Darkchylde: In Touch With Your Inner Chylde 3 of 5
by: Lilith Langtree
|
Author's Note: Kudos to djkauf for betaing this for me.
There's a story after this, a follow-up, that is also finished. It's almost like a series of stories for three of the main character of focus. However considering the minute amount of comments I'm receiving I really don't know if I should waste my time writing more on the subject. I'm not like the people that claim they're writing for themselves (rolls eyes, whatever) I write for fans and for comments, either good or bad. Otherwise there is no growth to my writing and I cannot improve. It's not so I can pat myself on the back. No, I won't hold my stories hostage until I get comments, that's stupid. I'll just post what I've written and then move on. This is free material that's taken hours and days out of my life for your entertainment. I don't think a single sentence from you (fifteen seconds of your life) is asking for too much in return. I've noticed it with the other authors as well. Appreciate your authors, or they stop writing for you. It's pretty much that simple. And if you're thinking I'm being arrogant in writing this, then you've completely lost the meaning behind the paragraph above; try reading it again.
Chapter 3
Sunday went on like any other. I mowed around the house and Dad was putting the finishing touches on the third bedroom. He’d gone out that morning and purchased a four-poster princess style bed and went whole-hog on the girlie decorations taking advice from the ladies that sold it to him.
Truthfully, I was I felt kind of surprised about the whole thing.
When the afternoon came, Susan called and cancelled, apologizing profusely. It seemed that Terry still hadn’t shown up or been found and she was starting to really get worried.
The guilt played on me. I knew Dormammu’s demon had shredded him and ate the remains, but I couldn’t tell her that. Even if I could, I didn’t know that I would. You see stories on TV about people that needed closure about a missing loved one, that just knowing they were dead was enough to let them move on. I thought that may be true in most cases, but would you want to know that your psycho son or brother was in the midst of attacking someone only to have the tables turned the worst possible way?
No, not me. I’d rather live in the fantasy world.
That night I turned into Darcy again as expected. I dressed in some comfy pajamas and joined Dad on the couch to watch some TV. Eventually I snuggled up and just enjoyed the evening like a real daughter.
~O~
Monday morning came and I had to turn into a guy earlier than sunrise in order to get ready for school. I’d have to make sure to give DC some extra time that night to keep things even, but I was starting to get used to it. Even after only a couple of days, I’d gotten into a routine. It made me think that DC was doing something to ease the experience for me. Whatever it was, I was grateful. Being angsty about the way my life turned out wasn’t really appealing to me in the least.
School turned out to be more eventful than normal.
Susan and I had different lunches and we didn’t share one class together so I wouldn’t be able to see her for any length of time until after school let out, so I wound up eating alone.
I was so incredibly lucky — notice the sarcasm here? — to see Perry was in just about every one of my classes and lunch, even gym.
The nasty looks I’d been sending his way hadn’t gone unnoticed. In gym class was when he confronted me. Of course he did it in true jerk fashion, while I was changing.
“Where’s he at?”
It didn’t take an Einstein to figure out who he was talking about. “You were seeing things, Perry. You really shouldn’t call the cops on someone when you’ve been drinking.”
His muscles flexed, and I stood there not being intimidated. He may have been the quarterback, but he was nowhere near as big as Terry was and I’m not exactly the puny nerd.
“I know what I saw. He went in and didn’t come out.”
Slipping on my shorts, I buttoned them up. “Then why didn’t the Sheriff’s Deputy find him down there or any evidence that there was some sort of fight? I’ll tell you why, because he never came down.”
“You’re lying!” He pushed me up against the lockers and I flinched at where one of the latches dug in my back.
“Fuck you, Perry. Why were you looking at my place anyway? Were you perving? Did you want to fuck me? Just because I shave my legs doesn’t mean I like it up the ass, fag.”
Someone snickered in the back and that was all it took. He took a swing at me and I dodged out of the way at the last second while Perry slammed his hand into the lockers. He screamed and clutched it to his stomach.
“What the hell’s going on in here?” the coach yelled.
I pointed up at Perry. “Stodghill is perving on me and I told him I’m not gay then he tried to hit me. He missed.”
“Coach,” Perry said through the pain. “He did something with Terry. I know he did.”
The coach looked annoyed, and pointed at Perry. “You, nurse’s office, and you, my office.” That last one was pointed at me, in case you’re wondering.
I grabbed my shirt, socks, and shoes before securing my locker and making the trip.
“Close the door behind you.”
Doing as he said, I sat down on the chair in front of his desk.
“I don’t take kindly to new kids starting fights in my locker room,” he said with as much intimidation as was possible.
“Well, then I suggest you get a rein on your insane football jocks and their hallucinations. Have you thought about random drug testing?”
He leaned back on his chair and studied me this time. “So, you’re a wiseass.”
“Coach, you didn’t see what went on in there, so why am I the one that’s singled out? I’m not the one that probably broke his hand on some lockers. Does that tell you who threw the first and only punch?”
“It still takes two to start a fight.”
I shook my head. “No, it takes a retard to stand there and be hit. I’m not a retard. Are we done? I’m going to be late for my next class.”
He pointed his meaty finger at me. “You better be praying that his hand isn’t broken. This school has been number one in District going on ten years.”
Why is it my destiny to deal with idiots at every turn?
“I hope he crushed his hand and he has to switch to left-handed jerking off. That’s how much I care about your football team.”
The coach smiled. “We’ll see.”
Oooh crap. Sometimes I just don’t know when to shut up.
There was only one more class after that and I made it through without flapping my smart mouth anymore. I know I have a problem with back-talking. I’ve got nobody to blame but myself in that regard. Growing up in a city school, you learn to defend yourself with your mouth. Raising your hand against another student was considered zero tolerance and they kicked your butt out with very few second chances.
The incident that I just walked away from was the perfect example. My old principal would have taken a look at me then looked at Perry. There’s a little bit of a size difference there. Taking into account the damage his hand was in and me with nothing at all, it didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what happened.
Perry would have been kicked to the curb for violence during school, football player or not.
Of course the school I was at was known for its academic excellence and its role as coming in last place every football season, so there wasn’t much call to pamper those that played, but still. It was obvious that there was going to be some pissed off people, if the coach was any indication.
Lucky me, I happen to find a few on the way home.
As you already know, Dad’s a trial lawyer. He makes some pretty sweet money, but he also believes in not flaunting his success. The clothes he wears are top notch, because that’s what’s expected. The same goes with the car. Everything else is middle of the road, good and reliable, but not over the top.
All of this means when I turned sixteen I didn’t get a new car to go with my new driver’s license. I did get a pretty nice mountain bike, of course I live in the Mississippi countryside without any mountains in a thousand mile radius, but it was the thought that counted. The only thing it was good for was durability, and considering some of the unpaved roads in the area, it was probably the best choice.
That didn’t mean other families held back from spoiling their kids. Everybody had a truck, well everybody that didn’t live in town which was a good majority of the student body.
I lived about three miles away. On a bike that isn’t any big deal. I could have taken the bus to school, but seriously who takes the bus anymore? I think they provided three to service the entire county.
So there I was, pedaling home, cutting through empty lots, and avoiding potholes when I noticed I was being followed from a distance. Maybe you’ve forgotten what it’s like to ride a bike. You can hear a car from pretty far off and you have to keep an ear out so you can get out of the way, because frankly nobody cares if they force you off the road and into a ditch because you weren’t paying attention.
Thanks, but I like to keep my balls hanging between my legs and not smashed against that metal bar between the seat and the handlebars.
So you’ll understand why I was getting annoyed with the rusted out piece of shit Ford F-150 produced sometime in the seventies. It trailed about a hundred yards behind me and was moving along at a crawl.
When I turned off the road and cut through an empty lot where a convenience store or the equivalent once stood — I guessed because a sign still stood at the corner, but no building was evident. Hurricanes are a bitch, yeah? — I wound up on a dirt road that eventually led to the one that my house sat on.
I got about a third of the way along and that’s when I heard wheels spinning on dirt. Looking back, I caught the same truck fishtailing around the corner and increasing in speed.
“Shit. It’s the welcome wagon.”
Ordinarily I’d take advantage of being able to ride a bike and cut through places cars couldn’t go, but the road I was on was bordered by the national forest on both sides, and contrary to the movies, there aren’t convenient trails every five feet. Instead there are boatloads of yaupon trees that block every conceivable route into the woods.
Just in case you don’t know, yaupons are in the holly family. It’s not exactly pleasant to brush up against. So I had the road, the ditch, or the bloodletting trees to deal with.
The good thing about the ditch was that it dipped down about three feet on either side, so the truck couldn’t follow without wrecking.
I heard the engine rev about a hundred feet behind so I took the first available opportunity to lift up on the handlebars and make a jump directly into the center of the ditch. There wasn’t that much of a loss of momentum, but the landing was a little jarring.
After I hit the brakes I pulled out my cell phone and hit the picture key on the side. By this time the truck passed me up and I clicked a pic of the rear of it. I just hoped that there wasn’t too much dust in the air.
The driver hit the brakes, while I kept on clicking pictures as it switched gears and started reversing. Once I’d made one of the people sitting on the passenger side, I forwarded everything to Dad.
When the truck stopped I waved the cell at them. “I got pictures of you running me off the road and sent them to my lawyer.”
For giggles, I took another pic of the look on the passenger’s face and then held the phone up to get one of the driver and anyone else inside.
“Aaannd I’ve got pictures of all the rest of you.” With another two buttons pressed those were off as well. “I’d suggest fucking off now.”
I heard one of the other say, “Man, he ain’t got no lawyer. He’s bullshittin’ you.”
“His Dad’s a lawyer. My cousin Joey said so.”
I smiled. “Cousin Joey… thanks for a name to add to all this. Man, you guys are really helpful.”
The guy at the passenger side turned a nice shade of puce. “Let’s get out of here.”
Then my phone rang. “That’ll be my lawyer. It’s been nice, guys.”
“Ari, why do I have pictures of a truck and… someone that looks constipated being sent to me?” asked Dad.
I had to wait for the truck to leave and to quit spraying me with dirt and rocks. After spitting the dust out of my mouth I answered. “They just ran me off the road. I thought you might want evidence of who did it if I wound up in the hospital.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I’m not kidding, Dad. Do you know someone up here with the name Joey? He knows you’re a lawyer and told the driver about you.”
“They told you that?”
“They’re founts of useful information. If you can get the license plate off the truck that might help.”
I could hear him start on a slow boil. “Get home, Ari and call me when you arrive, so I’ll know you’re safe. I’m giving the Sheriff a call and we’ll see if we can put an end to all this.”
“Thanks Dad. Uh, you might want to know that Perry Stodghill took a swing at me in gym today.”
“Ari…” He sounded tired.
“I just stepped out of the way. I didn’t fight him. But he slammed his hand into the locker and might have broke it. He’s the quarterback of the football team and Terry was the running back. People are starting to get pissed at me ‘cause Perry is telling everyone that’ll listen that I did something to Terry.”
Dad sighed. “Is there anything else I need to know?”
“Um… the coach said I’d better pray that Perry’s hand isn’t broken and something about being first place in district for ten years.”
“A teacher said this?”
I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “With a smile, and it wasn’t a friendly one.”
When I’d hung up, it took me a couple of minutes to make my heart stop slamming into my chest. I hauled my bike out of the ditch and started back to the house keeping my cell in my hand and switching over to video mode for the next encounter if it ever came.
It didn’t.
~O~
It wasn’t an hour later when Susan sent me a text.
