The Princess of the Desert

By Melodie Thomas

Edited by Holly Hart

Chapter 3

Friday September 5, 2008
I hurried from the elevator on the 8th floor of the hospital toward the extended stay wing. It was 9:20 in the morning. About 25 minutes earlier I’d received a phone call from Stacy telling me I needed to get there as quickly as possible. She did not sound panicked, but she was stern. After the issues the day before all I could think was the worst, as I broke nearly every traffic law there was enroute. I saw Dr. Rienfelt and Dr. Gibson coming from the opposite direction as I approached Atkins’s room. Tina had taken the day off for a school function with her daughter, so I was running solo.

The door to Atkins’s room was open as I approached, so I slowed my pace and entered the room with a slight knock on the door frame. Atkins was sitting in the oversized chair by the window with his legs tucked up under his right side, a very feminine posture. He was wearing a white bathrobe and his hair was hanging down his back. I could tell it had not been brushed this morning, nor was he wearing makeup, a stark contrast from the last time I’d seen him. His hands were folded loosely on his lap. I could see Stacy sitting in one of the other chairs and by all appearances they were just waiting. The bath robe was pulled up tight around his shoulders and draped over his knees, very little skin was showing.

Atkins looked up as I entered. “Good morning. Agent McNeil, please come in.”

His voice was level and pleasant but there was basically no expression on his face. “Good Morning, what is going on?”

“In a moment please, let’s wait for the doctors.” was all he gave me in response.

I looked at Stacy for some explanation. All I got was a sort of helpless shrug. At that point both Dr. Rienfelt and Dr. Gibson entered the room behind me.

“Good Morning. Doctors,” Atkins greeted them. “Could I ask you to close the door and have a seat?”

There was something very different this morning with Atkins, both in body language and in tone of voice. I was not sure what that was, but it put my nerves on edge. Something was going to happen here, but I had no idea what.

“Stephanie, how are you feeling today?” Paula asked as she sat down.

“Not exceptionally well, Paula.” Atkins responded in the same level tone.

“Would you like to discuss it?” Paula coaxed

“Not really. I actually have a few questions that I would like to ask the three of you,” indicating both doctors and myself, “and I would appreciate some direct honest answers.”

Looking straight at me, Atkins asked “I use to be a guy named Steven Jay Atkins, correct?”

I hesitated for a moment, not sure if the truth was the right direction and decided it was. Time to see where this would go. “Yes.”

“Please, Agent McNeil, tell me everything you know about how I went from being Steven to what I am today.”

“I would prefer to know everything you remember.” I responded

“Yes, Agent McNeil, I am sure you would, and I will be more than happy to tell you once my questions are answered. I would like you to fill in some blanks for me to see if it triggers more memories. Memories, which I seem to have a lot of right now. “

“Stephanie,” Paula cut in, “I am not sure that is such a good idea right now.”

“Paula, I understand that I am fragile, sick and hurt, both physically and emotionally but I am going to push forward with this and be insistent. We can save a lot of time and trouble for all of us if we do not get lost in the debate of what you should or should not tell me. I think I deserve to know all of it.”

This was definitely a different person sitting in front of me today than I had been seeing for the past 2 weeks. His mind seemed much more focused and sharp, and his intensity was obvious. I also noticed that he maintained a very level voice and exhibited no obvious body tension. At least for the moment, he was in control of himself. I could tell that even Paula was taken aback by the intensity in front of us.

“Alright, based on the information that we were able to obtain from the Police in Boulder and DEA files, we know the following.”

I proceeded to give him a high level run down of what we thought we knew about Frank Grayson, John Lamberton, the former Cathy Atkins, now Cathy Lamberton, the drugs, the parties and the human trafficking. As I was talking about the former Cathy Atkins, and the feminization process that Steve had gone through, I saw tears forming in Atkins’s eyes.

Stacy got up and fetched a box of tissues for him and returned to her seat. I brought my story to an end with the prison sentences for all three primary parties. When I finished Atkins sat silently for a few moments.

Finally Atkins spoke “Agent McNeil, do the police and the FBI believe that my ex-wife had something to do with what happened to me?”

“I have no more information than that. I know the Colorado prosecutor’s office believes she did, but they could not find evidence to support it. The fact that you were tied in with the same people that she was, seemed to be much more than a coincidence. Do you remember any more than that?”

“Yes, I have a few things to add, which I will in a moment.”

“I would really like to know them now if I could,” I responded trying to take control of the conversation.

