Alek stood up and pointed around the room, "Tina, you will pack up all of these things right now, and you WILL come home, and that is FINAL."

Christina screamed, "No way! This is MY life, and I say I'm staying RIGHT THE FUCK HERE!"
 

Being Christina Chase
Chapter 34 - Worthless
by Admiral Krunch

        Christina woke up early and made breakfast for her visitors. All she had was Cap'n Crunch and some bread for toast. Not having enough milk for three bowls, Christina didn't bother setting a place for herself.

        Alek and Andrei, being creatures of habit, stirred from their spots on the floor when the first rays of sunlight entered the dreary apartment. They arose to find Christina waiting for them in the kitchen. Andrei did not need any encouragement; he sat down at the table and devoured everything in front of him. Taking his time, Alek went to the bathroom before sitting at the table.

        Christina stood dutifully by the sink in her pajamas and waited for the men to finish their breakfast. When Alek was finished, Christina meekly asked, "Can we talk now Uncle Alek?"

        Alek nodded and said, "Of course, Tina."

        Christina led Alek into her bedroom and closed the door. Since Andrei was not going to back her up, she thought it was best to remove him from the conversation entirely. She motioned for Alek to sit on her bed, and he complied.

        She wrung her hands nervously. "Okay," she started, "I know I haven't called, and I know I should have told you that I lost my job. I'm really sorry. I am. But the thing is, I just need a little time to get back on my feet. So, just hear me out; this is what I'm thinking: I'll get another job. A job where I work with lots of people, and never at night. Maybe I can be a waitress or something like that. There's lots of things I can do. And while I'm doing that, I'll keep looking for a real job. I had one before; I can do it again."

        Without looking to see whether her speech was having any effect, Christina continued, "I promise I won't go out after dark, ever. And if you say ten is my bedtime, I'll respect that too. I could even get a roommate or something, so I won't be alone, and maybe save some money on rent ... And I will call you every Sunday to check in, no matter what. I'll tell you everything that's going on. Just give me one month to prove to you that I can take care of myself. If I don't have a job by then, I'll do whatever you want." Christina stopped speaking and looked hopefully at her uncle.

        Alek looked at the girl sympathetically and said, "No, sweetheart."

        "No?" Christina whined.

        "Tina my dear, I trust you, but I do not trust this place. I do not trust these people. You are to come home."

        "But-"

        "No Tina," Alek said firmly. "That is my final decision."

        "That's your final answer!" Christina repeated petulantly. "Well ... you just ... unfinalize it!" Christina realized that acting like an obedient little girl was only reinforcing her uncle's position; she needed to stand up to him. "You listen to me!" she shouted. "You're not telling anyone what to do! This is MY apartment, and this is MY life and I get to make the decisions- not you! You don't have any right coming here and telling me that I can't live here anymore!"

        "Tina!" Alek barked.

        "No!" she fought, "Don't you Tina me. I love you Uncle Alek, but this is too much. I'm staying here! I'm gonna get a better job, and I am going to stay RIGHT HERE, and that is MY final decision!"

        Alek shouted, "Tina, you are coming home!"

        Christina stomped her foot aggressively and said, "No I'm not! I am not a little girl! And I say I'm staying right here!"

        Alek stood up and pointed around the room, "Tina, you will pack up all of these things right now, and you WILL come home, and that is FINAL."

        Christina screamed, "No way! This is MY life, and I say I'm staying RIGHT THE FUCK HERE!"

        "CHRISTINA, THAT IS ENOUGH!" Alek yelled. The words exploded off every wall, and Christina jumped in shock. "Come here!" he said forcefully.

        Christina stood like a deer trapped in headlights.

        "This instant!" Alek commanded. Christina shuffled across her bedroom and stood next to her uncle on the exact spot indicated by his pointing finger.

        Sitting down on edge of the bed, Alek took Christina by the waist and yanked her over his lap. He pulled Christina's pajama pants around her ankles, exposing her pantied bottom. Christina gasped as she felt the cool air on her exposed butt. She knew what was coming next, but it was happening too fast for her to do anything about it. Alek's large hand slapped down on Christina's bottom. His palm was so large that it covered almost every inch of Christina's tiny posterior. He struck with force so great that Christina's entire body lurched forward in response. The girl yelped in pain and kicked her feet futilely in the air.

