Synopsis:

First Christmas - short. Nicole faces her first Christmas.

Story:

FIRST CHRISTMAS
A short vignette.

By Itinerant
Edited by Amelia R.

Biographer's Note: This is Nicole's story. It covers those events and people she finds notable in her life and chooses to share. If you have problems with it, take it up with her. I'm just a glorified stenographer.

**********
Monday, December 25, 2000

During her entire stay at the cabin, the weather had not varied -- always pleasantly warm at every time of day. Nicole adopted the hilltop as her thinking place and refuge.

Two weeks. Only two weeks left to wait before re-entering the real world. This time last week she'd have bemoaned that fact, now she felt nothing either way.

And on top of it all it was Christmas.

~Merry Christmas. Be still, my beating heart. Whoopie.~

She flipped a small stone at a tree.

Yesterday she had left early and directly from the barn to avoid Michael after taking care of the horses. They were both skittish these days, able to sense the emotional turmoil. The filly glued herself to Nicole when she was around, the horse trying to offer what comfort she could. She felt sorry for the horse, knowing something was wrong yet unable to understand what. It was comforting to have that source of unconditional love right now. *Someone* she trusted to accept her for who and what she was who didn't care what she was six months ago.

Two more weeks.

She sat and stared out at the forest. Another stone went flying, pinging off the trunk of another tree.

*****

Her hearing was getting sharper, or whoever was trying to make some noise so as not to surprise her. She listened to the noises as they approached. They had a long stride, so it was probably Michael.

~So, now what do I do? I'm not so much angry at Michael as disappointed, and he probably, no definitely, knows that.~ She sighed. ~Play it by ear time.~

Michael walked up the last turn of the path, trying to make enough noise not to startle his charge. She knew he was there, that was clear from the slight tension in her shoulders. He walked up and sat on the boulder beside her. As with the first time, he gave her time to see if she would begin the conversation. He had little hope of it happening this time though. Six days ago the relationship they’d shared had been shattered by a cruel remark made by Artemis. Before Nicole had been warm, lively, and humorous; now she was distant from both her housemates. "I missed you yesterday," he began.

~Showtime! There's no way to evade. No way I want to face that anger again.~ She shuddered at the memory, then squared her shoulders. "My Lord, I have a situation to deal with, and since you seem to be part of it I decided to forgo company. I couldn't talk with you about it, so I went up the chain and told your boss what was on my mind. He didn't say anything, but at least He listened."

He sighed, having heard the whole story from Him. Dealing with the repercussions was his problem. "Nicole, I wronged you terribly by not correcting Artemis' attitude. It was inexcusable, and I am truly sorry for both my failure and the hurt you suffered because of it. I can only ask your forgiveness and ask for a second chance."

Nicole sat quietly for a time. He’d said precisely the right thing. She couldn't *not* forgive. "Do you really understand? You were the parents for my new life. I need someone to teach me all the things a woman needs to know and help me over the emotional adjustments. It's all new and exciting and scary. I couldn't have been happier to have you two there to help. And I believed there was more than just pure duty, that you both really meant something when you called me 'daughter'." Her voice began to rasp as tears burned, though not yet falling. "And then I find the truth is that the one I had taken closest to my heart looks at me as a monster; she rejects me and all I am trying to do." She reached for a handkerchief to wipe the tears away.

"My...." She stopped and began again, "Michael, I don't know if I can properly forgive you two. I *want* to forgive *you*, but the hurt is so deep I'm not sure I can let go as I should. I really want to get back to 'daddy' again. I really want to. I need you." She turned and gave him a weak smile, lips quivering with the emotional strain and grief.

"I know -- I just hope we can get back to you letting me call you 'daughter' again. Thank you for trying to forgive. That's the best Christmas present I think you could give right now, and I am thankful for it. May I give you a hug now?" He waited for the redhead to settle and respond.

"Yes, please. I think I miss those most of all. This loneliness is more than I can take."

The angel reached around her, her arms returned the gesture, and a bridge began to rebuild.

The two sat looking over the forest, basking in a closeness they each had missed.

Nicole felt some of the pressure in her heart ease. For the moment, the link Michael had with her seemed two-way. She felt the shame he had for his failure and the sincerity of his apology. She felt the depth of love he had for her. She snuggled in closer. "Merry Christmas, Daddy."

Michael sensed the ebb and flow of her emotions. He knew much repair remained, and he appreciated the peace offering. He shifted to look at her face and, as she looked back, he quirked an eyebrow in question. She nodded, giving permission for the word and accepting the restoration of trust. He smiled and held her close again. "Merry Christmas, daughter."

Notes: