Author's Note: Here's something that I've been working on for the last few months, on and off. I've got a few chapters finished, but it's more of a serial than a story that will take a while to complete. Photo Credit: Amye E.

Episode Three

When I got back from taking my last final, I started packing immediately. Brandon was going to give me a ride home for Christmas break so I didn’t have to sit in an SUV with Kelsey for an hour and a half.

My sister and I weren’t talking to each other after my explosion the previous Friday night. I’d had enough of dealing with her attitude and the way she treats me and until she apologized and made amends, she was persona non grata in my life.

Besides, Brandon was a lot cuter than her or Daddy. Time would be much better spent with him anyway.

I’d already packed my clothes and non-essential odds and ends over the week, leaving out only what I needed to exist on. So naturally my makeup and three outfits were still out. I couldn’t decide on what to wear with the funky weather we were having. One day it was eighty degrees and the next it was thirty.

Friday was a mid-fifties day so I showered and made sure I was groomed properly and smelled sweet before donning a sapphire blue long sleeved, cowlneck sweater dress with suede low heeled slouchy boots that made it most of the way up my calf. It exposed a little more leg than I normally showed, but I probably wouldn’t be seeing Brandon for the majority of the break and I wanted his mind firmly on me before we parted company.

Since the date on Friday, we’d spent a lot of time studying together for exams. It wasn’t romantic in the least, but it was also some of the best romantic time I’ve spent with a boy. I’m contradicting myself, I know.

The thing is, we were actually studying, but in doing so we were together. Occasionally I’d look up to see him watching me or he’d to the same to me. By the end of our sessions we’d have a little personal time that I thoroughly enjoyed. It was amazing how much I liked kissing him. It was totally different from when I kissed a girl, and I’m not sure I could explain how the types differed. I just knew when I was in his arms, being taken in such a way, I felt utterly feminine. There were no thoughts of being gay or what would happen in the future. There was just two people sharing a little of themselves for a measured moment.

Our togetherness never ventured to the point of impropriety and I was thankful for that. If that happened it would be much further down the road. Kelsey’s warning about pain had its effect on my mind. I was terrified of doing anything of the sort, but knew if I stayed the course that I would, eventually.

When I was finished, I sat at my desk chair and listened to some music while I did some light personal reading until I heard a knock on the door about two hours later.

I nearly bolted to the front door and stopped to get myself together so I wouldn’t look overeager.

Brandon was there, looking smart in a nice pair of jeans and one of those thick nautical sweaters. He took me in as I posed, using the door as a prop then he shook his head with a smile.

“How do you look so good all the time?”

I grinned at his approval as he leaned in for a light kiss. When he pulled back, I ran my thumb over the bottom of his lip as I thought briefly of taking him to my room for the rest of the afternoon. It was a quick fantasy, nothing I’d act on.

“The same way you always know what to say whenever you see me.”

Kelsey’s door closed behind me and I rolled my eyes.

Brandon looked up with resignation. “Still being unreasonable?”

Unreasonable was his way of saying bitchy. I nodded. “Can you give me a hand with my things?”

~O~

The middle seat of Brandon’s truck was officially mine, and my left leg was officially his whenever we went somewhere. It was a pleasant feeling to be claimed in that way. The action wasn’t anything caveman’ish, but when he had his hand on the inner middle of my bare thigh, I felt like I was his even though he still hadn’t claimed me as his girlfriend.

It was beginning to get frustrating. I knew he wasn’t seeing anyone else, because all of our free time was spent with each other, but I still wanted something more substantial. My lips were sealed though. I wasn’t going to be one of those cliché girls that want to tie a man down or ask for a deeper commitment. If he didn’t ask me by the beginning of the new semester though, I’d say something. I distinctly recalled that he wanted me to tell him things that he was supposed to do. I’d leave him with a month to play with before I said anything though.

Without that he was free as was I. The thought of him with anyone else, raised my ire as the thought of me being with some other guy made me ill. I wasn’t saying it was true love or anything, but I was attached, if that makes sense.

When we reached my house, Mom was out front in seconds, pulling me into a hug.

“Kayla!”

She took me in quickly before we hugged tightly.

“I missed you, honey,” she said.

“I missed you too, Mom.” Pulling away, I beamed at her. “I’ve got so much to tell you.”

Her eyes moved to the side and I could see she’d already spotted Brandon. Letting go of her, I went back to him and grabbed his upper arm firmly ensconcing myself at his side.

“Mom, I want you to meet my bo… um, uh… this is Brandon.” How embarrassing do you think that was? Any clue?

Mom’s face went into questioning mode before her eyes widened. “Kelsey’s Brandon?”

“No, mine!” Realizing how that sounded I tried to cover it up. “I mean… they broke up a while back.”

I was making a total buttface of myself.

Mom went quiet as they shook hands then she was all business. “Let’s get your luggage, Kayla.”

I made a hurt sound with my throat. “But…”

She cleared her throat rather rudely. “Thank you for bringing my daughter home, Brandon, but I think it’s best if we let you get home yourself.”

Looking up at him I saw resignation settle. “It’s okay, Kayla. I kind of expected this. Remember the kind of relationship Kelsey and I had.”

“But…”

“Look,” he said. “I’ll call you tonight and we can plan something, a date or whatever you want to do.”

My face was pinched. I’m sure it wasn’t a pretty sight. “Brandon,” I whined and whispered at the same time.”

“Kayla,” Mom snapped and I jumped.

“Coming.”

Brandon helped us bring my luggage in, but when I tried to go outside to give him a decent kiss goodbye, Mom wouldn’t let me. Instead I had to settle for a brotherly kiss on the cheek which was entirely lame, but it looked like he understood the situation, which was more than I could say for myself.

I stood at the window and watched as he drove away then I spun around. “How could you!”

She gave me a look I was quite familiar with, one that said I better lower my voice.

“I know about that boy and what Kelsey and he have been up to,” Mom said.

“Tcha! He’s not like that anymore. What, do you think we’re having sex at all hours and I’m ignoring school?”

The look she gave me said exactly that.