        "Uncle Alek!" she cried, "Please!"

        Alek spanked her again and again; the sting was excruciating. Christina gritted her teeth as tears streamed down her face.

        "Please stop!" she sobbed, but Alek did not stop.

        Christina struggled, and kicked, and squirmed, and cried, but it was no use. Alek's grip clamped her in place, and there was no escape. It didn't take long for Christina to grow exhausted from her futile struggle. She stopped her flailing and cried quietly as she accepted her punishment.

        Seeing that the fight had left his niece, Alek gave the girl a final spank then relented. With little effort, he lifted the sobbing girl off his lap and back onto her feet.

        Christina cupped her buttocks as she stumbled back across the room with her pajama pants still around her ankles.

        Alek stood up and calmly said, "Start packing. Andrei and I will carry your things to the truck."

        "Yes sir," She sobbed.

        He added, "And, I never want to hear that sort of language from you ever again."

        "Yes sir," Christina repeated. As Alek left Christina to her packing, she closed her eyes and rubbed her butt. The sting was unbearable. She stood there for several minutes, trying to get her bawling and heaving under control. No one had never been disciplined her in that manner before, not even when she was an infant. The experience had proven completely demoralizing.

        As soon as her tears subsided, Christina immediately started packing. After choosing a pair of jeans and a sweater to wear on the trip home, she emptied all of her drawers. She stacked every item back into the cardboard boxes that had housed them up until yesterday. Repeating the same procedure with the closet, it wasn't long before every item in the room was packaged for her exodus.

        Christina poked her head out of her bedroom door and saw no signs of her uncle or her cousin. She stepped out into the hallway and looked into the front room. It was completely empty. Looking into the kitchen, she saw all of her plates, glasses, and silverware piled onto the table. Even though it was all transpiring in front of her eyes, she couldn't believe this was really happening.

        Christina heard the sounds of the men coming up the stairs and jumped into the bathroom. She checked her face in the mirror and saw that her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were red from crying.

        Andrei stomped into the kitchen and slid the rickety chairs into the front room for the next trip. He saw Christina's door was open and called, "Christina?"

        "I'm in here," Christina called from the bathroom. Her voice was still strained from her weeping. Not wanting Andrei to see her in her present state, she said, "I'm gonna take a quick shower and I'll be right out."

        "Okay," he called from the other side of the door. "I'm going to take your clothes down. When you get out, wrap up your plates with newspapers or paper towels or something."

        "Okay," Christina called from the bathroom.

        Stripping out of her pajamas, Christina winced as the waistband of her panties aggravated her assaulted bottom. She stood in the shower and looked over her shoulder into the bathroom mirror. Her butt was as red as the surface of Mars, and it felt as though it was throbbing.

        After showering and blow drying her hair, Christina returned to her bedroom. Everything was gone save the clothes she'd laid out on her bed. She put on her bra and panties, taking great care as she slid the former over her butt cheeks. Standing in place, rather than sitting on the bed, Christina pulled her socks onto her feet. She put on her jeans and sweater, and looked around her empty bedroom. Christina's troubled thoughts were derailed by a knock on the door.

        "Are you dressed?" Andrei called.

        "Yeah," Christina answered despondently.

        Andrei came in and said, "I think everything's done except for the kitchen."

        Christina avoided looking at her cousin. There was still a lump in her throat, but she did her best to speak as though nothing was wrong. "I'll start on that right now," she said.

        Andrei went to the side window and pulled up the shades. "What's this stuff out here?" he asked as he saw the mountain of trash bags piled on the fire escape.

        "Stuff?" Christina said as she looked over at Andrei. Realizing that Andrei had found all the garbage bags containing her male possessions, Christina froze.

        Opening the window, Andrei lugged one of the bags inside. He started to untie the knot sealing the top of the bag, and Christina blurted, "Don't!"

        Christina laid her tiny hands on top Andrei's and said, "Please don't open that."

        "What is this stuff?"

        "It's ... trash."

        Looking at the giant pile of bags, Andrei asked, "Why is there trash on your fire escape?"

