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I love my mom, and I am glad that she accepts me as my daughter. but sometimes her negativity gets to me. When I told her I planned to drop off a resume as Dorothy, she became upset, and told me I had no chance of being hired, because I do not pass. It is hard enough to gather the courage to do this without her being like that, and I wish she would be more supportive.
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Double edged sword.
RAMI
I understand that you want both your mother's love and her support/encouragement. I guess the question you need to face, especially in this losy economy, is what is more today, right now, a job or trying to get one as Dorothy.
Since I do not know if you can pass or not, (what-ever that may mean)or what the job is, perhaps mom is looking out for your financial safety first. If you need a job to survive, and if trying to get it as Dorothy would mean you would not be hired then she may be doing you a kindness.
If you can pass, or if the job is such that it does not matter, then she still may be holding on to the old you.
So, if she is truly supportive to some degree, think about why she said what she said, and if she is really looking out for your welfare. I can not speak for you, but is it not better to have food in your stomach and a roof over your head, then starving as Dorothy.
RAMI
RAMI
But then again
Mom may be right, she might not.
The key as I see it is for you to try. If you don't, how will you feel about yourself if you don't try? How would you feel if you were in a job where you are unhappy and have a potentially unhealthy opinion of yourself.
All this being said, be prepared for failure. There are not a lot of jobs out there and a lot of people looking. Your identity may not have any bearing at all.
I have a lot more trouble with being over-qualified for most open positions, as well as being over sixty. Gender, if it's an issue at all, just never seems to come up.
Whatever you do, be committed to your decision and accept what comes from it. Best to have no regrets.
Best of luck,
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
Pass or...?
I haven't seen any pictures of you, so before I ever do, I'll say... maybe you do, maybe you don't, but the more important question is whether it matters.
I probably don't pass, not to close inspection anyway, and you get close inspection at a job interview. But I have a job; my third since transition. The trick ... or just an accommodation i came to, maybe ... was to decide that I don't care if people know, I care how they behave towards me. And however they do behave, I have a right to be me. No defensiveness.
Which may sound braver than it is, but I don't seem to have any of those usual problems. And maybe that's a function of where (and of course when) I live.
So, going for a job? You need to put your mother's words out of your mind. Mothers will always find it difficult to reconcile who you are now with their picture of their little boy. The best at least make the effort. :-} I don't know whether you pass, but you have to remember, that your right to be, and to be without shame for what and who you are, and to do stuff like applying for jobs, is not contingent on your ability to pass.
So you're in the interview room. Do they know? Can they tell? If you start worrying about that it'll show. So decide it doesn't matter whether they know or not. Decide that you don't mind if they know. Maybe even just accept they probably do, get that over with in your mind (no need to volunteer the information, but be truthful and matter-of-fact if they raise it) so you're not fretting about whether any more and can just give a good interview.
And even after all that maybe you won't get the job, and you won't actually know if that's why, after all, there's plenty of other reasons people don't get jobs.
Also, of course, if they do have a problem with you being TS, then seriously, even in a recession, you don't want to work for them anyway. The stress would damage you more than not getting that job.
Your Mom's issues
have already been dropped off. I think you should go for it. If you're open about it then they don't really have that much of a problem with you being TS/TG. If you don't get hired then at least you tried and there's the fact that you won't have to work with a bunch of bigotted so and so's.
Bailey Summers