“I’m a virgin, Mother. Brandon hasn’t ever gone beyond kissing me, ever. What he and Kelsey got up to is none of my business, because it doesn’t affect me.”

“It does if you wind up with some incurable disease.”

I think I was seeing fire by that point because I have never went off on my mom.

“Just because Kelsey is a slut doesn’t mean I am.”

She pointed at me. “You’d better watch your mouth, young man, or have you forgotten about that as well. What do you think that boy is going to do to you when he finds out…”

I didn’t hear any more of what she said, because that first statement was like a knife in my chest. Pushing my way past her I ran to my room and locked my door. Finding an empty corner I slid my back down the wall and pulled my knees up, bawling my eyes out.

A few moments later there was a knock sounded. “Kayla… open the door.”

“Go away!” I half yelled half cried. “I hate you!”

~O~

A few hours had gone by while I contemplated calling Brandon and having him drive me back up to school. The Society House was finished for the most part. I could probably stay there over the winter break, because I didn’t want anything to do with my mother or my sister. Only God knew what Dad was going to say about the situation.

That’s why I didn’t unpack and simply sat on my bed with my iPod blaring while I held my cell, waiting for him to call. Behind the music, every once in a while, I could hear banging on my door, but I just yelled back that I was busy.

That didn’t stop my sister from picking the lock. It was one of those that only needed a small screwdriver to break in. The only thing that was close enough to throw at her was a pillow, so I didn’t bother.

“Get out,” I said as I pulled my ear buds free.

“Don’t be stupid. You’re acting like a twelve year old.”

“Kelsey, I swear…”

“It’s either me or Mom; your choice.”

“How about neither of you.” I stood to the opposite side of the bed and dropped the iPod, but kept my cell firmly in my hand. “How did I all the sudden become the pariah of the family. I’ve actually been the good one. I make good grades. I don’t stay out late getting drunk. I don’t even drink. I’m not a slu…” I thought better of saying that then continued my rant.

“Mom was totally rude to Brandon, pretty much called me a slut, and a liar because she thinks I’d hide my situation from him. Then she called me a young man. Seriously? Do you see a man anywhere in this room? She was totally behind this idea and now she’s throwing it in my face. I’m not a man! I’m a girl!”

The door opened and I saw my mother standing there.

“I don’t want to talk to you. Why can’t you two leave me alone!”

Kelsey closed her mouth with a snap and looked at me like I was losing it, which I probably was. With a turn, she exited the room and closed the door behind her while I started crying all over again.

By seven that night, I could barely keep my eyes open because I was so emotionally exhausted. Then another knock came at my door. By this time, I’d gotten my anger out, but I still managed a perfectly good whine.

“Go away.”

“Kayla, it’s me. Can I come in?”

Brandon!

“Oh my god! I’m a mess. No!”

“I don’t care what you look like. Please?”

Looking around for a bag to put over my head, I was at a total loss so I settled for a pillow to cover my face.

“Come in.”

When I heard the door close behind him I waited until he was close enough to drop the pillow and bury my face in his chest sobbing quietly.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” he crooned.

“No it’s not,” I said. “They’re so mean to me and I didn’t do anything.”

He brushed my hair with his fingers. “I know. Kelsey called and told me what happened. She and I had a talk with your mom and explained everything. She feels terrible, baby.”

I mulled that over for a moment, but it didn’t make me feel any better. In my head, moms were supposed to be accepting and understanding. I know that’s not the way that the real world works, but if she could be accepting of Kelsey making a B-C average and being a slut then why was she coming down so hard on me?

“Can you take me back to school?”

“No,” he said gently. “You need to stay here and work this out with your mother.”

I made an annoyed sound and buried my face further into him, trying my best not to get any of my streaked makeup on his sweater.

“Kayla, your mom suggested that you need to see a professional.” When I stiffened, Brandon held on. “I’m talking about a psychiatrist who specializes in gender issues.”

“I’m not crazy,” I said with a hurt sound to my voice.

“I never said you were, baby. The kind of doctor I’m thinking of is one that can help you figure out where you stand, and if he agrees with you about being a girl then he’s the one that can help you along, medically.”

“You mean the hormones that I can’t afford?”

He nodded, still brushing my hair. “Yes. And you won’t need to afford them. While you’re a student, your dad’s insurance might cover them. He’s supposed to look into it, but it’s already the weekend, so he can’t really do anything until Monday.”

I licked my lips. “How long have you guys been talking?”

“A while.”

Everyone sounded a little too well informed and I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about everyone in my business, but it was what I wanted so I didn’t make a stink about it. However, I’d have to set some boundaries soon. People have a tendency to push and see exactly how far they can go. Brandon has reached that point and my mom and sister have stepped over the line. My dad seemed to be keeping quiet on the issue so far, which I appreciated.

“Why don’t you go splash some water on your face and we can go talk to them together,” he said.

“I don’t want to talk to them. They really hurt me, Brandon.”

“Kayla…”

“I’m serious. I don’t want to talk to them tonight.”

~O~

Brandon stayed for just a bit longer, but since I wouldn’t let him look me in the face we had little to do except talk about what happened.

After he left I went to the bathroom and took off my incredibly destroyed makeup. I looked like a zombie afterward. After checking the hall to make sure nobody was lying in wait, I went back and bedded down for the night.

The next morning was less than stellar. I woke late and then sorted through my clothes for the one suit that I had. The skirt was wrinkled and I had to go to the kitchen in order to use the iron. It was already ten in the morning so Dad was in the garage doing something to the cars and Kelsey had another hour or so before she was due to awaken, but Mom was sitting at the breakfast table on her laptop.

“Good morning,” she said as I entered the kitchen.

I grunted and went to the utility room to set up the ironing board and iron. While I waited for it to heat up, I straighten the skirt. It was a high waist pencil skirt that, if worn properly would hit me right above the knees. I’d definitely have to wear my cincher for that particular item. The one thing I liked about it was I looked absolutely fantastic in the suit. The bad thing was that it was my only one and I’d worn it to the introductory meeting as well.