        Christina said, "Because ..." Her heart pounded as she searched for a believable answer. "'Cause," she continued, "The dumpster is all the way in the back of the parking lot, and I don't like going there too often."

        "You don't like going to your parking lot." Andrei stated suspiciously.

        Christina gritted her teeth and said, "It's scary in the dark? ... You can't see if anyone's out there."

        "Oh," Andrei said as he recalled seeing addicts in Christina's lot the previous night.

        "Yeah, so, I let it pile up sometimes, and take it in the morning.

        "Don't worry about it," Andrei told her protectively, "I'll take care of this. You start on the kitchen."

        "What do you mean, 'Take care of it?'" Christina asked.

        Andrei started hauling the bags off the fire escape and said, "What do you think? I'm going to throw it out."

        "You're throwing it out?" Christina repeated. She desperately wanted to tell Andrei not to do that, but how could she? She stumbled, "Um ... don't open it. It's been out there for weeks, and it probably smells."

        "I'll be careful," Andrei said as he took a bunch of bags and headed out the door.

        Christina felt her stomach turn upside down as she forced herself to go into the kitchen. She started wrapping all her plates, bowls, and cups with newspaper, but her mind lingered on what Andrei was doing. Andrei didn't realize it, but with each trip down the stairs he was disposing of Christina's former life. In a matter of minutes, it was all gone. Christina no longer owned any male clothes. She no longer owned any masculine possessions of any kind. That was when Christina felt the full gravity of the situation.

        Alek came into the kitchen carrying a box and pilled the items that Christina wrapped inside. Taking the box and two of the kitchen chairs, he left the apartment. Andrei, having finished his work at the dumpster, started disassembling the kitchen table. With the table in pieces, Andrei went downstairs, leaving Christina in her completely empty apartment.

        Feeling dizzy, Christina wandered around the empty space while she waited for the men to return from the truck. There was a constricting pain in her chest. This can't be happening, she thought, but it clearly was. Stumbling into the bathroom, she collapsed in front of the toilet. Christina grabbed the sides of the toilet, and her stomach violently contracted as she threw up into the bowl. The vomit stung the back her mouth and her sinuses.

        Christina coughed, and threw up again. Her arms trembled as she pushed herself up into a seated position. Falling back against the wall, she clutched her gut as it rumbled and twisted. She reached over and flushed the toilet. Looking around the bathroom, she saw that it was barren. There were no towels on the racks. There was not even any toilet paper on the wall holder. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Christina just sat there holding her tortured stomach.

        "Christina?" Andrei called from the living room.

        "I'm in here," Christina answered in a rattled voice.

        Andrei appeared in the doorway followed by his father. When Andrei saw Christina sitting on the floor, looking pallid and weak, he immediately rushed to her side.

        Alek asked, "What is wrong Tina?"

        "I'm okay," she wheezed. "I felt sick for a moment." Christina's head was still spinning, and she wasn't entirely conscious of what was going on. As Andrei helped her off the floor, she felt another contraction and dropped in front of the toilet. Her stomach convulsed painfully, and she vomited a third time. Andrei sat beside her, holding back her long hair. Christina heaved a few more times, but nothing came out.

        Alek helped his niece to her feet. Her legs shook, but Alek easily supported her with his large arm. He ran the bathroom faucet and washed Christina's face with his hand. Holding her cheek in his palm, he asked, "Are you alright Tina?"

        Christina nodded, though she was still dazed.

        Alek helped Christina to the living room and asked, "Where is your coat, sweetheart?" Christina pointed to her leather coat and Alek clarified, "Your winter coat."

        "I sold it," she said hazily.

        Alek and Andrei again exchanged worried glances. Alek took off his gigantic coat and wrapped it around the girl. Grabbing Christina's leather coat off the hook, he handed it to Andrei and said, "You drive Tina's car." Andrei nodded, and he and his father guided Christina down the stairs and around back to the parking lot behind the building.

        As Christina felt the cold air on her face, she came to her senses. "I'm okay," she insisted as she found her footing. Alek did not release her; he guided Christina to her car and opened the passenger door.

