Well, that's pretty much how I feel right now. I can try to move forward in dealing with my gender issues, and risk losing my daughter, or I can stay as I am, and more than likely suffer a breakdown, eventually. Not long ago, I had a vision of what my future could be like following both of these choices, and both end in despair, with me alone and broken. There just has to be a third choice, I don't believe in the no-win scenario ...
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Comments
Have you had a true heart to heart with your daughter?
Maybe, she just needs to understand you a little bit better. Understand that Dorothy is so much a part of you, and that she is not losing a father but gaining the whole of you. That heart to heart talk is very important. It doesn't have to revolve around the one issue. It just has to clear the air and give her an understanding of who you are. I do not recall your daughter's age, if you have mentioned it. If she is too young for all the concepts...perhaps a counselor? But if she is, say, 9 or older, she should be able to understand how cruel and unforgiving the world is to anyone or anything different. It is likely her own fear of how others will see you is the problem.
Or perhaps you believe that she doesn't know about Dorothy. She may not want to know, but believe me, she really does on some level. Also, children are incredibly good at building up imaginary images of who they want their parents to be, then trying their darnedest to force mom and pop into those molds. It's our job to teach them that people do not come in neat little boxes, and that caring for someone means accepting those messy bits that just won't stay properly hidden inside a cube.
SuZie
SuZie
There's a saying
Follow your truth.
If you give yourself up for others it will always end in misery -no ifs or buts.
If you do what you feel is the right thing for you, painful things may happen but they will resolve themselves as peeople begin to come to see your worldview. It may take some time but it will happen.
It's your choice. I wish you all the best.
You can't let others dictate something that may
... literally life or death for one's self, no matter how much they mean to you.
All TS folks have had to make that choice and just hope for the best. Cliff said it best really as you potentially would not be around for your daughter at all if your gender issues are not resolved.
It really comes down to how important it is to you. There is no reason why you have to do all the compromising in this situation with your life potentially on the line.
Kim
How old is she
RAMI
RAMI
You have many friends here who would like to try and help you. You post lots of information about yourself and your trials and tribulations. But, without some more information those who wish to help, even if those suggestions can not be made to work, can not begin to do so.
The most important questions: Are you under some legal constraints about telling your daughter about Dorothy? Even if you are not under a legal restraint, are you risking a bad reaction from her mother, who I guess is your ex-wife, if you do so? If you can get over those hurdles, then the next questions would be: How old is she? How intelligent is she? Is she under any type of physical, emotional or mental handicap?
If mom, is not a problem, then the second set of questions, could lead people here to make suggestions to you. For example, if we were talking about a 5-6 year old boy (of normal intelligence and no other handicap) in the U.S. I would suggest, you print out Andrea DiMaggio's recent story, about a young boy learning that his favorite uncle, a ball player is tg, and now will be his aunt, and give it to the child to read. There may be similar stories that would be better suited for a girl from Canada. If she is older, there may be stories, that could be suggested.
You should also never, let a first reaction, stop what you trying.
Best wishes
RAMI
RAMI