“I am sorry, Agent McNeil; you will have to wait a few more minutes. I hope you do understand.”

I was kind of stunned by the response, but held my tongue. The thought also crossed my mind to remember, ‘Steven Atkins was in his second year of law school. Right now, he is acting like a lawyer.’

“What happened to my daughter?”

“She is with your parents.” I responded.

Atkins nodded her head slightly, “Can I see her?”

“We would prefer that you didn’t have contact with them at this time,” I told him.

“Could you please expound on that answer for me? I would like to have a reason if I could.”

I was actually starting to get impressed with his control, grace and poise through this discussion. The whole time he sat calmly, and exhibited an almost diplomatic aurora about him. I explained to him the fact that we had published in the papers that he had died when we found him, and the fear that we had that the people that dumped him may attempt to come finish the job. I also explained that it would not be good for anyone to know who his family was, as that could be used against him as well. Atkins sat and listened to my explanation without interruption.

When I finished he sat silently for a few minutes appearing to ponder what I had told him. “I think that is an acceptable explanation Agent McNeil, thank you.” Turning his attention to Dr. Gibson, “Dr. Gibson, I would like to thank you for all that you have done for me, and for taking the time to see me this morning. I know you are a busy man so I will get to the point.”

Dr. Gibson nodded his acceptance of the statement.

“Dr. Gibson, as straight forward as I know how to put it, can you turn me back into what I was?”

“Do you mean” Gibson asked “turn you back into a man?”

“Yes, Dr. Gibson, that is what I want to know.”

Dr. Gibson pondered the question for a few minutes.

“I think the short answer to that question is ‘no’. We can make a number of changes in your appearance and reduce many of the female characteristics, but we can never eliminate all of them. Would you like the details?”

“Yes, please, doctor.”

“Very well, starting with the obvious. Your male genitals were either removed or badly damaged. Usually a prosthetic can be used for a testes but whatever the method use to remove yours….”

Atkins interrupted “They were clamped in a device that basically crushed my balls and then pulled them away from my body, stretching the skin until it was almost ready to tear. At that point they were cut off, using a red hot wire to burn through the skin.”

Paula was looking very white, and her mouth hung open in shock. I suddenly had sympathy pains between my legs and I knew I was going white as well.

“Hmmm” Dr. Gibson responded “That would agree well with my findings, but the results are, there is not enough skin remaining to recreate the scrotum. We would have to pull skin graphs from other parts of your body and the result would not look normal. The same is true for your penis, there is not enough material left to work on a prosthetic. We could build something close, but close is all we could get.

“As for your breasts, we could remove the implants but that would only reduce you from your current ‘D’ cup to probably a small ‘C’ cup. The balance of the material is hormonal growth. We could remove the rest of that through breast reduction surgery, but we could never build you a male chest.

“Probably the most challenging part will be your feet. A section of each Achilles tendon was removed thus preventing you from walking flat footed. As you are well aware, you are required to wear elevated heels to walk.”

Atkins nodded his understanding.

“There is no other part of your body that we can take material from to create a splice that would allow the tendons to be extended with equal elasticity. As such, we would be required to use some synthetic material as a replacement. To reduce a long and technical story, though today you are required to wear elevated heels to walk, with them you walk normally. However, attempting to fix your Achilles tendons runs the strong risk of affecting your ability to walk normally even if we get the length correct.

“Chemically, we can start you on testosterone treatments that will bring back some of the male characteristics such as hair growth, rougher skin, etc. but there are other characteristics in your body that we will not be able to change. What I am going to add here is a medical evaluation, and not a personal observation. I would like to make sure you understand that.”

“Please proceed Doctor; I would like to understand everything.”

“Very well, your body exhibits many secondary female characteristics that were not altered via surgery or hormones. Examples are your face, voice, and some bone structures in your hips and your shoulders. Having no previous knowledge, I am guessing at this part, but I believe you showed many female characteristics as a male and while growing up. All men develop both male and female hormones naturally in their bodies. The amount of female hormones is different between different men but it exists in all. I am suspecting that as a child and young adult your body was producing and abnormally high level of female hormones, resulting in the development of many of the secondary traits that I just discussed. Those are things that we cannot change.”

“Let me make sure I understand Doctor,” Atkins stepped in “though I am a freak now, you are telling me that I would be more of a freak if you tried to change me back.”