They’d have to understand that I wasn’t rich. It was the whole reason I needed a scholarship in the first place.

“Kayla…”

Mom stood at the doorway with a depressed look on her face.

“I’ve got a meeting with the SPFV at one o’clock regarding my scholarship standing,” I said. “Can you not make me cry again before then? My eyes are still puffy from last night and I don’t know if I can cover up the damage.”

She flinched slightly and then licked her lips. “Can I make you some breakfast?”

Why can’t she just leave me alone? “I’m not hungry.”

Her lips pursed. I could tell she wanted to say something else, but wound up holding her tongue instead. Cheers for me.

Ten minutes later, my skirt was pressed and I checked the faux double-breasted hourglass jacket that went with it. I loved the big black buttons that came to a vee-point right over my navel. It made my waist look a lot smaller than it actually was. With the cincher, it made my hips appear larger and much more flattering.

I ironed one wrinkle on it and then put everything back up before returning to my room to get ready.

Two hours later and a second attempt on my makeup produced the desired results. The one thing about my outfit, I could wear it with or without hose. Since I wasn’t a big fan of pantyhose — they always felt like they were inching down my butt — I chose hold up stockings instead. They always made me feel more feminine for some reason, and due to the heat, I very rarely got to wear them. Thank goodness for winter.

Once my four inch red patient faux leather heels were on, I felt very businesslike. I doubted most girls wore four inch heels to the office, but for the meeting they were perfect.

Grabbing my purse, I walked out to the living room and looked for Daddy. Mom was still sitting at the breakfast table and she saw me looking around.

“He had to run to the store,” she said. “I’ll take you to your meeting.”

I wanted to protest. Forty-five minutes in the car with my mother was going to be a nightmare. Looking back toward Kelsey’s bedroom, I frowned.

“She’s still asleep and unless you have cab fare then you’ll have to settle for me.”

Without saying anything, I nodded and headed outside to her Impala and got in the back seat. A few minutes later, Mom came out in a nice dress with her hair brushed out. It annoyed me how good she could look with minimal makeup. What took me two hours to achieve she could do in thirty minutes.

She paused for a moment and looked in the back at me before getting in and starting down the road.

“I thought we might have a late lunch afterward, just you and me,” she said.

Opening my purse, I took out my cell and pulled up Hannah’s number. “They’re serving lunch at the meeting. I have to watch my figure.”

And with that said I punched my friend’s number and chatted with her for the entire trip. Who says I can’t avoid confrontation?

When we pulled up in the parking lot, Mom found an empty space and I looked at her in a semi-panic.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m coming in with you,” she said. “I’m interested in how you are doing at school too, Kayla.”

“What? No!”

She gave me a look that informed me there would be no backtalk. “If you won’t talk to me then I’ll find out by other ways.”

My lips firmed. “Don’t embarrass me in front of them, Mom. My work and school are important to me. Don’t take this away from me too.”

Turning in her seat, she looked at me questioningly. “What have I taken away from you?”

I held up my hand, ticking off three fingers, and started to feel my eyes burn. “My boyfriend, my self-respect, and my femininity, all in the span of five minutes. I can’t imagine what you could do with a full hour.”

She looked away and I could see that she finally understood what she did to me the previous night. I may have been harsh, but I wasn’t going to have everything I’d worked so hard for, destroyed by anyone, even if they were related to me.

Without saying another word, I opened my door and stepped out, putting on as good as a smile as I could under the circumstances. When I reached the back of the car, I heard Mom’s door open. I stopped and turned back. It wasn’t a surprise that she decided to stay. Regardless of my current opinion of her, she’s never been one to back down from what she thinks is right. Maybe that’s where I got my drive from.

We walked up to the front door together and before I had a chance to grasp the handle, the door was opened by a girl in her early twenties dressed in a server’s uniform.

There was a nice buffet being set up in the sitting room to the right and we were directed to the larger board room, which was probably one a formal living room a little further to the back on the left. Inside was rectangular table, which I was familiar with from the last official visit I attended.

Mrs. Burke was the closest to the door and her warm smile immediately put me at ease.

“Kayla, welcome. You’re right on time.” When her eyes fell behind me I moved to the side. “And your mother as well. We always welcome the parents of our girls. There are a few chairs to the right here. Please make yourself comfortable.”

She took me by the elbow and led me around the desk to the far side in the middle so that everyone could get a good look at me I suppose and make sure I haven’t gotten any strange piercings or something unladylike.

Ten other ladies were there, all in their seventies and eighties it seemed, with Mrs. Burke at the head of the table as the eleventh.

I’d done my research on them before starting this whole thing. Most of them were very well-off retirees and all but two of them were widows. Each donated a small portion of their wealth to the SPFV for future endowments, but none of them held a candle to Mrs. Burke. This was her baby and everyone knew it.

When she sat down the various chatting came to a close.

“We’ve taken care of old and new business and as our newest scholarship recipient is with us it’s time to review her conduct and grade reports for any future endowment we seem fit to award.”

Like the last time I faced these ladies, my stomach was busy producing a large amount of butterflies. On top of the previous night’s drama and my mother’s added gift of stress for that morning, I was feeling particularly green, but I hid it as best as I could.

“Kayla’s reported grades have all been more than satisfactory, achieving a four-point-oh in all of her chosen classes. We await her final scores, but from what we’ve seen, I doubt there’s any room to worry about her commitment to her studies. Well done, my dear.”

Mrs. Burke smiled at me and I did so back to her.

“Thank you.”

She cleared her throat with a minor ahem. “Now, as to the various reports as to her behavior…”

My mother sat up and leaned forward. I almost scowled at her, but held myself back.

“Fifteen observation reports were submitted,” she began. My eyes went wide at the large number. I would have never thought I’d been observed even once. “and I’m troubled to report that none of them are anything less than a hundred percent positive.”

At the start of her sentence I was panicked. Obviously I’d been busted doing something I shouldn’t have been, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it was or even when. Then the last part put everything into a mess of confusion which I’m sure showed comically on my face.

