Trick of the Mind - 07 by Maeryn Lamonte Melanie Ezell's big closet ultimate writer's challenge — Written From The Heart Thanks to Wren Erendae Phoenix for editing/proofing. I collected my bags and stepped off the train to find Dad waiting for me. The haunted look was still in his eyes, but I put on my best face and strode up to him — not quite as easy as it sounds even though the heels on the sandals I seemed to be wearing were quite low — and shook his hand.

All the way home as he was talking to me about life at university, my studies and social life — I told him about Jenny — I was acutely aware of the way the hem of my dress kept riding up my thighs. I couldn’t do anything to straighten it without him noticing, so I kept telling myself over and over that I was really wearing trousers and they couldn’t be riding up like that. I missed half of what he was saying, but if it was anything like the half that made it past my distraction, I don’t think I missed anything of importance.

We arrive home and Mum gave me her usual contemptuous stare as I walked into the living room. I wanted to challenge her on it; to ask how long before she might forgive a single transgression from so long in the past, but the feel of air on my bare legs and the swirl of delicate fabric about my thighs brought to sharp focus the hypocrisy of my thoughts.

Dad broke the uncomfortable silence.

“Richard has a girlfriend now. Jennifer didn’t you say her name was?”

“I’m surprised anyone would have you, or haven’t you had the decency to tell her of your perverse habits?”

I let out a deep sigh. This was going to be a long couple of weeks and I wasn’t going to start it with a fight.

“It’s good to see you mum, but it’s been a long journey and I should unpack.”

“Well you know where your room is,” Mum replied. “Alice is about some somewhere. I‘m she’ll be glad to see you. Dinner will be at seven.”

I nodded and headed up the stairs leaving Dad with the task of trying to negotiate enough of a truce to make the next two weeks bearable.

Up in my room I sat on my bed and started to cry. It may have been the clothes; I had certainly noticed a greater tendency towards girly responses in myself in the past few weeks. I’d have to watch that too.

The door creaked. I was going to have to start sooner than I thought.

“Hey big brother.”

Alice’s voice was gentle, enquiring. She had a surprisingly wise head on such young shoulders.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and made as though I was wiping sleep from my eyes. Tears dealt with, I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, plastered a grin on my face and turned to greet my little sister.

She had developed a lot of curves since I last saw her and took great delight in showing them off in skin tight jeans and a crop top.

“Hey squirt, looks like Mother Nature’s been kind to you.”

I stood up and opened my arms and she ran into them. It was good just to embrace someone after the stiff welcome I had received downstairs.

“Don’t mind Mum,” Alice whispered into my ear. “She’ll come round eventually.”

Like I said, a wise head.

After a minute Alice pulled away and looked into my eyes rather intently.

“There’s something different about you, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

I looked down at the delicate fabric I was wearing and wondered again just how much it was changing my behaviour. I’d probably have to tell her sometime, but I wasn’t ready for that just now.

“Well there’s definitely something different about you. I feel sorry for the guys at school; they must all be tripping over their own tongues trying to get near you.”

She smiled shyly. “I guess I have been getting a bit more attention recently, and some of the guys are quite cute.”

“Be careful baby sister. Guys at this age only want one thing. I should know, I’ve been through it.”

“Don’t mind me bro, I can handle myself. Anyway, what’s this I heard floating up the stairs a few minutes back? You’ve found a girl? Tell me about her, I want to hear it all.”

She sat cross legged facing me on my bed. Ordinarily I would have done the same, but this dress was too short and I would have been showing off way to much that should remain hidden. I twisted round a bit to face her, but kept my legs together as I started to talk about Jen. She may have noticed, I’m not sure, but before long we were too deep in talking for her to worry about little things and we stayed chatting until Mum called up that dinner would be ready in ten minutes.

Alice left to get cleaned up and I pulled some fresh clothes out of my bag, feeling a bit grubby from the train.

Dinner was strained with me sitting there in a white cotton gypsy top and thigh length tiered cotton skirt made up of pink and yellow patterns. Yet again I nearly made the error of brushing the skirt under me as I sat down, then all through the meal Mum kept giving me filthy looks, as though she could see what I saw myself wearing. Dad tried to lift the conversation a couple of times, but Mum kept shooting his bright little comments out of the air with snide remarks filled with barely hidden subtext that showed her obvious continued forgiveness.

Alice stayed quiet; I suspect having been browbeaten in the past when she tried to defend me.
In the end all we could do was ignore the barbs, eat as fast as we could without seeming rude and excuse ourselves at the earliest opportunity. I offered to wash up and Alice came with me, helping to clear the plates, but our reprieve was short lived.

Mum followed us into the kitchen as soon as we were settling into our task.

“So what are your plans while you’re here?” She asked me.

“I have a bit of reading to do for the course,” I said, “and I hoped to get in touch with some of my mates from school and see what’s happening in their lives.”

