Keith makes plans in vain, every smile you fake, and Gretchen finally convinces Keith

Once again I allow myself to become complacent then the world throws me another curve. The stalker I had believed to be in police custody is not. I am again away from Gretchen when she could be in danger, and. . .oh crap.

Somewhere in my phone I had entered Mr. Praetor's phone number. It took me less than thirty seconds to find it. I dialed the number before I even looked at the time. The bedside clock said that it was shortly before midnight my time, so I was calling at ten Utah time. I hoped that he was either there, or further west.

It went to voice mail.

I dialed Richard. He picked up on the third ring. "It's a little late to be calling, Keith."

"Shut up and listen for a moment. Mr. Praetor mentioned that there was another client of Spotlight that had been stalked by the same person who stalked me."

"But that person is in jail so. . ."

"She's not in jail. She was never caught. She called me tonight saying that she is finishing up with her previous business and then coming out here to New York. The other girl is in trouble right now!"

"Oh crap."

"I figure you know who was in charge of the investigation, so you give them a call. I'll try Mr. Praetor again, unless you know someone better at Spotlight to call. . ."

"His personal assistant, Ashley, would be the best one to call."

He gave me the number and I called. A man's voice answered the phone. "This is Ashley."

"This is Desdemona. The person who was stalking me apparently eluded police custody and just told me that she was going to 'take care of' the person she was stalking before."

"If this is some kind of joke. . ."

"Mr. Praetor told me that someone else there was being stalked. Talk to him. He can call me for details. Just hurry. We've already called the police, but we just want to make sure that all bases are covered."

"I'll give him a call. He has your number?"

"You have no idea who I am, do you?"

"Should I?"

"Depends on how seriously you take your job."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Nope." I hung up.

I couldn't understand people asking me stupid questions over the phone. Didn't they understand that time was of the essence? It was as if they were falling into the trap of continuing a conversation long after it has served all usefulness.

Irony noted. Ok, just let me have my moment and we'll move on.

I was bouncing off the walls, trying to figure out exactly what I should be doing when the phone rang.

I answered but said nothing.

"Keith?"

"Gretchen. Are you safe?"

"My dad is on the way. Did you really mean what you said?"

I couldn't help smiling. In the midst of this crisis, we had found our own sanctuary. With her beside me, I would be able to face anything.

"Of course I did. I want to marry you, Gretchen. I want you to be my wife, and I will be your husband."

She squealed. "I love you Keith. I really do."

"I know. I love you too. I hope you don't expect me to wear a wedding dress on my wedding day though."

There was no sound on the other end of the phone.

"Etch?"

Still no sound. I was beginning to be a bit worried.

"Etch!?"

"Sorry, the idea of the two of us in white dresses just sort of got to me for a moment."

"Like I said. No."

"Awww. But it would be so cute."

"Then we can do it for a music video, probably for 'My Own Person' if nothing else."

"I don't think I've heard that one."

"Well, it talks about the difficulty of being yourself in the midst of people. It also speaks about how being a part of something doesn't mean that you lose your identity. I figure that marriage applies in that regard, and thought it might be a striking image."

"I can see that."

"I'll just sing it for you."

I sang it over the phone. It wasn't high quality, and I felt a little self conscious, but I got through it.

"I love it. and I can see where the wedding dresses fit in. It would be awesome getting married in the music video. Two brides would really counterpoint the tone."

"I thought so too."

"You know what they say about great minds."

"Yep. I do. Love you, Etch, but I should go. Someone is trying to reach me. Someone less important than you, of course."

"Of course. See you tomorrow, Keith. Night."

I picked up the other line. "Keith, it's Mr. Praetor."

"Apparently Ashley has no idea who I am. Besides that, the stalker was not stopped. She called me earlier and said she was cutting off dead weight and tying up loose ends. I might have overreacted thinking she was talking about her previous victim. . ."

"And then again, you might not. I'll let the police know."

"Richard should already have done that, Sir. I wanted to let you know what was up so you could try to let your other client know that he or she is in danger."

"Thank you, Keith. I'll pass that along."

"Good night, Sir."

"Night Keith."

For the first time tonight, someone hung up on me. I lay down on the bed and was almost instantly asleep. Next thing I knew, the phone on the bedside was ringing.

"Hello?"

"Good morning, Ma'am. This is the wake-up call that you requested for this morning. Your car will be around to pick you up in thirty minutes."

"Thanks."

I hung up and hopped through the shower again. It had been so long since I'd had short hair that I forgot what a convenience that it could be. I didn't even mind the girly haircut this morning since I had so much to do to get ready, and only half an hour to do it. I was clothed, had the girls in place, and was out the door with only seconds to spare.

I was back at Rockefeller center only a few minutes later than they wanted me.

"Desi, if you can't be here on time. . ."

"Give her a break, Rhodie. We're not even ready for her yet."

"How you doin, Pumpkin?"

"Not bad, Uncle Frankie, and Pumpkin?"

"Always wanted to call someone that, and now I have you."

I shook my head ruefully at him.