“Kayla,” she said as she set the reports aside. “Every year that we’ve awarded this scholarship to someone we thought was a model for the ways of the SPFV, we’ve been proven wrong. Most of the girls fail within the first few weeks and none of them have made it through the first semester without succumbing to some sordid misdeed that caused us to invoke article nine of our contract.”

Article nine was the repayment clause of which I supremely paranoid over.

“We started awarding scholarships in the fall of 1985, so you can calculate for yourself the number of girls that have presented to us a false front in their belief of our Society’s goals. You are the first to make it this far and I must say that you have done so in the most explosive of ways.”

I looked around at some of the ladies present. Most were smiling proudly at me, all except for one at the other end of the table as she was nodding off in her seat.

“Instead of simply adhering to standards of our charter which behooves us to encourage at least one person a day to explore their feminine side in a simple way, Kayla has recruited others to our cause. In turn, they have done the same. As of this morning, I received an email from one Avery Woodstead, a founding member of the newly formed Society Club at the university Kayla attends.”

Oh crud. I forgot to check my email. What happened?

“She was pleased to report the addition of two more members bringing the total to forty-five.”

Pleased murmurs sounded around the table as I grinned at Avery’s efforts. She really is a very charismatic speaker. It was with no shock that she brings in almost as many people as I do.

“Fifteen of these girls, in the coming semester, will be living at our newly renovated Society House located off campus. They will be supporting each other and those around them in feminine solidarity. What we want to know, little Kayla, is if you will be there as a shining example of what the SPFV created for in the first place?”

I smiled brightly and nodded as I felt my eyes burn at her belief in me. “Yes, Mrs. Burke. With your support, I’d love to be there.”

She beamed back at me. “Agatha, give her a tissue, or she’ll spoil that pretty face.”

The lady next to me, Agatha I guessed, produced a small pack of travel tissues, pulling one out and handing it to me. I thanked her and dabbed at the corners of my eyes, trying my best not to cry. I was going back to college with their full support. I hadn’t screwed up!

There was one thing I was confused about though. Why was she troubled at the reports? At that point, I didn’t care. She could be troubled all she wanted as long as I got to go to school and be with my friends, and Brandon as well.

~O~

The meeting went on for a few more minutes while we set a precedent and ironed out the stipulations for the following semester, but it was all academic stuff that we’d done before, so it went quickly.

Once everyone was dismissed to the front for lunch, Mrs. Burke held me back. Some of the other ladies kidnapped my mother which was fine with me as long as she kept her conversation on innocent topics.

“Kayla,” she said. “Come down here. Sit by me.”

I nodded and clicked my heels on the gleaming hardwood until I was seated beside the chairperson of the SPFV. She looked tired.

“Don’t look at me that way,” she said playfully. “These things take a lot out of me nowadays. It’s not as easy as it was thirty years ago when I could just go check up on my girls at the campus. Now we pay people to do that. Fifteen glowing reports, Kayla!” She patted my hands which were on the table in front of me. “I’m so proud of you.”

The warmth I felt when she said that, erased almost all my trouble from the previous night. “Thank you.”

She scoffed. “You have nobody to thank but yourself, young lady. You’re the one that earned every bit of this scholarship and then some. You are such a good example for other girls out there, just starting off in this world on their own.”

“My friends help a lot, Mrs. Burke. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without them.”

“I know dear.”

With a final squeeze she closed her eyes and basked in an unseen light. “I’ve waited so long to see a glimmer of hope for the women of today. Each year it seems worse and worse.” She laughed to herself. “You should have seen me when those awful back tattoos became the rage. Tramp stamps indeed!”

I was a little more tolerant of that I suppose. Tattoos didn’t bother me as long as they were tasteful and not gigantic or anything, but I understood her fears and sympathized with her.

“A final bit of business and I’ll let you go be pestered by a bunch of nosy old ladies.”

Mrs. Burke opened the leather portfolio in front of her and withdrew an envelope before switching over to her professional persona once more.

“I’ve been contacted by a few people, Kayla. Word has gotten out about us, via your club, it seems.”

Before I could ask if it was something I did, she waved me down. “Nothing bad, I assure you. A few crackpots thinking we’re subverting feminist rights. It’s nothing that I haven’t dealt with in one form or another for decades. I just wanted to let you know that there have been positive responses as well.”

Holding my manicured hand against my breast I said with relief, “Oh, good.”

She nodded. “What can you tell me about a girl by the name of Carrie Williams?”

I blinked for a moment until her face came to me. “Oh… Carrie was at the party I was at near the beginning of the year, the one we talked about when I was here last week. We didn’t interact, but she’d overheard some of what I was telling the other girls. A couple of weeks later she contacted me through Samantha and I met with her at the Student Union.”

I wrinkled my nose as I remembered. “She wore those awful cut up clothes and had multiple facial piercings. Carrie is really into the alternative scene.”

Mrs. Burke watched me with rapt attention, nodding in understanding in all the right places.

“We talked, that was it. Some of it was about the Society, but mostly it was just about college life and high school, stuff like that. I tried calling her back a week later because I hadn’t heard from her, but her roommate said she’d dropped out of school.”

A sudden realization came over me. “Oh my gosh! It wasn’t because of something I said was it?”

Mrs. Burke patted my hand again. “It had nothing to do with you, Kayla, and a lot to do with you. Her father contacted me regarding your conversation with Carrie. I’m not going to betray confidences, but she’s had a troubled childhood. It’s nothing awful, just not the best circumstances.”

Relief let me lose the tightness in my stomach at coming to the conclusion I made her quit school in some way.

“From what I can see, dear, you were the right influence at exactly the right time in her life. She was going downhill even further, but found you instead. She left school so she could go home and start over fresh. Carrie will be returning to campus in the spring and she will be staying at the Society House.”

That sort of shocked me. I’m the one in charge of screening girls who’ll be living there and this was the first I’d heard of it.

“Mr. Williams made a sizable donation to the SPFV for our efforts, and he wants me to pass a message on to you. Whatever it is you are doing, young lady, keep doing it.”