Units >:-( Perry >:-( WTF kal mi
For those of you that don’t speak Text it said that Susan’s parents were in a high state of emotional distress about something Perry told them while he was a bit miffed, and did I know what was causing their major mental malfunction and to contact her forthwith and without further ado.
Hey, it’s the short hand of the new millennia.
Our conversation was short because it was quickly interrupted by her mother telling her to hang up. As a backup, I logged on to my computer and sent her an instant message.
Perry thinks he saw Terry go into my cellar and not come out. You already know this. He’s telling everyone that I did something. If you want to take a break until they find out what’s really going on, I’ll understand.
Right when I hit Enter, my phone rang.
“Hey, Dad.”
“The Sherriff is coming out to talk to you and get your statement.”
“What?”
“Joey is Deputy Harris from yesterday. My agreement with the Sherriff was for that Deputy to be taken off the case and to stay away from you. In return, I wouldn’t file a complaint. He recognized the truck and the driver as his cousin.”
I rubbed my eyes at all the melodrama. “So you’ll be filing that complaint now?”
“Yeah. When the Sheriff gets there call me and put it on speakerphone. I’ll walk you through the process. Tell the truth and don’t embellish; keep it to just the facts.”
Thinking about what school was going to be like the next day was a nightmare. “Is it possible for me to be homeschooled, or maybe just to go ahead and take my GED?”
I was only half-kidding.
“I know you’re not going to be popular at school because of this. At least until the Coomes boy is found.”
The snort that came out of my mouth described what I thought of that statement. “Dad, it’s not about popularity right now. It’s about not acquiring a gaping head wound. The school doesn’t hold them back like they did at home. If Perry connected, he would have broken my jaw, not to mention nearly being run over by a 2500 pound truck.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “I’ll see about get a restraining order put on him. Were there any witnesses?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, about twenty, but do you really think they’re going to back the new kid?”
The sound of him covering his phone came over the line and then he returned a few moments later. “You’ll stay home tomorrow. Let me figure a few things out and we’ll talk tonight.”
The interview with the Sheriff went about how I thought it would. After I gave my statement and told him about Perry and the truck, Dad went on an all-out offensive spouting words like Assault, Premeditation, Proxy Murder, Murder, Civil Case, Responsibility, Restraining Orders, D.A.’s Office, and so forth. I flinched and looked scared at the appropriate places.
At the end, Dad had me walk the Sheriff out to the cellar and look toward Perry’s house. I nearly laughed out loud in shock. In between the two places was an enormous oak tree in full bloom. I’m talking about a tree so big that branches wider than my waist nearly touched the ground. There was no possible way for him to have seen anything. So, in short, Perry was full of shit and the Sheriff saw it.
“Now,” Dad said, “I fully expect the attention of this case be taken off my son and put on the one person who we know for a fact is lying. I think you might even find the motive his role on the football team.”
The Sheriff turned around while I was holding the phone up. “How do you figure?”
“I took a look at his statistics and injury list from last season. Perry is wearing down. His arm is shot. I think he knew that and didn’t want to be looked down upon as the one who was responsible for the upcoming season’s loss.”
I blinked at what dad was saying.
“He needed to shift the blame and our arrival gave him the perfect opportunity. Invite the new kid and pair him off with Terry’s sister insuring Terry would go into a rage. When the time was right, he took care of him in one way or another and shifted all the attention on the new kid by reporting a bogus sighting at our house. Then he turned his popularity into a tool of deception, telling all his friends about Ari’s involvement.”
The Sheriff looked taken aback, but held it together. “That’s an interesting theory there, Mr. Chylde.”
Dad’s voice came back stronger than ever. “It makes a heck of a lot more sense than a boy half Terry’s size facing off with him and not have a single bruise or blemish on his body as a result. You know how this county thinks of its football stars, Sheriff. Do we need to talk about cheerleader mothers that have done more for less reason?”
The Sheriff frowned.
“I’ll expect Perry Stodghill to be questioned if nothing else and I’ll be alerting the D.A. about the case and how it’s progressed thus far this afternoon. So, I would suggest you CYA, Sheriff and bring the boy in.”
If I hadn’t heard it with my own ears I wouldn’t have thought it was possible. Dad totally put the blame squarely on Perry’s shoulders. I swallowed at the implications. I knew who killed Terry and it wasn’t him. The question I had for myself was, would I let someone innocent take the fall for a demon that used me to enter this dimension?
Even though Perry was an asshole, I didn’t think he deserved that, but I wasn’t going to say anything right away; not until I figured out how to work my way around this latest twist.
The Sheriff talked to Dad for a few more minutes and then he took off, curiously, about five acres to the east. I pulled up a chair on the front porch which had a nice view of Perry’s house and nearly laughed when I saw him being led out in handcuffs and a nice sized cast on his right hand.
“How’d he get the cuffs around the cast?”
Pulling up my Text Messaging on my phone, I sent Dad and Susan a quick one.
Perry Arrested re: Terry
My phone rang fifteen seconds later.
“Are you serious,” Susan said.
“Uh-huh. Saw it myself.”
“I’m putting you on speaker. Tell my parents.”
I went over the whole thing with them, giving them the scenario that my dad laid out for the Sheriff. The clincher was when I told them about not being able to see anything in the back of the house, so it was obvious he was lying and setting me up in the process.
“Ariel…” Susan’s dad said, somberly. “I apologize for what we thought and said about you when he approached us this afternoon. They’ve always been the best of friends.”
Again, I was feeling the guilt, but I resolved to wait until later to say anything, if for no other reason than to let everyone at school find out that Perry was a liar and a possible murderer, even if I knew different.
“I’d probably do the same sir. Perry might not be involved in it at all, but thought I’d be the best person to blame. We just have to let the legal system do its job. The truth will come out in the end. That’s what my dad always says. If he did something, they’ll find out; if not then they’ll find that out too.”
At the end, Susan thanked me for calling and said that she’d see me later.
Finally!
I thought everything should be back to normal soon enough. A day off from school, everyone gets the lowdown, and I’m off the hook.
~O~
Darkchylde was pissed.
She rose from the bed and donned a pair of black jeans, flat sandals, and a halter top that I bought to go with a jacket. I had no intention to ever wear it by itself, because it showed way too much skin.
She took her time and make up her face before doing that teleport thing she did the previous night, except it wasn’t the cellar that she went to this time.
I didn’t recognize the house that she approached until she looked in the window.
“Sorry about this Ariel, but the dragon and I cannot allow you to be threatened in this way. Without you she can’t grow stronger. It’s still too early for her to be released. Him would find her easily enough and subjugate her again and me… well, if you die, I die. I can’t let that happen either.”
After saying the Incantation of Making, I watched as a guy, a teenager, rose from his bed and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top before opening the window and blankly looking at Darkchylde.
“Write a note to your parents confessing what you did today and your true intentions, what you really wished you could have done to Ariel Chylde. Do it now.”
He turned, moved to a desk, and began scribbling on a piece of paper.
“DC, what are you doing?” I said, knowing she couldn’t hear me.
Darkchylde waited patiently outside the window. “In case you’re wondering, Ariel, this is the driver that tried to run you over today.”
I looked through the window, but it was too dark and I couldn’t make out his face very well.
“You’re getting a confession out of him? Then why were you apologizing? That’s cool!” I said.
Peering back at her, I didn’t expect an answer, which was annoying. I didn’t like not being able to communicate with her.
Another five minutes went by. When he finished, he brought the sheet to Darkchylde and held it out as we both read it, me from over her shoulder. It was a lot more explicit than I really wanted to know about. He really wanted me dead and he described it in vivid detail. I didn’t know what to believe.
In the past, I’ve had dark thoughts; who hasn’t? You know what I’m talking about: you’d wish someone ill that’s done you wrong, bullied you, teased you. We’ve all done it, and very few people actually go through with it.
While I didn’t have any illusions about his intent earlier that day, I didn’t think it would go beyond a beating of some type. But the systematic dismemberment and disposal of my body was a little over the top.
Darkchylde smiled. “Very good. Now go to your bureau and remove your hunting knife from its sheath and stick it all the way in your neck. Then you can go back to sleep.”
My eyes widened. “What? No! What are you doing? Stop him.”
I got right in front of her face as she watched him and I screamed in her face. “Stop him!”
DC’s eyes flickered to mine and her lips thinned. “Stop.”
Her eyes moved to me again. “I’m impressed. You shouldn’t be able to force yourself into my consciousness from your sub-conscious so soon. You know why this has to happen, Ariel. If I don’t do it then the dragon will and you really don’t want her taking vengeance. Things tend to burn a lot when that happens.”
I didn’t break eye contact with her, something told me I’d lose the connection if I did. “Let the law handle him, DC. Have him mail a letter to the Sherriff’s office. Have the others do it too. That will take them out of harm’s way. They can’t hurt me if they aren’t around to do it.”
She crossed her arms and considered my proposal, I hoped.
“I’ll do it on one condition.”
“What is it?”
“Allow me to control your actions when you are in danger. I could have helped you today and shifted you out of there, but you are too strong for me to assert myself. I asked you to call upon me when you are in danger, but you failed to do so. In times like these I have to take drastic measures to make sure you come to no harm.”
She was right in a way. “I’m sorry, I forgot. I’m not used to relying on you. If it happens again, I’ll call for help.”
“Very well.” She looked up at the teen again. “Return the knife to the bureau. After mailing that letter to the Sherriff’s office in the morning I want you to mention to everyone you see how much you love bread pudding. From this day on, you will write poems about it, stories about it, songs about it, draw pictures about it; it’s all you will think about.”
“Bread pudding? Where the hell did that come from?”
She looked back at me. “He will be punished by me in some form. Perhaps in a few years I’ll release him, but until then he has something else to think about other than you.”
~O~
She went from house to house having the other two people that were in the truck confess, before giving them obsessive tasks to perform. The Sherriff’s Deputy was last. His was a lighter sentence. DC made him renounce his prejudice and dislike of me, and be my champion during his duties.
Perry was still in county lockup. She said she’d deal with him later.
When we returned to the house, DC changed and got under the covers before the scene switched to the green glade once again where I immediately set in on her.
“You can’t get up and do these sorts of things without talking to me first, DC.”
I really wish she’d wear clothes or something to cover her body while we were in that place. Watching her was distracting as hell.
“Your protection is paramount. It will be some time before the dragon has recuperated enough to be on her own. You’re lucky she didn’t take form at the time and eat them, truck and all.”
My eyes bugged. “She can do that?”
DC Shrugged. “It’s a possibility, but there is anonymity to consider as well. If it happened at night the odds would have been much higher.”
I sighed and scratched my head as it hung. “Look, can you teach me how to do some of the things that I’ve seen you do? It would have been helpful to know that mind control whammy thing you did tonight.”
She smiled at me. “Of course I’ll teach you, Ariel. Come, sit before me and we’ll start right now.”
~O~
The next morning I found myself in bed dressed in a simple… uh, what do you call those silky minidress things that girls wear to bed? They’ve got really thin straps and are slit up the sides so they show a hint of what’s underneath, anyway, one of those.
I knew I was alone. Dad didn’t bang on the door as he left. Being almost mangled twice in one day was obviously enough to get him to show some sympathy. It was my second full night being in Darkchylde’s form and even though it was really strange, I didn’t hop out of bed and change right away.
Why? I had to admit, girls had some advantages in certain ways. The night clothes felt really nice and since the air-conditioning was pumping full and strong at the moment, I had a sense of being warm, soft, and snuggly under the covers. That led to a little exploring with my hands and eventually more than a little exploring after that.
As a boy I masturbated a lot. If given the opportunity, three times a day. They were usually quick and frenzied, drawn up by a fantasy or an available picture, or even seeing a really hot girl.
