A Simple Choice
copyright 2011 Faeriemage
Some choices are simpler than others, especially in the ancient world.

The suns glow slowly faded from the clouds as I sat there on my island. I say my island, but I shared it with the crew of the small sailing vessel on which I was a seaman.

It was a small, square sailed, boat, and there was not much room aboard to move, let alone find any privacy. Here, on the island, I had a moment to myself. We were fishermen, and it was the only life that seemed to fit me. I'd tried my hand at many other trades but my slight size and lack of musculature limited my options.

Here though, I found a place with people who were more similar to me than I'd been willing to credit before I found myself in their midst.

Even in their cooperative work there was a real sense of independence here.

And they let me have my sunsets.

That was all I asked, really. A sunset once a day and work to take my thoughts from the things in life that would not change.

"Akakios, are you done watching Apollo's chariot yet? I think even the god no longer worries about it."

That wasn't my name, but it's the one they gave me. Innocent one. Not evil. I guess I could see why they gave it to me, but I was unsure whether or not it really applies to me. I'd refused to give them my real name for fear I would be found out.

"No, Kleon. It's just gotten to the good part."

There was some laughter at this. They were a rough bunch without any formal education, but they were a family to me of a sort.

"The wind begins to change. We need to go now if we want to get back home, lads." That was our captain Epiktetos. He was new to his trade as captain, but we didn't hold it against him. He had a gift, usually, to know exactly where the fish would be schooling.

The haul on the way out had been lacking, but we hoped to get something on our way back in. We did this every day. Sail in lazy arcs out to the island, wait for the wind to change, and then sail back.

The final member of our crew, Irenaeus, made his usually quiet way to the ship.

With how well all of our names fit, I doubted a single one of them was the one these men had been born with.

Kleon for the man who saw glory in everything around him. Brash and open.

Epiktetos the man who'd newly acquired his command.

Irenaeus the peaceful.

The meaning of the name a description of who we were. They thought me innocent.

I tried to pull my weight, but I simply could not build the muscle that they had. They left me to the steer board at the back. That job I could do. I followed the direction given me by Epiktetos and led us from one school to the next on our way back.

We filled our boat with the fish that allowed us to continue our journey each day. That allowed us to be free from the ties that the land would impose upon us.

We arrived home just into second watch. As usual, I would sleep on the boat. It helped me to hide my shame from the others in our little family. Epiktetos went home to his young wife, while the other two went to their hostels.

I unbound the strips of cloth about my chest so that I could breathe. The size of my breasts was such that it was becoming harder and harder to hide. I was sure that in a few weeks time it would be impossible for me to hide my gender any longer.

Or lack thereof.

Below, for the most part, I seemed to be male. I had a penis at least.

Above, however, I was becoming female.

It was my shame that I'd hid from everyone. Everyone since my father.

I'd only just begun to grow breasts when my father came in on me one morning. He accused me of asking for this change. Said that I'd asked Aphrodite to become female.

It was nothing of the sort. I worshiped Apollo primarily. I loved to watch the sun chariot as it crossed the heavens. I tried to tell him, but he'd stopped listening. He came after me with a gelding knife.

If it was good enough for his horses.

I was never strong. I tried to pass between his legs and get away, but I tripped him instead. He fell into the corner where he'd trapped me, and didn't get up.

I turned him over, and he looked up at me in horror. The knife was buried up to the hilt in his gut.

"I didn't do this, Father. I'm a faithful son of Apollo."

"There is more Demeter in you than Apollo. For what you've done to me, you shall never find rest under any man's roof."

And I hadn't. It wasn't until I found the crew that I'd been able to sleep an entire night without being kicked into the street. I'd begun to worry that I would spend the rest of my life a destitute beggar until I'd run into Kleon.

"Hello, little one. Looks as though you've lost your last coin."

"I need work, not charity, hairy one."

"Oh, the boy has teeth, does he. Well, come then, Akakios. Come and see what the world can do for you."

"My name's not. . ."

"It can be, if you let it. There is no guile in you, child. Come."

I followed the bear of a man to the ship.

"Have another for you, brother. That gives us the four we need."

"The last one you brought seems a bit slow, and this one's a runt."

"Akakios is special, not a runt. He will be a real asset to us in the future."

"And how do you know than Kleon?"

"Because, Epiktetos, you may be able to see fish at a mile, but I can see what people will become."

"Oh, and what will Irenaeus become?"

"A senator in Rome."

"And the little one?"

"Well, that would be telling and he doesn't want me to."

"Ok, so how do you know Irenaeus is going to be a senator?"

"I know his father. He was sent here to gain some real world experience."

"Rumors, Kleon. All you have is rumors."

"The trick, brother, is to know which rumors count."

Epiktetos laughed at this, and I assumed that I was accepted as a member of our strange crew.

That didn't change the fact that I wasn't as guileless as Kleon thought me.

I lay there looking up at the constellations, naked from the waist up.

I was nearing the age when I would have to join the military, and become an adult, but I did not want to do that. I wanted to stay with the ship.

"Akakios, are you there, lad."

I scrambled to find my shirt, but Kleon climbed over the side of the beached vessel.

"Oh, don't worry, lad. I know. I've known all along, and so has my brother."

"Know what?"