She looked to the ceiling. “In the words of my Herbert, God bless his old soul, Words are nice. Cash is nicer.”

Mrs. Burke slid the envelope to me. “You’ll find his check has been deposited and control of the account is under your discretion, and there’s also a little extra something from me personally.”

My breath caught in my chest. “Mrs. Burke… you can’t…”

“Young lady, I’m eighty-three years old, I can do what I darn well please,” she said with a smile. “Now, the account is for your efforts on campus, a petty cash fund if you want to call it that. It’s for emergencies or necessities for the house that you will see fit to regulate. We’ll need receipts for tax reasons, so you’ll need to keep up with those.

The cash card inside is from me, for you personally. Update your wardrobe. You’re the face of the SPFV from this day forward and I won’t have my girls in anything but the latest feminine fashions. Keep up the good work and you’ll find another card for each semester you continue your education. Personally, I hope you go for a doctorate.”

~O~

A state of disbelief was how I spent the ride home after lunch. Mom had made her rounds to find out that all the ladies knew of me, from the reports I assumed and from the reaction I saw on her face as she talked to them I figured she was as stunned almost as much as me.

Once we reached the halfway point, I guess she thought she’d try again with me.

“I’m sorry I misjudged you, Kayla. I’m also sorry that I hurt you so badly. That wasn’t my intention.”

I continued to stare out the window, thinking about Mrs. Burke.

“You’re a different person than you were in high school. I should have seen that. Instead I thought another daughter had gotten away from me and… well, made the same decisions as her sister.”

I snorted softly to myself. The thought of spending a good portion of the day on my back with my legs in the air, like Kelsey, was almost insulting.

“Mrs. Burke allowed me to read the fifteen reports on your activities and she told me about a girl named Carrie.” There was a lengthy pause. “I’m very proud of you, sweetie.”

With a sigh, I closed my eyes and knew I should just forgive her so I could have some peace and quiet at home.

“Mom?”

She looked in the rearview mirror at me.

“Can we go shopping?”

~O~

The look on Kelsey’s face was priceless. She was sitting on the couch, watching TV — should I even bother with telling you that anymore; it’s pretty much the only thing she does — when I walked in loaded down with bags bearing the Ann Taylor name on the outside.

I went a little crazy, what can I say?

Spending the majority of my time there and some of the shoe stores in the mall was fantastic therapy. I finally understood what girls liked about it so much.

Anyway, Kelsey’s mouth dropped open and I saw how she watched me from the front door until I disappeared down the hall to my room.

Harsh whispers were heard by yours truly, mainly because I was really listening for them.

“How come she gets to go shopping at Ann Taylor when she gets mad and I have to go to Wal-Mart?” Kelsey whined.

Mom came back just at quick. “Because she paid for everything. When you can afford the higher end stores, I’ll be more than happy to take you as well.”

“What? She’s broke. She spent her last dollar on that outfit for her date on Friday.”

“Her scholarship committee chair was so impressed by how well your sister did with her extracurricular activities that she was given a debit card that was loaded up. Perhaps if you were to follow her example some of that windfall may drop in your direction, Kelsey.”

I pumped my hand in the air and yelled a whispered, “Yes!” It was petty, I know, but I’d always been the one that was supposed to follow her example. It was so satisfying to hear the reversal of roles.

Without stalling anymore, I made my way out to the front again with a smile on my face. Kelsey’s face looked seriously pained.

“There’s more?” she said with disbelief.

I just showed her my teeth in response.

Several shoe boxes were hauled in and my sister nearly lost it when I went back for a third time. I just heard a door slam in the distance when I went out for my single Victoria’s Secret bag which I really could have brought in with the second load, but I was wearing four inch heels for goodness sake. Why take the chance. Besides, it was a big bag.

Instead of emptying my suitcases, I hung up all my new clothes. I really didn’t go that crazy. My afternoon shopping spree consisted of five dresses, two suits, various undies, three pair of shoes and a pair of boots, as well as a bath, grooming, and perfume set from VS.

That was just the beginning. I was going to have a brilliant winter break.

Going through my suitcases, I tossed aside clothes that I was seriously sick of and wound up keeping a few outfits that I had grown attached to. The rest went to the bags for donation. Some other girl, or boy for that matter, could probably use them. They were still in good shape.

After that was finished I finished unloading the rest, trying on a few things again, just to see how they looked in normal light and not that fake type they have at the stores that almost always show clothes in the best possible way. Switching from outfit to outfit, my inner Kayla grew more confidant and self-assured. They were my clothes, purchased by me, with money I sort-of earned. Nothing was donated.

I wasn’t a secondhand girl anymore and the feeling that thought brought from within me was so incredibly satisfying that I went off in my thoughts about what it would be like to dump all the padding and have a real female body. Turning to the side, I brought my hands up and cupped my breast forms, not feeling my hands touch anything real was disappointing.

Sliding them down over my abdomen and over my hips, I felt the falseness there as well. Then lastly, my hand went over where I had tucked myself away, fantasizing its presence gone and in its place what should have been there.

Beyond all the melodrama, I knew at that point what I wanted to happen. Kevin had disappeared and in his place Kayla took over. He didn’t exist anymore and I never wanted to see him again. I wanted Kayla to stay long after I graduated college. I wanted to complete whatever process it took to make me into as much of a girl as I could be.

~O~

Staying with the final outfit, a three-quarter sleeve navy and white horizontal stripes with a nice crewneck, I slipped a pair of pantyhose up my legs — I said I liked stockings better, not that I’d never wear hose — and settled the dress over the top. The hem barely reached mid-thigh, definitely the most risqué I’d ever worn and most probably my upper limit as far as propriety went. My legs looked much better and felt almost energized as I stepped into the matching three inch pumps and added a few accessories to my fingers and wrists.

With every action I cemented my resolve. I knew what I wanted and in true diva fashion, I wanted it now. However, I realized my limitations. No matter how much money Mrs. Burke put on my debit card, that money was for my wardrobe and things to promote the way I look for the Society, not for hormones, or for surgeries. I had to put my mind to work to figure out a way to earn a lot of money. My future was set. I was going to become the girl I was meant to be, and that was that.

