed out at the incriminating article. “You lied to us,” She accused me. “You said you 'adjusted' into a Goblin.”

“A really ugly one too,” Kimmie added, finding the photo-shopped fake I'd made.

“That was for Mary.” I explained. “If I'd showed her Sioned, I would never heard the end of it.”

They looked at me questioningly.

“Sioned,” I said, as the tears threatened again, “is the name Owen gave me that first time I walked the Wild Side.”

“Most of those are from Spring Break when he came right here to my room with a Wild Side visa with my name on it.” I said. “Just the three in front are from the first visit because of the bet.”

“You went to the Wild Side for Spring Break?” Kimmie was definitely jealous. “Alright, we had a really great time in Key West, but the Wild Side?” She said as Angel gave her a hard glance. “How did he manage that?”

“I don't know!” I felt like howling my frustration. “He covered the whole trip, and we even got the VIP treatment. But he won't tell me anything! I know he has a gold Wild Side diplomatic passport, but every time I ask him who he is, he just says 'he's only a curious traveler.' I know there has got to be more to it, but I can't find out any thing. Even looking though pictures of the Royal Family didn't help. I didn't recognize any of them, but that doesn't mean anything since there are so damn many.”

“You really do have it bad.” Angel shook her head. “So you don't know who this guy is? Are you sure he isn't using a spell or something to take advantage of you?” She asked worried about me.

“I as sure as anyone can be.” Sighing, I explained, “Magic doesn't work here on Earth. Even if he cast a spell on me, once I got back here it would've broken.” I woefully added, “He's on my mind as much here as when I was on the Wild Side. I can't explained it. We just clicked together. He seems to be just as ...” I helplessly searched for the right word.

“In love, smitten?” Kimmie interjected.

“Obsessed,” Angel coldly countered.

Sighing, I shrugged. “I'm not gay. Even when he was here, I couldn't make myself touch him in that way.” Okay, I wasn't sure how much I was lying to myself about that. “When I'm Sioned it just feels so right.”

“You two haven't slept together have you?” Kimmie asked not shy at all crossing lines and taboos, as Angel stared at her partner again.

“No,” I answered, “But it has been a very near thing. We did do heavy petting.” Blushing again, I specified, “Only as Sioned though.”

“Have you considered that you might be Trans?” Angel asked the hard question.

“I don't know.” Hanging my head low, I remembered the day I returned to Earth after Spring Break. “I might be. When I walked back though the Gate this last time, I think I was hoping to 'Cross-Adjust.' After I didn't, getting used to being 'John' again felt like putting on a suit made of lead. Being Sioned is just so different I don't half-know how to explain it.”

“John,” Angel said, taking my hand. “I know a couple of the T-girls from the LGBT group here on campus. Some of them went though some really tough times. It's not weakness to seek help about something like this.”

Kimmie was still looking though my album her face screwed up in concentration.

I froze not able to even think about telling someone else about all of this.

“You know, I've seen pictures of Mr. Meatloaf before, but I just can't remember where?” Kimmie remarked.

“Do you have any idea of who he is?” I begged her.

“Sorry, but I don't.” Kimmie apologized. “I know it'll come to me, and I'll tell you.”

“So what is going on now that has you so upset?” Angel cut though the chaff like always. “He hasn't broken up with you has he?”

I shook my head no. “He's been writing me twice a week since I got back to school. However, there's no return address because it's always by courier who takes any letters I have ready to back to him.” I added a little peeved. “The courier nor the company will tell me anything!”

Kimmie perked up hearing that.

It was my turn to stare at her. “No! I'm not going to let you read them!”

“Awww,” she pouted which made Angel giggle.

“So he's sending you love letters,” She turned serious again, “and its almost Summer so what is it?”

Damn this was hard!

“He's invited me back for the Summer.” I replied in a near whisper.

“Hey, that's great. You really like him, and it sounds like he's crazy about you.” Kimmie grinned, but it faded as she saw my face. “Isn't it?”

“That's not the problem.” I finally said. “Each time it gets harder and harder to leave him and come back here. Then there's the whole being Sioned thing. I've never been one of the popular guys. There was that brief time after I dropped Mary, but I think the girls were really just curious about what they heard about me. You two were the same way. Not really interested in a relationship; just wanted to know more about the guy who wised up about Mary.”

It hurt trying to find the words to express myself. Like lancing a boil to let the bad stuff out, more pain had to come before the relief.

