Working as a security guard has its moments, not all are on the job.

Recently I tried to explain to my spouse of thirty years what I do at night. It was not easy. Yes I do go up to cars and offer assistance, I walk quite a bit on the street sides of buildings, and have befriended many officers of the law. Well you could say that I put my body out for hire. Ok I will admit that I have come more than just a little black and blue on occasion, yes I could say that I was slapped around some. You wanted to know about that silver tool you saw me with? Well it is called a security wand.It is used to verify that I have been to the targeted location. How do I know it works? Well it kind of vibrates as you put it to its target, yes before this I had called the target a button. Well yes the wand is silver gray, yeah about seven inches long, and an inch in diamater well yes it does have ribs on the side but that's just to make it easier to hold. Um yes it is rounded on the one end.

No NO NO I do not use a vibrator, and no I am not a prostitute, what do you mean you have some clothing for me?