This time it was a more sensual feeling. I already felt really good under the covers, as I told you before. So I just went with that feeling and increased it.
I know I’m making no sense. Let me try to explain the difference between doing it as a guy and a girl. I felt more. The buildup and release for a guy would be akin to being tremendously thirsty and pouring a fountain coke. You know how you have to wait for the fizz to go down or you wind up inhaling it and choking? That’s what male masturbation is like. You’re waiting in expectation for that moment when you can take a long full drink and finally get relief. That’s also how the end is; the long satisfying drink. Then it’s over. Your thirst is quenched.
Girls are totally different. They’re more like building a banana split that you’ve been craving all day. It’s an intricate process that takes time to do right. Three scoops of different flavored ice cream go in the center. You would get a little on your fingers and have to lick it off, so you wind up teasing your senses along the way with mini delights. You slice the banana in half and border the scoops.
The hot fudge comes next, pouring just enough to taste and decorate, but not to overwhelm the rest. Naturally, you make a slight mess and have to lick that up, reveling in the texture and sweetness as it coats the tongue and slides down your throat. Then the whipped cream… whoops too much, you have to use your fingers now to scoop some off. Fingers are so useful aren’t they?
A sprinkle of chopped nuts and a cherry that you have to tongue the juices off of finishes the delight.
At that point you get to actually eat it and satisfy that wonderful day-long craving that has been driving you near insanity. That first taste explodes over your tongue and you squirm with happiness only for the next taste to come moments later, building and building, every bite is something different and satisfying, until at last you are sated.
The final part is finishing off the dessert, a lengthy process that isn’t over in a span of seconds, but over in minutes as you have to come down easy or the experience is ruined.
Of course, there’s the guilt of indulgence afterward that was the same. That’s the part that’s still hanging on me. I remember looking at the time when I woke up. It was almost eight o’clock. By the time I’d finished it was eight-forty-five, and I enjoyed it way too much.
The room smelled like sex and the sheets were wet. Girls are really messy. It wasn’t like I could clean up with a couple of tissues or anything.
“Oh, man, I can’t believe I did that.”
I immediately threw the covers off and hopped out of bed. The cold air rushed across my already sensitive skin as I determinedly walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on. The nightgown flew off and slithered across the counter and into the skink. My panties were already gone and probably lost in my sheets.
The water was sublime. I’d never experienced a shower like that before, enjoying the feel of the soap as it moved over my body and washed away with the evidence of my morning transgressions. Yeah, I really really liked it, so much that I made a vow right then that I’d shower as a girl from there on out.
My legs were still smooth, even after… what was it, four days I think?
I guessed that initial burn that first day had probably torched my hairs down to their roots.
The hair was another problem altogether.
I’m sure you’re asking yourself why I’ve waited this long to shift back to my guy self. The truth is I didn’t really have an answer. It was a bunch of different reasons I think.
Being alone in a house for the day left me with the opportunity to experiment. I didn’t have anything to do, no responsibilities, no current drama, and nobody to talk to. Plus… well, I mean seriously, wouldn’t you want to know what it was like to just be someone else for a day? Even if it was just the girl-side of you?
That’s why I said, what the hell, why not?
The hair took about thirty minutes to dry properly. Since I wasn’t a pro with taking care of something so long, I stopped at the end and stared in the mirror.
“DC can you give me a hand?”
I pushed that question inward and thought of giving her control when she surged up and I internally stepped aside. The expression my body showed in the mirror changed to a delighted smile.
“I thought you’d never ask. You’re going to have so much fun today,” she said.
DC showed me where to stand and watch everything she did. All I really wanted her to do was to style the hair properly, but she took it further, showing me all sorts of things I could do. Eventually she set it and went to the bedroom to get dressed. Since we were lounging, she grabbed a pair of boy shorts style panties and a matching bra, and then slipped on some denim shorts and a half tank.
The makeup was next. DC went through excruciating detail with everything. She didn’t make it too thick, just some eyeliner, mascara, a little eyebrow pencil and lipstick. Our complexion was virtually perfect anyway. I’d never had a problem with acne or oily skin as a guy. Sure the occasional pimple would appear out of nowhere for some reason, but that only happened if I overindulged in refined sugar. Glazed donuts were the bane of my existence.
The last thing DC did was apply some lipstick and blot her lips. “There, what do you think?”
A rush between us occurred again and I was back in control. “Wow, you look… we look great. Thanks DC.”
Damn, we really did look great.
I was never disappointed in how I looked as a guy. The stereotypical handsome man wasn’t in my future, but I was good looking. As Darcy I was a knockout. I’d stack her up against Susan any day of the week and it would be a really hard decision to make. Luckily, I didn’t have to choose between the two.
Finding the sandals DC wore last night, I slipped them on and headed out to grab some breakfast. Imagine my surprise to find Dad on his recliner reading the morning paper and drinking a glass of juice.
I froze at the entrance to the living room when he looked up. His mouth opened and he blinked while I gave him an unsure smile.
“Ariel?”
My voice stopped and started more than a few times, but I finally found it and explained. “I thought I’d try out being a girl for part of the day?”
He quickly folded his paper and set it aside. “I thought you had to change back at sunrise?”
I shrugged and picked at the back of the couch in nervousness. I couldn’t believe I was busted this quick.
“It’s a time-share thing. As long as I spend as much time as a girl as I do in guy mode then I can switch between them whenever.”
Dad seemed to grasp the concept fairly quicky. It was obvious that he was trying his best to be understanding considering the circumstances, but even he wasn’t talented enough to hide his uncertainty.
“Well, that’s… good. If you have to be one or the other at certain times you won’t be under any restrictions.”
I nodded in agreement. “So, what do you think?”
It was then that he really took me in: the hair, the makeup, the clothes, the uncovered skin.
“I think you look like a very beautiful sixteen year old girl, and I also think that I’m going to have a difficult time dealing with that.”
“How do you think I feel?” I said with just a touch of sarcasm.
“You seem to be dealing with it very well, from my point of view. You’re very feminine.” Realizing what he just said, he clarified. “I mean your gestures. You’re not acting like a male.”
Inwardly I viewed everything that I’d done over the last hour and a half that it took to get ready. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. That’s a good thing, I think.”
Dad shuffled a little in his chair. “I was planning on taking you out for breakfast.” There was a pause. “Did you want to go as… as a girl?”
I nodded without thinking. “That’d be cool.”
He closed his eyes for a second to process, I think. “Well then, get your purse, or whatever you’ll need. This is so strange.”
I giggled and spun around heading back to my room.
~O~
“We need to come up with a story about your appearance, if people ask questions,” Dad said as we pulled up to the restaurant.
“Oh, I already figured it out. I’m your niece on Mom’s side of the family. I have like a billion cousins on that side anyway. Nobody would be able to figure out exactly who I was without a flow chart and a slide rule.”
“True,” he replied.
“My name is Darcy Dahl.” Dahl was mom’s maiden name, in case you haven’t figured that one out yet. My height, blonde hair, and fair skin came from her Swedish background.
“Darcy?”
“Uh, yeah. I came up with it that first night. Is that okay?”
He nodded, thinking it over. “It’s pretty.”
“Thanks.”
I reached for the door to the restaurant, but Dad beat me to it and I froze, forgetting that I was a girl for a second and guys were supposed to do that sort of thing.
“Thanks, again.”
The restaurant was freezing, or it could have been because I was showing ninety percent of my skin. I’m going with the former. After we ordered, I sipped at my orange juice and waited for Dad to bring up whatever was on his mind.
“What were your plans for today?”
I shrugged. “I was just going to hang out, play some games, whatever.”
“You made yourself up to hang out in the house?”
Okay, he had a point. “Not really. I did that for the practice. If I’m going to be living half my life as a…” I left it hanging because there were too many ears around, but Dad got the idea. “Then I thought I needed to know the particulars.”
He rubbed his mouth thoughtfully before lowering his voice. “Have you given any thought to medical issues?”
I was struck dumb, not because I thought he said something profound, but because I didn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about. “Huh?”
Leaning into the table, I met him halfway where he whispered again. “Girls and boys have different needs from the medical field; Gynecological issues, if you take my meaning.”
“Oh.”
“Some of my questions would be if you needed to go on the pill, and if you did what would that do to your male body?”
About half-way through his sentence my eyes bugged and I started gaping. “No, no way.” I looked to the side and then back at him. “I’m into girls, Dad, even as a girl I’m into girls.”
“Oh… okay, good, I guess.”
This had to be the single most confusing conversation I’d ever had with my dad. There was a reason, granted, but still. What father talks to his son about taking the pill?
“We also need to talk about legality, like what are you going to do about Identification?”
I blinked. “I’m not. I can transform anywhere at any time. I won’t need to be anything but a guy in the eyes of the… whatever.”
Dad breathed out one of those I know more than you do sighs. “So if you get pulled over for speeding, you’ll just transform for the nice police officer and they’ll understand?”
I sniffed. “Well, being your son and daughter, I wouldn’t be speeding in the first place.” The look on his face told me he didn’t believe a word I was saying. “However, for the sake of argument let’s say the accelerator got stuck about ten miles over the legal limit… hypothetically. Yeah, I could just change.”
“And what if you’re wearing a dress at the time, Ariel?”
“Darcy… and, okay, you have a point. I’ll think about it.”
The frigid temperature was making me need to go pee. “I gotta go.”
He grabbed my hand before I could get completely up. “Make sure you pick the right restroom.”
My face flushed as I grabbed my purse and headed to the girl’s restroom.
Thankfully it was empty. There were only three stalls and they were all open and unoccupied. Looking in the mirror, I concentrated and called Darkchylde forward. She took it from there, including the peeing and cleanup portion.
“You’re going to have to tell him about the magic. With that I can swap clothes in a virtual instant. You don’t have to worry about getting pregnant or any other female issue. With the dragon present she will keep your body from harm. You won’t even experience a mild cold much less any of the more yucky problems like yeast infections or the like.”
I could have done without thinking about that before having food delivered.
“And lastly, we can use magic to get us out of any situation where we would be recognized lest you forget last night’s foray into the minds of jock central. Before you go all, we can’t do that, it’s not right, think about what could happen if we were found out? Right now you’re just a talentless meta that can switch his gender at will. It’s pretty low key on the meta scale. We don’t need anyone thinking that we can do anything more. So keep that talent to yourself, not even your dad or Susan should know.”
I snapped back to the body leaning over the counter with my pinky extended, touching up my lips.
An older girl came in at that point and stalled when she saw me before moving to a stall and closing it. I shrugged and grabbed my purse.
“Everything come out okay?”
I gave my dad a look of annoyance then dug in to my pancakes. Our food had been delivered while I was away. It was a six-stack that I slathered in butter and syrup before I put it away without any thought, just like I always do. Needless to say Dad was impressed to see a girl eat like a guy.
The waitress returned to refill Dad’s coffee and her eyes widened at my empty plate. She looked at me and my very trim waist. “Honey, where do you put that? If I had even one of those I would have gained five pounds.”
I grinned weakly. “High metabolism.”
She sighed. “I used to have one of those. Then I had two sons and a little girl. Enjoy it while you can.”
After she left the check, I looked at Dad. “No way in the world that’s happening, so get it out of your head.”
Visions of me pregnant as a male swam in the back of my mind. Guh.
~O~
When we got home, I excused myself and went upstairs, stripped down and changed back to a guy. I make it sound like it was a simple step, but it was still a painful process, though not nearly as painful as before. Hopefully, in time, that would fade away as well.
I stood and felt my chest, letting my hands trail down to my hips. All was recognizably male, and ordinary. Maybe it was the novelty of being in another body that I missed. I wasn’t sure.