        Andrei opened the back door and retrieved Christina's pillows and blankets and placed one pillow on top of the passenger seat. Alek guided Christina down onto the pillow, and the girl winced as her bruised bottom came in to contact with the seat. After tilting Christina's seat backward, Alek took the second pillow from Andrei, and arranged it behind Christina's reclined head. Alek then took his coat from his niece and exchanged it for the blankets in Andrei's arms. He covered Christina snugly with both blankets before he closed the door.

        Taking his coat back from Andrei, Alek instructed, "You are to follow me. Drive very carefully, and take care of Tina. If you need to pull over, flash your lights."

        "Right," Andrei responded.

        Alek climbed into the old green truck, which was loaded down with all of Christina's possessions. Andrei got into Christina's car and sat next to her. The back seat was filled with Christina's clothes and some breakable items from the kitchen.

        Christina turned towards Andrei, her cheeks burning with shame. She whispered, "Don't tell Nina I got spanked."

        "It never happened," Andrei said in a compassionate tone. "You just relax, okay? It's a long trip; you should probably get some sleep."

        Christina nodded. "When you get tired, I'll drive for a while," she offered in a weak voice.

        Andrei said, "Sure." He had no intention of letting Christina drive, but he did not want to antagonize her in her current state. After making one last check to ensure Christina was sufficiently bundled up and comfortable, he started the car.

 

        Christina spent the long drive tossing and turning in her seat. Between the exhaustion she felt from a month of restless sleep and the stress of her uncle's visit, Christina was trapped in an agitated state somewhere between sleep and consciousness. Andrei did his best to provide for his cousin's comfort; he offered to stop for food and bathroom breaks, but Christina refused everything except water. Her stomach was still tied in painful knots, and she wasn't sure she could eat.

        What little sleep Christina did get on the trip was riddled with nightmares. Her mind constantly replayed the previous day in twisted ways. Christina started in her seat; she'd just had a particularly nasty nightmare in which Andrei had opened the bags of boy clothes she'd hidden on the fire escape.

        She looked fearfully at her cousin, who returned her glance with nothing but concern. "We're home," he said.

        Christina looked out the window and saw the Levchenko home at the end of the long gravel driveway. As the car came to a stop, Christina watched her uncle park the truck and step out onto the driveway. He walked through the darkness to Christina's door and opened it. Christina trembled as the chill from the air outside seized her.

        Alek pulled the girl to her feet and wrapped his arm around her waist. He led Christina to the front door and into the living room where Misha, Nina, and Boris were waiting for them.

        Misha appraised her adopted daughter. With her clothes hanging loosely on her thin frame, Christina looked withered, pale, and sick. Christina Chase was not the vibrant young girl Misha remembered from only a month ago. Misha said nothing; she stepped forward and held Christina tightly. Misha asked, "Why did you not tell me, Tina?"

        "I didn't want you to worry," Christina said, as her stomach lurched, and her throat tensed.

        "Lay down, child," Misha said as she guided Christina into a lying position on the couch. Misha took off Christina's shoes and placed them neatly on the floor. She felt Christina's head and declared she did not have a fever.

        "It's just my stomach," Christina explained weakly, "It's a little upset."

        Boris, who could tell that Christina was not feeling well, sat down by her side.

        Misha turned to Nina and said, "Stay with your cousin." She then turned to her husband and Andrei, who had just entered the living room and instructed, "Take Christina's things up to her room."

        Alek and Andrei immediately went outside to start the task of unloading. Misha knelt down beside Christina and stroked her hair. "I will make some tea," she said softly, "It will soothe your stomach. Do you think you can eat, child?"

        Christina shook her head.

        Misha touched Christina on the cheek then went into the kitchen.

        Nina sat on the edge of the couch and cast a scared look at her cousin.

        Taking Nina's hand, Christina assured, "I'm fine Nina. I just have an upset tummy."

        Alek and Andrei emerged from the kitchen carrying boxes of Christina's clothes. The stairs creaked and complained under the weight of the men and their cargo as they took the boxes to Christina's room.

        Christina sat up as she said, "I should help them."

        Nina gently pushed Christina back down, insisting, "They can handle it without you."

