This is the reply I have sent to my brother.
Mike:
First, I do want to say I appreciate your love, and of course all prayers are welcome. But please believe me when I say how much I have tried every other avenue I can think of. I have prayed, read scripture, studied, begged and wept to God. I have confided in Christians, both ministers and lay people, the vast majority of which feel no better about this than you do. I have sought the opinions of therapists, councilors, and psychologists. I have considered the possibilities that I am merely a transvestite, a homosexual, that I am simply damaged from my rapes, and even that I might be demonically possessed. I have tried every cure I have heard of, including getting married, to no avail. I sincerely did not WANT this to be the answer I came up with, if only because the other choices seemed easier, that they did not require the sort of hard decisions and sacrifices this one involves. And after all that fighting, all that resistance, I am at the end of myself. Its either this, or a lifetime of pain that I simply cannot endure. I am not sure that you would accept as objective my improvement in mood, the reduction of signs of stress including a drop in my blood pressure, and my growing confidence, not only in this area, but in all my life, as anything but subjective. For the same reason I doubt I can convince you of my conclusion that God accepts me as his daughter. I don't have objective evidence, just visions, what i believe is the comfort and strength of the strength from the Holy Spirit, and the belief that if He were apposed, I would not be seeing the fruits of the Spirit growing in me daily. The time to try this way is NOW, I cannot wake up in ten years, after God only knows what pain I have caused myself and others trying to fight this, and wish I had at least tried this road. Yes, the possibility exists that I am wrong, and even if I am right, I may fail, but I think I must try.
I love you bro.
Your sister, whether you believe it or not, Dorothy.
Comments
/virtual hug
And all the sisterly moral support I can muster :-) You're braver than me, and I hope that he takes your words to heart.
I'm with Zoe here
*hugs, because hugs from two people at once feel nicer* :)
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
my reply to my brother
Now, I hope that he can understand the HELL that you went through.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Dorothy
We have chatted on this, so forgive me if I bring a little of that into the light. I have written a couple of things that you say you picked up on. One of them was my reference to 'FTW'. Another was a scene in which a therapist asks whose opinion their patient is worried about, followed by "Do you know them?" and "So if you don'e know them, and they aren't important, why worry about their opinion of you?"
In other words, FTW. However, the corollary of that is the existence of people who ARE important to you, and thence the balancing act of ignoring the unimportant but holding fast to the vital. You seem to be walking that tightrope just about right in that letter.
re: My reply to my brother
I have a brother who was heard to say "he can come to my house wearing a dress, but if he goes ahead with the operation, I'll cut it off". The brightest star in the sky he is not.
I too, have had supposed serious christian people try and tell me that I am a product of the devil, or, how can I change what God made to be perfect.
They all seem to miss the fact that they are putting themselves in a position to know what is best for me more than God does. Does this mean that they too, are omniscient? I have not come across many people who can see me for who I am and not what they expect me to be. I have finished doing that. I lived my life as I thought others expected me to be for 45 years. I find now that I have so much more time and energy than I had before because I am not dwelling on what could be, but on what is. The woman within has been released and I know that I am a better person because of it.
Many in my home church (that I grew up in) are still struggling with my changes. Many have moved across that bridge and are getting on including the new me in their lives. They may not fully understand the why's and wherefore's, but they are not letting them become stumbling blocks.
I currently attend a small church where they love me and include me and accept me for who I am, and for the gifts/fruit that I can bring to the church family. They tell me that I am an answer to prayer, in that they have been praying for an organist/pianist to come for quite some years. Worship life in my Church is fulfilling, dynamic, vigorous and satisfying.
Robyn B
Sydney
Robyn B
Sydney