Shorts and a tank, unsurprisingly the male version of what I picked out at the beginning of the day, was what I chose to wear.
The remainder of the morning was spent transferring my girl clothes over to the room Dad set up for Darcy, along with my makeup and incidentals.
The rest of the time I spent down in the cellar waiting for school to let out so I could contact Susan and maybe get to see her.
Using the meditation method Darkchylde showed me in the previous night’s lesson, I was able to talk to her directly instead of having to give her reign over my body.
Instead of the glade returning there was just the black of having my eyes closed, but I could still hear her like she was right next to me.
“You make a good girl, Ariel.”
“Thanks, I think.”
She giggled. “It was a compliment. Too bad you like being a boy so much. It would make things much easier if you stayed a girl all the time.”
“Easier?”
“Uh-huh. Well, you wouldn’t have to worry about clothes for one, and shifting back and forth for another. Susan seems to like us in either form, though admittedly I think she likes your cock the most.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m kind of attached to it as well, so don’t do anything permanent, okay? Besides, don’t we both have to spend time in this body or lose ourselves or whatever…? I’m still kind of unclear how that works.”
Her voice shifted from one ear to the other like she was moving around behind me. “You’ve spent the better part of seventeen years as a male, Ariel. Your personality, ego, Id, whatever you’d like to call it, is cemented on this plane. You’ll never have to worry about losing your masculinity. Now me… it’ll take years for me to do the same because I only get to come out every now and then. So, the more time you spend as a girl, the more of a hold I have on this plane.”
“Okay. So then where did the twelve hour thing come from?” I asked.
“That’s the minimum I need to survive. You could spend a week or a year as a girl, night and day, and it would help anchor me a lot quicker, and still not have to worry about your ability to shift back to your male form.”
“Don’t plan on that happening, DC. I like being a guy.”
“Hmm,” she said kind of smugly. “It didn’t sound or look like that this morning.”
I felt my face flush again. “You were watching?”
A throaty laugh followed. “I don’t sleep, Ariel. Not really anyway. I’m always watching over you… even when you’re being naughty. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with what you did. You were experiencing life from my side. I want you to enjoy yourself.”
That kind of shocked me. “You want me to masturbate more often?”
She spluttered a laugh. “Well, whenever I guess, but you and Susan can have fun or you can bring someone else into your life to let you experience what it would be like with a male.”
I quickly interrupted her. “No thanks.”
“Like I said, whatever. I may be biased here, but being a girl is so much more fun than being a guy. Yeah, they both have their downsides, but I think they’re less for girls. You’re missing out.”
“Why are you trying to talk me into staying as a girl?”
Her voice changed to recognition. “Oh, sorry. Um, consider the subject dropped. I don’t want you to think I’m pushing you or anything. I’m just proud of my gender is all. Go Girls! and all that stuff, you know?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Gheeze, Ariel, it’s not like I’m plotting or anything. Be a boy… whatever.”
That last part sounded like she was a little hurt by my implication. “Sorry, I’m just… I mean this has been a seriously suck-ass year for me.”
I felt a warmth encircle me, like DC was hugging my body from behind. “I’m sorry too. I don’t think much past the moment I came into being. You miss your mom.”
I nodded. “And with Perry and the cops… it feels like everything is closing in on me and I’m not safe.”
“You’re not. Don’t forget about, Him.”
“I haven’t. Speaking of which, we better get on to the next lesson. We have to make sure he can’t hurt anyone else.”
~O~
Darkchylde and I spent a good four hours on magic and learning the intricacies of nuance. It sounds more complicated than it was. Basically you have the Incantation of Making and a few other things. The incantation is for big magic that needs focus and proper inflection at the proper point to work properly. Breaking that down into more simple terms, if I needed to do that mental whammy thing DC did the previous night I’d have to know exactly how to say the incantation and focus on making that specific spell work the way it was supposed to.
That’s why I didn’t set off fifty different spells in my attempt to figure out the right pronunciation when I originally fried myself and wound up in Him-land.
There was no easy way to learn. DC couldn’t magic the information into my head or anything, so I wound up making stupid mnemonics so as to remember the proper ways of doing each spell, and I was now up to a total of three, count them three, magic spells!
After four hours of hard work, color me disappointed.
The first of my three spells was Obfuscation, which allowed me to cloud men’s minds. I make it sound better than it really is. Basically it’s a confusion cloak. If I throw it up then whenever someone tries to look at me they immediately want to look somewhere else. It also made electronic surveillance go muddy. No cameras would be able to see me. That was a new add-on according to DC. Since cameras weren’t exactly around six thousand years ago or whenever Atlantis was still a continent and not housing marine life.
Warding was the second. It’s pretty much what you’d expect. Once I set it up, in the cellar for instance, nobody can cross the boundaries of the ward. Doors, windows, chimneys, pipes, you name it; nothing can get through that means me harm, and if they’re in the room already then they would wind up being expelled, violently.
The last one of the day was Protection. It was similar to the Warding spell, but specifically protected me from the magic of others.
I asked why I’d needed that one. It wasn’t like there were other people that could use magic knocking down my door or anything. DC told me it was for safety reasons, which was the whole point of the lesson. Talk about boring. I was hoping to have something to kick some butt with, but she said this was more important to learn first.
At the very end, I got a setup lesson for minor magics, those that didn’t need the Incantation of Making that I would learn the next time. All they required was intent and concentration. That’s how I’d be able to change clothes in the blink of an eye, or move things around with my mind. I’m not talking about cars or tanks or anything, but if I needed a pencil or a candle then I would be able to call them to me.
That was for next time.
Susan didn’t bother to call, she came by instead.
“You should have been at school today,” she said after kissing me hello.
“What happened?”
“It was like Bizzaro-world. I spread the word that Perry was arrested and it took about two hours to make it around the entire school. People were totally freaking out. Then word came in that three guys off the football team went psycho. They caught Robby Prince at the supermarket trying to steal all of their cucumbers. I mean all of them. Do you know how many cucumbers there are in that place?”
I chuckled. “A lot?”
“He was shoving them down his pants and in his shirt, at least that’s what Brenda Watts said and she was there when it happened.”
She stopped and looked over to the forest that bordered our land. Her demeanor tempered. “The Sheriff wants to gather up a search party and go through the woods. Would you mine helping?”
I nodded. “Of course I’ll help.” Thinking about something else I added, “Would you mind doing me a favor first?”
He gaze came back up to me. “What?”
“Come down in the cellar and look around. Tap on walls, check everything out. I don’t want there to be a doubt in your mind or your parents that Terry was ever here.”
She looked at me kind of surprised. “Ariel, we already know Perry was lying…”
I held up my hands. “I know, but still. It would make me feel better and you can tell your parents I had nothing to hide. I’m sure they would feel better knowing that too.”
She frowned. “You’re being stupid, but if it means that much to you, I’ll do it.”
I gave her a thankful nod and opened the door.
Susan made a big show of knocking on the cinderblock walls until her knuckles started hurting. I knocked for her afterward. She checked the hideaway, the trashcan, and the mini-fridge.
“Okay, this is seriously stupid,” she declared.
“I know. I just want you to see that there weren’t any hidden rooms or a sub-cellar below this one, or sharks with laser beams attached to their heads down here.”
She edged up and grabbed my shirt, kind of sexily. “I know that Ariel. We had sex down here a few days ago, remember? I think I would have noticed a shark pool, not to mention the laser beams. Have you forgotten about the sex already?”
I grinned. “Not likely.”
Susan didn’t seem convinced. “I think you need a reminder, like right now.”
“My dad’s home.”
“Damn. I don’t know if I can keep my hands off of you for that long.”
That brought a big smile from me. I don’t think I’d ever met anyone quite like Susan. She was the hottest girl in school, not that I was actually looking for any others, and she chose me.
“I could change into Darcy if you think it would help.”
Her mouth popped open and her face flushed. “Uh… that probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”
“Why not?”
She shook her head and grabbed my hand to lead me back up to the outside.
“Susan, what’s up?”
She stopped and turned around on the stairs. It was nice to have her eye to eye with me. She wasn’t short; I was just tall compared to her.
“The other night, after shopping…” She sighed. “When you were… down there and you looked up at me.”
I looked at her curiously. “What?”
“I wanted you, probably just as much as I want you right now. I can’t see her while I’m around your dad, he’ll know that I go both ways.”
I tried not to laugh. “Susan, it’s not like it’s taboo anymore. We used to see that sort of stuff all the time back home.”
“Well, it’s taboo here. There are all of three girls out of the closet in school and their only friends are themselves. I don’t want it getting around until I’m out of this backward town.”
She grabbed my shirt again and got real close to my face. “Can we keep this a secret, please?”
“Well it’s not like she’s the one going to school here. I guess it wouldn’t be a big deal.”
Susan giggled. “That would be worse, me dating you and Darcy. But I still want to have that threesome, both ways.”
I cringed and she laughed at me. “Didn’t know what you were getting yourself in for when you hooked up with me did you?”
Somewhere in my head, I could almost hear Darkchylde laughing at me.
TBC...
Comments
Comments
> However considering the minute amount of comments I'm receiving I really don't know if I should waste my time writing more on the subject.
I can't speak for others, but I didn't even have the time to read the first two chapters yet. You posted the first one just two days ago. Some people here do have a life outside the Web.
I happen to like many of your stories, but I often find time to read them only weeks or even months after you posted them.
> And if you're thinking I'm being arrogant in writing this
Yes, that's actually what I'm thinking. At least give your readers the time to read your stuff before you demand comments.
--- Martin
You forgot the other half of
You forgot the other half of that sentence. Here, I'll help:
"...then you've completely lost the meaning behind the paragraph above."
This isn't a slobbering spit slinging demand for comments. This is a cause and effect point. Apparently you read into the paragraph what you wanted. In other words you're missing the point. This is not directed to the people that haven't read the story, but to the people that have read stories here and don't give something back. If I were to look at the hit counter and see there was only a hundred hits then I wouldn't expect anything in the realm of comments, But if it reads 1300 then there is an expectation of a certain percentage. So, take a deep breath and try to read this from a more rational mind instead of placing emotions and incorrect assumptions into the mix.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
I did read the other half ...
... but I still think you should give your readers a bit more time to comment. When I look at some of your other stories I see quite a lot of comments posted after more than two days.
By the way, hits are not reads. They may also be "too long to read it right now, but looks promising, let's bookmark/archive it for later".
(Yes, archive, because some of the best stories have a habit of suddenly disappearing when you want to read them.)
As for the "perfect example" below: quite some authors consider public corrections as rude. How are we supposed to know where we may post them? ;-)
--- Martin
As I said before, a certain
As I said before, a certain percentage. If you flip a coin a hundred times you can expect fifty of them to be heads and fifty tails. If if varies significantly then you might expect the coin to be faulty, bent, dirty, etc. I've written enough stories here to pretty much guess how the each story will be received and about how many comments I can expect. That's not arrogance, that's using my mind to problem solve.
I'm quite familiar with how hit counters work, I'm also quite familiar with how the majority of the people who read my stories respond be it immediately, a week, or a year down the road. There is an expectation of a certain number for certain authors. For me, it's about 5-10 comments for a thousand hits depending on what type of story it is,(which is awful considering some of the fiction sites I visit, but pretty standard here) When I noticed a discrepancy and a general trend site wide, I say something about it.
Look at the front page and see how many comments there are for all the stories. That doesn't even take into account the authors that respond publicly to comments as I tend to do. In other words it's dismal. We have to keep in mind what our action or lack thereof in this case affects whether or not an author will even bother to write another story if this is the response that they can expect. In fact I know several decent authors that have just given up and said screw it, it's not worth the time or the effort.