My phone rang, and for once in the past couple of days I saw a phone number on the display. "Richard. What's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know that your phone is now being monitored by the police, Desdemona. Both numbers."

"Is that why my caller ID is now working outside of Utah?"

"Probably. Just wanted to let you know. Apparently they were already looking for the individual before you called me. Holly Volynczek has been abducted."

"Who is. . ."

"She's the one that this stalker previously stalked. I've told the police the threat that the stalker made on Ms. Volynczek's life."

"I feel like all of this is my fault."

"Don't. They've brought the FBI into this. Apparently this person has been doing this for the past five years or so."

"That's horrible"

"Yes, it is, but there's nothing we can do about it."

"But. . ."

"No buts. You can either live your life in fear of what might happen, or you can live your life. You've always struck me as the sort of person who lived, Desi."

I gave a weak smile that I knew he couldn't see, and then answered, "I choose to live. So, what did you call about besides the authorities monitoring my phone calls?"

"I contacted Juilliard this morning and they have an opening for a guitar audition today, but I'm not sure whether or not you are ready for it. It would be classical guitar."

"What pieces are allowable?"

"The Juilliard website has the information. You would only have about three hours to prepare."

"Not much time. I've got to go."

"Before you go, there is a composition audition available on Monday. You'd have to have some compositions either computer generated or hand written with you when you went, so I'm not sure how plausible that is."

"Thanks, Richard. Later." I hung up.

Frankie had wandered off while I'd been talking to Richard, so I went in search of him. When I found him he was talking to what I assumed were members of the crew, so I looked up the information for my audition.

Most of the options I had pieces for, but I'd never personally heard of Villa-Lobos, so I was at a loss there. I'd need a quick practice of my other audition pieces, and then I'd have likely an hour to an hour and a half to learn a new piece of music.

Suddenly writing two compositions before Monday seemed a lot more likely. Well, nothing ventured nothing gained.

Frankie finished with the crew member and turned toward me.

"What's up, Pumpkin?"

"I need a six-string acoustic and a quiet room."

"Ok, but they might need you at any moment."

"That's fine. Apparently I have an audition at Juilliard in three hours if I can get ready."

"Really?"

"Yes, but the longer we talk, the less time I have to prepare."

"Right away, Pumpkin."

The word Pumpkin was really starting to get on my nerves.

About ten minutes later I was locked in the greenroom, working out the fingerings for one of the Villa-Lobos studies. I was surprised. In the past couple of years, my finger work had become a lot more precise.

I only mention it because I'd originally gone into Jazz guitar because of the difficulty I'd had with the classical fingerings. I'd grown some, and I'd of course been practicing doing complex fingering on the 12-string.

Attempting something that was less complex on a six-string suddenly left me feeling giddy. I was better than I'd thought. A lot better. It took me an hour, but I had the study down and was moving on to a run through on the other pieces. I was a little rusty on them, since it had been a couple of years since I'd practiced any of them, but I got everything up to a level with which I was comfortable.

I was frankly amazed. I never thought that I was this good. All of my energy had gone into making my music career work. First trying to get it off the ground, and then trying to keep it going. It was only just beginning to dawn on me how good I was on the guitar.

Of course, the fact that Juilliard was bending the rules for me should have been my first clue.

There was a knock on the door.

I opened it to find Owen there.

"Heya, Desi. They're looking for you on set. They decided to have you in a single sketch with me, and they want to run over it now."

I looked at my phone and got the time. I still have a little over an hour before I needed to be there for the audition, so I figured that we could probably squeeze this in.

"Ok, but I need to speak to Mister Coolidge first."

"He's on the set, so let's get over there."

We got there and Rhodie was pacing.

"Finally we can begin."

"Look, Mr. Coolidge. I never signed up for this little stunt of yours. So, you need to relax a bit. I'll work with you on it, but there are things in my life that come first. I have an audition for admittance to Juilliard in a little over an hour. We have until I need to leave to get this, and then I can come back after and we can practice some more. If that's not good enough, then you can drop the bit."

"We can always just get Meaningless Death Imagery, corporate tools to play."

"Yes you can, and if that's what you want to do. . ." I turned to leave. I didn't need his approbation right now, and I wasn't going to blow a real chance at my future for a single night of acclaim.

"Look, Desdemona, we're under the gun here. We need this ready by the end of the day today. We do dress tomorrow morning and then our live show tomorrow night."

"I understand this, Mr. Coolidge, but there are things that are more important to me. Can we stop wasting time and get started? We have five minutes less than when I got here."

He walked off the set and we got started.

It involved Davey, Guthrie and I playing, as if it had just been one of the musical numbers scheduled for the night. Owen would come out with members of the SNL cast acting as his band and try to get us off stage. We ended up with a re-match between Owen and myself, first on guitars, and then moving through chess and a couple of other things.

Every time he came up with a new contest, I beat him. In the end, he challenged me to marry him. I end with the words, "that's one contest I'm going to let you win," and walk off the stage.

It had its moments, but like many of the SNL sketches I'd seen over the years it seemed forced overall. That or I wasn't part of the target audience. That's always a possibility.

