Unwilling to stand outside in the cold, Christina waited in the empty Dover bus station. This trip had been very unusual. It wasn't just not being able to sleep properly on the bus. Nor was it the uncomfortable feeling of wearing the same clothes for such a long time; that was quite ordinary. The unwelcome change was that Andrei was now a half an hour late. Christina had never arrived in Dover without someone waiting to meet her. She'd never even as much as unloaded her own bags from the bus. She sat alone in the station, waiting for anyone to show up.

        Annoyed, she dialed home on her cell phone. She waited impatiently as the phone rang. It picked up after three rings, though it did not connect her to her family. Christina listened as an automated message informed her that her service had been disconnected. She had forgotten to pay the bill this month! In light of all the money she'd spent on her new coat and Christmas gifts, Christina wondered if she could even afford to pay her balance.

        She turned her phone off and dropped it back into her purse. It was just another unpleasant reminder that she was unemployed. She didn't want to deal with anything until after she had her perfect, final, family Christmas.

        Christina had taken to biting her nails before she saw her older cousin jogging up and down the terminal looking for her. She hoisted her bags and struggled out the door.

        "Hey Andrei!" she called.

        Andrei's head perked up, and he spun around. He sprinted quickly to his cousin, and seized her bags. "I'm sorry I'm late," he blurted.

        "Andrei, I've been here for almost an hour! Where have you been?"

        "I just got caught up in some things. Come on, it's cold," he said, motioning to the truck with his head.

        Christina followed him through the frigid parking lot and into the truck. Andrei had left it running, and it was toasty warm.

        As they pulled out of the bus stop Christina asked, "What were you doing? Were you working in the barn? 'Cause it's too cold for that."

        "The barn is fine."

        "Well what were you working on?" Christina asked with a smile.

        "I was ..." he stuttered, avoiding his cousin's eyes.

        Christina stared at him intently, and Andrei could feel her eyes burning a hole in the side of his head. He shot her a nervous glance and she grinned devilishly.

        "You were with Steph!" she accused playfully.

        "I ..."

        "You were so!" she said triumphantly. "Okay," she said in a pouty tone, "I see how it goes. You get together with Steph, and Christina gets to wait at the bus station for an hour."

        "It's not like that ..."

        Christina couldn't help but laugh out loud at her cousin. "Andrei! It's okay! I'm happy you and Steph are 'getting along.'" She shot him a scandalous glance, implying she knew exactly what he was up to. "I'm happy for the both of you, really. But, next time you leave me waiting, make sure it's the Summer, okay?"

        Christina could tell that Andrei was embarrassed. Though Christina was genuinely happy for her cousin, she was still not thrilled that he had Steph and she didn't. She was, however, making a concerted effort to get over it.

        Once he realized Christina really wasn't mad at him, Andrei relaxed a bit. He talked about how things were going with Steph and the latest projects he was working on.

        Christina could see that her cousin had fallen hard for Steph. She understood all to well how easy it was to fall in love with her, and she quickly grew tired of hearing about it. Changing the subject, she asked whether her aunt and uncle were having any arguments. Though Andrei said that he hadn't seen anything, Christina assumed that between Steph, spending time in the barn, and being his usual oblivious self, she couldn't assume that anything had changed since Thanksgiving.

 

        Christina was still preoccupied with solving her uncle's problem as she followed Andrei into the side door. There was no one but Boris waiting to greet her. The dog sat in front of her, wagging his tail. Christina bent down and scratched his large tummy. "Hey puppy," she said. "I've got some goodies for you, but you have to wait until Christmas."

        Boris licked her face affectionately.

        Standing up again, Christina patted Boris on the head. She grabbed the bag containing her presents from Andrei and went into the living room.

        "Aunt Misha?" she called, "Where should I put my presents ..." Christina stared at the fresh pine tree in the corner of the room next to the burning fireplace. She put her bag down on the couch and walked over to the tree. Holding out her hand, she felt the bristles. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply and inhaled the scent of freshly cut pine.

        "Tina!" her aunt called from behind.

        Christina turned around and hugged her aunt tightly. "This is a real Christmas tree!" she said in awe.

        "Of course it is dear," Misha laughed. "You are acting as though you have never seen one before!"

        "I haven't," she said. "I guess I have, but I never had a real Christmas tree before. We had one of those fake, pipe-cleaner trees. And after I turned fourteen, we just kinda stopped with the tree all together."

        "Would you like to help us decorate it?"

        "Can I?" Christina asked, practically bouncing.

        "Of course, child! We can start as soon as Nina gets home. Go tell Andrei to get the ornaments down from the attic."

        "Okay," Christina grinned as she rushed to the staircase. She saw Andrei coming back down and stopped him. "We need to get the Christmas decorations," she beamed.

        "Can't," Andrei shrugged. "I have to go. I have things to do today."

        "Steph things?" Christina asked slyly.

        Andrei winced and replied, "It's just a few boxes up in the attic. I'm sure you can handle it." Andrei continued down the stairs, and Christina held his arm to stop him. She looked at him with a very serious face.

        "I need to talk to you when you get home tonight, okay?"

        "Sure," Andrei responded casually.

        "I'm serious, it's very important. I need your help with something big."

        "What is it?"

        Christina eyed her aunt in the living room and whispered, "We can talk about it tonight."

        As Andrei rushed downstairs and out the side door, Christina, still excited about decorating her first real Christmas tree, rushed upstairs. Looking up at the ceiling, she saw the outline of a door. She ran into her room and grabbed the chair in front of her vanity, dragged it into the hallway, and kicked off her high heeled boots. Cautiously stepping onto the chair, she tugged on a ragged yellow cord and pulled the door down. Christina stepped down off the chair as the door opened. She pulled on the feet of a slightly warped, retractable wooden staircase and unfolded it.