The last bit wasn’t entirely true. I was feeling massively exposed and vulnerable with my girly appearance, and I couldn’t imagine myself downing pints and laughing with the few guys I’d been friends with at school while dressed like this. Still it would give me an excuse to get away from the house every now and again.

“If there’s anything you’d like me to do about the house while I’m here…” I held out my olive branch. There are some advantages to having a logical mind and some practical skills.

Mum sniffed. “Well I suppose you could have a look at the washing machine while you’re here. It seems to be shaking more than usual.”

I had a fair idea on what was causing that and figured I could fix it in half an hour with an old metal coat hanger.

Then Mum came out with what had so obviously been bothering her; what had caused her disapproval at the dinner table.

“I seem to remember you having hairy arms,” she said. “Trying to look more like a girl again are we? I mean your hair’s long enough.”

I’d forgotten that the shirt I was wearing when I arrived had long sleeves. The dress I thought I’d been wearing certainly didn’t, so for me my arms (and legs) had been exposed pretty much since I arrived. But then I had put on a plain polo shirt to come to tea, bearing my arms for real.

I felt myself going red and stammered out my standard reply.

“It — it’s Jen, my new girlfriend. She asked me if I wouldn’t mind, and since it doesn’t really bother me…”

“I think you like it; in fact you’re probably wearing a pair of tights under your trousers right now, aren’t you?”

I took the tea towel from Alice’s hands, and dried my own before pulling up my skirt to expose a bit more leg. This seemed to have a matching effect with the cargoes I was wearing because Mum sniffed again as she looked down at my legs.

“Hairless legs as well,” she said disdainfully. “Well you’re too old for me to stop from doing what you want, but I will tell you this. If I catch you doing anything perverted around here, you won’t be welcome in my house anymore.”

She spun on her heels and left us to the soapy dishes.

For a while Alice and I washed, dried and stacked in silence, too stunned to say anything after Mum’s outburst.

Eventually Alice broke the silence.

“Was that the truth? Is it really Jen who asked you to — to… you know?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,”” I admitted, “I’ll tell you about it later.”

We finished the dishes and I headed for my room. Alice took the hint and left me alone for a while, and I found myself brooding over things, until I realised I was getting nowhere and just working myself into a worse state. I headed for Alice’s room and knocked. A quiet murmur gave me permission to enter.

I closed the door and leant against it. “This is going to sound kind of weird.” I started, and went on to explain everything that had happened over the previous month. Like I said, Lucy and I are close. We don't keep secrets.

When I had finished she sat in silence for a while.

“A month?” She asked.

“About that,” I agreed.

“A whole month and this is the first time you tell me anything about it?”

“Alice I didn’t think it was going to last for more than a few days. I’m still not sure how things are going to work out, and it’s not exactly the sort of thing I feel that comfortable talking about.”

“You did a pretty good job just now.”

“I know. I was going to tell you sometime over the next few days anyway, I mean we’ve shared similar secrets in the past. I just needed the right moment to tell you, and Mum kind of forced my hand.”

The hint of a grin came to her face.

“So what are you wearing right now?” She asked.

I described the gypsy top and tiered skirt as her eyes bugged out on stalks. “It’s really comfortable,” I told her. “I envy you girls being able to wear things like this whenever you want to.”

I sat on the edge of her bed, scooping the skirt under me as I did so.

“Wow that looks so weird,” She said. “I mean you’re acting exactly as if you’re wearing a skirt, but you’re not.”

“I know and sometimes it’s difficult to remember that I’m not. There’s not a lot I can do about what my brain keeps telling me at the moment, and I really don’t need people to notice me doing anything weird, especially not Mum and Dad.”

“Don’t worry bro, I’ve got your back. So why the depilatory cream then? The real reason this time.”

“Well it was Jen’s idea, that much is true. It's just that the she suggested I'd feel better about the way that I looked in my imaginary dresses if I didn’t have so much of the caveman thing going on. She suggested I use the excuse that she asked me to do it to get me off the hook.

“I think she does prefer me hairless, and I have to admit I kind of like it too, but the real reason is so that I don’t keep feeling so much of a prat every time I look in the mirror. It works, but there’s still something not right and, much as I’ve enjoyed a lot of this past month, I do wish it would stop. I was really hoping it would have stopped before I came back home.”

Alice put her arms around me and I held onto her for a while.

“I think I’ve figured it out, what was bothering me earlier,” she said.

I pulled back and looked at her expectantly.

“When I came into your room earlier, there was something about the way things felt. You felt more like a sister than a brother. It sounds weird but you were less standoffish, more genuine than you used to be. This is helping you get in touch with your feminine side and I have to say I like how it’s turning out.”

I grinned more or less dutifully. I could see her point of view, but the more this went on the more it was messing me up.

“D’you fancy going shopping tomorrow?” She asked.

Normally that would be a big no, but for one this would get me away from Mum and Dad for a while and for another…

“Sounds like fun,” I said, surprised that it actually did.