It only took forty-five minutes before everyone was satisfied and I was out the door and being driven the two miles to Juilliard. I verified the location where the audition would be and called Hannah.

"Hannah? This is Desdemona. I have an audition in a little over ten minutes for guitar for the pre-college course. Could you guide me to the right room. . .that is if you're not busy?"

"I am in the middle of something, but I can have Sam meet you out front. He knows the right way to go, since he's in the classical guitar program himself."

"Thanks, Hannah. You're wonderful."

"No problem, Desi. Knock 'em dead."

I had only a moment to wonder how Gretchen was doing, and whether Ms. Volynczek was safe before the limo came to a halt and I was out and running with the borrowed six-string in my hand. Sam grabbed my hand as I got to him and we were racing down the halls inside the building.

Needless to say I was a bit out of breath when we got to the room, and I had about a minute and a half before I needed to be in there. I checked my makeup quickly using a compact mirror, pronounced myself good enough, and went in.

"Cutting it a bit close weren't you, Ms. Desdemona. Or should I call you Keith?"

"When I look like this, Desdemona is fine."

"Well, young lady, you can begin when you like. Any order is fine just announce the pieces before you begin."

"Thank you."

I played my soul into the guitar and felt it reverberate across the room. It wouldn't be my last chance to get into this program, but it was suddenly the only thing, besides Gretchen, that I wanted in the world. I could do this.

I did it.

The silence in the room worried me, but I'd given it all I had on every one of those pieces.

"We were under the impression that you might not be ready for this audition."

"I apologize for the roughness of the study. I only learned it this morning."

The three people sitting behind the table judging me were almost impassive, but there was a slight feeling of shock emanating from them.

"If you could play that piece again please?"

I did so, trying to recapture the feeling I'd had earlier. Taking a deep breath after a couple of missed fingerings and then just played.

Again there was silence from the three other people in the room.

"We'll be in touch, Ms. Desdemona."

"Thank you for this opportunity."

I gave a slight bow, packed the guitar back into its battered case, and left.

"So, how did it go?"

"Silence, mostly."

"You did that badly?"

"I have no idea. I played my best, but they barely said a word to me. They did ask me to play the Villa-Lobos study again when they found out I'd only learned it this morning."

"Play it for me."

He led me to a practice room, and I got out the guitar again. I played the study for him. I was becoming much more familiar with it the more I played it.

"I hope you told them that you were kidding."

"What do you mean?"

"There's no way you just learned that this morning."

"Thank you so much for calling me a liar."

"You're serious?"

"Completely."

"I'm impressed then. Very impressed. Heck, I'm intimidated. Sure, it was flawed in a couple of places, but I think that I would have done worse with months to practice it."

"Well, I'm sure that I'll be able to get in next year, then."

"If your other pieces were as good as that one, then I still think you might get in this year."

"That's sweet of you to say, Sam, but I'm engaged."

"But, you're too young to get married."

I laughed. "My life is complicated. Really complicated. I decided that life is too short to live by others expectations. I've known Gretchen for three years. Three years in which we learned who we were as people both with each other and without. Do I think marriage will be easy? Of course not, but I'm willing to give it a try."

"You are a braver man than I am, in more ways than one." He was looking at my skirt, when I got a really strange idea.

"Nah, you just haven't been given the proper motivation, Sam. You doing anything right now?"

"Nope, what did you have in mind?"

"Giving you the proper motivation."

At his look, I giggled.

"Look, Sam, I just want to give you the opportunity to know what I go through right now for my music. Why I feel so passionate about my life. I understand that it seems a little weird, but you might learn something."

"I just realized that I have something to do. . ."

"What are you afraid of? You don't have anything to lose here."

"Except my manhood."

"Don't be such a baby. Besides, my hotel room has a magnificent view."

"Fine, but I'm only going up for the view."

I wondered what I was doing, and why. There was no reason for me to be dressing Sam up in women's clothing, or so I thought. Then I began to study his motions. Could he. . .

That would be WAY too coincidental. There's no way that I just happened upon someone. . .

But I watched the way he walked. There was a natural sway to his hips, and he was a little shorter than I was. Could he. . .

I was borrowing trouble. I'd just go ahead with my plan, we'd have a little dress up, and that would be the end of it.

We entered my hotel room, and the first thing that Sam did was go to the open wall that comprised my view of the city. I was a little nervous about it, with someone else in the room with me, because I felt for the first time that the entire city was watching me.

"Well, let's get you into some girl's clothing. Strip."

"I don't think this is such a good idea, Desi."

"Come on, Sam. It's not like you have anything that I haven't seen before."

He blushed and undressed. I was shocked at what I saw. Sam had a pair of breasts. They were small and under developed, to be sure, but they were breasts all the same.

"What?" I was shocked. He didn't seem to notice my question.

He turned slightly away from me and undid his belt. Then he was naked before me, and I kissed him.

I couldn't help myself. I felt him taking off my clothing and didn't want him to stop. He put his arms around me for a moment, and I felt the strength of him. I didn't want him to let me go. He released me for a moment and slid his hand up under my bra and began playing with my breasts. I could feel him caress the nipples, and I moaned softly. He guided me to the bed and gently lowered me onto it. I felt his hand sliding up my leg. . .

