"It was a bit stuffy in there, so I thought I'd wait outside for you," he explained, "do you fancy some lunch?" I felt my heart miss a beat at his question. Momentarily I was at a loss for words. "Don't worry if you've got other plans," he said hurriedly, misinterpreting my delay in responding as a rejection. I touched his arm, looked him directly in the eye and smiled, "I'd love to, Dewi." Autumn Leaves by Alys

With a sudden jerk the train pulled out of the village of Unlle. I looked back at the glass and metal, bus shelter like, constructions that represented the railway station. Better than nothing, I thought, especially if it was raining. Functional without any character was the best description that came to mind.

I looked around the crowded carriage. It was the usual mixture of Saturday morning passengers. An elderly couple sat in one corner reading their newspapers, his liberal Guardian and her conservative Daily Mail hinting at a lifetime of disagreements at the breakfast table. Two harassed looking mothers, avoiding as far as possible their various young progeny, occupied another corner. In a third a small group of boys were making lewd jokes about the teenage girls sitting, out of earshot, in the far end of the compartment.

I looked out of the window at the autumn kissed countryside hurtling past. Hedge lined fields were quickly replaced by a copse of brown and gold leaved trees which then faded into the first of the tiny villages between Unlle and my destination before an area of mist laden pasture appeared.

I had been unlucky that the only seat available when I alighted was next to the heating vent and soon I was feeling the ill effects of a continuous blast of warm air passing over me. I soon began to regret the extra layers of clothes that I was wearing as I felt sweat forming on my brow.

After less than a quarter of an hour I could bear it no longer and, having decided that the discomfort of standing was better than the prospect of collapsing due to heat stroke, I stood up and made my way slowly towards the doorway.

"Bloody emo," muttered one of the boys as I made my past the group, an obvious reference to my long black hair.

I ignored the insult and went to stand in the space between the carriages, holding onto the metal pillar as a precaution. I glanced at the group of girls sitting nearby and feelings of deep envy at their naturally expressed femininity welled up inside even as I felt the tightness of the bra concealed under my jogging top.

The sight of the Afon Lwyd* river slowly meandering along the valley floor warned me of the imminent end of my journey. I ducked into the vacant toilet and quickly removed my loose jogging outfit and trainers, folding them carefully in my shoulder bag. I slipped in the bra inserts and then smoothed down my dark blue ruched dress, at least I considered it to be mine now that my sister had discarded it. I put on on my black Crocs and a little lipstick before quickly brushing out my hair and waiting for the train to stop.

"This is Cwmbrá¢n," announced the guard over the train PA, " will all passengers exiting here remember to take all their belongings with them."

I heard the beep of the automatic door. I picked up my shoulder bag and prepared to face the world for the first time, since quite a while, as my female alter ego. I was hoping against hope that the group of boys that I had noticed earlier would not be leaving at the same time as me.

I was in luck as the two teenage groups remained seated in the carriage, obviously on their way to Casnewydd, the nearest city. I followed behind the elderly couple and the Mums with their children as we moved, en masse, off the train onto the platform.

No-one took any notice of me as I walked along the passenger bridge over the main line. I tried to slow my steps to a normal pace even though a voice inside me kept shouting at me to run before someone shouts out, "that's not a real girl!"

Every second without discovery reduced my level of anxiety and soon I was walking at a normal pace towards the shopping centre. I wondered what my Mother and sister were doing in the much larger consumer precinct at Cribbs Causeway. It was their journey over the Severn Bridge into England today to do their early Christmas shopping, coupled with my Father being at a Trade Union conference over the weekend, that was giving me this rare opportunity to be myself in public.

Some ten minutes later I opened the door into Starbucks, a pretty exotic location by Cwmbrá¢n standards where the café trade was dominated my Mr Chippy, McDonalds and their copycats.

"Yes, can I help you?" asked the boy in his late teens who was serving behind the counter and wearing a name-tag that said Nigel.

As I paused he checked me out quickly and my appearance must have been up to scratch as a half smile appeared on his lips.

"Um..yes can I have a coffee, " I said hesitantly.

A slightly disdainful look appeared on Nigel's face as he responded, " Any particular type of coffee? We do have quite a range, you know. This is a coffee shop"

"Sorry I meant a small filter coffee, " I explained, feeling my face beginning to redden with my embarrassment at my stupidity. I knew that I would have to be more careful and relax otherwise I might make a more serious faux pas and be outed by someone.

"That's one pound eighty," Nigel announced disparagingly.

I handed over the coins and waited for my drink.

"He's a miserable sod," announced a pleasant male voice behind me in the queue, "just ignore him, he's alright really."

I turned my head to see a handsome blond haired boy, taller and probably slightly older than myself.

"OK, thanks for the advice, " I replied, before taking the proffered mug from Nigel and going to sit down at the only empty table.

"Do you mind if I sit here? " asked the same boy, as he stood smiling, a few minutes later, " every other table is full"

"Help yourself," I said, smiling back at him, while hoping that he might still go away. I was terrified that my disguise would be penetrated by someone sitting nearby.

"I'm Dewi," he announced as he sat down.

"Jenny, " I responded.

"You're not from town are you?" he said more as a statement than as a question, " at least you don't sound as if you are"

"No, I live in Unlle, near Y Fenni," I explained, " 'just come to Cwmbrá¢n for the day. The shops are better here."

"Ok," Dewi responded as he sipped his Latte.

"What school are you in?" I asked, trying to steer him away from any more questions.

"Croesy," he replied, naming a popular comprehensive in the area, " Year 11, and you?"

"King Henry, " I responded, with the abbreviated name of my school, " Year 10"

There was a quiet for a few moments as we drank our coffees. Even though I was terrified of my subterfuge being detected I was also enjoying the frisson of sitting here with a boy who considered me to be what I appeared on the surface, an attractive teenage girl.

I had dressed enough times wearing my secret stash of female clothes and accessories to know that my slim, prepubescent male body was easily converted, with the appropriate padding, into a cute looking girl. So I had every confidence in my appearance. My main worry was that my mannerisms might catch me out. I quickly looked myself over to ensure that I was sitting appropriately. I consciously crossed my stockinged legs.

"...afterwards?" asked Dewi.

I had missed the initial part of his question with my concentration on my posture.

"Sorry, Dewi, I was lost in my own world, what did you ask?" I responded as apologetically as possible.

He smiled back.

"It's OK, I know the feeling. I was asking where you are planning to go after here," he explained.

"Game, I think," I replied, naming a video games shop,"I want to get a copy of Super Smash Brothers Brawl."

"You have a Wii?" he asked, a little surprised at my answer, obviously expecting me to say Pretty Miss or The Body Shop.

"Sure, how about you?"

He confirmed that he also had one of the most popular consoles. We discussed our various systems for quite a while and I almost forgot the main reason I had come to town. I felt so relaxed talking to him. Finally one of the Starbucks employees came and took our long emptied mugs as ostentatiously as possible. We both looked up to see a number of people standing, drinking their purchases and eyeing our table longingly.

Dewi gently touched my arm, it was like an electric current going through me.

"I think we'd better go," he said, chuckling," before we get thrown out by some irate Starbucks customers."

"Yep, think you're right," I said," otherwise maybe they'll have us washing the cups."

I followed him out of the café, and soon realised that he was going in the direction of the shop I had mentioned earlier.

"You going to Game to?" I asked, wondering if he had other reasons for going there apart from his interest in Wii games.

"Why not," he responded, non-committedly," got nothing better to do."

"Oh, OK," I said, a little deflated by his reply.

I walked in and quickly picked up a copy of the item that I had come to buy, both out of my own interest and as a reason for my visit to the shopping centre for when I got home later. The shop was very busy, as it usually was on a Saturday, and it took me a while to complete my purchase.

I looked around for my earlier companion but he appeared to have already left. I wondered at the reason for his sudden disappearance, hoping I hadn't said anything out of place and made my way out of the shop.

"Hey Jenny, did you get it?" asked Dewi, who was standing just outside the exit of the shop.

"Oh hi, thought you'd gone," I said, surprised but pleased to see him again.