Kelsey was coming out of her room as I was exiting mine. She took one look at me and stopped.

“Where are you off to now? More shopping?”

I shook my head. “No, although I’ll need some new casual clothes and I’m thinking of getting highlights in my hair tomorrow.”

She crossed her arms underneath her breasts. “Then why are you all dressed up?”

I looked down at myself. “I’m not. A girl should always look her best, Kelsey. You never know when you’re going to be the center of attention, and frankly I love to look my best.”

All this was said as I eyed her ratty short shorts, orange camisole with an old pizza sauce stain between her breasts, and her bare feet. With a smile denoting pity, I turned and headed to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

Daddy was back from whatever it was he was doing all morning and watching college football on TV. I heard him crush his beer can and toss it into the little trashcan he had beside his recliner, so I stopped and turned.

“Do you need another beer, Daddy?”

He glanced over at me and took in the outfit and heels. “Uh…”

“I can get it for you. You just relax and watch your game. Would you like a sandwich too?”

His mouth closed and then opened again with a look of shoe-droppage in the near future. “Sure.”

I smiled brightly at him and turned to the kitchen. Mom was doing something at the kitchen table that involved a map, a pencil, and her laptop. I didn’t bother to look more interested.

“Didn’t you just eat a couple of hours ago, Kayla?”

I nodded as I pulled out a sub roll and set it in the toaster over. “This is for Daddy.”

Her eyebrows rose and lips parted. “Let me get this right, just for clarification’s sake. You’re in a nice dress and heels, in the kitchen, making a sandwich for your father.”

“Don’t forget the beer too. He’s busy watching the game.”

“Kayla,” she said with a bit of warning in her voice. “Please don’t get your father into habits that he’s going to expect in the future. You’ve just fulfilled a very bad stereotype for women.”

A giggle escaped my mouth as I gathered the ingredients needed. “He didn’t yell, ‘woman, get me a sammich and a beer.’ I asked him if he wanted one.

“Just as long as you’re the one that did it.”

“I was. Don’t worry.” When the bread was toasted, I brought up the subject that Brandon said they were talking about the previous day. “Mom? When Brandon was here he mentioned that you were thinking about me seeing a psychiatrist?”

I saw her body stiffen slightly for an oncoming argument. “Yes.”

“I think it’s a good idea.”

She relaxed, but still kept an air of wariness. “You do?”

Spreading the mayo on the bread I nodded. “I want to look into gender reassignment and see if I’m a good candidate.”

“Honey, that’s a big step.”

“I know, but it’s what I want. You can’t argue that Kevin was a better person than I am.”

Mom closed her laptop and sat down facing me. “That’s not the point. Kevin was… you were a good son and you’re a good daughter. This would be a major life change for you.”

“Not really. The only thing that would change would be things about my body. I’m already living my life as a normal college girl. It’s called a life test or something like that. It’s supposed to be one of the final steps. I’ve done things out of order, officially, but the results are the same. I don’t plan on going back to being a boy. Kayla is here to stay.”

She looked like she wanted to argue the point; but seriously, even she had to realize I was right.

“Anyway,” I said. “I just wanted to give you a heads up so you’ll be prepared. This is something that I want.”

“Does this have something to do with Brandon? Is he forcing…”

I spun on her, my eyes widening. “No. He’s asked about my plans, but that’s all. You really need to get this idea out of your head that he’s some sort of sex maniac.”

She grabbed her forehead with one hand and rubbed at it. “Kayla, boys don’t change their personalities overnight.”

“I know that. But there’s something you need to know too. Hold on a second and let me take this out to Daddy.”

Cutting the large sandwich in half, I set it on a plate and added some chips to the side. Grabbing a beer from the refrigerator, I walked out to the living room and handed all the goodies over.

“Thanks honey.”

“You’re welcome, Daddy.”

He was waiting for the bad news that would usually accompany something like this, but I just smiled at him and went back to the kitchen and closed the door behind me, leaving him to his game.

I poured my tea that had finished heating and went to sit at the table cattycorner to my mother. Crossing my legs, I made sure my posture was good and I looked at her.

“Mom, Brandon likes sex.” I watched her reaction and she was putting on a good front. “I understand that. However, from the first time I met him, he’s always treated me with respect because I demand it from others around me. Kelsey doesn’t. They were sex partners and that was it. They didn’t have some deeper meaning to their relationship and they never hid that fact.”

I could see she really didn’t understand.

“If sex ever happens between Brandon and myself, it will be because we want to deepen our relationship and show affection to one another beyond the simple ways. I don’t even know if he’s the one, yet, so that isn’t going to be any time soon, believe me.”

She was still confused. “Honey, since when are you gay? You showing up with Brandon was the first I’ve heard of it.”

“I’m not gay, Mom. I’m a girl now and I like boys. That makes me heterosexual. I just don’t have all the parts that will make that a reality.”

The concept seemed to be hard for her to comprehend. “Do you still like girls?”

I looked down at my tea and nodded. “Between you and me, I’m bisexual, I think. But I don’t plan on exploring that side of me. The Society has a problem with that lifestyle and besides I’m a fan of monogamy. If I’m with Brandon then that precludes me from being with anyone else of either gender.”

“Oh, honey…” Mom had that expression on her face like I didn’t have a clue what I was getting into, but I’d find out soon enough. “I hope things work out the way you want.”

~O~

Monday came and while Dad said psychiatrists were covered under his insurance, he had to talk to the provider to see if anything else was. Considering the time of year, none of the doctors that were in the network were taking new patients until January and by that time I’d be back at school, so I spent a lot of time looking around online for a decent doctor in that area.

Kelsey stayed away from me for most of the holiday, Christmas came and I celebrated in my best green and red finery, with big hair and a cute Santa’s helper hat. Brandon even came by and we exchanged simple gifts.

I was still confused about the whole girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic since he still hadn’t asked me yet, but I didn’t want to spoil any time we spent together.

When he asked me what I was doing for New Year’s Eve, I smiled. “That’s my birthday; the big one-eight.”

“Oh…” he said. “My parents are hosting a party and I was going to ask you if you wanted to come to it. But I guess…”

My heart fluttered slightly. “You want me to meet your parents?”

Brandon looked at me strangely. “Well, yeah, of course. I mean, you’re my girlfriend and all.”

I let my eyebrows lift in amused surprise. “When did that happen?”

“What… what do…?” He made a disgusted sound. “I can’t believe I never asked you.” Taking my hand he moved a lot closer to me and kissed it. “Kayla, can you forgive a stupid man and accept his offer of boyfriendship?”

I narrowed my eyes with humor. “Is that an actual word?”

“It is today.”

“Okay, but only if you kiss me right now.”

His face turned all serious. “Really? Conditions?”

I nodded. “Yep. I can’t accept if you don’t kiss me. And it has to be a long meaningful kiss with lips, tongue, and everything.”

Closing the distance to what had to be a couple of millimeters. I felt his warm breath on my face and it smelled inviting. “Well, okay. If I have to.”

“You have…” I didn’t get to complete the sentence because his hands went up cradle my face and his lips connected with mine.

I trembled under his touch, feeling so hopelessly lost in the moment that I couldn’t remember everything we did after he backed away. The only thing that lingered was the feeling of happiness.

~O~

“Oh gosh, I should have went with the Nightline dress. This shows too much skin.”

My mother was apparently a saint in a previous life for having to put up with me. “It’s perfectly fine for a formal event, Kayla. Now relax or you’re never going to be ready for your date.”

One of my birthday presents was the full treatment at my mother’s salon. I’ve been waxed, shaped, painted, colored, cut, shaped again, and made up perfectly. The only thing that was waiting for me was the Dashing Diva Asymmetrical Glitter Dress in royal blue, my Allure Mirage four inch sandals with ruffles of all things, and all the amenities. It shouldn’t have taken me fifteen minutes to put everything on, but I was so nervous about meeting Brandon’s parents that I was making a production out of everything.

The new body shaper I was wearing was amazingly tight in the waist, giving me better curves than nature intended for a girl who was born in the body of a boy. For that I was grateful. Come January, I was already prepared to bring the corset back in style once again. I was going to have an hourglass figure if it killed me. For the party I had to settle with something close to what I wanted.

Forty-five minutes later and the doorbell was ringing as Mom was putting the final touches to my hair. I got the highlights I wanted and new extensions to lengthen it down to the upper part of my lower back. Having hair that long felt so incredible and I couldn’t wait until it was my natural hair, but that may take a few years.

“How do I look?” I said with fear in my voice. Mom frowned slightly and I almost panicked. “What? What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think I can let you out looking like that. You wouldn’t even have to try to seduce him. He’d just follow you around like a little puppy begging for scraps.”

“Mooom!”

She sighed. “I’ll go get him ready, and I want pictures, so don’t come out for a couple of minutes.”

I must have checked everything a dozen times over to make sure I was as perfect as I could be before I opened my bedroom door and exited down the hall. Brandon was posing for my mother when he saw me. The most divine smile rose on his lips and from where I was standing I could see his eyes glaze over.

“Kayla…”

All the trouble that I went through, all the stress I suffered was for naught because of that look in his eyes. As gracefully as I could, I strode over to him and offered my cheek to him for a welcoming kiss. Mom snapped a dozen or more pictures and we were finally able to escape.

Brandon’s truck was missing. Instead he told me that he’d borrowed his father’s BMW so I wouldn’t have to climb in and out. Regretfully it was stocked with separate seats so I couldn’t sit next to him.

“You look unbelievable tonight” he said.

“Thanks. You don’t think it’s too much?”

“You’re perfect.”

I could have purred.

Thirty minutes later we were driving up to his parent’s house, which would better be described as a small mansion. He insisted that I wait until he was able to get around the car to let me out. Turning to the side, I unfolded my legs, which looked much longer with the heels and the shortness of the dress. Again I’d outdone myself with how short I’d go. The majority of party dresses I’d tried on were minis, while this one wasn’t exactly that short, it was close.

As I took his hand I caught a glimpse of his slacks tenting more than normal and that shot a jolt of pride through me. I wasn’t surprised that I wanted Brandon to want me. I would suppose most girls desire that feeling.

“You have a beautiful house,” I said.

“Thanks.”

When we made it inside, I looked around. There was a catering crew there getting everything ready. “Where are your parents?”

He shrugged. “Out someplace getting ready I guess. Mom said they’d be back by seven.”

It was only six. “I guess you’ll have to find some way to entertain me until then.”

I had my makeup with me because I knew there would be some serious kissing involved somewhere along the line. I wasn’t wrong.

Brandon’s room was on the second floor at the end of the hall and that’s where we spent the next thirty minutes getting some practice in for the big event that night. My lips felt swollen, but satisfied at his attention and he had something that was swollen as well and it was pressing against my abdomen.

Getting into the spirit of things and having to know if certain fantasies matched reality, I let my hand drift lower until I was in contact with his length through his slacks.

“Mmmmm,” he nearly groaned when I touched him. Pulling away from my lips he whispered harshly. “Don’t do that unless you can finish, baby. You’re driving me crazy.”

My hand snapped back when I realized exactly how big Brandon was and that Kelsey wasn’t lying about that aspect during her attempts to scare me.

He froze for a second and I was almost horrified about how far I’d taken things. I may have thought of myself as a girl, but there was no way I was ready for something like that.

“Brandon… I’m… I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

His face was red and I could see a moderate amount of anguish lounging about, making me feel even more guilty for teasing him to that point. Looking down at the bulge, I made a firm decision to escape at the first opportunity.

Brandon groaned, but held his hand up. “It’s okay. I made this decision going into this relationship. Just… just give me a few minutes.”

I winced and grabbed my purse. “I’ll go fix my face.”

He didn’t say anything to that and I hastily retreated to the bathroom.

~O~

“So you’re the young lady that has my Brandon in such a tizzy,” his mom said.

