Baseball Rose
copyright 2012 Faeriemage
By any other name…

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I’m sub-titling this one: Oh crap, I just wrote myself into a corner with Murray Heights and so now I need some time to figure out how to get my characters out of it.

---

“It’s not fair,” Jay said as he slammed his bat into yet another ball. Coach Peters had left hours ago to get back to school. He’d spent the entire time since then smacking balls. He felt like he wanted to cry, something that He’d never remembered feeling before. He wanted to scream. He wanted to physically destroy something. About the time that he started imagining taking his bat to the auto-pitcher he figured it was time to put down said bat and take a breather.

His life hadn’t significantly changed, really, but now he knew, at the ripe old age of eighteen that he was completely sterile, and it was something he would have to live with for the rest of his life.

Somehow, being a guy, his virility was tied up into everything that was…him. If he couldn’t perform that most basic of human abilities, propagation of his genes, then what good was he?

A stray thought entered his head that he didn’t need to live with this for very long, and he began to consider how he could act upon that thought.

It disgusted him that he would even go to that place shortly afterward, but he did go there, and it was more than just idle fascination. It would be better to be dead than half a man.

He could make it look like an accident…his thoughts continued.

“If you’re here, then I’ll go someplace else.”

“Melanie?”

Her expression showed fury. He knew that she was angry at him, and he probably should have let Coach handle the entire thing this morning, but He'd thought it was important. Jay thought it would be easier coming from another student. Jay told her that.

“Melanie, wait. The only reason I told you is because I thought you should be on the team. Coach tells people when they are cut from tryouts. It’s my job to inform them that they aren’t on the team anymore.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that I wanted you on the team. Coach wants you on the team. The district has declared no.”

“Then how are you on the team?”

For a moment, in trying to explain everything to Melanie so she’d understand the weight of his situation had lifted. Now it hit him again like a ton of bricks and he sat down there in the batter’s cage. He still didn’t cry, but he felt like it even more. Jay just leaned against the fence and looked up at the sky.

“I don’t know how long that will last after the district hears.”

“Well, that’s what you get for lying about it.”

“I never lied about anything,” He said, getting angry. “I never knew, okay? I am male. I don’t care what my DNA says. I have a penis and testicles and that’s all that matters to me.”

Melanie turned bright red and was trying not to laugh. He’d embarrassed and amused her at the same time.

“How does that work exactly?” She asked curiously. She came into the cage and sank down next to me. For a moment he just relaxed in the mere presence of her before he decided to answer her question.

“I don’t know. According to the doctor it’s something called XX male syndrome.”

“There is a whole syndrome devoted to it?”

He chuckled at her tone. “Apparently,” I reply, smiling at her.”

“If only you weren’t my cousin’s boyfriend,” Melanie muttered under her breath.

Jay heard, “I’m not. We broke up this afternoon. Something about her not being a lesbian.” Jay was frowning when Melanie sat up a little straighter, pulling away from him.

“You know, my doctor says I’m a guy.”

“You’re doctor says you’re male.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“I think being a guy is more a case of your state of mind. Being male is physical.”

“Then I just have to find a doctor who can attest to my being a guy.”

They’d been getting closer to each other the longer that they talked. Melanie sat up straight suddenly.

“Jay, I can’t do this. If there’s even a hint of a possibility of me getting on the team…I can’t do this.”

Jay watched her as she got up and walked away.

***
It was only after he was home and in bed waiting for sleep to take him that he realized that he probably should have gone after her. He grabbed his pillow from behind his head and screamed into it. It was a primal scream of pure frustration.

It was also about that time that he realized that somehow, in the midst of this mess, he’d gotten to like the person that Melanie was, or at least represented. It had been a little over twenty-four hours since he’d met her, but it felt like it was so much longer with everything that had happened to him today.

How long was long enough, really, to get to know someone else properly? He’d seen lots of things that suggested you needed to know someone for years, but he felt connected to Melanie in some weird way. Part of it was that they both wanted to play baseball. He just knew someone was going to bring his DNA into this whole mess and say that he couldn’t play because he was a girl.

Who cared, for the moment, what he looked like? The school had to declare what was, and wasn’t a girl. Would they go with surface?