. . .and my alarm went off on my phone.

What was going on with me? I still felt aroused thinking about the dream. It both sickened me and excited me at the same time.

"What you need right now, Keith, is to keep yourself busy."

I went into the bathroom and got myself ready for the day. I'd taken a shower the night before, so I just needed to attach the breast forms and get my makeup in place before running downstairs.

The limo was waiting for me when I arrived, and I got to the studio with time to spare.

At least this would be better than the dream had been.

We started when I arrived. They have four sketches that would include me, one of which was the news. I would be giving a mock interview with the mock news anchor. They gave me humorous answers that all had a kernel of truth. I vetoed the one that suggested that I was really a man in disguise.

"But it will be great considering some of the rumors about Lady Gaga in years past, and you're a lot more feminine than she is."

"She wasn't going to be playing a cross-dressing transgendered teen on the big screen."

"Good point."

We went over each sketch until everyone was comfortable with it. We'd run through each of them again tomorrow, but they were done with me for the rest of the day, at least what was left of it.

I looked at my phone to get the time. Two o'clock. The dream crept back into my subconscious. I called Tom.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dad."

"What's wrong, Keith?" I winced, but realized that with what I planned next, the police would be getting an earful. . .no, that was the dream. I needed this more than I thought.

"I was wondering if you could set up some time between Dr. Allen and myself. I know he isn't really my doctor, but he knows most of my situation, and I just need to speak to him. I can afford to pay for the session. . ."

"What happened?"

"I feel like I'm falling apart. Nothing seems to fit anymore."

"I'll give him a call, Keith."

"Thanks, Dad."

I paced back and forth for about ten minutes, and then my phone rang.

"Hello, Keith, I heard you wanted to speak to me."

"Dr. Allen. Thank goodness. I'm going crazy."

"Well, let me be the judge of that. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I had a really weird dream last night. . ."

I related the dream to him in as much detail as I could, clarifying when he asked me to. It took longer than I'd expected to get all the way to the end.

"It felt so real, doctor."

"Just call me Allen."

"I thought Allen was your last name."

"Nope," he said with a chuckle. "Dreams seem real to us because out subconscious mind is ignoring all of the holes. The gaps in the reality. We assume that something is there, so we ignore it."

"Does this mean I want to have sex with Sam?"

"No more than it means that Sam has breasts. People in dreams, even you yourself, are simply representative of something that our mind is working through. From what Gretchen has told me in the past few weeks, I assume that you have been taking a very strong line where sex is concerned?"

"Yes."

"Contrary to popular psychological myth, dreams do not have only one meaning. They are unique to the individual dreaming them. Now, given the fact that you and I are both from Utah, there are certain things that our dreams will have in common, because of a commonality of environment and social mores."

"Ok. I think I understand."

"In this case, I think that Sam actually represents you. The male you that you feel is being subsumed by the needs of the female you."

"You think I was going to dress myself. . ." I paused for a moment, thinking about the choices I was making in my life.

"You do that every day, Keith."

"Point taken."

"Also, Sam represents your desire to be swept away romantically. You've built this wall between yourself and Gretchen. You don't let her cross it, which is frustrating you both. Your Sam figure, on the other hand, was able to move you into a submissive position so that you could accept sexual advances."

He paused for a moment, as if collecting his thoughts, and then continued.

"Most of that dream was probably wish fulfillment mixed with worry about the unknown. You need to remember something, Keith. It is what our waking mind does with the imagery of our dreams that we need to worry about. The dreams themselves are generally out of our control. Let them happen, and then let them go. You are working through a lot right now."

Strangely, I actually felt better. "So, is this what you do with all of your patients, Allen?"

"Nope. I deal with people on a case by case basis. Every person is different. They each need a different level of input from me to get to where they need to be. Some of my patients just need someone to listen to them as they work out all of their own problems. Of course, those are the ones I feel most guilty about billing."

We both chuckled at this.

"Keith, if it's ok with you, I'd like to see you on a regular basis over the next couple of months. Some of what you were saying regarding the dream seems to stem from misunderstanding your own gender role right now."

"I'm a man, Allen."

"Who is presenting as a woman. That is confusing in the least stressful times, and with what is going on in your life right now. . .You don't have to. I just feel that it might help to clarify things for you, even if all I do is listen."

"I'll think about it, Allen."

"That's all I ask."

I hung up with him, and looked at the time again. It was already 3:45, so I caught a cab to the airport. I didn't have the flight number, but there were only so many flights that would be coming in from Utah at approximately the right time. I was already at the baggage claim with Gretchen glomped me from behind.

"Guess who?"

"I don't know, but let me tell you, Miss, that I'm waiting for my fiancéee and I don't think she'd approve of you hanging all over me."

She gave a little squeal and continued, "I don't think she'd mind this once."

I turned in her arms and we kissed. She had a really sweet smile on her face when we pulled apart.

"Hey beautiful. Being engaged seems to agree with you."

She sat back down in the wheel chair she'd been riding in.

