The first thing Ryan became aware of was that he was aware. It seemed as if he had regained a train of thought and that his brain started working after a long rest. Everything was jumbled though as he tried to piece together what was going on. Something weighed heavy on him, but he couldn't nail it down. In an effort to clarify his thoughts, he tried to structure what had transpired that would give him that stressed feeling. He thought back about school, his girlfriend...his condition!
Ryan's thoughts instantly organized and his eyes quickly opened. Everything was out focus. He blinked several times to clear his vision and attempted to rub his eyes with his hands. Panic set in as he couldn't move. It was as if his whole body was asleep. His eyes darted back and forth frantically trying to figure out what was going on as he instinctively tried to scream for help. All that came out was a faint, raspy whisper. Determined, Ryan tried to yell out again. He could feel his vocal cords quiver as the volume of his voice increased. "heeellllppp". It was barely audible.
He took a second to concentrate his entire being on his vocal cords and took a deep breath. "HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!", he screamed. His voice came out! "HEELLLLPPPP!!!", he yelled again. His voice was very raspy and breaking, but he could speak!
"Ryan! I'm here baby!", he heard his mother's voice. The sound of her was like a gift from heaven.
"What's happening?!?", Ryan asked his mom in a still raspy voice.
"You've had the 2nd fever sweety", she replied as she ran her fingers through his hair attempting to calm him down, "Your feeling will be coming back to your body in a couple minutes. You've been asleep for a while Ryan. The numbeness is a result of that. Just relax."
Ryan did as he was told and just tried to calm his nerves as he closed his eyes. His mind was still foggy and drifted in and out of focus. He could feel his entire body start to tingle. It reminded him of the feeling he got when his arm would fall asleep at night. It felt like a bunch of springy needles pricking him all over whenever he moved. Even with all that discomfort though, he was thrilled because his movement and feeling was returning.
He opened his eyes once more and everything began coming into focus slowly. He could pick up his mom silhouette as well as his brother's and sister's.
"Hey Ryan, welcome back.", his sister warmly stated as she gave him a hug.
"Owwww", he replied. The hug sent needle sensations all over his body.
"Dang, he sounds like a girl", his brother quietly said as his sister gave him an elbow to the side and told him to be quiet.
"Ryan dear, are you ok?, his mom asked.
"I feel like I was hit by a truck...", he stopped. His voice stunned him. He did sound like a girl.
"I know baby, this is all normal though. You body went through some changes and that why you are aching.", his mom replied.
"Mom, I sound like a girl", Ryan said with a shaky voice.
"I know honey. Try not to talk too much. Your voice is very raspy.", she replied not knowing quite what to say, "Take these pain killers. They will help with the soreness."
With his mom's help, Ryan sat up in the bed. His tingling was quickly going away and he could move his body well now. He sipped down the pills with a glass of water. He was so thirsty.
"Yes, go ahead and drink all the water Ryan. We kept you hydrated but I'm sure you are craving a drink.", she tried to joke.
"Mom, everything is still blurred.". Ryan began rubbing his eyes to gain some clarity while freaking out at his wierd voice.
"Your vision will return baby, just give it a couple minutes.", she replied.
"Oh mom...my voice"
"I know...it will take some time to get used to, but it's going to be ok.", she tried to comfort him.
"How long was I asleep?", Ryan asked. His body grew stronger by the second as he sat himself up in bed more firmly.
"5 weeks honey...a long time."
"What?! Oh my gosh mom!", he said in a shocked and very girly tone.
"It's going to take a while for all this to settle in Ryan. You are being overloaded with so much right now. Please just try to relax and let me take care of you.", she pleaded.
Ryan's eyesight was losing its blur. With each passing minute it became that much sharper.
"Where am I?" he asked. The room, although still out of focus, looked alot different than his bedroom. There seemed to be alot more posters on the wall and the color was different. Ryan rubbed his eyes again.
"You're in my room.", his sister replied with aprehension.
"Huh?", he replied. He was in his sister's room?
"Look at the bright side of this, I get my own room now", his brother joked in a most inappropriate way.
"You be quite young man!", his mom scolded, "We moved you in here because it's closer to my room so I could take care of you."
Ryan closed his eyes for a minute and contemplated what was happening. Obviously his mother was trying to soften what was happening. He knew that he was moved into his sister's room because he probably had changed enough that he "fit" into a girl's room more that a boy's. He had to reamin calm although he was shaking from nerves of the unknown. He took a deep breath and open his eyes.
"I can see you guys now.", he stated as his vision cleared, "my voice is so wierd."
"You sound like me now. I think it's an improvement", his sister joked in a sweet way that made the others giggle.
"Yeah, thanks. I have to admit...what am i wearing?", Ryan asked as he just noticed what he was clad in.
"You didn't fit into your pajamas anymore so I put you in these.", his mom aswered with trepidation. Did she screw up?
"No way, mom...really?!? Where did you get these?", he asked. He was shocked that his mom would do this to him.