He climbed out of bed and began to search online for what really defined people’s gender and got more than he bargained for. Not in the skin department, in the education one.

It was eye opening to see all of the people whose mind didn’t fit either their body or their DNA. When compared to them, he didn’t suppose he had it so bad. Imagine feeling like he did now, but looking female. He really couldn’t conceive how difficult that could be for a person.

Or worse, in his mind, he imagined what it would be like if he thought he was always supposed to be female. The fact that he was XX would then be the cruelest joke that the universe could play on him. ;Yes, you’re female, but no one will ever accept you as such.’

He signed off his computer and shut it down. He could hear his parents begin to fight and for the first time he could remember they were fighting about him.

Jay threw on a robe over his boxers and tank top and went out to see what was going on.

“No son of mine would ever be anything like that. These tests are wrong, or you cheated on me. This isn’t my fault.” Dad yelled as Jay came into the room. Jay wanted to smack some sense into him, but restrained himself.

“Actually, dad, this is all your fault. The guy determines the gender after all.”

“What you’re saying you should have been born a girl?”

“No, I’m saying that this is all your fault. You know what, though? It doesn’t matter. You can go on thinking that Candy, or Cindy, or whatever her name is will love you for yourself. Chances are the only thing in your pants she really wants is your wallet.”

His mother’s jaw dropped open and his dad began glaring at me.

“I hear what you guys are saying, and I can figure out what you aren’t. You’re my parents, but you really need to get a clue, alright? I called mom today to be with me at the hospital. Did you know that dad?”

He shook his head and began to reply, “You know how busy I am…”

“Really? Busy? You? You just don’t want to be bothered. It’s been like that for years. Mom is the managing partner in her firm. She not only has to deal with her own clients and, when necessary, protect them in court, but she has to deal with the problems of all of her partners and associates.”

Dad continued to glare in my direction and again opened his mouth to speak, but Jay cut him off, “Dad, I get it that you think you’re important in your company as well, but get a clue. You’re a glorified accountant. That’s what a CFO is. You push numbers around on spreadsheets and try to make them prove your company is solvent.”

Now he was really getting pissed, but Mom was beginning to grin.

“You’re not a girl, Jay. There’s no way any boy of mine…” He began, and then trailed off when he saw mom and Jay glaring at him.

“No way what, dad? No way that any child of yours would be convinced that DNA was wrong? That no matter what they look like, not matter what the world thinks about them, that they know who they are inside?”

His dad mutely nodded, not wanting to voice the opinion he had in the face of two people glaring at him. He said something quietly, and Jay didn’t catch it.

“What was that?”

“Her name is Cynthia. I’m not sleeping with her, but I’ve thought about it.”

Mom looked shocked, “But you said…”

“I know what I said, alright? I feel inadequate compared to you sometimes. You make three times what I do. It bothers me.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I’m embarrassed. I feel week and incapable. I invented the fiction of me with a younger woman to try and make you feel as inadequate as I feel.”

“Well, it worked, you know. I always thought I was beautiful for my age. When you started bringing up your…mistress…I felt old for the first time.”

“Can we get back to me for a moment? You can then go on to try to patch things up later, somewhere far away I hope.”

They were both a little startled to see Jay there. It was almost as if they’d forgotten that he existed

“Dad, I don’t think of myself as a girl, and I never have. If I had, I’d like to think that you’d support me, but I didn’t. I love you both, but I need you to put aside your differences, ok? I need my parents to support me, since I’m sure that life is going to be difficult for the next little while.”

“Why would it be difficult? Nothing’s changing for you, is it?”

“That’s not the issue. Someone told the school about the DNA profile.”

“Tell me again how it all transpired that you were talking about it in school,” his mom asked.

Jay knew when his mom went into lawyer mode, and this time was no different. Jay talked about the DNA profile, and how the teacher clued Doogie into the fact that there was something wrong, then about how they talked in the bathroom and then went to talk to the coach.

“Hmm, and it was while you were talking to the coach that Lawrence told you that everyone knew? Did you leave the folder anywhere?”

“I kept the folder with me.”