“Mooom,” my boyfriend groaned.

I squeezed his upper arm. “My mom does the same thing, honey. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

She grinned at me. “Well it’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Kayla. Sweetheart, have you seen your brother around?”

Brandon shook his head. “He supposed to be here at eight with Nikky.”

She gave him a grin back and then looked at me. “Get Kayla a drink, sweetheart. If I know your manners, she’s probably dying of thirst by now.”

Once we had sodas in hand, Brandon was perusing the buffet for something to snack on and we were alone, for the most part.

“I’m really sorry about earlier.”

He looked up at me and shook it off. “Don’t worry about it. The good things are worth waiting for. It was just a little abrupt ending like that.”

The guilt on my side of things was almost overwhelming and I so understood how much pressure girls were under to just give in and have sex. What made it worse was that I knew how things were from the guy’s side as well. They just didn’t get why it was such a big deal; sex was sex. It was seriously fun and it made you feel good. So why hold back?

“Still,” I said. “I know better. I shouldn’t have even let us get to that place. Here I am trying to talk other girls into being paragons of virtue and the next thing you know, I’m feeling up my boyfriend.”

I could see he was mildly amused by the smile on his face and the restrained chuckle. “It’s good to know you’re not perfect.”

Okay, that was seriously sweet of him. “I’m way far away from perfect, Brandon.”

He shook his head and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Not so far.”

~O~

I got to meet his father, who seemed to enjoy my dress almost as much as his son did. As the guests arrived I was introduced as Brandon’s girlfriend which I savored every moment of. A couple of his old high school girlfriends attended with their parents. I didn’t receive any scowls from them, but they were extremely interested in how attentive Brandon was being toward me.

The second time he left to get me a drink and some appetizers, one of them was right there, Amanda I think her name was.

“He’s smitten; that’s for sure.”

I turned to her. “Pardon me?”

“Brandon. I’ve seen him with many girls over the years — we grew up together. Usually it’s his girlfriend that hovers over him and now it’s the other way around for once. What’s your secret?”

With a smile I answered. “I’m a Society girl. We have standards about the way we behave, dress, and act. Brandon likes it. In fact a lot of guys at school like it.”

Her eye thinned as she looked like she was trying to recall something. “I know you don’t mean high society. Is this a club or something?”

I nodded. “I belong to the Society to Promote Feminine Values. There’s an offshoot club at school that a few girls and I started.”

“Feminine values? This isn’t some sort of women’s lib thing from the seventies is it?”

A giggle escaped my lips. “Not quite. While we are all for women being afforded the same rights as men, we promote remaining a lady throughout. No bra burning for us. Ever since I joined, my life has been nothing but satisfying.”

She hooked her arm through mine and steered me toward a quieter area of the room. “Tell me more.”

My boyfriend dropped off my drink and a small plate of goodies, but seeing I was talking Society stuff, he excused himself to mix with some of his friends from high school.

Amanda’s eye lit up. “How did you do that?”

“Do what?”

With her glass in her grasp, she pointed a finger at Brandon. “He didn’t make a face or anything when he heard what we were talking about. That isn’t the Brandon I know. Pardon me, but that boy is a horndog, or at least he used to be when I knew him.”

“He’s changed. I encourage more respect from the men I date. He understands this, and he also knows that the Society is very important to me.”

Her eyes widened as she looked back and forth between us. “Okay, seriously, tell me more.”

~O~

On the way home, even though I was seated further away than normal, Brandon’s hand was firmly entrenched on my bare thigh and I couldn’t be more content with my life. Well, I probably could be, but for the moment it was perfect.

“I’m leaving for school early so I can make sure the house is set up the way I want it,” I said.

“That’s right. New digs and you’re the house mother or something like that?”

“First Lady,” I commented with some amount of dread at my title. “And yeah, it pretty much amounts to being a house mother.”

He grinned and squeezed my thigh. “Do I get an official tour?”

“Of course. Come by any time before the girls get there and you can see everything. Afterward though, you’ll have to follow the rules just like every other boy.”

“Like what?”

“Males only get access to the house at certain times and only in a single room up front. No guys anywhere else in the house.”

He faked choking. “I guess you’ll have to come outside then.”

“I have to set an example, Brandon. There’s a lot more people watching me than you think.”

I felt the car slow a little as he eased up off the accelerator. “Watching you?”

I nodded. “When I went in for my scholarship eval, I found out there were fifteen separate reports on people observing me. Of course since I always live up to the SPFV standards they had nothing but good things to say, but still, it’s kind of creepy that someone might be watching.”

He considered that for a few moments. “Well, I still have my place so you can visit there.”

With a smile, I agreed.

“Are you sure this is all worth it, Kayla? The spying on you I mean.”

“Big time. I wouldn’t be in college if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have found out about myself, and most of all I wouldn’t have met you.”

“Good point.”

He brushed his hand up and down my leg coming to a stop very close to a sensitive place. For once, I didn’t take his hand away, enjoying the feeling of being his girl.

We pulled into my subdivision and eventually into my driveway where he killed the engine and we sat for a moment.

“I had a great time today,” I said. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“It was my pleasure.”

Before I could get any more ideas about a repeat makeout performance in the front of his car, I reached for the door handle.

“Oh, wait. Let me get that.”

In a few seconds Brandon was around the side and assisting me out of the car. “You look so beautiful tonight, Kayla.”

My face flushed at the compliment as he walked me up to the front door and gave me a very nice kiss goodnight.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered and came in for a goodnight kiss which I more than welcomed.

When I felt things starting to heat up, I slowed down and gently broke away with a smile on my face.

“Night, Brandon,” I said as I gave him a finger wave.

I watched him walk back to his car before I let myself inside. By touching him in an inappropriate spot, I’d made a decision to escalate our relationship that night. It was probably a seriously bad idea, but that’s what I get for putting myself in that position to begin with. I didn’t regret what we did, don’t misunderstand me. I just wished I had better restraint and saved it for a time when we didn’t have to hide it.

Being a girl was a lot more challenging than I’d come to believe.

TBC...