A letter to my brother

Author:

Dorothy Colleen

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I wanted to share a letter I have written to my brother.

Dear Mike:

I am writing you this, because I can't seem to say this when we are face-to-face. I hope you know no matter what happens to our relationship as a result of this letter, I will always love you. You were my idol, my protector, my surragate father, and my best friend. But we have a serious problem, you and I , and I am not sure how to solve it. I have tried to tell you about my feelings, how I feel like I am more a girl than a boy, but you have shot me down, and that hurts a lot. I am including a link to a picture that may help you understand my feelings.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/12415215@N03/4892783928/

Look at the person in this photo, and notice how big the smile is. When was the last time I looked that happy to have my picture taken? Weather you can acknowledge it or not, that's the real me.

You may wonder where that girl has been all the years we were living together. Well, it came about like this. After you were taken away, locked up, I started realizing how crazy my feeling could seem to anybody else, and I made the conscious and unconscious choice to bury them so deep I almost forgot about them.

But they kept coming back, and every time they did, it was an agony as I fought and struggled to keep them from surfacing. And the cost of that struggle was great.

I have had breakdowns, and have considered suicide. I have prayed, cried, and begged God for release, relief. Well, I am tired of fighting. I am 44 years old, and its time to live honestly.

I hope you can accept it, and be part of my journey forward, but I will understand if you can't be. I love you bro, and I hope you can realize that when you loved me, you loved her even if you never knew her name, because she is me.

If you want to talk about it, I am here. But if all you want to do is discourage me, save it. I would like to have you in my corner, but I don't need any negitive stuff.

I am going to have a hard enough time as it is.

Love you

Todd, now called. Dorothy (My real name)

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Brava!

You said what needed to be said. It was time, and past time.

Dorothy, I just want you to know that I'll always think of Bea Arthur when I look at you...(Sorry, but the name is forever imprinted on my heart that way). I feel like Sophia, and I just want to tell you that it will all be better.

It will, I'm serious! "Why, when I was a little girl in sicily, there was a boy who thought I was ugly, but my goats taught him better...

Abigail 10-10

Abby

Hi Dot.

It's fabulous to be able to put a name to a face. So you've started out with the first few steps. I don't have to tell you how long or hard the road is, you already know that. Have a wonderful time making that journey but please, please don't let the bad things get you down. Eventually the good things should outweigh the bad things.

Love and hugs.

Beverly.

You'll have guessed it. I'm the one with white hair.

Growing old disgracefully.