“Ok, well it’s too late tonight to start working on this, except in generalities. I’ll get on it tomorrow.”

“Get on what?”

“Suing the school district.”

“Why? It’s not like we need any money.”

“Huh? Oh, no not for money, to keep you on the baseball team. If it hadn’t been for the DNA profile then no-one would ever have questioned your right to be on the team. As it is…”

“Mom, if you’re going to do that for me, then help out Melanie.”

“Who’s Melanie?” Mom asked him.

Jay blushed and looked away from her for a moment, “She’s a girl who wants to play on the team, and she’s good enough, but…”

“Honey…”

“Mom, you know how much I want to be on the team. The thing is I wouldn’t feel right being there if she wasn’t allowed to be. Only a slight difference and I would be her.”

“Fae, my son has a point here.”

Jay looked at his father in shock. His Mom was only slightly less shocked.

“What? I can admit I was wrong, about more than just this, but I was wrong. That’s not why I think that he’s right though. If a woman can compete with a man on a level playing field then she deserves to play on that field.”

“If?”

“Look, there are men that can’t compete with women in certain areas. There are women that can’t compete with men in certain areas. Everyone has different talents.”

“Dad, I think you’re digging yourself a hole here.”

“Ok, let me try again. Anyone who can meet the minimum physical requirements of an activity should be able to participate in that activity. Does that work?”

Jay laughed a bit at that and his mom just smiled.

“Now, go to bed, Jay, your mom and I have a lot to talk about.”

Jay blushed and ran up to his room. After a few moments the music came on and Fae laughed.

“I know that I’m sorry won’t ever be enough to fix the problems that I caused. And I still feel inadequate letting you support this family.”

“But you shouldn’t…”

“Logically, I don’t. Logically I understand how it all works. Emotionally, however, it’s a different thing.”

Fae began to laugh at him, “Why don’t you just quit your job, then, Henry?”

“I can’t…”

“You don’t like it, it doesn’t support us at all, and you feel inadequate. So quit. Find something you like better.”

“Who would hire me? You? It’s not like your company needs a glorified accountant.”

He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Never mind. So, what are we going to do about our son?”

“Nothing, Henry.”

“But, Fae…”

“No, Henry. Our son has to make this decision on his own. He states that he wants to be a guy, and we respect that. I don’t want to push him away.”

Henry looked out the window at the darkness and wondered if this was the best of the options that they had in front of them. After a few moments of this he realized that it was really the only option available to them, and he told Fae as much.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“I get it now. I do. He has to choose who he is on his own.”

“Isn’t that the way that we all have to grow? We all have to decide who we are on our own as we grow. Some people just have more growth to make than others.”

Fae looked at her husband with new appreciation.

“What? It’s how I’ve always felt, it doesn’t change the fact that I want to protect Jay from the more obvious threats. If being what people expect protects him, then that is partially what I want. It’s hard to let go of the child that you cleaned, fed, and protected for almost eighteen years.”

“Tell me the truth, did you really never sleep with that woman?”

“Not for lack of trying. She invited me over to her house one night. We made out for a while, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how this was killing you. No matter how bad things get between us, I just couldn’t do that to you.”

“But you could lie to me and tell me that you did?”

I’m ashamed of my behavior. I kept telling myself that I could fix it, that I could always tell you later what really happened, but the longer it went on, the more I was pushing you away.”

Fae seemed more angry with Henry than she’d ever been in the past. He couldn’t understand her anger. “Fae…”

“Just don’t talk to me.” She said with tears in her eyes, “On some level I knew you were lying to me. To have you tell me you had intended to do the very things that you’d lied about…just leave me alone.”

Henry hung his head in shame and allowed his wife to go to their room and lock the door.

***
The next day was horrible. Being the captain of any sort of team gives you visibility in the school. Maybe not to everyone, but at least someone there will know who you are and care what you do. Jay might not have been on the football team, the sport that seemed to be taking the crown from baseball as the king of American sports, but he was still visible.

“Hey, Jay! I have a bat you can play with!”

“There she goes. I wonder why she plays baseball.”

“Dude, you know why. It’s because hitting balls around is the other use she puts the bat to.”