Regarding pointing out errors: I think it's a general rule here to PM the author for typos and the like if you are inclined to do so. The feeling behind this seems to be Be Constructive and not hateful. I've said before, a number of times, that I don't don't really care where it's pointed out, but not a lot of people read comments so it's understandable that you didn't know that about me personally. I can't count how many times things have been pointed out to me about the way characters are acting, plot-holes, etc. It usually causes discussion within the thread which is not only helpful to me but to other authors that are experiencing similar things in their own stories. So I always encourage free discussion even if it's to point out something simple.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Now that I've found the time to read the story ...
Now that I've found the time to read all five chapters (and surprisingly haven't been kicked out for nasty comments), I can comment on the story itself instead of (my perception of) you offending the audience ...
You wrote a great story - again! I like your characters because they are anything but one-dimensional. Your "good guys" all have their own dark spots to struggle with, and even your demons aren't entirely evil (or at least they are sometimes useful).
So please keep writing, and I'll keep reading (and maybe I'll remember to comment a bit more often).
--- Martin
You deserve lots of feedback
... But I don't always post because all my comments would just be repetitive :)
A new posting by Lilith Langtree always makes my day. And I am really enjoying this, even more since it's coming every day!
And I have this incredible craving for a banana split now. :). I loved that description. (but I think you meant hot fudge, not hot chocolate?)
A perfect example: Thank you
A perfect example: Thank you for the Fudge/Chocolate spot. That's exactly what I meant, now I can correct it and hopefully not make this same mistake in the future.
I don't see the problem with repetition. In my opinion, I think any author would be fine with "Good Story," or "Didn't like the subject matter," (There's a positive and negative response). It's simple and to the point. There are others that love to delve into the story/chapter and really get into analyzing motivations, etc. Great, that's even better, but it's not expected.
Thanks for taking the time to write what you did.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Maybe it's regional…
Since I grew up calling it chocolate syrup. Hot chocolate made perfect sense to me.
banana splits!
i wanna, i wanna, no fair i cant have one.....
I'm sorry if you feel unappreciated hon. I love your stories, and am enjoying this one muchly.
Dorothycolleen
Totally this comment.
Totally this comment. There's only so many ways I can say "I loved this story", but it's the truth.
----
Darkchyld doesn't SEEM evil, more amoral/neutral...
Her, his and the dragon's survival come first and she prefers not to take half measures. That she backed off when he asked her to tells me she can be reasoned with. The alternative theory is she is too weak yet to take over and is acting reasonable to buy time until she can usurp him permanently. LOVED the punishments, a combo of classic old-style *the gods driving a human mad* but with a silliness/playfull component. And she did say she might release them at some point when it was safe.
The BIG question is, is she his evil side and in league with that demon or is she neutral/good, his feminine qualities come to life? Thus the story about the dragon and the demon is real. What of the late Atlantian mage all the books and spells are supposedly from? Is our hero/heroine's female side his reincarnation or just a descendent? Love the girlfriend. The lawyer dad is cool too. Just hope neither gets hurt.
And is the mom completely gone? Is her spirit alive somewhere, captured by that demon who incinerated her or has she suffered final death? And who really ate the nasty boy, the demon or the dragon and are they different and enemies as his female self says or are they the same?
Or have I gone totally off the deep end?
And you ARE right and reasonable to prod us slackers for comments. Feedback is so useful even the negative kind if at least they give you a reason why.
This is damned good stuff, Lilith.
Any more stuff from your faerie/magic universe in the pipeline?
John in Wauwatosa
P.S. When do we see the dragon other than in the dream plane?
John in Wauwatosa
The question of DC's loyalty
The question of DC's loyalty is a good point, that I can't really go into at this juncture of the story.
Ariel's mom: In the Canon Comics, her mom came back as a bird that offered her advice. I don't know if I'll go down that route in future installments, maybe.
And I'm all for negative feedback as well, just as long as it is constructive or informative. "I hate the story, it sucks" isn't helpful, but "The characters aren't realistic given the situation they are in," would be.
The dragon will be making an appearance in 4 or 5, I forget which.
FQ3 is still moving along albeit very slowly.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
DC
I thought DCs behaviour towards that stupid bastards was pretty strange... I mean she wanted them to kill themselves. Ariel had serious problems with that, and if she's Ariel female version, she should have his moral compass. They were going to be punished by the judical system and there was no real need to push it further. She still wanted them dead.
They say the female of the species is more dangerous than the male, but DC didn't just react more violent, she reacted completly over the top. I don't think every female is amoral by definition, so I really wonder why DC is amoral, since Ariel isn't.
This is a really really good
This is a really really good observation.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
DC's behaviour
The big problem seems to be that DC doesn't have a real appreciation of Ariel's situation in his community. Which is hardly surprising given her background is so different.
Ariel has to try and keep a low profile, which means letting law and order take it's natural course. He doesn't want anything to happen that draws attention to the area, such as, for example, people completely disappearing.
DarkChylde, on the other hand, just wants to flatten any opposition in the way she knows best. Ariel has to explain to her that eating people (animals, vehicles,...) might get rid of dangers but just draws attention to them in the worst possible way. I don't think she has much appreciation of the fine work (snort!) that law and order - and lawyers - do in the community.
Between them they have to come to some kind of understanding of each other's limitations, for their own safety.
Penny
On the other hand...
Alternatively, DC's moral compass is probably based on whatever theory of ethos existed in Atlantean society. In such a case, 'a threat to one's life must be removed' could be a primary tenet of survival. Additionally, DC is the guardian of the Dragon, and the Dragon is dependent upon Ariel for life, so any threat to Ariel is, by proxy, a threat to the dragon. As the dragon's guardian, it is incumbent upon DC to remove said threats.
Now for my question... Is DC female, and pushing Ariel to be female because eventually, someone must 'give birth' to the dragon??? ;)
-sb
Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources
Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources
As usual, a great story!
I'm totally enjoying this. Since Perry really didn't do away with Terry, I assume that he was probably with Terry, waiting for him to come back up from assaulting Ariel, which is why he knew Terry was down there. The big question, then would be why he would attack Ariel if he truly thought Ariel had "handled" Terry, as Ariel has no bruises or anything.
I think Darcy needs to do a little magical investigation of Perry.
I really hope that you do post your follow up stories. I'm really into this!
Wren
Don't get the wrong idea.
Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not holding my stories hostage for comments. I'll post every one that is complete, which would be the remaining two chapters of this one and the three chapters of the next. They are both complete. Even if I don't receive a single comment from here on out they will be posted. I'm just saying the motivation to write any more has left.
Re: the chapter: The story takes a shift in Chapter 4 which might give you some of the answers you're looking for.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
....a NIGHTMARE to others!
I have my own theories on what is going to happen here but I won't spoil things by saying them here. I am sorry that you feel under-appreciated, if it makes a difference I am seriously impressed by your skills as a writer, I don't like just saying "You're awesome" over and over so if I don't make any comment please take it that I am just super impressed and leave it at that please - you are more appreciated than you might think.
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
I'd like to second that
As usual, a very good story. I just don't have an intelligent comment right now that wants to be written (I could speculate on DC's intentions, but we already have some good comments on that which cover all of my ideas).
So let's just say I enjoyed this one - as always. And maybe needed a reminder to say it again.
Awsome
Well... You got me to register @bc to be able to tell you your story is awesome and plz continue it.
I really like the non stuck aspect of this story. This way Ariel can experiment without angsting all the time. The way you implemented DC is very interesting, but I wonder what DC really is. Is she his female split personality, or is she some magic construct made up from his memories, that can take posession of his body? I really wonder where DC got her female skills from if she's female Ariel... Since Ariel doesn't know how do his/her makeup DC shouldn't be able to do this.
Imho the question about DC is, what is she and what are her intentions.
Thank you for the awesome story, I really like it although I'm not really into the retconning of comic superheros. I hope you'll continue writing about this "hero", because they have their unique personality and problems. The selfavatar aspect is a great idea, and I guess you'll get more comments over the weekend.
This observation runs hand
This observation runs hand in hand with Maggie's below, and it still hasn't been figured out quite yet. You've both raised some great observations and are right on the edge of figuring it out. All the clues have already been exposed in the story.
I really didn't think this was going to be discussed this early, so there I go thinking again. I'd planned on revealing it in the third story which I'm currently working on between the others I've left hanging recently.
The question you need to ask, which you've done is, What is Darkchylde?
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Lili, please keep writing
Lili, please keep writing retcons, and this story. I absolutely love your writing, and only come here because of you and enemyoffun. Its not that i dont read other stories, i do, I just look forward to your writing and get disappointed when theres nothing new. BTW this is my first comment
As nice as it is to hear
As nice as it is to hear that, I feel bad for the authors that are not on your list, but I also know that each of us has our own tastes. Maybe the long drawn out story that EOF and I are known for is your cup of tea. That's fine, it's what I encourage in others that seek out my help with their stories.
I've got about six or seven other CRU's that are in the works, so it's not like I plan to quit. It's the lack of motivation that makes is hard to write. Encouraging the author with feedback provides a good portion of that motivation. And it's not just me, it's others as well, but sometimes they have trouble saying it. I don't have that kind of trouble because I really don't care what people think about me as a person in that regard. If I did then I would have quit writing a long time ago and would be hiding in a cave.
So, in short, thanks for commenting it raises up my motivation.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Bottom line, I read mostly
Bottom line, I read mostly magical transformation stories or somewhere where the character has changed sex to a full biological female.
This is why I don't read the other stories. I, for the most part, don't want to read someone's autobiographical tale.
I'd rather read a scientific accident story, chemical transform, etc. I must admit Jenny Walker's Half Measure story I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE though.
I suppose I should jump out the box a bit.
Once again, this comment. I
Once again, this comment. I love reading and contributing to the Retcon uni. I am in a place right now where I don't have a lot of time on my hands to do a lot, but I always make time for new BCTS stories of series I follow. You are one of a very few authors that I read EVERYTHING they write.
----
Comment junkie?
Hey. I like your writing. I get tired of comic book, retcon, and magik pretty quick unless there is enough other content to help carry the story. It's my preference, when I am writing, for TG stuff to be 5-10% of the story, and the rest is about relationships, and plot development. Everyone else does as they wish.
I've gotten nasty comments a couple times but I just figure that those people are one dimensional, and I am 3D. LOL I think ur doin a great job with this. I especially like your one liners. People that know me in real life like my one liners too.
Hey. I really like your writing.
Khadijah
I know you're saying this
I know you're saying this tongue in cheek (Comment Junkie) but a lot of people aren't seeing it that way (i.e. Martin from above et al.) One of the many reasons I write here is because of the good feedback. It helps improve my style with each and every story. But if there is no feedback then how else am I supposed to improve? So no, it has nothing to do with being a junkie and winning the nonexistent comment contest that people think is going on at times.
I'm with you on the TG content. I'd rather have a great story with minimal stereotypical TG content than every story being about the angst over wearing a dress being the majority of what I read.
And I'm not worried about nasty comments. I can take care of myself in that regard, dishing it out as I receive them. If they're constructive then I'll take it into account for the next time I write a story. Which is why i wanted to receive them in the first place.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
darkchylde
Love it Lilith, as usual. And trust me, I get your sentiments, Its why im not posting right now (Aside from being horrifically busy)
Alyssa
Those last few-
sentences absolutely explains this story. Not knowing what you were letting yourself in for, and being laughed at by those who do. This is a very teenager like story. The dark humor and edgy wtf moments is very vivid. I much prefer it to the whining angst so common in other young adult supernatural tales. Cough, cough, hmmm, sparklingly vampires.