        The men went back down the stairs and through the kitchen for another trip just after Misha emerged carrying a steaming cup and saucer. She motioned for Nina to pull the coffee table closer to the couch, and placed the tea on top of it. Sitting Christina up, she offered her the tea. "Nina," Misha said to her daughter, "go upstairs and put your cousin's things away."

        Nina replied, "Okay, Mom." She dashed up the stairs.

        Christina took a drink; the warm liquid reinvigorated her as it rushed down her throat. Handing the cup back to Misha, Christina said, "I can explain about the money."

        "Shhhh," Misha cooed. She handed the cup back to Christina, and remained by her niece's side as Andrei and Alek dutifully carried all of Christina's possessions up to her room. When the men were done and Nina had returned, Misha said, "Tina, you should get ready for bed."

        "Mom, it's still early," Nina complained, "And I need to talk to Christina."

        "You can talk to your cousin tomorrow," Misha admonished. "Christina has had a long trip, and I am sure she is tired."

        Christina nodded and said, "I guess that's a good idea." Misha started to help her niece to her feet, but Christina insisted, "I'm fine. I just felt a little sick. I'm fine now, really."

        She stepped uneasily through the room of concerned people and up the stairs, making every effort to disguise the stabbing pain in her abdomen.

        Christina went into the upstairs bathroom and splashed some water on her face. She would have to talk her way out of this, she thought. She couldn't think of a way to do It, but there had to be a way. Without thinking, Christina pulled down her jeans and sat on the toilet. She relieved herself, falling effortlessly back into her old habits.

        After she was finished, she entered her bedroom. Opening the drawers, she found all of her clothes that Nina had hastily put away. Christina pulled out a plain green nightshirt with a lace collar, stripped down to her panties, then slid the nightshirt on over her shoulders. Walking to the nightstand, Christina unclasped her silver cross from around her neck and looked around the room; Nina had placed Christina's jewelry box on the nightstand right where she'd always kept it. After depositing the necklace in the box, Christina sat in the in the middle of her four poster bed.

        Christina held her knees against her chest with her arms, her mind spinning as she looked around the darkened room. It was a girl's room. It was her room. All the clothes in the drawers were girl's clothes; the closet was filled with dresses. She knew this because she'd bought them. The chest of drawers was covered with a stack of girl's magazines. Each and every one was wrinkled and abused from having been read multiple times. Pages were earmarked where Christina had found fashion advice. The self-tests were marked with her handwriting. She'd spent hours filling them out with Nina over the phone. The stack of CDs were all pop music; the same music that Nina listened to. Christina had initially listened to them to grow closer to her cousin, but at some point she started liking them herself. Now she knew all the lyrics to every song by heart. Christina looked at the vanity. It was stocked with cosmetics and perfume, all of which were hers. She'd painstakingly picked out every single item.

        Dizziness again overtook the girl. She looked frantically around the room and at every turn she was assaulted by femininity. The only relic of her life as a boy was the disconnected PC that was sat impotently in the corner. Christina felt her heart thumping in her chest.

        Looking in the mirror, Christina saw a pretty young girl hyperventilating. The girl in the mirror belonged in this room.

        Where was Christopher Chase? He wasn't the girl in the mirror. The girl in the mirror was Christina. She was the one who had played along with her family's assumption of her femininity. No one had forced her. No one had twisted her arm. The truth was, Christina preferred this life to her old one. How often had she wished this room was really hers? How many times had she wished she could live with her family? Christina Chase was pampered. Christina Chase was protected. Christina Chase was desired. Most of all, Christina Chase was loved.

        Somehow, her maleness had gotten lost along the way. Being Christina Chase was like being stuck in a giant feedback loop. Somewhere along the line, Christina had actually begun to think of herself as a girl. As Christina looked into the mirror, she insisted to herself that she was a boy, but even she didn't believe it. Christina wasn't sure exactly when the change happened, but even when she wasn't in Oak Grove, she had always been Christina Chase. All through the last month, even though she'd been living as a boy, in her mind, she was a girl. As much as she denied it, that realization was always hiding just beneath her conscious thoughts. Had it always been there? Christina hoped that isolating herself from her family would change that, but it didn't. She realized that she could run away tomorrow, but wherever she went, she would still be Christina Chase.