"That you're a girl."

I blushed, but he wouldn't know that in the darkness.

"I'm not a girl, Kleon."

"Yes, I know that you have a great male thing between your legs, but that doesn't change how you act, or the mounds of flesh you try to hide."

I couldn't help it and I began to cry.

"Child, relax. I'm not here to hurt you."

"But, I am not normal. I'm no man, nor can I be it seems. I'm also no woman. No man would take me like this. I can bear no children."

I cried some more and Kleon gathered me into his arms. I leaned my head on his chest, and cried.

"I turn seventeen in two months."

"Born in Hekatombion were you. You never told us that."

"And I will be expected to enter military service."

"Women are not expected to enter service."

"Will some man marry me then?"

He said nothing and just held me. My sadness was overwhelming and I cried some more. He rubbed my back and made quieting noises.

"You would not last a month in the military, lass. It nearly broke me, and I am a mountain of a man, as you've said in the past."

"Put on your shirt. I have those that owe me."

I didn't understand his meaning, but I followed him through the nighttime streets of Athens. He led me to one of the larger houses, and then inside. I hesitated at the threshold, but he took my hand and dragged me bodily across it.

He took me into a room lit with hundreds of lamps. To my dark accustomed eyes it approached the brightness of day.

"Well, Kleon. Brought another of your strays to me?"

"This one is no stray. I need you to examine her for me."

The physician, for that is what I assumed he must be, turned toward me. "Strip lass, so I might get a look at you."

I blushed, but did as I was told. He walked around me, looking at my entire body. He made some measurements, and prodded my breasts a bit.

"Hmmm, very much has the appearance of a female, doesn't she. If she didn't have the one defect, I would be sure."

"Would you be willing to swear before the governor that this person is female?"

The physician look appraisingly at Kleon. "This would square us, you know that. A life for a life."

"Yes, it squares us old friend."

"I'll still look after your strays, you know that. But this would be the last favor."

"Do it then, old friend. It is worth the loss."

"How old are you, my dear?"

"Almost seventeen."

"You're going to have to get her married off, Kleon. She's quite the old maid."

"I'm working on that, old friend."

There was a startled look on the physician's kindly face, and he looked appraisingly at Kleon, "I do believe you might be at that. I will need both of you there to swear before the governor tomorrow."

He took me home to the boat and left me there with my thoughts. I had no idea what was going on, and I didn't believe what I thought I was hearing.

"Kleon, we can't do this. I'm not. . ."

"Shh. We can. I just need to discuss this with your father. I need no dowry."

I began to cry. "My father is dead. It's my fault."

"Shh. Dear. It's all right. Who was your father when he lived."

"Antonius."

"Antonius. . .you don't mean. . ."

"Yes, the former governor from Rome."

"Oh. . .then Antonius, the current governor. . ."

"Is my brother."

"Then we need to meet with your brother before we appear before him to swear to you being a woman."

He dragged me off into the night. I liked the feeling of his strength being exerted over me.

We came to the gates of my home, and he pounded on them until someone answered.

"Go away, we have no need. . .Apollonius? Where have you been lad?"

"We need to see the child's brother."

"It is highly irregular, but he has been looking for this one for months."

I was becoming more and more afraid. These halls were so familiar to me, and I expected to see my father come through a doorway at any moment.

"Apollonius, where have you been? We have been worried sick about you. When father was found dead, we were sure that someone had abducted you."

"Antonius, father tried to castrate me."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because of these."

I dropped my shirt and Antonius couldn't help but stare.

"Ye gods. Is this real or a dream?"

"I have seen no signs of Hypnos anywhere about, brother."

"It would seem that we should rename you Dianna."

"Brother!"

"Thank you sir for returning my brother to us."

"I did not come to return her to you, but to ask for her."

"Her?"

"A physician will be swearing her gender before you tomorrow."

"I see. This isn't some ploy to get a dowry out of me, is it?"

"All I ask in dowry is the girl herself."

"Do you accept this, Apollonius? You know what it would mean, marrying a Greek, and as a woman at that."

"I accept this, brother."

"Then, I'll hear this physician tomorrow. Tonight, though, I witness your betrothal."

I was taken at that point by the slaves so that they could prepare me to appear before my brother's court.

I looked at myself in the bronze mirror when they were done. I could see my mother's features in my face. The makeup I was given accentuated it. I was dressed in a female's toga and sandals.

Then I was rushed to the audience chamber.

It went in a blur, and before I even knew it, the physician was leaving, and many of the people were walking out.

When it was just Kleon and my family, my brother turned to us.

"The dowry you have asked is beyond value. It is everything that I have to give you."

"It is all that I ask. Your sister is the one who will make me a rich man."

"The value is acceptable then?"

"It is acceptable."

"Then accept the dowry."

That was normal for Athens. No formal declaration. I was a woman and married in the same day.

We walked out of my brother's house, and I felt content.

"So, we need a new name for you, since Akakios won't really fit."

"Then call me Akake."

"Akake it is, my innocent one. What should we do today?"

"If we hurry, we can still get the boat to the island before the calm."

My husband, Kleon, took my hand and we ran off to the rest of our lives.

"You're going to be a handful, aren't you, Akake."

"If I have anything to say about it? Of course."