My emotions seem to follow an irregular cycle. Sometimes the ups aren't all that high, and the downs are pretty darn low. I had a moment around the beginning of this year, on the drive home from work, when the idea popped into my head that all I had to do was put my foot down on the gas and let the car drift over into the trees lining the road and I wouldn't have to feel that bad ever again. I had to fight to keep from doing it, too. Scared the #*!@ out of me, as you can imagine.

I haven't felt that bad since, thankfully. But I've been on the downward part of that cycle for a while now. It's been bad enough that I've written almost nothing in weeks, and even have trouble reading lately. You know things aren't good when I don't feel like reading!

Just writing this blog is a struggle right now, as I really don't have any energy worth mentioning. So I'm really hoping this is as bad as it's going to get this time.

What makes it even worse, is that I really don't have anything to complain about! My life is better than it has ever been; I have a good job, my family is great, I've been full-time for four years now, and my debts should be paid off in a few more months. Surgery is still at least a couple of years away, but it will happen. So many people, especially here, have things so much worse that it makes me feel foolish for being so down right now.

I started going to a TG support group a couple of months ago. It's been great for me, especially as it has helped me with my social anxiety issues. But sometimes I really feel like I don't belong. Just about everyone I meet there has all these problems, some TG related and some not, and the only problem I have is my own whiny self!

If I haven't already made that abundantly clear, I'm not feeling very good right now. ;)

Anyway, sorry for the whining. Guess I needed to vent. On to the important, practical side of things; writing!

I have four chapters left in my buffer, which will last less than three weeks. With Christmas and everything, it's entirely possible that I won't have anything new written by the time I run out. So there may be a break after those four chapters are posted. Actually, now that I think of it, at least one of those chapters takes place too far into the VC storyline to be posted before the other story lines catch up, so it may happen sooner than that. On the plus side, at least there is another VC chapter finished, so I won't be having a break after only one chapter. And this break won't be as long as the last one (for VC at least), I think it's safe to say!

I'd really hoped I could maintain my ten week buffer, or even grow it, but I can't say I'm surprised this happened. It's not like it's the first time, after all.

Wow, this is a long one for me! And whiny! Sorry folks, please go read something happy now! :)

Saless