I'm Sorry
For Many things
but mainly
Because I can not be,
I can not be the boy that you want
The boy who is strong and kind
handsome and brave
The boy who was the SON
The PRIDE
THe Brother
THe Father and GrandFather
THe boy who loved sports
And Trucks
and Guns
and MAN-ly things
The boy who married the girl
Who lived happily ever after
With 2.3 kids and a white picket fence
Fate was not kind
In my heart
my mind
my soul
I am not
I am not what they want
what they see
what they need
me to be
I'm sorry
In my secret place
My happy place
I am
I am the girl
the daughter and granddaughter
the sister
the lover
the wife
the mother
but this is not to be
I'm sorry
When the World looks at me
it sometimes sees the man
or the woman
or even, rarely, me
It supports even as it condemns
even this freak should have rights
or maybe not
It is in Limbo
neither fish nor foul
I'm sorry
Sorry that I exist
that I make the world view
less tidy
Sorry that I attract and repulse
but there is no where else
for this freak to take her/his/it's sideshow
I'm sorry
So here I sit
with my B cup tits
and seven inch cock
wondering
waiting
wanting
hoping
dreading
laughing
crying
loving
hating
praying
cursing
living
dying
I'm sorry
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos!
Click the Thumbs Up! button below to leave the author a kudos:
And please, remember to comment, too! Thanks.
Comments
Poem
I was going through a rough patch when I originally wrote this. It scared my bio-sister so much, she came rushing over to make sure I was not about to do something stupid. That is why I gave it an adult rating.
Others whom have read it, thought it was good. i do not, normally write poetry, so I can not tell.
strong
very well put togeather. like the flow. brings out very strong feelings and i am sure alot of people here resonate with them.
revo
I can understand why
your sister reacted so. The crescendo that lead up to those last three whispered words was scary. Perhaps it's only my own imagination that added that emotional volume but there is so much anguish and sorrow in this that it seemed right.
If it was up to me I would include this in the BC anthology. It so well pictures what so many of us feel caught in the middle of a place our culture has no room for.
Thank you
hugs
Grover
Certainly
I can really understand the reaction of your sister... That reads like a suicide note...
When I read it I just feared you might have done that. I'm quite relieved that my fears were wrong, but omg...
This is definitly a dramatic poem.
Thank you for writing,
Beyogi
No Need To Be Sorry
We're all in the same boat,
Joanne
Your verse...
...gives yet another voice to my cries and dreams and regrets and sadness and hope; our cries and dreams, as Joanne just said. I'm so grateful to you for writing and posting this today. Thank you so much, dear heart.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Hey Cuz!
I know just how you feel. It's hard not to be moved with emotion when someone shares this much of their soul. Very personal, Nastasiia. Thanks. So, Drea? Drop me a line and tell me how you are, okay?
I'm Sorry
Very thought provoking.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
'Tis true my form is
'Tis true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.
If I could reach from pole to pole
Or grasp the ocean with a span,
I would be measured by the soul;
The mind's the standard of the man.
------------
"Die Gedanken sind frei /Sie fliegen vorbei
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen / kein Jäger sie schiessen
Mit Kugeln und Blei / Die Gedanken sind frei"
------------
"Die Gedanken sind frei / Sie fliegen vorbei
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen / Kein Jäger sie schießen
Mit Kugeln und Blei / Die Gedanken sind frei"
powerful
very powerful. Excellent first piece. Welcome to BC.
Dorothycolleen
very powerful. Excellent
Yay! Welcome to the family.
------------
"Die Gedanken sind frei / Sie fliegen vorbei
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen / kein Jäger sie schiessen
Mit Kugeln und Blei / Die Gedanken sind frei"
------------
"Die Gedanken sind frei / Sie fliegen vorbei
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen / Kein Jäger sie schießen
Mit Kugeln und Blei / Die Gedanken sind frei"
Thank you ,Nastasiia,
ALISON
'and welcome to the fold.It is very thought provoking for all of us girls that have almost gone the same way
but have survived to be who we are and to understand who we are,just girls with the
wrong plumbing.A lovely poem that all T girls will understand,as 'Drea so aptly put it.Thanks again.
ALISON
I feel your pain...
... but don't apologise to anyone who may misunderstand as there is no need.
I feel the need to say sorry to the ignorant due to their handicap of being unable to think outside of social dictats.
They are the sheep who cannot think freely for themselves due to a desperate need to conform to the "norm."
We are blessed with empathy and undestanding due to our situation.
I think it is safe to say your verse resonates within many of us.
Posting as Therapy
RAMI
As I read this, especially the last line, it did seem as if it was a suicide note. Your sister had every reason to feel concenred. Thankfully your posting it shows, that it was not what we thought, but still it is obviously a cry.
Hopefully posting it might act as a form of therapy.
RAMI
RAMI
Thank you
I would like to thank everyone for their wonderful feedback. I figured most of us could relate to it on some levels.
Yes it does read like a suicide note, which scared the heck out of some friends and family (i'm still apologizing for that)
It was very cathartic writing this piece, so I guess putting out into the universe is kind of theraputic. The internet version of a good cry or scream.
Thank you all
Nastasiia
Suicide note?
I don't think that was what the author intended to convey. My interpatation was of an angry woman being trapped in the wrong body.
What do I know? Hey god makes no mistakes!!!
I am a proud atheist btw!!
We CAN't fix what is broken
We CAN't fix what is broken about us (flesh and blood shall not inherit the kingdom of God); Not through surgery or hormones or clothes or makeup or jewelry. That is all window dressing. We are all broken even those who condemn others. It is the impetus of the christian faith. Even the son, our idellic, was broken in the flesh (he came in the image of sinful flesh...). He overcame the nature of sin in the flesh through his faith in the knowledge of God in him. It is Gods reaction to his faith, in that he raised him from the dead, that validates (JUSTIFIES) our faith in operating in his knowledge of God his father and even our father through adoption. It is our minds that we construct through knowledge (the knowledge of God) that God is interested in. The pursuit of God is the only endeavor that is not vain.
Dear guest reader...
I'm very sorry.
I understand that you need help and loving relationship with someone other than your "god".
But it looks like you're not quite ready to receive help and true love. And with your "god" you are as far from understanding God as donkey from understanding nuclear physics.
It obvious that you have trouble accepting your gender and sexual identities. And it's even more obvious that you have trouble with your gender and sexual identity.
Only thing I can say to you - forget what you've being taught as "Christian religion" and read Bible from the start, not skipping chapters that don't match teachings of your "church".