Ariel is not the most moral of boys. He's not the Lone Ranger or Kal-El by a long shot. However that just makes him seem all that more as the normal kid trying to deal with a really screwed up situation.
As for Susan, wow, is she the wild one. :)
I don't know about that town being in Old Mississippi. It sounds all too much where I am in South Cackalacky.
Hugs
Grover
PS: Sorry about not commenting earlier but it sucks that pollen season triggers both allergies and migraines.
There's a specific scene in
There's a specific scene in the next story that I think you'll love and appreciate. It's the 3rd chapter of the second story and you'll know it when you see it. Sorry, I can't blow the scene, but your angst comment sent me reeling with laughter at what's to come.
Morality: It's been commented on in the past that some of my characters are beyond reproach in terms of morality and that the commenter like reading my stories because of that. This time I wanted him/her to be more like I see every day, someone that's out for themselves more or less without being evil about it. A little self-serving I guess. That's how I see Ariel.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
About morality
I think characters are boring when too flawless, so the more realistic approach is fine with me. Actually, my favorite character over at Whateley is Sara Waite, and she can get quite nasty on her enemies.
I also think I'm not alone in that. For comparison, the Dirty Harry movies were quite successful according to Wikipedia ;-)
Darkchylde
Hello,
I have really enjoyed this story.
Julie
Lack of comments and kudos...
Crunch time in RL and such don't give me much time to read, or comment on, stories right now, but with that preamble I feel I need to say something.
This story is great. I like the protagonist's personality and perspective and the writing is high class enough to play with the best, and would really like to see more of the kind.
On the other hand, there's not many Lilith stories I haven't felt the same about...
Moir Plz!
There is only one author that I automatically devour when any new story is posted...
Keep 'em coming! I am hungry.
P.S. Your writing is what I use as inspiration when I am stuck with my writing. Kind of a "What would Brian Boitano Do?". :)
-- Sleethr
-- Sleethr
Darkchylde: In Touch With Your Inner Chylde (Part: 3/5)
Yaupon, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilex_vomitoria There's a story after this, a follow-up, that is also finished. It's almost like a series of stories for three of the main character of focus Me, I'm looking forward to reading them.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I Took the Time To Catch Up
... this morning, and I am glad that I did. You have created a well crafted, enjoyable tale. I am glad that you have finished it before posting; however, that makes my venturing a guess as to what happens a moot point. I'll just have to wait and see. I got a hint in part two (I believe) that Ariel's mother's demise was only a corporal one. I was wondering about Terry. Was his spirit destroyed when he became a snack. Would it be possible for his spirit to return, maybe in a body that had no spirit previously, so that he/she might be able to have a life more productive than the previous one?
Portia
Portia
One possibility
About DC that occurred to me is that if she is a new being, she would have no real moral compass simply because she lacks the experience to have one at this point. But I've been wrong before, you know.
Maggie
Ding ding ding. We have a
Ding ding ding. We have a winner!
But there's still something that nobody has picked up on yet though that makes this make more sense. It's all already out there to be figured out.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Before the Dragon
Do you mean the fact, that DC said she was there before Ariel freed the dragon? That means she's no creation of the dragon... I wonder who created her - Dormannu or Ariels subconscious?
How can she be Ariels female self if she's a new beeing and how can she get knowledge he doesn't have if she's created out of him.
Since there shouldn't be makeup skills in the female DNA, she can't have gotten those from Ariels girlfriend.
DC is a baby that can talk and has magic powers, but has no real idea how the world works. She got her knowledge from either the dragon or dormannu or both and is more a female clone of Ariel than his female self. That would explain why she has no moral compass and no idea how the world works - killing people tends to attract attention...
And attention should be the last thing Ariel and DC want.
I wonder if the dragon created her to take over Ariel if he'd succumbed to dormannus influence or if dormannu created her to wiggle out of his payment for Ariel.
The questions are imho: Why and how does DC exist? What does she want? And, will she get tired of her secondary position in Ariel and try to take over?
That's another clue that
That's another clue that you've pointed out: DC being there before the dragon's introduction.
You're so freaking close.
Why and how does DC exist? is the more important question. The others don't play a part until the third story.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
The next question
Was DC already there when his mother "disappeared"?
M
Martina
No, DC appeared for the
No, DC appeared for the first time after the demon took Ariel over and killed Terry.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Well...
It occurs to me that she might in fact BE the reincarnation of Mom... or is that just stupid?
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
*Blink*
*Blink* So the reincarnation of Mom, boned her son... GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I think you forgot about that scene, but strangely enough you're not too far off the mark. Though it's not exactly a reincarnation.
Clues that have been mentioned in comments that apply.
1. DC came about right after the demon took over Ariel's body
2. DC is amoral. Why?
3. DC is partially Ariel's alter-ego
4. DC has something to do with the Dragon.
5.
6.
Five and Six are massively important clues that would give it all away. There's a 2 key scenes in the second chapter that are being looked over and it may be because it's plain as day and it's being discounted for some reason. Of Course that's easy for me to say from my viewpoint since I already know the answer.
Don't feel bad about not getting this right away. There's a key piece of information that doesn't come up until chapter 5 I think that should make it more clear.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
DNA
There were some lines about her genetic template.
So let's wait for the next chapters.. :)
M
Martina
True
I had indeed forgotten that, well then maybe the line about the demon going away is nonsense - maybe DC is short for Demon Chylde as well? This is all idle speculation of course.
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
2 Points
Well, DC said she was made by the dragon out of the genetic material of that condom.
She also said she was Ariels conduit to the dragon.
I wonder if the dragon has morals...
If DC hadn't said she was around to help Ariel resist Dormammu I'd say she's a spirit constructed by the dragon by using terrys soul to protect and control Ariel.
Well, I'm not able to outgess you... I'll just have to wait for the next chapter :D
I feel so dumb...
i cant see it. hopefully I'm not the last person to get it.....
Dorothycolleen
Missing details
Well... one bit that people seem to look over is that the fluids inside a used condom spilling over the dragon/book wouldn't be the only fluids/genetic details (or connection mystically, if you want to apply standard 'rules' of magic) from a used condom. That gives DC a contemporary teenager worth of identity to tap into... which might be 'problematic' for Ariel's sanity, considering the bi (and rather kinky) nature of the girl involved. And since she's the sister of the football player who went more than a little psychotic and got eaten for his mistakes, there's every possibility that there are genetic markers in DC's makeup that are a little unstable as well.
My guess, anyway.
And in response to the reminder/request for comments... I'll try to remember to say something more often, Lilith; I tend to grab the text of stories and read them at times when I don't have a network connection to make an immediate response. But I know from my own experiences with Glass and with Whateley stuff how frustrating it is to get somewhat sporadic feedback and wonder if its because you're doing something wrong (especially when you see other people getting feedback while you don't). I have intentionally avoided commenting on some things here on BCTS because some feedback I've given was too critical for other readers... and I just don't have it in me to say good things about stories that need work. Of course, that doesn't help when I don't get feedback myself... because then I wonder if people are doing the same thing to me. Crazy, no?
But don't worry... in your case, the lack of feedback isn't anything negative. You kick entirely too much ass and we're all just concerned that you might run out of time reading all the fan mail and it will slow down the arrival of the next story. :)
Well,..
To me it is obvious...
Darkechylde is the Atlantean Spellbook. Had that figured from the moment Ariel was unable to find the book after his encounter with DC and the Dragon.
-sb
Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources
Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources
The award goes to Starbuck.
The award goes to Starbuck. Congratulations.
5. Who wrote the extra red pages in the spellbook and why?
6. Where is the spellbook?
It's obvious when you see it, not so much when your concentrating on other things.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Who wrote the Spellbook?
Well... I can't wait for the next installment :D
Please post it ;)
Btw... Will you continue "They don't need any rules?" I really want to read the last chapter.
Thank you,
Beyogi
For me, for longer stories, it takes a bit more time
... to chunk on the story and make observations. Your stuff is never one dimensional and so consider it praise that it takes me more time than usual to comment on your stuff. I spend a good hour a day or more commenting sometimes, between thinking and composing and writing it so if the occasional comment seems short, it just is due to tiredness or like some other posters have said, it would become repetitive observations.
Now, that said, this story is getting really interesting, a veritable transgendered person's dream of being able to switch at will. Or is it truly 'switching' in the real sense since DC is really only a subset of the superego so to speak? Thing is, DC is not your usual 'being', like the Wolf analogy I used in my previous comment but she is not quite a mere facet of him either as she is a magically imbued being, almost the magic given form and for her to become more concrete in terms of her existence and given more independence.
Need more independence? She virtually made a life and death decision which would not have been revoked if he had not forced himself into her 'space'. So if that did happen, would he still be culpable as DC in a sense is he also? So if DC get enough 'facetime', could she become the dominant? Remember, she seems to have her own survival imperative and that trust has been strained and I would be leery of taking her work at face value if she were to be more independent.
To me, DC is more like a daughter fission then a compartamentalization of an existing space so to speak so I think an understanding needs to be in place before DC gets more 'time'.
Kim
Well, I know that I'm
Well, I know that I'm enjoying it greatly and look forward to any and all future installments. I've read most of your work, and I don't think it's an overestimation to say this set of characters feels the best...the most real, if you will, out of all that I've read of yours.
Your admonishment puts me in an awkward place...I definitely read a lot that is posted, especially in the comics retcon universe, but I almost never leave comments. Strange, since I've also written a bit, and was equally disappointed when I didn't receive many comments of my own. So the wheel turns, I suppose! I'll definitely try to leave comments more in the future, but suffice to say that I'm greatly enjoying your latest!
Darkchyld
Lilith,
I don't often comment because I have never been one to critique. The best I can do, usually is enter, uncritically into the world that is presented and experience.
With DC I have and I love it. Your writing always has such a descriptive flow that "entering in" is effortless and once in there are none of the discontinuities that tend to bump me out. I believe that over the years, I have read most of what you have posted both here and on Stardust and I cannot ever remember not being enthralled. Thank you bunches and I'm sorry for not posting comments more often.
Joani
Dance, Love, and cook with joy and great abandon
hi
just wanted you to know that i love the story line and hope you continue. I don't normally do a kudo since my internet is a POS one. It freezes up constantly. Hope that you get this and know that people do enjoy your efforts.
Huggggggsssss
Brandie
Author arrogance
from where I'm sitting you're quite entitled! Great work as usual and totally in the tradition of enjoyable, captivating reads that I associate with the fair name of Lilith. May your pen never clog nor your laptop screen freeze!
Many thanks,
Stillian (last time I looked)
Excellent!
Fantastic story, Lil, as always. Thank you for sharing your amazing talents with all of us, and I hope that you will always know in your heart that what you do is appreciated =D
Some speculation...
Part 1 (emphasis mine):
Part 2:
So, the speculation: He got his wish from Dormammu, his mom was only destroyed in her mortal body, not her soul. DC is her soul, Ariel has sacrificed the substance of life so I figure Dormammu set DC is up to eventually replace Ariel entirely as his agent. Only DC happens to be rebelling against Dormammu.
You want comments, you get comments
I see what you're doing here. You're trying to draw all the shy nervous lurkers (like me) out to make fools of themselves (on April 1st no less) as they bow down before your literary skill. But I don't need your scheming to make a fool of myself. I am quite accomplished at that all on my own.