"Yes, it does." She turned to the porter behind her, "My girlfriend will handle it from here."

"Okay, Ms. Anderson. Just have her leave the chair at the security office before you leave."

"Ok."

"So, how was your flight?"

"Cramped. If I didn't get to see you now, I'd say it wasn't entirely worth it."

"You're not in pain, are you?"

"Not really. Just a little sore."

"I'm glad you're okay."

"So, to the hotel first, or to your Dad's?"

I made a face at the suggestion.

"Come on, Desi, you need to talk to your Dad, even if it's just to tell him you don't want anything to do with him."

"Fine. I'll give him a call."

The bags began to fill the carousel just as Frankie picked up, so I moved forward as I spoke to him. Juggling a phone and a wheelchair is no fun, but I didn't want to let Gretchen out of my sight.

"Hey, Frankie? I'm picking Gretchen up from the airport right now. We still good for tonight?"

"I'd almost thought you had forgotten. Yes, please. Get here when you can. Orion is running a little late today, so everything's good."

"See you when we get there, Frankie."

"See you soon."

It was only a couple more minutes before Gretchen's bags decided to make an appearance and we were out the door hailing a cab.

I had to leave her in the cab while I ran the chair to the security office, and I was worried the entire time I was gone that the cab would drive off without me.

She was still there waiting for me when I got back.

"We need to drop the bags off at my hotel, and then we need to head over to," I gave him the address of Frankie's apartment. "Can you wait for us while we get the bags settled?"

"The meter will keep running, you know?"

"Fine, but it beats trying to get another cab at this time."

"Your money, lady."

We got to the hotel, and again I left Gretchen with the cab. I flagged Ran down as soon as I entered the hotel.

"Desi, how can I help you?"

"I need my girlfriend's bags taken up to my room. I believe that I am currently paying for two people in that room, if not, could you get it changed?"

"Certainly."

"Thank you so much. And add another tip of the previous amount to my bill."

"Of course, Miss." Ran gave me a beaming smile. I returned a slightly less incandescent one to him and rushed back out to the waiting cab.

Gretchen and I cuddled in the back seat, talking about the normal small items that occupy the time of lovers everywhere. Well, they were the normal things for us.

I loved having her next to me, and the feel of her in my arms was bliss.

We arrived at Frankie's building and I paid the fare. We called his apartment and he buzzed us through the outer door. Just as we got on the elevator, a man in a business suit rushed into the lobby.

"Hold the door!"

"Thank you so much. New in the building?"

"No, just visiting someone," Gretchen said.

"Good to know. Well, here's my stop."

"Ours too, actually," I replied

"Then after you, Ladies."

"Thank you kindly, My Good Sir." I hammed it up a bit, but, as I said, I like acting.

I got a little worried when he turned and followed us down the hall. When we got to the door to Frankie's apartment, and he stopped with us, I got even more worried.

It all came clear to me when he stepped past us and unlocked the door with his key.

"Look who I found in the hallway."

"Keith? And this must be your girlfriend. . ."

"I'm his fiancée Gretchen."

"Fiancée?" The other man, who I assumed must be Orion, asked the question.

"I proposed last night. It's been that sort of a week."

"I can imagine."

I chuckled. "Probably not, I have a weird life."

"Try me," Orion said with a grin.

"First, I think we need to sit down."

"Orion, where are our manners. Yes, please. I have dinner in the oven. Come to the kitchen and you can tell me all about it while I finish up the veggies."

We all sat down around the table in their kitchen and I recounted the happenings of the past week, with input from Gretchen for the parts that I didn't know. We got up to last night where I proposed to Gretchen, and she just started smiling at me.

"I had to say yes to him. What other man would wear a dress for me?"

I giggled at this, and there were general chuckles from Frankie and Orion.

"I have to admit, that you guys are not what I expected."

"Expected us to simper around the place?" There was a glower on Orion's as he said this.

"No offense meant, Orion, but I've only had dealings with the T portion of LGTB."

"So you're saying that you're a little prejudiced where the other portions of that are concerned."

"What I'm saying is I just don't know you. Look, let's start over." I looked over to Gretchen and she nodded at me.

"I was born Ethan Anderson. I am physically and mentally female. Now."

"Congratulations, dear. Unfortunately medical science isn't enough to give me the same gift. I was born Julia Masterson."

I couldn't help myself. I blinked.

"Then. . ."

"No, I'm still gay, Keith. It's just that Orion doesn't. . ."

"I think he gets it, Honey."

"Okay. You handle this, Dearest."

"I waited until after I married your father to get myself declared male. The act of changing your gender doesn't change contract law. Loopholes are great sometimes."

"And he would know. He's a lawyer."

"Not another one. You'd think the entire nation was peopled with lawyers."

Orion chucked at this.

"I never would have guessed if you didn't tell me."

"That's part of the point. I am male."

Gretchen asked the question that I'd been wanting to ask since yesterday, "Why Orion."

"Because he was a great hunter. When I was little, my Dad took me out hunting because he never had any sons, well biological ones anyway. I got to fill that role, and it was perfectly fine with me. I played sports and generally made a tomboy of myself. I loved that time with my Dad. . ." the smile left his face as he was talking, and there seemed to be a deep sadness there.

