In the past 5 months I have realized I am as a flower ... like a seed planted in the ground I only existed, struggled with my life and hid from myself. Potential was there, waiting for me to realize living was not a punishment, but a gift from god. When my spirit was woken the seed cracked and I became aware of myself and a little of my surrounding. As time progressed the sprout broke through the ground and I was no longer hiding from myself and my surroundings. However, it was not until I formed my bud that I realized the true potential I had in my life. Even though I have been abused most my life, the patterns of my past were weakened and new opportunities presented when I allowed myself to see the world in all its glory. So like a plant my bud has opened and allowed the flower within to spread and allow the world to behold my inner beauty. I live and I am terrified and yet exhilarated - there is so much I have yet to experience. I smile and yet I cry - there is so much I have yet to feel ... I so wish I could share my gifts with those I love.

Small steps, little breaths ... I can do this ... I can share with those still in my life. I do cry that I have hurt some with my actions. There is nothing I can do expect live my life and pray for forgiveness. Perhaps one day ...? In the meantime I will continue to concentrate upon growing, being ... becoming healthy, and accepting the spirit of who I am.

It is with tears flowing down my face, a heart that is filled with love and yet full of pain, and my spirit morphing into that which God has given me the potential to realize that I continue my journey and pray that each step I take, each beat of my heart I sense, that I not fall into the traps of the past and experience the exhilaration today.