“I enjoy being attractive. It's nice to be able to wear clothes that feel so sensuous and good.” My eyes closed recalling the sensations.

“You said coming back was like putting on clothes made of lead,” Angel repeated my earlier words.

I nodded. “I could express myself without worrying about the whole macho image thing. I could just be me.” I took a deep breath. “If I go back, I'm afraid I won't be able to make myself return. You know immigrate,” I said in a very small voice.

Kimmie stared at me in disbelief, but Angel snorted obviously unhappy with me.

“I thought about it a lot.” Not meeting their eyes I tried to explain my reasoning. “To immigrate. you have to prove you can support yourself. I have my art which I can do either on Earth or the Wild Side without a problem.”

“John!” Angel raised her voice, “You've got another year before you finish your degree. You can't just drop out.”

I hanged my head again, “I know and I don't even know if Owen is as serious as I am. It just hurts so much sometimes!”

Touching my arm, Kimmie asked, “I know I seem like a ditz sometimes, but is it John or Sioned?”

That stopped and made both me and Angel think.

“Well?” Angel inquired curious.

“I don't know.” Sighing, I shook my head. “I never thought about it. Sioned is just the girl me.”

The two jumped me again.

“Sioned or John we're here for you.” Kimmie hugged me.

Angel dug around in her purse. “Here is Andrea's card. She's a therapist who works with the LBGT group on campus. You can trust her. She's good people.”

I hesitated taking it.

“You're thinking about making a huge life decision.” Angel was being the practical one again. “You really need to talk to her about this.”

Then Kimmie got me below the belt with her big puppy eyes. “Please promise us you'll see Andrea?”

Taking a deep breath, I knew they had me. “I promise.”

Two days later, here I am skipping lunch to see the shrink. My Dad always said that a man took care of his own problems. That a real man didn’t need anyone to tell him what his hangups were, he just took care of it. Remembering that made me smile.

It was my realization that maybe I wasn't any sort of man at all that had bought me here.

“John Lane?”

Standing up, I saw an older woman smiling as she walked to me. “Hi, I'm Andrea.”

Okay, maybe she wasn't that old, but she did project a calm welcoming that reminded me of a wise grandmother.

“Hmmm..., I'm John,” I replied giving away my nervousness. “Thanks for seeing me so fast.”

Closing her office door behind us, she motioned to to sit, “That's why I'm here.” She kept smiling. “College life can be stressful and is a time of discovery. Sometimes, everyone needs a little help working though 'stuff.'” Her hands waved in the air, her infectious smile coaxing a small one from me.

“So what do you want to talk about?” Andrea asked.

“Hmmm...., this is kinda hard so please bear with me,” I stuttered self-consciously. I'm having doubts about myself and who I am.” Half-expecting her to say something I stopped, but she only waited for me to continue.

Blushing, I began, “It all started with me asking this girl, Mary, to date.”

Dear 'O'

I can't tell you how I miss you. It's as if a part of myself is missing. Gawd, that sounds so sappy when I read it, but that's how I feel. It's always good to get word from you and I'm starting to understand how it was in the old days when you couldn't instantly text or call anyone you wanted. I can't even email you! This really is snail mail!

I enjoyed hearing about your trip to Paris. Is it really true that the Wild Side there is building their own Eiffel Tower? Your description of that traffic snarl with the wrecked carriages with the Goblins and Ogres yelling at each other in French and Elvish had me LOL. (Laughing out Loud!)

As for me, my friends, Angel and Kimmie finally got the truth from me. I showed them the pictures we took during our trip. Not knowing you, they are concerned about me although I told them they have nothing to worry about.

Unfortunately, I will admit that I'm becoming more confused and uncertain about my future. Growing up, I had always knew I would become an artist. My pictures and paintings would hang in museums and galleries while I wore one of those funny little berets.

Perhaps that part hasn't changed, but all the rest has. I know I never saw any of this coming. It is very unsettling to discover that you're not who you thought you were. However, as much as it has caused me so many sleepless nights, I wouldn't alter a thing. It's like I've been wearing dark glasses my whole life, and now with out them, I can really see.

On my friends' advice, I've begun seeing a therapist here at school who is familiar with such feelings. She's helped me look at all of this with different eyes and think it has helped.

Just so that you know, the incident you told me to keep to myself has remained unspoken. If there are other matters that should also stay hidden then you need to inform me. As I told you O' Curious Traveler, I shall continue to search for your identity for I know that there is much more to you than you've told me.

Your Love
XXOO
'S'