Yes, the title was purposeful mis-captialisation.
When I started living as a woman in the winter of 2005, I knew very little, almost nothing in comparison to what I know now. Oh, I knew how to put on a bra, and a garter belt and stockings. Pantyhose are evil things, hot and they make me feel claustrophobic. I had a full blown panic attack trying to get out of some once. Sunday, I wore some to church and about half way through the third hour it began to set in again. I did make it home, but that will be my last attempt wearing them. So, enough about clothes already, because the clothes really make up only a tiny part of being a woman.
Over the years, I have learned that just because you ask a man for something nicely, he may not give it to you if he sees no reason to. My command voice has no effect on them at all, whereas when I had men working for me as a man, it generally got immediate compliance, that is if they wanted me to sign their time slips.
The other women in the house are quick to demand that I wear enough clothes in front of the men, and that is according to their standards not mine. Absolutely no nipples peeking, no panties showing, no eye rolling, and certainly no touching of the face or hair when talking to a man! It is absolutely not permitted!
If I tell the man in our house that I will do the dishes, I am apt to feel the scorn of his girlfriend who feels that he should pull his own weight in the house.
I put some of my belongings in his care when I went to Ohio, and expected them back when I returned. As a man, when I got back all I would have had to say is, "Hey, I need to pick my stuff up". As a woman, I have asked for its return three times and he temporises. "Yes, sure, the next time I get out there, I'll pick it up".
When will that happen, I have no idea. I'm in a position of weakness right now. My finances are such that I can't just get pissed off and leave. As the woman, it is mostly up to us to smooth things over and to put up with it as long as we can.
By far, the relational part of being a woman is much more difficult than I had anticipated.
Gwendolyn.
Comments
You're equating the position of woman
as that of doormat. Anyone who treated me as such would quickly be disabused of the fact by my cutting off their legs at the ankles.
If you act subserviantly, people will treat you as such. Assert yourself, no man is better than you, just different. Insist he brings your stuff, offer to pay for his fuel or give him a gift when he does - but see it as positive reinforcement, a la Pavlov.
Don't let anyone treat you as inferior or subordinate, and I mean anyone, just remember they all look stupid in their underwear.
Angharad
Angharad
Angharad, I am as vulnerable as a Serum Girl.
Yes, you are right and I am trying to find my center. Yes, that's the one. Finding that fitting combination of femininity and strength is a new experience. This is the first time I have lived around a male as a woman and I am feeling my way here. :)
Gwendolyn
A Man and a woman.
Men should treat Women with respect, not like a doormat or cur.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Why?
Why are you not allowed to touch men? Christ I'd go nuts!
As for your storage issue... I think you just found an asshole with a bit of space. Why can't you say "Hey I'm hear to collect my stuff."
It sounds more like you think you have to be submissive. Its just not true!
Perhaps its because my mother is a truck and other stuff professional driver from the 70s... she's had to put up with men's shit most of her life. It was so bad at one point in her life she had to put J. instead of Jill on her resumes or she wouldn't even get an interview because being a 5'4" woman was a handicap in her workplace.
And not touch the men? whoa... if they don't wanna be touched they shouldn't be do damn good looking *laugh*
I hope you can find some financial rise in your life because you need to move to another city and gather some strength.
Best of luck finding it.
Dayna.
I have plans to leave.
I lived in PDX all my life and then I got to go to Ohio. Now I am back in PDX but the lease runs out next June. By then, my finances should be recovered, I hope, and I plan to try Utah, or Missoula, or Wyoming or who knows. A friend invited me to Wales, and another invited me to Jordan. I am feeling pretty adventurous, though I doubt that I will do Jordan, though she insists it is safe.
It is posible that some man may capture my heart and throw me to the silks. :)
Gwendolyn
The touch of a Man.
OH, I meant that I would not be allowed to touch my face or play with my hair when talking to Men.
What many people think is that when a woman plays with her hair or touches her face when talking to a Man, it is a covertly sexual signal. I do it all the time out of nervousness. In fact if I were not allowed to move my hands when talking, it would be like gagging me. LOL
As a Muslimah, it would be totally forbidden to do it, but now that I am not Muslim, it is still only marginally acceptable. My roomates all agree that if I was 40 years younger, I would be a nymphomaniac.
Much peace
Gwendolyn
Wales
I would my self go to Wales over Jordan. IMHO I think the culture shock would be more endurable in Wales and the drama verses adventure index would be better as well.
The only bad question is the one not asked.
The only bad question is the one not asked.
GBLT not an Issue in the UK ?
From most of what I hear, in the UK protection laws for Diversity folk have real teeth in them, and the Bobbies sound like people I would just want to obey to avoid trouble. I have an open invitation for a temporary place to stay over there until I decide if I want to stay or just visit. As usual, it is the courage to take the plunge that is an issue for me.
I must admit that I am infatuated with everything UK. My ancestors were from the Worcester area. I do not know if I can stand the rain though? Portland, Oregon is said to have a climate just like London's
Much peace
Gwendolyn
Ah, Gwen
I would ask specific questions of the residents before making a decision. Stereotypes may be visible, but the underlying facts...