Anyway, odd semi-sarcastic, backhanded compliments aside, I really like the way you arrange the funny lines that appear on my screen (well, kindle after a quick copy/paste/transfer, but anyway). I have trouble finding anything you've written to be critical about other than the fact that there isn't more of it appearing at an in-humanly fast rate (conjure yourself up a speed-authoring meta ability or something). In all seriousness, you're one a handful of authors here that I will happily read just about anything they deem ready for public consumption (please no exhaustive studies on the parenting habits of polar bears, I won't read that... well maybe). So please keep writing and maybe even go back an finish off a few of your earlier works (no pressure).
TL;DR version: more please!!
Now you've done it
I happen to LOVE reading about the parenting habits of polar bears, who are rapidly going extinct btw. Maybe we can have a furry story where it is an Alaskan superheroine who can turn into a polar bear :).
But in the mean time, we'll study about the parenting habits of humans in this one :).
Kim
Actually....
Isn't there a member of Alpha Flight who could shape change into various animals like Owls and stuff? She could easily become a Polar bear and a TG version of her would be easy as she is supposed to be some sort of divine reincarnation of the Spirit of the North or something.
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
you are thinking of Snowbird
and yes, she could turn into any northern animal. interestingly, she died, and her body ended up being inhabited by a man - Sasquatch
Dorothycolleen
That's the one!
Thanks other DC (LOL), yeah Those wacky Alpha Flighters, Gay, Transgendered and whatever else they could get away with :D
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
You are great
In response to your little rant at the beginning of this story I shall begin commenting to all of your new stories. I think I can speak for many people here when I say that you are the best author on this site (by far) and it is a huge shame when you abandon a story without giving it an ending (I.E. The Soul Does Not Perish or They Don't Need Any Rules) or just kill off a reboot of one of your stories without anything other then a TBC (I.E. Jade: The Price of Vengeance or Off Center). Just realize that you have many loving fans who admire and take inspiration from your work (I.E. The Center universe or The Comics Retcon universe). What I said was probably very redundant.
Fine, fine I'm out of the shadows.
I'm leaving a comment. I have enthusiastically bitched and moaned about wanting another chapter of Fairie Queen. Is this part of the reason why we haven't seen another? Not enough people have shown their love of it?
Oh and on this stories point I pretty much like most of your stories, especially Fairie Queen and after that Ares Bane. Hint, hint.
Alright, I give in.
I've been haunting the site for almost a year now and never registered, but if you're going to be snippy... ;)
Just kidding. Honestly, I've been thinking about registering for a while now to do this, you just finally kicked my lazy butt into gear. I've been reading the CRU stories from around since they were first posted, and they are what's really been pulling me back here day after day (I've actually bookmarked the Universe page!). I've even contemplated writing my own Retcon story, but it's still in development. And I suspect that I'm far from the only unregistered lurker that's been reading your stuff. You're far more appreciated then the some 50 or above comments indicate.
Anyway, regarding the story: like almost everyone else, I'm really, really enjoying the characterization of Ariel and the others. Flawed (but not evil) characters make for very interesting reads, even though sometimes you want to bang your head against the table for some of the stupid things they do.
I'm also trying to figure out Darkchylde's intentions. I rather enjoy how ambiguous you've made her. The split, "feminine" personality tends to show up quite frequently in TG fiction, and more often than not they have ill intentions for their host (whether the host deserves it or not is another can of worms all together). What I like about how you've characterized DC is how hard it is to tell what she's up to. You've introduced a lot of the elements: a foreign presence (the dragon and even DC herself), the ability to possess the character's body, a tendency towards ruthlessness, and (of course) a strongly female identity. It's setting off lot's of warning bells in my head.
At the same time, however, she's also friendly (apparently), willing to listen, trying to be fair and helpful, and cares about his feelings. It could be an act of course (I don't think so though), but she seems very much to be a friend and ally rather than an threat.
This passage in particular demonstrates what I mean:
“That’s the minimum I need to survive. You could spend a week or a year as a girl, night and day, and it would help anchor me a lot quicker, and still not have to worry about your ability to shift back to your male form.â€
“Don’t plan on that happening, DC. I like being a guy.â€
“Hmm,†she said kind of smugly. “It didn’t sound or look like that this morning.â€
I felt my face flush again. “You were watching?â€
A throaty laugh followed. “I don’t sleep, Ariel. Not really anyway. I’m always watching over you… even when you’re being naughty. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with what you did. You were experiencing life from my side. I want you to enjoy yourself.â€
That kind of shocked me. “You want me to masturbate more often?â€
She spluttered a laugh. “Well, whenever I guess, but you and Susan can have fun or you can bring someone else into your life to let you experience what it would be like with a male.â€
I quickly interrupted her. “No thanks.â€
“Like I said, whatever. I may be biased here, but being a girl is so much more fun than being a guy. Yeah, they both have their downsides, but I think they’re less for girls. You’re missing out.â€
“Why are you trying to talk me into staying as a girl?â€
Her voice changed to recognition. “Oh, sorry. Um, consider the subject dropped. I don’t want you to think I’m pushing you or anything. I’m just proud of my gender is all. Go Girls! and all that stuff, you know?â€
“Uh-huh.â€
“Gheeze, Ariel, it’s not like I’m plotting or anything. Be a boy… whatever.â€
That last part sounded like she was a little hurt by my implication. “Sorry, I’m just… I mean this has been a seriously suck-ass year for me.â€
I felt a warmth encircle me, like DC was hugging my body from behind. “I’m sorry too. I don’t think much past the moment I came into being. You miss your mom.â€
I'm also pleased to see how cautious Ariel is with DC. He isn't stupid. He's aware of the possibility of betrayal, but isn't shutting her out either (which would be a really mean thing to do to someone trying to help you). I've seen WAY too many characters in these types of stories that put too much trust into a being like DC and paid for it. I've also seen too many characters ignore some of the horrible, ruthless actions a supernatural ally does for them too. Ariel has reacted as any normal, sane person has under the circumstances: use caution and don't ignore a danger. It's something I'm really happy to see.
I'm looking forward to the next installment and you can expect more comments from me in the future.
Reviews
I do like your writing and I do not comment much, probably should a lot more, but I do get embarrased about how my comments will be received.
I do not have a feel for putting my thoughts into words, in fact I have very little imagination, and yours and fellow writers 'works' give me great pleasure.
As I have said I like your style of writing and at this precise time, because I know how many episodes your producing, have decided to wait 'til the end to enjoy your missive.
Hope you do not get discouraged because I am sure there are lots like me reluctant to say anything.
I know the feeling
when you don't get the comments on a story. To be honest I wouldn't have commented on this story either because it's not the sort of story I read, magic and scifi. For some reason I started to read it and like it, but to be honest I prefer your other stories that don't reley on magic, most of which I've read. Hopefully you'll return the favor someday and comment on my stories too, Arecee
Comments
First of all an apology. Both to you Lilith and any other author who happens to be reading the comments. I have used BC for a long time and never posted before. Recently i have started writing my first fan fiction or story at ll for Crystal Hall, ( as blayze shameless plug sorry) and have been thrilled by the kind comments, interest and feedback. It is a rush, and undoubtedly is a major stimulus for more writing. As my first experience on the other side of the fence, it has shown me just how important the comments are to me. I have found myself checking several times a day for updates just in case i miss something. In short i am hooked, completely love it, and would hate to have my work ignored. This is with one story! I have read your works, wherever i have found them, on several sites, have enjoyed them immensely, and been amazed at the sheer volume of consistently excellent reading on many subjects you have produced. Especially now i am learning how much work is involved. Imho i do not know how you do it Lilith but i am extremely glad you do. You are one of 2 or 3 writers whose work i ALWAYS look forward to and enjoy. So i am now very ashamed at the lack of feedback i have given for far too long to too many people. My sincere apologies to you and everyone else writing out there.
I am as always enjoying DC and eagerly awaiting the next section. Please do not ever stop. And if you ever get time to read instead of write, i would love your thoughts on how i am doing so far with Synthaera. I only wish your muse would produce more for Whateley, i want to know what else is in store for Sangria and her Morlocks!!
Enough of me, thank you for your efforts Lilith, believe me they are worthwhile.
Blayze
Lilith, I have yet to read a
Lilith, I have yet to read a story of yours that didnt leave me waiting impatiently for the next in the series.
Darkchylde is no exception :)
Totally unsure
That your comment was posted on 4/1 leaves me completely unsure how to take it. Maybe you mean it, maybe you intend to laugh at everybody tomorrow. Be that as it may, I don't take seriously anything said on 4/1. I don't post silly shit on 4/1, nor do I attempt to play childish pranks on people; but for every person like me there are dozens if not hundreds who derive some sick pleasure out of doing so.
. . . .
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
Dessert Menu Please!
Ummm...I think I'll be ordering more banana splits now when I eat out. *phew*
I like DC but I'm not entirely sure if she was telling the truth about why she was pushing Ari to spend more time as Darcy. I also get the feeling that maybe sooner or later the truth about Terry's death will get out to Susan. More worryingly for Ari in the short term, if they don't find a body I'm guessing the focus will swing back again to Ari.
Yeah, the door thing is pretty cool when it happens but I remember that flustered feeling when it was first done for me, so I could identify with Ari there.
Sorry to see about the lack of comments, as this story deserves an awful lot. I love the way the characters are the focus over the superhero-ing at the moment as it really helps in getting to care about them before you start throwing significant jeopardy their way. That's not to say that I'm not looking forward to some mystical ass kicking later of course. ;-)
I do agree with your point about the merits of comments. Kudos are nice but comments are I think a little nicer as it takes more effort to make them. I've certainly learnt a thing or two from constructive comments in the past as a reader (and in trying to be a better writer).
I think that you have a great skill as a writer Lilith and I'm enjoying this story very much, to the degree it's quarter past two in the morning now I've finished the third chapter!!
Thank you. :-)
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
I've figured it out
DC is the dragon!!!!!!!!!
The dragon can't manifest it's true form because of it's lack of strenth.
The question now is, is the dragon an aspect of Dormammu/Him?
comments
I love reading your stories but I also love reading many other authors. If I commented on everything that I read, I wouldn't have time to read! Currently reading 3 hard copy novels, every Retcon series, Whatley and several other e-books at once. Even though I love the Retcon and Whatley stories I do have a basic problem with following all the various plots that relate to each other. Sometimes a universe can expand beyond comprehension. Still, you are one of my favorite authors. Please keep writing.
I know! Just not enough
I know! Just not enough time to read everything that I want to read. Nevermind fitting some of the more technical reading that I'm interested in going over. Or find time to walk my camera! I was good about getting out and learning to cross country ski this winter but I've got kick my butt to get and run now that the snow is gone.
Why won't anyone pay me to be selfish and whiny instead of expecting me to work for my pennies?
:-)
Hey Lilith! I'm really
Hey Lilith!
I'm really enjoying reading about Ariel / Darcy, Susan, DC and Ari's dad. On the other hand, I've enjoyed all the stories that you have shared with us. On the gripping hand, I always feel that I don't have a lot of _deep_ insight so the comments I do make always seem (to me) as being pretty fanboyish so I don't tend to comment often.
Totally my fault.
Thanks again for sharing with us!
Brian
I've enjoyed your stories
I've enjoyed your stories since I discovered this site. I appreciate the time & skill it must take to pull all these characters together & can only hope that you continue to let us see what kind of mischief/trouble they happen to get into next!
Here's the thing...
I'm not very fast on reading or coming up with a intelligent comment to stories. So, if I was to try to post a comment to most stories here that I read, it's going to be "Interesting/Nice story. I read it."