"Dad disowned me when I started living as a man."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

Frankie walked over behind Orion and just put his arms around the bigger man.

I held Gretchen's hand under the table. It was starting to look like I'd gotten the wrong impression about what happened from Mom, but I needed to hear it for myself.

"What happened, Dad? Why did you leave us?"

"It's not his fault, if that's what you mean. Your Mom was always prone to see things in the worst possible light.

"When you turned five, I began to realize that. . .no that's not right. I had known for years that there was something off in how I saw the world. Maybe not off, but just different."

"I prefer different, Frankie," Orion said with a kind smile.

"Fine, different. You knew I was raised on the reservation, right?"

"Yeah, and you left when you were sixteen."

"I was dared to kiss one of my friends during one of those silly games that young people play. I'd kissed girls before, but that was the first time I'd ever kissed a boy. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I liked it, and I didn't understand it. My father was a very strict man who had a narrow view of how the world worked.

"My friend and I agreed to meet later and see if this was just a fluke. We were caught by my father who near beat me to death. I left his house than night and never looked back. My friend said what we'd done was a mistake and refused to come with me.

"It was hard for me, a sixteen year old with no education, to get by, but somehow I did. I earned my GED and was taking night classes trying to get my associates degree when I met your mother. She was the only woman who ever made me question what I thought I knew about myself. I thought that if I could change this one thing about myself, that maybe I could get my father to accept me.

"We were married and latter that year she became pregnant. It was the happiest time of my life for a couple of months.

"Your grandfather died in an accident about a month before you were born. My entire world collapsed on me. I didn't know what I would do. I began seeing a therapist to try to work through my feelings about what had happened."

"That's when he met me. He had the appointment after mine, so for a few weeks, I would be coming out, as he went in."

"There was nothing between us during that time. In fact, until after the divorce was finalized, I never even knew his name."

"And he didn't pick me up in the doctor office."

"So, how did that work out?"

"Week after week, and month after month, I watched as a change slowly came over Orion. He started out as a somewhat masculine woman, but definitely a woman. First, his mannerisms changed, and then there were slight changes to his appearance. I began to relish seeing what would happen next, but never really thought about him except while waiting for my appointment.

"Something began to bother me more and more about the situation, and it hit me like a ton of bricks the day after your fifth birthday."

"You mean I did." Orion smiled at Frankie, who smiled back for a moment before continuing.

"I was waiting for the mystery lady to come out when the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen exited. I think my jaw dropped."

"Yes. It made me really self conscious. That was my first day presenting as a man."

"When he blushed and turned away, I realized my mistake. And then something hit me, the aforementioned something. While he'd looked like a woman, I'd felt nothing except for idle curiosity. The same person looked like a man, and I wanted to follow him to the ends of the earth.

"That was the first day I talked with my therapist about why I'd run away from home.

"Your Mom knew something was up, but I couldn't talk to her about it. Sex, which had been a bit of a chore before, became impossible for me."

"Dad!!"

"Sorry, couldn't help it. Your mom thought I was cheating on her, which was why I couldn't perform. I couldn't explain to her that I just wasn't attracted to her. She kicked me out of the house and asked for a divorce.

"I gave it to her."

"Why does Mom think you left her for a man?"

"Well, that's because I ran into Orion at the courthouse when the judge finalized our divorce."

"By ran into, he means he planted the most passionate kiss I've ever received on me in the corridor outside the courtroom. I was shocked to say the least."

Both of them smiled at the remembered incident.

"We started dating at that point, and the rest was history."

"Ok, now what really happened?" Gretchen was looking at the two of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say she was glaring at them.

They looked a bit sheepish, and then Orion started speaking. "Most of the story was true, but we started dating after the second or third time your parents came to the court-house. We went out for drinks a couple of times, and then dinner. I was really attracted to your father, but he was acting as straight as an arrow."

"I was afraid that he would push me away, since it wasn't normal to be gay."

"One night when he was dropping me off at home, about a week before your parent's divorce was finalized, I'd gotten tired of the looks of longing he was shooting my way, and so I practically yelled at him to kiss me and get it over with."

"So you kissed him then, Dad?" I was a bit disgusted that my father would have lied about a detail like that.

"Nope, he ran for the car like the hounds of hell were after him and I didn't hear another thing from him until the day in court when the divorce was finalized. I was waiting in the court-room for a case to come before a judge, and heard that he was a single man again. I checked with the court reporter, who told me it would be another thirty or so minutes before my case was called."

"I was talking to your mother, apologizing that I couldn't be what she wanted, when Orion comes over, spins me around, and gives me the best kiss of my life."

"Yeah, I'd decided that I could be the dominant one in a relationship, I was a man after all."

"And you've been my man ever since." They both smiled at each other as they held hands.

"I believe that story more. I mean come on, it's obvious who the dominant one in this relationship is."