"They're Kristen's sweety...like I said, your pajamas were swimming on you and I just thought that you may want something more feminine when you woke up. I wasn't sure what to think baby. You can switch clothes if you want."
He was wearing a pair of his sister's pajamas. They were familiar to him as he had seen her wear them a couple times before. They were a light lavendar and white pinstripe print. The shorts were short! To make matters worse, they had a little lace along the waistband and around the leg openings. The top was a tank that once again had lace along the bottom.
He grew embarassed that his brother and sister were looking at him and pulled the covers over himself.
"I'm sorry Ryan, I thought that you might be ok with this.", mom stated. "You two ought to leave please."
Ryan's siblings left the room.
"Please talk to me Ryan. I know this is difficult, but I'm here for you.", his mother pleaded.
"I can't believe you dressed me like this mom. I know what's happening to me, but you should have asked first."
"I know I should have. I wasn't thinking clearly I guess. This is all so new for me too baby. I really screwed up and I'm so sorry.", she apologized.
"Oh mom, I don't know what to think. Do I look different?"
"Yes Ryan. Let me help you over to the mirror.", she answered as she helped her son out of bed and over to his sister's full length mirror.
The two stood in silence as they beheld the changes that occured. He was tiny! The mother he used to look down at was now 3 inches taller than him. He must have been barely over 5 feet now. He looked so small and fragile. Every trace of his muscles were gone and he looked just plain frail. He walked closer to look at his face. He still looked like Ryan, but everything looked younger and more babyish now. His masculine features were gone and he looked more like he did when he was a little boy. His felt his masculinity drain at the sight of such a small, tender body.
Ryan's mom just held her arms on his shoulders as he began to tear up. He couldn't keep his macho act up in the presence of such a drastic change.
"Oh mom...why is this happening to me?!?", he cried out as tears flowed down his pretty face.
"Oh dear, I don't know baby. I don't know what to say. Things will get easier I promise.", she replied as she hugged him deeply.
"I can't wear these clothes mom. I don't want to be a girl. I know my body is changing, but I don't have to dress this way if I don't want to right?"
"No sweety. We will find boy's clothes that fit you. You don't have to do anything you don't want to Ryan.", she tried comforting him.
"I need some time alone mom."
"Are you going to be ok?", she asked with concern.
"Yeah mom, I just need to get my arms around this."
With that, his mom left the room.
Comments
Admitting the problem
I don't think he understands. Yes, his transformation is not by choice, but happening it is. He's going to look pretty stupid, trying to be the guy he was. Mom needs to quit coddling him, and make sure he knows that he can still live as the person he is going to be, rather than the guy he was.
I'm hoping that something in this disease helps him to come to terms with his feminine identity. He isn't the only one going through this, and his denial of the trruth can only hurt him.
Wren
I don´t think so.
Ryan needs find out for herself, that boy cloths won´t work anymore, if his mom would push him, it could shatter their relationship. All she can do now is be patient and give her child love, understanding, advices and options. But what will he choose to accept from it is on him/her.
Robin
By the way...
Great story! I love it!
Wren
Honestly a good story.
But the Mom should stay worried for awhile, Ryan sounds depressed and depending on the way her brain is rewiring there could be some dark times ahead.
Bailey Summers
The pajamas and the room
The pajamas and the room move were a misstep but Mom's heart is in the right place. I agree that she needs to keep a close eye on Ryan but pushing him into girlhood will only breed resentment, making the situation far worse.
Ultimately I think he's too damn stubborn to take his own life, but now that the reality of the situation is hitting home, his self-image will be shaken to the core. Ryan is the only one who can decide when and if, he will embrace what's happened to him and make the best of it.
All his Mom can do is support and love him until he can see that his change is not a death sentence, but a new beginning. Also, Ryan's brother should keep the quips to himself. Authors occasionally dispense poetic justice to characters who are particularly deserving!
Thanks for another great chapter!
Hrist
Agreed
I can see the room move from the care aspects, but once he started to wake up he should have been moved back to his room. It IS his room after all.
As for the brother, mom needs to put him in his place soon! His attitude is exactly the wrong thing for Ryan. Like hrist, I'd like to see some poetic justice visited on him. To start with, put him in the girly room!
. . . .
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
Realistic Reactions
I think Ryan's reactions have been the most realistic I've read in a while. He's a guy who didn't want to a girl and now that he is becoming one, I think it's only right that he's fighting it. I think he's going to lose the battle but its interesting to see that he's still trying to hold onto himself in the meantime.
I'm really loving this story and can't wait for more.
Stricken Pt 9
Will Ryan choose to date boys or girls and what name will Ryan choose?
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Terrific!
This is one of those rare stories where I'm hanging on every word. I feel like I'm right there in Ryan's head, experiencing everything he's experiencing. I can't wait to find out what happens next.
fighting it
In a way, this reminds me of my puberty, except I was becoming a man, and definitely fought it tooth and nail! He needs to go at his own pace in terms of his acceptance of what is happening to him. For all her faults, his mom is trying to be there for him, which is something he needs.