        But that was not the reason Christina didn't tell her aunt and uncle she'd lost her job. It wasn't why Christina never told them about her life away from Oak Grove. That wasn't the reason she never showed her family pictures of her apartment.

        A knock on the door quieted Christina's anxious thoughts. She took a deep breath and announced, "Come in."

        Misha entered the room, followed by her husband. Misha sat on the edge of Christina's bed while Alek stood in the doorway.

        "We need to talk," said Misha.

        Christina nodded and said, "I know."

        Misha said, "Tina, you are like a daughter to us. Certainly, you must know this."

        "I know."

        "And we thought you had come to think of us as family as well," continued Misha.

        "I do."

        "Then why did you not come to us, child? Did you not think we would help you?"

        "No, it's not that," Christina explained. "You and Uncle Alek have already done so much for me. I wouldn't feel right asking you for anything else." She forced herself to look her aunt in the face. Her expression was worried, and Christina suspected that her actions had hurt Misha in some way. "Besides, things weren't that bad, really."

        "Tina, you were living in a slum," Alek said. "You were selling your possessions to survive."

        Christina started, "I-" but stopped. It was true; there was no point in denying it anymore. She had no money. Her job didn't pay enough to make rent. She'd sent out dozens of resumes and not had a single reply. She'd rationalized selling her furniture, but there was no denying that she had been one month's rent away from being homeless. Christina hung her head and said, "I know."

        Misha lovingly stroked her niece's long blonde hair and said, "We are going to take care of you."

        "I can't stay here," Christina replied despondently.

        Misha insisted, "Yes you can. You belong here. You do not have to stay forever, but you must stay at least until you can make a life for yourself."

        Christina frowned and considered her aunt's words. The truth was Christina had nowhere else to go. There was no one else in the world who cared what happened to her. She said, "I guess I could stay for just a little while ... Just until I get back on my feet."

        Misha said, "You can stay as long as you wish."

        Christina looked up at her aunt and uncle and said, "But I have to pay you rent."

        "You will do no such thing," objected Misha.

        Christina offered, "Then I can work in the store every day."

        "You can work in the store," Alek said, "But you will be paid."

        Christina shook her head and demanded, "I have to do something. I'm not just going to freeload off you."

        Misha shushed her niece and said, "Tina, you do not have to do a thing. We want you here."

        Christina looked at her aunt and asked, "Why?"

        Incredulously, Misha repeated,"Why?"

        "Why would you want me?" Christina asked.

        "Tina!" Misha gasped. "How can you say such a thing?"

        Christina explained, "I lived in that apartment for two years. No one ever cared. I know it's a terrible place; I'm not stupid. But, that's all I could afford." Christina wiped the tear that was forming in the corner of her eye and continued, "Some nights, when I was all alone, I used to dream that my Mom would come and take me home. It's stupid, you know? It's not like I would even have gone with her. But, I used to imagine her coming to get me; tell me that I didn't have to stay there anymore." Christina rested her forehead on her knees and tears streamed down her cheeks. "She never even came to visit."

        Misha held the girl and rocked her back and forth.

        "I know I should have told you everything, but I didn't tell you the truth because I never wanted you to find out how worthless I am."

        Misha exchanged a shocked look with her husband. She took Christina's hand and waited for the girl's eyes to meet her own.

        "Never say that, Tina," Misha said. "You have been treated poorly, but not because you deserved it. Never think that. You mean the world to us, and nothing could ever change that." Misha brushed the hair off of Christina's face and continued, "We are proud to have you in our family, and we want you to stay."

        Christina nodded as she whispered, "I really want to stay."

        As Misha held her niece, she added, "And never be afraid to ask for help. Whenever you are in need, we will always come for you." She released Christina then kissed her tenderly on the forehead. "You should get some sleep child," Misha said as she rose from the bed.

        Christina nodded.

        As she and Alek left the room, Misha switched off the light switch and warmly said, "Goodnight Tina."

        Christina replied, "Goodnight."

---

Edited into coherence by Holly H. Hart.
Thanks to Sephrena Miller for taking an early read.
Hope you enjoyed it. If you liked it or hated it, please leave a tasty comment.
Krunch Away!