We all laughed at this, and made small talk after that until dinner was ready. He'd made a roast for us, with all the trimmings, and I had my first home cooked meal with my father. There was laugher and reminiscing on their part as Gretchen and I just soaked in the joy of two people who had been in love for the past twelve years.

Gretchen nudged me, and I looked at her with a question in my eye.

She gestured to her ring finger on her left hand, and then looked at my Dad. It took me a couple of repeats of the gesture to get her meaning. It did remind me of something, though. That was for later.

"Dad?"

"Yes, hon?"

"I've asked Gretchen to marry me, and she said yes."

"I figured with the talk of her being your fiancée."

"There's a complication with that."

"Oh?"

"I need a parent's permission to get married at my age."

"Aren't you emancipated?"

"That just means that for most situations, I am my own guardian. However, I still can't drink alcohol, vote, have sex, or get married."

"I'd like to see them stop you from having sex if you want to."

"Dad!"

"Sorry, Keith. Won't your Mom have to sign off on anything like this?"

"I have a lawyer for things like that. I'd prefer not to have to wait a year to get married, and I doubt that Mom will consent. So, if my lawyer says you can consent for me. . ."

"Of course he will, baby. All your Dad has wanted was to be a part of your life."

"I will on one condition."

"What is it?" I felt the room begin to spin. It was as if I knew what he was going to say, but I was praying that he didn't.

"I always wished that I'd had a daughter. I wanted to do all of the father/daughter things like take you on your first date, wait up for you after prom, and walk you down the aisle."

"I'm your son, though."

"I know that. Which means I get a beautiful daughter-in-law. Hear me out, though. My condition is not that you let me walk you down the aisle. It is that you will at least think about letting me do so."

"Wait. . .what?"

"You make a beautiful woman, Keith. You would make a beautiful bride. I can tell by the gleam in Gretchen's eye that she's already suggested it." Orion was talking to me, but looking at Gretchen when he said this last part.

"I have," she said with a grin.

Dad continued, "Gretchen, this needs to be Keith's choice. I don't want anyone making up his mind for him. So, will you think about it, Keith?"

I nodded, Gretchen squealed, and Dad and Orion smiled at me.

"That's all we ask."

Since that was over, I excused myself and went to the bathroom. Not that I needed to use the facilities, but I needed some privacy for the next call I was going to make.

"Madame Zeela's"

The number was right, but I didn't recognize the voice.

"Could I speak to Zeela please?"

"She's busy, can I help you?"

"Tell her Desdemona is calling."

"Yeah, right. As if Desdemona would be calling in person, and not having one of her people call Madame Zeela on her private line."

"I am such an idiot. Thanks for reminding me she had a private line."

I hung up and called Zeela's OTHER number.

"Hello?"

"Hello. You still have Gretchen's ring size, right?"

"Keith? So nice to hear from you. I was beginning to think I had lost my best customer with Desdemona on the scene."

"Well, business seems to have picked up. You never had a shop girl before."

"Never had enough business to need one. Which finger you need a ring for?"

"Left hand ring finger."

"You didn't!"

"I did." There was a huge smile on my face.

"Congratulations. She said yes, I assume?"

"Yep, but I am going to make a more formal proposal when I get the ring. Do it however you want, but realize I want to repay you for the earrings."

There was an intake of breath on the other end of the phone. "You want a $5500 ring for Gretchen?"

"$5400, but yes."

"When you finally realize something, you don't mess around."

"How soon can I get something like that from you?"

"For you, I'll work all weekend if I have to. I'll have to size stones, hmm, something special. Not a diamond, too normal, something. . .oh my word, I just got the perfect stone. I was afraid I would have to cut it because it is just too big for anything else. This will be a masterpiece, no...I have a much better idea than that." She cackled in glee. "This is too perfect. They will be beautiful."

"They?"

"No time, have to get to work. Ciao, Bella."

"Zeela!" But she was already gone. I'd only seen her get like this once before, when she'd talked about making the skull earrings, before Angelina had decided they were too gaudy.

I took a few calming breaths and went out to join Gretchen and my Dads

"Thank goodness you're back."

Gretchen rushed off to the bathroom and I made a call to Jordan. A slightly out of breath Tom answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Ewe. I wanted to speak to Jordan."

"Crap, wrong. . ." and then Jordan was on the line, equally as breathless.

"Hello, Keith."

"Hiya, Jordan. If I were to want to get married in Utah, I still need parental consent even if I'm emancipated, right?"

"Yes."

"Does it have to be the custodial parent, or could my Dad grant consent?"

"Your Dad could, but he'd have to actually present written consent in person to the county clerk. That would require you finding him, of course."

"That shouldn't be too hard, as he's sitting across the table from me. He is a stage manager for SNL."

"Well, that settles that. . ." She let out a soft moan.

"Yes, good night, Jordan, and give my best to Tom." I hung up before she could respond. I didn't think I needed that response. The only way that could have been worse was if either had been my actual parent.

I giggled as I set aside the phone.

"What's up?"

"You can consent for me, and Jordan and Tom were in the middle of interpersonal relations."

"That's so nasty!" Gretchen had just come back in and looked a bit shocked.

"You never think it's nasty when you try to get me to do it with you."