Dr. Gibson pondered his answer for a moment “Of course the term ‘freak’ is not a term that I would use. However, I would say that the way you are today would allow you a far more seamless integration into society than you would have if we tried to change you back. Only your doctor or very close friends would know you were anything but a woman. I can’t say that would be true if we attempted to go back. I would also like to say we have a way to complete your transition into being a woman that would eliminate the last obvious difference.”

Atkins actually smiled at that last statement “Thank you, Doctor but I think I will hold off any decision to have anything else cut off for right now. I do want to thank you for your time and efforts. Like I said, I know you are a busy man, and, at this time, I have no more questions for you, so unless you have some for me, you do not need to stay here, though you are welcome to if you want.”

“Miss Atkins, I think I understand what you are looking for and I wish you the best in your search. I do have rounds that I am late for, but feel free to call on me anytime, and I will assist you where I can.” Dr. Gibson rose from his chair.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

Doctor Gibson left the room and Atkins sat there pondering his hands for a few moments while waiting for the door to be closed again.

Atkins looked up from his hands “Paula, I have a lot of questions for you but most of them we will get to in time. Right now, I guess, there is one big question that I would like to discuss with you. That question is kind of hard for me to frame, so it may take a couple of tries. So straight out, is it possible through hypnosis, brainwashing, chemical, anything, to make a man believe he is a woman even if that that man had never had those thoughts in his life?”

“Wow!” Paula smiled, “Let’s start with an easy one, shall we?”

Atkins smile again for the second time this morning. He does have a pretty smile. “Sorry, I’m just not sure how to state it.”

“I guess the base answer would have to be ‘no’ but then I would follow it with an ‘I don’t know’. For hypnosis and chemical, I would hold with the no answer. Hypnosis is really used to focus the mind of the subject on a given task or set of tasks. We have known for years that you can’t make someone do something under hypnosis that they would not do anyway. I can hypnotize a man and have him act like a woman for a short period of time, but as soon as the hypnosis ends so would the acting. I can’t hypnotize a man and tell him he is a woman and have him live the rest of his live as a woman. Doesn’t work that way.

“Pretty much the same is true for chemicals. I can use chemicals to alter the way a person thinks or to make them more open to suggestion however, as soon as the chemicals wear off, so do the suggestions. The one caveat to that is if the suggestion was something the person wanted anyway, then we are just lowering their inhabitations to that act, and there is a strong likelihood that will stick. Kind of like using hypnosis to help people stop smoking. Keeping someone under a constant barrage of chemicals can extend the effects, but they will die off as soon as the chemical process was stopped.

“Brainwashing is a whole different subject. Brainwashing usually results in permanent or semi-permanent changes in a person’s behavior or thought processes, but those changes occur slowly and over a long period of time. Brainwashing usually consists of a combination of chemicals along with physical or emotional control. The controller would allow pleasurable experiences to occur if the subject shows the correct behavior, and not so pleasurable experiences if the wrong behavior occurs. Over time the victim will start mimicking the correct behavioral patterns to avoid the not so pleasurable experiences.

“Now, to trying to focus in on what I think you are asking me. During your period of captivity the concept of brainwashing is viable. They had you in a controllable position and could reward or punish for various behavior. Over that period of time they could easily have changed the way you thought and acted through those controls. However, I have never heard of a case where that kind of control was mixed with overall memory loss. Usually, the victim has memories of the experience and it is those memories that continue to drive the desired behavior.

“Prior to your captivity, it is possible for someone to have controlled your actions through chemical and suggestive methods, but those controls would have been limited. You may have gone along with things out of fear, but you would have never accepted them as correct. Adding in a chemical addiction, hypnotic messages and fear, they could have controlled your actions and made you do things you would not have done, but they could never have made you enjoy them.

“Now,” Paula continued “I may be stretching but I am going to tell you what I think you are trying to figure out. If I am wrong please forgive me. I think the majority of the feminine behaviors that you are exhibiting now come natural to you. I don’t think they are a result of someone ‘programming’ you. I also think that whatever enjoyment you are getting from that behavior also is natural to you. The people that took you used you for far more sinister reasons than giving you the behaviors and mannerisms of a woman. That part came natural to you, which just made their job easier.”

Atkins sat studying his hands while playing with his fingers for a few moments, obviously thinking about everything he just heard. I decided that I needed more time with Paula to understand some of the things she just said. I had been working on the assumption all along that want I was seeing in Atkins was the result of someone’s work. Now, I was getting the impression some of it was natural, and that was not making sense to me. Also, what Dr. Gibson said was still bothering me. How someone could be born part boy and part girl? I just could not get my mind wrapped around that.

Atkins finally looked up “Thank you Paula. You hit fairly close to home, and we will be discussing that topic more, I promise. When I was growing up I was in a constant battle to prove that I was a boy or a man once I got to high school. I was always smaller and weaker than my friends, and trying to keep up with them was a struggle. Friends of my parents always referred to me as their ‘pretty boy’, not handsome but pretty. Now mind you, I never once thought I was a girl in a boy’s body. I was a boy, and I was going to prove that I could be every bit as good as everyone else.

“When I got into high school I became a gym rat. I was pumping iron, running, playing every sport I could just to prove I was as much of a man as the rest of them. I really got into those protein vitamin kits. You know, the ones that come with about a dozen different pills that you need to take every day for bigger muscles and to ‘bulk up’. I continued that activity even after I got out of high school and married Cathy. I would set up a week’s supply in little plastic cups every Sunday and would down one for breakfast every day. So, if Cathy was slipping something else in there Agent McNeil, I would have never noticed.

“Agent McNeil, as I promised you a bit ago, let me fill in some things that I remember. I can tell you that John Lamberton was definitely involved in what happened to me. He was at all the parties, used me for errands for Frank, and even gave me the shots that Frank insisted that I have. John also had sex with me 2 or 3 times during that period which, if I believe what you are telling me, would have been the same time he was sleeping with Cathy. He was also the guy that grabbed me on the last night when I was taken away. I am not sure I can give you any hard evidence other than what I remember, but he was involved.”

I pulled my notebook out of my pocket and started scribbling notes.

“As for Cathy, there are only 3 things I remember that imply she was involved too. The last night I saw her, she came in the bathroom when I got out of the shower and made some comments on how ‘girly’ I was looking lately. It puzzled me at the time why she would think that, but all she did was make a joke about it.

“On the last Saturday morning, when I got home from work, I found 2 bottles of pills in the trash. They were not bottles I recognized, but they had the words ‘Steve’s pills’ handwritten on them. I had no idea what they were, and both bottles were only half empty, so I set them on the counter with the plan of talking to Cathy Sunday morning about them. Well, I never got home Sunday morning, so that conversation never happened.

“I have the impression, for some reason, that the entire show at the party that I worked that night for Frank was staged. Vicky and …”

“Would that be Vicky Williams?” I interrupted.

“Yes, Vicky’s full name was Vicky Williams, and she was my friend. Anyway, our job at these parties was to entertain Frank’s guests as we were requested.”

“By ‘entertain’ you mean have sex with?” I asked. The tone in my voice was unintentional, though I found the whole concept distasteful. I tried to hide that. I didn’t succeed.

“Agent McNeil, I am sorry if you find what I have done in my past disgusting. I am not proud of it, and I am not sure how much of it I did of my own free will, and how much I was manipulated into. Perhaps I deserve your distain, perhaps I don’t. I would really like to get to a full understanding before others stand in judgment of me or, worse, I stand in judgment of myself.”

His voice was controlled and calm, but very cold, and I actually felt ashamed for letting my own prejudice into the conversation. He was also right; at this point I should give him the benefit of the doubt, because we don’t have enough evidence to say what really happened. However, there was also a very stubborn side of me that would not let me back down, so I just looked at him and did not respond. A good 30 seconds passed while we just sat there and looked at each other. Atkins gave a light shake of his head and looked back down at his hands.

“As I was saying, as the evening was winding down, and it had been a very slow evening. That means not much sex, Agent McNeil. Vicky and I were getting ready to leave with two of Frank’s men decided they wanted my attention. This was unusual, because Frank’s crew never got involved in the parties; they were there more as support or security. I knew I would get in trouble with Frank if I turned them down and the situation would be worse than if I just went along with them.

Where they wanted to play was at the front of the house in sight of the front door, the same door that Cathy walked through 10 minutes later, catching me in the act. When I first saw Cathy, she was looking right at me with a smile on her face. Once she saw me looking at her the hysterics started, and she ran outside to where both sets of parents were waiting. I chased after her, then I chased after Frank, and sometime later I woke up on an airplane. Everything seems like it was planned, including Cathy finding me.”

Atkins paused for a moment as if collecting his thoughts. I could see a tear forming in his eye and assumed he was thinking about the betrayal. I had some more questions I wanted to ask, but felt I had already made enough of an ass out of myself so I just sat and waited.

“Are you okay, Steph?” Stacy asked from across the room.