"It was a bit stuffy in there, so I thought I'd wait outside for you," he explained," do you fancy some lunch?"

I felt my heart miss a beat at his question. Momentarily I was at a loss for words.

"Don't worry if you've got other plans," he said hurriedly, misinterpreting my delay in responding as a rejection.

I touched his arm, looked him directly in the eye and smiled, "I'd love to, Dewi."

"Great!," he said, putting his hand over mine, "I know a great place, you'll love it I'm sure. It's not far."

Somehow or other our hands stayed attached as we walked together through the underpass. A few minutes later we were stood outside an Edwardian mansion. The large sign over the door proclaimed its purpose.

"An art centre in Cwmbrá¢n?" I said in amazement, " I thought this place was a cultural desert"

"The best kept secret of the town," explained Dewi," and the food is great too."

The lunch was a revelation, baked, freshly caught, trout from Yr Afon Wysg** river, salad and rice, followed by homemade apple pie and custard. While we ate, Dewi told me about himself and we found that we shared so many interests in films, music and art. He was hoping to do music and arts in the sixth form and I explained that I had similar aspirations.

An hour passed quickly and then another as we talked about everything and anything. I heard the sound of the town clock strike three.

"Oh damn, I've got to go soon, Dewi, my train is at ten past four," I said.

"Is it three already," he responded," well you can't go before you see the exhibition here."

Despite my protests Dewi insisted on paying, explaining, "you can get the tab next time."

We wandered around the exhibition of landscape water colours in the display rooms of the arts centre. By now his arm was over my shoulder as we walked around. It was comforting and exciting at the same time.

The theme was rivers and towns, we stood and admired a painting of the Yfwr Brwd*** riverside pub, we were struck by the beauty of the scene and the way the artist had captured the languid movement of the river on a hot afternoon.

I looked at the price. The little sticker on the side said  £350.

"If only I had the money I would love this picture," I said.

"So would I," Dewi responded," but do you know what would be better than owning it?"

"Dunno, what?" I asked.

"Being able to paint something as good if not better," he explained," I'm sure I will be able in a few years, what about you?"

"Yes I think I might be able to one day," I responded.

The time sped by as we examined all the pictures and discussed the techniques used by the artists.

The clock struck four.

"Ohmigod, I'll miss my train!" I exclaimed," gotta go."

"You can make it if we run, let's go," said Dewi.

We dashed out of the centre, hand in hand and rushed towards the station. Luckily for me Dewi knew a shortcut and it was with a couple of minutes to spare that we reached the platform, a little out of breath.

"It's been a lovely day, Jenny," said Dewi, softly," it's a shame it has to end. Do you have to catch this one?"

"I do, I'm sorry," I replied, thinking of the need to cover up my tracks before my Mother and sister returned home.

"I'm so glad I met you," he said as he put his arm around my shoulder again.

"I am too," I responded, turning my head up towards him.

There was a moment of hesitation as we looked in each others' eyes longingly and then our lips touched and we were both lost in our emotions. It was the sweetest few seconds of my life.

"The train now arriving is the sixteen ten to Manceinion, calling at Pontypwl, Y Fenni, Unlle......"

Our spell was broken and I reluctantly pulled away.

"Sorry, Dewi, got to go," I said," thanks for a wonderful day."

The train door opened and I backed away.

Dewi looked disappointed but then reacted positively and quickly wrote some numbers on a page in a little notebook.

"It's my mobile, please ring me, we can meet up when you next come to town," he said urgently, holding out the piece of paper.

I smiled at him, took the little, lined white sheet and mouthed a thank you as I jumped onto the train.

I waved as long as I could see him standing on the platform, responding to his enthusiastic farewell.

As soon as we were out of sight of Cwmbrá¢n station, the tears began to well up in my eyes. By the time I had opened the little ventilation window they were streaming down my cheeks.

A few seconds later the little scrap of paper was swirling in the wind outside the train, it briefly danced in the air, with the promise of what might have been, until finally it fell to the ground and was lost in the Autumn leaves.

*Grey River
**River Usk
***Eager Drinker