“You should be wearing a dress so the rest of us don’t confuse you for a boy.”

The walk from the front doors to his locker was probably the longest it had ever been. Jay hadn’t thought so many people hated him. He’d thought that he was somewhat liked. He’d never bullied any of these kids, anyone actually, but here they were taking all this hate out on him.

It didn’t really make any sense, he thought to himself.

Getting to his locker didn’t give him any respite. There was a used condom stuck on the dial and he had to remove it before he could open the locker.

He was at a low boil by the time he opened his locker, and what he found just increased the heat of the flames. Someone had dumped an entire bottle of perfume through the openings in his locker. If it hadn’t happened to him, he probably would have thought it was funny. It did happen to him and he still kind of thought it was funny.

The openings in their lockers were almost designed to prevent this sort of thing. The opening itself was at the bottom and then angled up into the locker. They were likely there to make it so someone who got stuffed in one could breathe without difficulty. You could easily slip something solid up there, like a note or something, but volatile liquids like perfume would be another matter.

It had likely been done yesterday, as there was no liquid left, but the smell was overpowering. It was likely that it would continue to linger for weeks. And there was the real reason that someone had gone through the trouble of setting this up.

Jay would smell like a girl until he either got all of his books replaced, or the perfume wore off on its own. And not any high class girl either. The smell was cloying and flowery. It seemed the sort of thing that you would find on a drug addict trying to cover the smells of vomit, unwashed body, and illicit drugs.

“Nice scent, Cinderella” a freshman said as he walked past Jay’s locker.

Something in Jay broke. He grabbed the boy and slammed him into the lockers. The look of terror in the kids eyes only increased Jay’s rage. Jay gut punched the boy and watched him collapse. Jay began to kick the other boy. He smiled in maniacal glee as the boy covered his face with his arms and curled into a fetal ball.

“Jay, what are you doing?”

Jay looked around and saw the terrified faces of his peers, and then turned back to the boy he’d just been beating senseless. All feelings of power left him and he felt his knees give way beneath him.

There was a cut over the younger boy’s eye, and his breath was wheezing a bit.

Jay left his locker open, forgetting everything that had pissed him off for a moment. He picked up the younger boy and carried him down the hall, Doogie trailing after him. They got to the nurses office, and Jay put the boy down on the bed.

“What happened, Mr. Sims?”

“I’m sorry to say I did,” Jay replied, almost in tears. He’d felt the grinding of bone on bone as he’d been carrying the boy, and wondered if that was the right thing to do. Jay wasn’t thinking clearly, only reacting to everything that was going on around him.

“I’m going to the principal’s office now. If the police need to find me I’ll be there.”

Jay walked out, ignoring Doogie for the moment. He needed to do this. He’d probably just gotten himself suspended, not to mention kicked off the baseball team permanently, but that didn’t matter.

What mattered was that there was enough hatred in himself to hurt someone who made a snide comment.

Jay was sure that the kid hadn’t been the one to put perfume in his locker. He definitely hadn’t been one of the people taunting him between the entrance and said locker. He wouldn’t have been the one who started the rumors.

He’d been a freshman not too long ago, and the kid had probably been dared into it, or just done it to prove he was one of the cool kids. Now…he was really hurting bad and it was all Jay’s fault.

Jay walked in and sat down in the principal’s office.

“Mr. Sims, how can I help you?”

No one had told him. Jay had apparently gotten here before even the rumor.

“Mr. Ford, I beat a kid half to death today.”

“Jay, is this some sort of joke?”

Mr. Ford was floored to say the least. Jay was a very smart student. He’d never been a discipline problem, and seemed to be well liked by the other students. Sure, the rumors yesterday had troubled him, but he thought it was just more of the normal teasing that seemed rampant in schools these days. It wasn’t up to what the school board defined as bullying…but.

“Tell me what’s going on in your life, Jay. This isn’t like you.”

“Aren’t you going to suspend me? I really hurt someone.”

“I’d like all of the facts first.”

Mr. Ford was calm, at least on the surface, as he listened to what Jay told him. Underneath was another matter. He knew the kind of rage that Jay was talking about firsthand.