Atkins nodded and continued, “When the plane landed we were loaded in a van and driven to a large garage type area. The drive was only about 5 minutes, so it was not far from the airstrip.”

Again I was taking notes. That could be a useful piece of information, as the place we are looking for, or at least one of them, would have an airstrip as part of the complex.

“Inside the garage we saw Anne again, and she gave us a speech on the international S&M call girl ring that we were now a part of. She introduced us to her husband Robert and her sadistic assistant Charlie.”

“Do you have their last names?” I asked

“Sorry, Agent McNeil, they were a little short on formal introductions that night. No one used last names. However we were introduced to their nice little toy that looked like a large steel sawhorse which had a hole in the middle of it. In turn, each of us were strapped to this thing and while our balls were being burned off through the hole, our right butt cheeks were being branded with our new names. I am sure you have seen that brand, Agent McNeil, and I assume you deem the name to be appropriate.” His voice was rising and cracking, tears forming.

“Stephanie, please.” Stacy pleaded

That last comment stung, and I had to fight the urge to defend myself. Paula just looked at me, trying to judge how I would respond, and I was trying to figure out the same thing.

Before I could come up with a response, Atkins continued. “I would like to be alone for a while if you don’t mind. I have covered the range of my current memories, and if I can remember anything else I will let you know. I have many things to think through and I would like to have some time to do so. Paula, if you and Agent McNeil would please excuse me?”

“Stephanie, we really need to talk some more, and we should not leave these hard feelings on the table.” Paula commented.

“Yes,” Atkins agreed, “we do need to talk some more, but not today. I would really like to have some time to digest what you all have told me and try to understand what it means to me. This is going to sound worse than it is meant to be, but I have had enough people manipulating my thoughts over the past years that I would really like to have some time to think for myself without the external influence.”

Paula considered that, then agreed “Yes, I think that may be best for right now. You have my office number, and you can always ask the nurse to fetch me.”

Paula stood and lightly tugged on my jacket sleeve as a hint that I was to get up as well. I knew the current discussions had degraded to the point nothing useful was going to follow, and I did have a few new pieces of information to work with so I rose as well.

“Stacy, could you stay for a little bit?” Atkins asked

I glanced at Stacy and she gave me the ‘I don’t know’ shrug, so I gave her a quick nod and followed Dr. Rienfelt out of the room without saying a word, closing the door behind me.

“Dan, you have a minute to join me in my office?” Paula asked once we were in the hall.

“Sure.”

We caught the elevator for the two floor descent and walked to Paula’s office without much conversation. I assumed that what she wanted to talk about was not meant for idle eavesdropping. I was also pretty sure the topic would be the battle of words that Atkins and I had just gone through. I was feeling regretful about pushing Atkins that hard, that had not really been my intention. I guess playing the role of the cop just comes natural. We entered Paula’s office and she offered coffee, which I accepted.

Her office was pretty large by most standards that I had seen at the hospital so far. She had a large executive desk that sat centered in the room, but towards the back. In front of the desk were three guest chairs and a couch scattered around the walls. Paula motioned me to the couch while she turned one of the guest chairs to face me and sat down.

“Dan, I don’t know how to ask this except for straight out, but are you sure your personal biases are going to allow you to work this case?”

The question was more or less expected, but still I could feel the anger start to boil within me. I had to deal with questions like this from Holiday, but not from Paula.

“Paula, I don’t want to sound combative, but I am not sure you really are in any position to question my ability to manage a case. I really did not mean for the conversation this morning to go where it did, but what happened is over, and we need to move forward.”

Paula sipped her coffee before responding “Mike Holiday was pretty concerned as to whether you would be able to approach this case objectively. He called me a couple of weeks ago to discuss it. He told me about your personal situation with your brother, and how he felt that may put the current activity in jeopardy.”

I was stunned. My boss was talking to the Psychiatrist on my case about my background and questioning my ability to be objective. This was way out of line, and I could feel the explosion in my temper building. I felt my face flush with both anger and embarrassment. My personal family issues were being dredged up and discussed with people outside the family.

I stared at Paula for a few seconds with some not so nice of words on the tip of my tongue. During that few seconds I realized there were a couple of ways to respond to this, and choosing the wrong one could do significant damage to my ability to stay on this case and my relationship with Paula and Holiday.

Instead of responding, I picked up my coffee and leaned back on the couch to think it through. Paula, being the professional that she was, sat and watched me, waiting for my response and offered no other thoughts.

