Well, last night I was very sick and called it in at work so I could stay home. Now I almost wish I had gone to work instead, because last night I had nasty nightmares of losing my daughter.
In both dreams, she ran ahead of me in circumstances where I couldnt immediately follow, and I was left running around unfamiliar places trying to find her, and failing.
I know its just dreams, but it really shook me up, and the further into this transition I go, the more likely it seems that they will come true in a way.
Her mother's opposition to this means I have work twice as hard to overcome her misunderstandings of this, and I wont lie, I'm more than a little scared.
I can only hope and pray that when she's a little older she understands why I had to do this, and forgives me.
Otherwise, I suspect that as soon as the choice is hers, she will leave my life, and never come back.
Can I survive that?
I honestly dont know.
Comments
Your Daughter will not be lost
When I first became seperated from my ex, she and her attorney kept my daughter hidden from me. Once in court I received visitation with caveats, which inerested the ACLU. I ensured my time wth my daughter was positive as I see you do. For ten years I saw her every Wednesday and every other week end with four weeks with her in the summer. I never said anything bad about my ex and did all I could to ensure my daughter was receiving the things she needed. I did not miss one payment of child support.
When she was 18 she oved north with friends and four months later she sked to move in with me, that was over four years ago.
I spent the time she was hidden in tears and fear of never seeing her again.
The court had ordered me not to discuss my Gender Identity Issues with my daughter, had told me I had to lock my clothes away and if I violated the court order I would face time in prison. When the ACLU let the state know they were watching my case with severity suddenly the court order went away.
You will forever have your daughter, she is good for you and you are very good for her.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Dreams of losing my daughter
Dorothy, I do not believe that your daughter will leave you. Your Heart is too compassionate and understanding for her to do so.
May Your Light Forever Shine