"That's completely different."

"Yeah, in what way?"

"In this way Keith." Orion said and laid a full open-mouthed, tongue-involved kiss on my Dad.

My stomach lurched, "Ok, point taken." They didn't stop.

"Etch, I think it's time we left. Night guys."

They pulled apart. "Sorry about that, I got a little carried away."

"No, it's fine. Gretchen is still recovering from surgery,"

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, Keith. It was a pleasure to meet you, Gretchen."

"You too, Dads," Gretchen directed it to both of them, and got a smile for her troubles. We hugged at the door, and Gretchen and I went down to catch our cab.

We had to wait a couple of minutes at the curb for our cab to arrive, but then it was a quick trip to the hotel.

"Evening, Ran."

"Evening, Ladies. Turning in for the night?"

"Yes, we are."

"Remember, if I can get you anything, feel free to ask."

I giggled and Gretchen responded. "Id love some whipped cream and edible panties."

"Gretchen!" I said in a shocked tone. "Ignore her. She isn't up for more than sleep right now."

"Well, I'll definitely sleep with you. . ."

"Yeah, sleep is about all you'll get."

We both held each other and giggled.

"So, is that a yes or no on the items?"

"Whipped cream, yes, but strawberries for the second part."

"Oh yes, strawberries."

"Much more tasteful. Goodnight, Ladies, and I'll have your snack sent up to you."

"Goodnight, Ran." Gretchen sang out as the elevator doors closed.

"You are so naughty."

"Are you going to spank me?"

"Don't tempt me."

"Ok, since I've never been into spankings as foreplay."

"Good to know."

We got up to the room without any further complications, and Gretchen lay on the bed and stripped to her bra. "Keith, I'm having a little trouble checking my sutures, could you do it for me please?"

"You have a cut on your leg!?"

"Oh, yeah. Apparently after they got me all cleaned up, they found that the blood wasn't from torn sutures, but a shallow cut. It was designed to make sure that the police hurried in to get me."

As I checked that everything was healing, and re-bandaged her cuts, I thought about the behavior of my supposed stalker. He, or she, was acting more like this was some elaborate game. He'd won the first few rounds, and had given me a consolation prize in the form of Gretchen's safety.

"Keith? You're turning me on just staring at me like that."

"What? Oh sorry." I turned around, blushing profusely. "I was lost in thought and wasn't really staring."

"I'm hurt. . ."

"Don't be. I love the way your body looks, I just have a lot on my mind regarding that cut on your leg."

"Oh." She pulled on a pair of lacy panties, and sat with her back to me.

"Etch. . ."

"Keith, I'm sorry that I disgust you so much that a stalker is more interesting than looking at my naked body."

"I worry about you, Etch."

"Then be with me."

I kissed her, and she kissed me back.

There are some moments in our lives that we wish we could take back. They bother us and cause embarrassment for the rest of our lives.

They are our greatest regrets and can steal the joy out of future moments with a poor thought at the wrong time.

This was not anything like those moments.

It was a sublime moment that made all of the regrets worth the pain, if only because they led you to that place and moment in time.

There was passion in our kisses, but not enough to steal from us the knowledge that we were together. It was soft, and sweet, and powerful and gentle all at the same time. We lay there, kissing and talking and kissing and holding. I can't remember a specific thing that I did or said.

I can't forget the feel of her against me, or the smell of her.

We did not have sex. No intercourse. Nothing like that.

We made love in its most pure form.

I didn't even need to remove a single article of clothing.

"Thank you."

"For what?" I was lying there basking in the moment, and speech almost seemed to be superfluous

"Not having sex with me."

She made to say more, but there was a knock on the door.

We both giggled and I went to answer the door.

"Yes?"

"I have your strawberries, Ma'am."

I opened the door and let the waiter, busboy, whatever into the front room. He uncovered the strawberries and whipped cream and then seemed to be waiting for something.

"I have no cash, but if you would like, you can charge a twenty dollar tip to me room. . .?"

"I don't know. . ."

"Wait here for a moment. . .William."

I called the front desk. "Exeter House."

"Could you charge twenty dollars to my room so that William can get a tip for delivering my food?"

"Of course, Ms. Desdemona."

"And take ten dollars for yourself."

"Right away, Miss." There seemed to be a smile radiating from the phone when I disconnected.

"William, I had the front desk charge twenty to my room. If you have any problems, either talk to myself or Ran and I'm sure we can get it sorted."

"Of course, Ma'am."

I shut the door behind him and Gretchen came out of the room where she'd been hiding. We spent the rest of the evening eating strawberries and watching sappy movies.

Well, Gretchen ate strawberries. I just held her and watched movies.

We crawled into bed after the strawberries and our saccharine tolerance were exhausted. I held her and we went to sleep.

It had been a long day, and tomorrow would be longer. I'd survived my first week under contract with Spotlight Productions, and spent the most beautiful evening with the woman I love. All in all I felt that everything in the world was going perfectly, and simply prayed that it would last.

Unfortunately, nothing ever lasts.

Edited by the ever patient Julia Phillips. Thank you for all of your help with this episode.