“I don’t see how my personal life, which I would prefer was left out of this, has anything to do with this case and your patient.” I finally responded in what I hoped was a calm, level voice.

“It shouldn’t, and doesn’t.” Paula responded, “unless you allow it to, and that is something I think you need to be careful of. I think I saw a little bit of it this morning, and I wanted to caution you. However, that is not the reason I wanted to have this discussion, but maybe it has something to do with it.”

“Okay, so other than letting me know that you are spying on me for my boss, and you are talking about my family behind my back, what would you like to discuss?”

Paula ignored my opening jab as if it was not said .“I wanted to share with you my opinion on Stephanie, what I think she is going through, what I think she is thinking etc. Maybe I can give you some insight in how to judge her actions and responses.”

“Be my guest.” I am sure my voice was still a little testy, but I really didn’t like the idea of people talking about me behind my back.

Paula took a few moments to gather her thoughts while sipping her coffee. “Right now the biggest battle going on in her or his head is trying to understand if she is a she or if she is a he. I don’t think she really remembers, or understands how she made the transition from male to female. In her mind it was not something she would willingly do, yet it happened. Her memories don’t include the emotions that she was going through at the time, so she can’t reconcile the difference between being forced to do something and doing it willfully.

“The same is true for the sex part that occurred before she was taken. Neither Steve nor Stephanie believe they would have willingly participated in that activity. Yet, the memories are there to show she did. If she convinces herself, or someone else convinces her, that she was a willing participant in any or all of these activities it would be a major violation of her own self belief system.“

“What do you mean ‘self-belief system’? People lie to themselves and others all the time.”

“True, but, as in yourself, you believe you are a very objective person when working a case and study all angles. Any indication, either from yourself or someone else, that what you believe is not the case causes you to react. First off, defensiveness, and secondly, you start questioning yourself to make sure you still believe you are objective. “

Okay, she had a point there. I just went through it, maybe still going through it. I nodded my understanding.

“In Stephanie’s case, she does not believe she is capable of any of things she remembers. Transitioning to a girl, having sex with men, having public displays of sluttish behavior, etc. However, her memories are contrary to what she believes, and, like you, she is seeking the truth. If for some reason she starts to believe that she willingly did those things, then her entire belief system will be destroyed, her self-confidence will be shot, and she will become far and away her own biggest critic.

“This morning, when you started challenging her, I could see her self-confidence crumble, as obviously you did not think she was the person she thought she was, and that concept pained her. I could see her thought processes think that maybe you were right ,and she was not, and maybe all she is, is trash.”

“That wasn’t my intent at all.”

“Maybe not, but I am asking you to consider these things going forward. Stephanie is not the criminal you are looking for. Breaking her is not your goal. Perhaps a little extra compassion will get dividends on new information so you can find the real criminals here.”

I had to agree with her on that. Atkins was not the person or persons I was looking for. Beating Atkins down and making him/her feel worse about his/her self was not the goal, and would add no value. I knew this fact when the day started, so why did I challenge her this morning? Why did I just think of him as a her? Perhaps I not being as objective as I thought I was. Now I was questioning myself, and wasn’t that the point that Paula had just made? I was still pretty peeved about Rienfelt and Holiday comparing notes on me, and refused to let on that Paula had a point, but this was something I was going to have to think about.

“Okay, Doctor.” I responded after a moment “I see your point and I will consider it. Is there anything else?”

“Dan, there is no reason to get angry about this, we are all on the same team here.”

“Maybe, maybe not. I am not used to having people talk about me behind my back, and I am not sure I am going to get used to it. However, you do make some good points that I will need to consider. So, if there is nothing else?”

“No, I think that is everything,” Paula responded with a sign of resignation. “Give me a call anytime you have questions.”

“Thank you Doctor.” I set my coffee cup on the table and left.

Later, in the afternoon, I got a call from Stacy to just give me an update on her day with Atkins. No new information had been disclosed. All Atkins did was use Stacy as a sounding board concerning her options going forward. Stacy’s attitude towards me was pretty distant and cold. I think she felt I was attacking Atkins as well. I tried to broach the subject with her, and all she said was my attack was uncalled for and did some real damage. However, she would not elaborate, nor would she talk to me any further.

I was sitting on my patio having a beer and thinking about the day when my cell rang. It was Tina, who, proceeded to chew my butt for being an insensitive jerk. I argued that I was not insensitive. I couldn’t tell her that I had Atkins’ picture lying on my lap at the time. I decided I needed another beer.