It takes me a fair amount of time to put my thoughts in order before committing them to the electron flow... And since I doing most of my reading here just before bed, I can: 1. read one story, study and ponder on it until a coherent comment coalesces, write it and then go to sleep (missing the other new stories), 2. stay up even later to treat 2 or more stories "properly" and screw up the next day, or 3. read as many stories as I can, hit the kudos button if I remember to, and get to sleep.
Most of the time I choose number 3. But when a story leaves me thinking, I do try to come back the next visit and post a comment. Once in a while, one effects me so deeply (usually by reminding me of ones I recently lost, or sending me off to "sad land"..) that I write an immediate comment.
One other note. I almost never comment on a story until it's complete. Once in a while, during a serial, I might address a comment in response to another comment, but that's about it. That's just the way my brain, self works.
I understand the need for feedback and some appreciation, I teach fencing and for 99+% of my students, I never know if they are _really_ getting it, and a lot of them leave without telling me why. Heck, even with the successful ones, there's very little feedback (other than parents going "I knew you had it in you!" if the student succeeds, never mind the coaches impact, _except_ if they do badly, then of course it's the coaches fault....)
I guess that last paragraph is my way of telling you to think about what drives you to write. If it requires some amount of readers comments to encourage you, then what happens if that isn't there? I guess that I'm also musing aloud just a bit about what drives me to do the things I do... :-)
So, darn you, you did manage to make me stop and think and write a lengthy comment, even if it wasn't about the story... :-)
Janice
Time pressure
I'm not commenting on much these days as work is putting a lot of pressure on my life, besides being TDY Europe means lots of great new restaurants to try. :)
Guilty as charged
It seems like I never have time to write for Big Closet anymore, but I remember how much I enjoyed feedback from those who read what I posted.
And yet, I almost never comment. What does that say about me?
I know, everyone has an excuse, but I move all the stories I read off onto a portable device and read them whenever and wherever I have the time, so it is nearly always impossible to comment immediately when I've finished a story.
Be that as it may, just to plug in a kudo here - pretty much anytime I see Lilith's name as author, I know I'm going to enjoy the read, and this book is no exception. Please, keep up the good work. I really admire the authors that can keep turning out good material.
Neves Amgine
you have a great story line here
i really do love this new story of yours. its fun and more then a bit exciting.
John celba
Dessert First
I loved your comparisons of masturbation to desserts. Too cool.
I'm still noticing the occasional typo but the writing flows well enough that I can easily overlook any mistakes. The story is great. The writing is great.
As for comments, I'm sorry to say that I plan to keep blocking comments on my stories. I get much more useful feedback from an editor than I ever do from comments, and some comments have really upset me in the past. Comments here are like part of the story, and I don't want any bad comments detracting from my stories. I think that's a valid reason for me to block comments. Yes, a comment can be deleted, but once I see it, it's too late.
In spite of not being too fond of comments, I'll try to comment on your stories since you like comments so much, and I'll stick with compliments and constructive criticism.
Thanks and kudos.
- Terry
I Loved this! As any story
I Loved this! As any story by Lilith, anything by her is Gold but there is a lot of people who can't comment because they get in trouble with there spouse or parents and have to read and other things on the sly if you know what I mean.It doesn't mean they don't like it they just don't wont to mess up there marriage or home life.
On the subject of kudo's
I'm probably artificially bumping up your hit count, but my normal trick of pressing "reload" followed by "Good Story" kept throwing up the "An error occurred" message. I hit reload a few times before in desperation logging and and logging back in, and low and behold if the "Good story" button didn't work straight away.
Lilith, I love all your stores, and most of the stuff in CRU. I tend not to post commentary as I know I like too much - my friends occasionally hassle me about how I can suspend disbelief and enjoy even the worst crud on TV and movies. That said, I love that in your stories, your protagonists have problems, life isn't a walk in the park, but you manage to do that through stuff actually happening instead of just angst.
I've been busy the last few days
So had a backlog to clear. So now I am in a conundrum - with 80+ comments on this piece, it's really really hard to pick the discussions to pipe into. :)
One of the posters suggested that the book was DC, the other that DC is the demon, or the mother's soul. Or even the dragon itself.
Well, we can give a bit of a clue here - she is most definitely not Dormammu's henchperson. It is apparently the one who had given Ariel the knowledge of the language - because he could read the book as English before completing the ritual. So I guess it's not the book itself. It is an entity tied to the book, to the dragon - because she has a complete knowledge of one and is the guardian of the other.
In all, my thoughts are veering heavily into her being akin to ReinForce, the spirit of the Tome of the Night Sky. Sorta like a construct of the Book, of Zhered-Na, of the current and possibly previous owners of the book.
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
If I remember from the previous chapter...
... Ariel had the vision of HIM offering the "power" and Ariel saying to let me think about it. Ariel then receives a sampling of the "power" then woke from that vision. It was right after that Ari was attacked by Terry. The next morning when he went to the man-cave to try to find out what went wrong with the spell by reading more of Mom's diary and re-read more of the book that he was able to read the book like English. So at that time he read the incantation to enter the astral plane and had the pronounced the phrase properly but, in reality it wasn't a spell to enter the astral plane but the spell to free the dragon, or the start of the process to free her, and I assume she (the dragon) is trapped in the book. DC had said, after the "spirit" of the the dragon[???]had entered Ari, and the resultant vision, that his seed and some essence of Susan combined in the making of her (DC/dragon).
I do however, agree that Ari will eventually become DC full time since the dragon (did she have a name) DC and Ari all seem to be made of the same stuff now and Ari's beginning to like being feminine, [i.e. Ari's seed, Susan's DNA in combination with the book (it being made up of the dragon???)].
All of these elements combine to make this Retcon the most interesting so far.
So much to read, so little time and only one of me :)
The English Teacher
So much to read, so little time and only one of me :)
The English Teacher
All of this is correct
All of this is correct except for one part. When Ariel read the book in English she found out how to release the Dragon and share in its power. That's the incantation he spoke. He didn't attempt to Astral Surf again. ;) It's a minor difference, but important to the plot. He knowingly performed the spell realizing the possible consequences involved. He just didn't realize the correct consequences.
~Lili
Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree
~Lili
Write the story that you most desperately want to read.
Awesome
Although I do not comment often, I do enjoy your writing. I also read stories in bits and pieces as time allows. However, that should not excuse me from showing my appreciation for your hard work. Please continue writing these stories. I am enjoying them greatly.
The story is building
The story is building nicely, wonder how soon it will be before others begin to notice Darcy especially guys? So far she's been low key.
Thanks for sharing
Claire :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
note
i am afraid i need to apologize i usually find stories months or years after they were posted and got into a bad habit of not commenting on the story
that said this story is very well written
i am looking forward to reading more
Damn Fine Story Lilith
Lilith...thanks you for this fine story. I usually wait until an author has finished a multi-part story before commenting. However, in view of what has gone before, I just want you to know that I really look forward to your stories, and will just have to find time to finish this one.
Phew!
I thought the comments would never end :) Looks as though your aide-memoire worked!
As for me, I've just read this chapter for the first time - I'm steadily working my way through the series in amongst at least a dozen other stories on site (the perils of being an obsessive compulsive reader!)
Looking at all the speculation and the reveals regarding DarkChylde, I'd say she's a 'new' entity, in that she hasn't existed in this form before, but she's also a hybrid. She's got elements of the spellbook, Atlantean society/culture, Ariel, his mother, maybe even a bit of Susan (it's possible there may have been some of her DNA on the exterior of the condom) and probably other sources as well. As others have stated, her moral compass probably dates from Atlantean times, but she's willing to adapt to fit in with twenty first century society. She also seems to know about metahumans and how society regards them (e.g. her comment about not revealing the extent of their magical knowledge, as flipping genders / clothing at will would be viewed as very low level and not a threat to society), so maybe she's inherited some 21st century legal knowledge (either that or she's been reading dad's legal textbooks / law guides while Ariel's been asleep).
One thing no-one seems to have picked upon yet is her comment that "the more time you spend as a girl, the more of a hold I have on this plane". Interesting phrasing there - does that simply mean that the more time Ariel spends in female mode, the more knowledge / skills / experience DC will be able to have of 21st century earth, or is it a prelude to her at some point being able to assume a permanent material existence on Earth? And if so, what would become of Ariel - would the eventual arrangement be a single bodily form, but being able to switch control (as currently happens when Ariel's in female mode)?
Oh, and finally - the alternative punishments - so one got lumbered with a bread pudding fetish, another cucumbers... I wonder what unnatural foody fetishes she's given the others? :)
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Wow
It says something about your ability to get your readers involved if the story is only a third of the webpage, the rest is comments O_o
I think anything I could say has already been said, but this bears repeating:
The banana split comparaison? Awesome!
-Christelle
"Fun-loving geek-chick who's addicted to sunlight!"
-Christelle
"Fun-loving geek-chick who's addicted to sunlight!"
guess i was wrong.
I was thinking DC was a manifestation of the demons power, what better way to corrupt someone than to tell them you're there to help them fight that corruption? But it looks like I missed the discussion. Guess that's what I get for falling so far behind on my reading.
Sorry I don't comment more, I'll try to comment more, even if I do find posting a comment intimidating. I like the story, thanks for sharing.
Darkchylde: In Touch With Your Inner Chylde 3
A hero with a conscience, we all want to believe that we would own up rather than someone else take the blame. Love the story.
All of them
I am reading all of your stories and think that they are great. I am also new to the subject of changing gender and am surprised that I like the stories. I am hoping that one of them has a theme in which the good guy becomes and evil beauty and willfully submits to another girl (dominant but without power or very little) and she shows her how to become a good girl (with a little help of some kinky sex etc. etc.)
Perhaps Darth Talon could fit the profile?
Greetings, and write on!
great story so far
I'm not familiar with the whole Darkchyld story, tho I did look it up online. (I am finding a lot of comic book history I don't know ... its been a while since I read any, so go figure. ) Anyway, I like the story , and especially the Ariel/Darkchyld interaction. Thanks for the great read.
Wonderfull
Please, Please continue your writing.
ShadowCat
Darkchylde
What a great story. Love your attention to details.
Willow
Willow
Boy!
Just a quick glances at the comments.. You are sure right!! Appreciation. Positive reinforcements goes far further than mindless criticisms.
I am thinking those who criticize have no appreciation for S.F. writing to make such negative comments.
Hope that Darcy can grow and mature enough to bring the enslaved drogoness into the world.
alissa
Darkchylde
Lilith
Having read and re-read so much of your work, I am wonderfully surprised to find this gem. I'm sure it has been under my nose all this time, but what a treat to read something new (t me) by you. The note can't be to long as I'm dying to finish this, but i had to let you know how enjoyable this has been. The story starts out a little dark, but Darcy and Aeriel are developing into quite the interesting pair. Gotta go, the next chapter is calling, loudly.
Thanks.
Darkchylde
Lilith
Having read and re-read so much of your work, I am wonderfully surprised to find this gem. I'm sure it has been under my nose all this time, but what a treat to read something new (t me) by you. The note can't be to long as I'm dying to finish this, but i had to let you know how enjoyable this has been. The story starts out a little dark, but Darcy and Aeriel are developing into quite the interesting pair. Gotta go, the next chapter is calling, loudly.
Thanks.
Thanks
Enjoying your writing very much :)
Thank you!
Just wanted to say thank you for your writing! While I'm several years behind, your stories are definitely some of my favorite on the site. I'm sure I'll comment more but thank you!
Thank you!
Just wanted to say thank you for your writing! While I'm several years behind, your stories are definitely some of my favorite on the site. I'm sure I'll comment more but thank you!
You know
I will never be able to look at a banana split in the same way ever again.
Teri Ann
"Reach for the sun."