“Jay, I’m not going to suspend you this time. However, you’re going to have to perform some restitution to that boy you hurt. You get to make sure that he is able to get from class to class without hassle. You are going to carry is books for him to and from classes, at least until he heals from his injuries.”

Jay simply nodded at this.

“I’d like for you to take an anger management class.”

“What?”

“This isn’t like you, Jay. I want to make sure it’s never like you. If you take one now, before you begin to form habits, then you should be able to stop something like this from happening again.”

“Okay, Mr. Ford.”

“Unfortunately, I think cutting you from the team would send the wrong message to the kids at the school.”

“But…”

“I’m in charge of this school, Jay. Cutting you from the team would seem to tell them that I can be swayed by bullies. I can’t. If the surveillance system recorded sound, I would suspend every student that was involved with this morning.

“It does have video, though, and I am going to publicly suspend whoever put the perfume in your locker.”

“Mr. Ford…”

“No. This is final, and my decision. Until I take care of this, don’t say a word about what is going on.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jay left his office, and he walked down to the security room.

“Hey, Bill. You know which camera covers locker 419?”

“Yeah. This one over here.”

“Someone poured something into the locker. Could you find out who it was for me?”

“Sure thing, boss. I’ll get right on it.”

***
Good morning students. the voice of Mr. Ford said, coming over the schools public address system. In fifteen minutes we’re going to have a special presentation in the north gym. I would appreciate if everyone would walk quickly and orderly to the gym when the bell rings. Attendance at this assembly is mandatory, and anyone who is caught sluffing will be immediately expelled.

There was an edge to the message that no one had ever heard from the normally affable principal. Everyone had heard about the fight that Jay had gotten into this morning, and many wondered if the assembly might not be about that.

The bell rang, and an abnormally subdued student body made their way to the gym.

“I’d like for the following three students to join me here on the court: Katie Laughlin, Rick Alder, and Joseph Kingston.”

There were murmurs as the three students made their way to the front. There was almost nothing that should link the three students together. Katie was a cheerleader and Jay’s ex. Rick was a tight end on the football team. Joseph, or Joey as his few friends called him, was on the chess team and had a GPA as lofty as Jay’s own.

“There is a strict no bullying policy at this school. At an assembly to begin the school year, the entirety of the document was read to you. Every one of your parent’s signed the policy. Over the past twenty four hours, some of you seem to have forgotten what was in that policy.”

He pulled out a dark blue booklet that most of the students recognized as the student handbook, and he began to read: “Section 4, paragraph 9: Bullying is not limited to attacking other students physically. Bullying can be taunts, insults, or cutting remarks. It can be in person, in print, or in digital media like on facebook. Bullying is anything that causes another student to feel trapped to the point that the only option they feel they have is to lash out at themselves or others.

“Section 4, paragraph 10: Anyone who is caught bullying will be expelled from school. There is no appeal. For this reason cameras and other surveillance equipment have been installed at the school. This is for the protection of each student.”

Katie had gone pale. Her small smile of a moment or two before had completely disappeared. Joey looked green.

Mr. Ford looked at the three children standing with him in front of all of their peers, then he turned back to the student body.

“Did you think that I was kidding about any of this? These three former students will be escorted off school grounds by the security staff where they will wait for their parents to come pick them up.”

Mr. Ford looked up into the bleachers for a moment before continuing.
“There is no excuse for the fight that occurred earlier today. I have assigned what I feel is a just punishment to the student who won. The student who lost has punishment enough. I have talked to a number of you about this, and it seems that both students were at fault to me.”

He turned to look at the three who were with him and continued talking, “that is not the case with what these three students did. Not only did they break into the school after hours, but they vandalized personal property.”

He turned back to the rest of the student population, “I will not tolerate intolerance at my school.”

A couple of the brighter students chuckled at this. Mr. Ford smiled.

“Being a teenager is hard enough without someone trying to single you out. Consider for a moment that every one of you has something that they wouldn’t want the rest of the student body to discover before you open your mouth to taunt someone about their secrets.”

He took a deep breath and then continued, “The students still attending this school can return to class.” He turned off the wireless mic and walked slowly back to his office.