I am sorry this is not pretty. It really is an ugly thing to say about one's self. And, it gets obscured in psychological theory so complex that I doubt that even the greatest minds can comprehend it. This is not a poor me blog, but it is brutally honest; candidly brutal. I am also quite sure that there are many here who suffered through things in life at least as bad and many times worse than I have.
http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/02/22/what-porn-did-to-a-...
Oh, I knew I was a girl when I was very young. That was identity, not sex. My parents were very cold, unaffectionate, disciplinarians. So, about age 11, I stumbled upon a veritable treasure trove of 50's women's magazines, corsets, and petticoats in an old abandoned garage. I remember stealing time on my way home from school, and when my stepfather was gone to sneak over there to read those magazines, wish I was one of those women, and to masturbate. At that time, it was almost my sole source of good feelings. It was also the source of considerable guilt because I had been taught the mores of Amish raised people.
I too had hoped to have all this energy channeled into loving my wife, and it was for a long long time. But, marriage must be worked at ... I don't have the solutions. I do not agree with the writers assessment that it is pure self generated sin.
Comments
There is a lot of work to do.
Maybe someday, people will wake up.
A
Growing young gracefully.
i had a simular dilemma
Not with porn, although my first experience with the concept of transgender came through "adult" mags. My dilemma was with the issue of my environment. How much of my drive toward the feminine is part of my nature, and how much was my rape, my lack of a suitable male role model? But I now believe I would still be Dorothy, no matter what, and I believe that you are, and were always Gwen. I think you are very brave to suffer the hardships you have to be true to yourself, and I hope you can give yourself a break over any failings. Hugs.
"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"
dorothycolleen
We have to ask the hard questions.
That is if we are ever gonna get at the truth. In my case, I don't think SRS would have been nessesary if they had just allowed me to be my very feminine, male self, like the Mandeans do. That is a huge problem in human society, and it may not ease for a couple generations.
I am too old to embarass, or have the need to justify myfelf. The sparkle has gone out of life for me and I plan to live what is left as a blunt, stuborn but loving old bitty. I think that many of the Medical/psych people understand things, but we have that segment of society that insists on being blind.
From what a British friend of mine says, they are far ahead of the US in that understanding.
Much peace
Khadijah