        She stared up into the dark attic and wished Andrei hadn't rushed off. As she crept up the steps into the darkness, her stocking caught on the rough, warped wooden stairs. Groping around a support beam, Christina found a light switch and flicked it on. The single, exposed bulb flooded the attic with a pale yellow light.

        Christina hoisted herself up onto the dusty planks and walked gingerly through the middle of the attic, casting her head from side to side, looking for the Christmas decorations. Crossing over the center of the house, she entered the dark side of the attic. Christina stopped in front of a large collection of boxes and stacked papers and dug in. What she found wasn't Christmas decorations, but a box of clothes.

        She carefully stepped to the far end of the attic and felt in the darkness until she found another light switch. She flipped It, and the far side of the attic filled with light. Casting her gaze back at the boxes, she saw clothes hanging from a rod, piles of books, and a collection of stuffed animals.

        Christina stepped back to the clothes to investigate, finding a multitude of dresses and boxes of casual clothes. There was also some soccer gear and a cheerleading uniform. All of these things must have been Anastasia's. Christina had never felt as though she was invading Anastasia's space by staying in her old room, but in the freezing and dark attic, she felt she was somewhere she ought not be. A chill ran down Christina's spine. Seeing Anastasia's pictures had made her seem far away, but holding her clothes in her hands made her feel very real.

        As Christina watched her breath hang in the cold air, she felt as though someone was watching just over her shoulder. She reflected on the terrible way her cousin had been torn out of this world. How would she feel if she knew some other girl was living in her room? What would Anastasia think if she knew someone else was spending Christmas with her parents?

        Christina wondered what things would have been like if Anastasia was still alive. Would the Levchenko's still have taken her in? Would Anastasia have liked her? Would she have seen thorough Christina's disguise?

        "Christina?" Nina's voice came from the hallway.

        Christina dropped the teddy bear in her hands and called, "I'm up here Nina."

        Climbing the stars into the attic, Nina asked, "What are you doing up here?"

        Christina stepped away from Anastasia's things and answered, "I'm looking for the Christmas decorations, so we can do the tree."

        "Oh, they're over here, I think."

        The girls each grabbed a box and stepped down the stairs into the hallway. Christina folded up the stairs and closed the attic door. After she put her chair back into her room, she and Nina took the boxes into the living room. They opened the boxes, and Christina marveled at the antique glass ornaments. They were delicate and beautiful, nothing like the plastic baubles with which she had adorned the fake Christmas trees of her youth.

        "I can't believe it's a real tree," Christina said as she hung an ornament on a branch.

        Nina said, "We always have a Christmas tree," as though she was pointing out something painfully obvious.

        "Well I never had a real tree." Christina added one ornament after another; it was all Nina could do to keep up. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever."

        "I'm more excited about New Year's Eve."

        "Why's that?"

        Nina sat down on the floor and pulled a tangled ball of Christmas lights out of a box, beginning the mindless task of removing the knots. "Every year, there's a New Year's dance in town. This is the first time I'll actually have a real boyfriend to take me."

        "New Year's dance, huh?" Christina asked as she grinned at the younger girl.

        "And finally," Nina gushed with her eyes closed, "I'll have my first New Year's kiss at midnight. At least one that's not from Dad."

        "It sounds like a pretty big deal."

        "It is. You'll see for yourself."

        "Me?" Christina joked. "I dunno if I'm going to any dance."

        Nina dropped her lights and looked at Christina as though her cousin was insane. "You HAVE to go," Nina insisted. "Everyone in town always goes. And it's going to be great."

        "Well ..."

        "Besides," Nina added, "If you don't go, Dad will probably make me come home early."

        "Even on New Year's Eve?" Christina asked in shock. "Well ... we'll talk about it later."

 

        Christina and Nina spent most of the evening decorating the tree while Misha cooked in the kitchen. It was almost seven o'clock when Alek walked in through the front door. Without stopping to take off his coat, Alek kissed each of his girls on the cheek.

        Overjoyed to see her uncle, Christina threw her arms around Alek and held him.

        Alek patted her on the back and said, "You must let me breath, Tina!"

        Christina loosened her grip and smiled at the older man. She didn't know how she was going to get along without her uncle in her life anymore. "I'm sorry Uncle Alek," she said, "I just missed you."

        Alek recognized a hint of sadness in her eyes. "I missed you too," he said, "But you have only been gone a short while."

        "I know. It's just that ... it's not important. I'm just happy to be here with you."

        Alek kissed his niece on the forehead then joined Misha in the kitchen.

        "We should get these boxes cleaned up," Nina observed. "It's just about time to eat."

        "Andrei isn't home yet."

        Nina rolled her eyes. "Andrei doesn't always make it home for dinner these days."

        "Steph?" Christina asked incredulously.

        "I don't know what Steph did to my brother, but he is in love."

        Christina sighed. "I guess even Andrei can see a good thing when it's right in front of him."

        "What do you mean?" Nina asked.

        "Nothing," Christina dismissed. "Don't worry about it. Let's clean up- I'm starving."

        The girls returned the boxes and the unused decorations to the attic. Afterwards, Christina enjoyed another meal with her family, though something was missing. Andrei had never spoken much at the table, but he had been a constant presence. Christina had once feared her large and moody cousin, but that changed once they connected. He had been selfless, tender, and fiercely loyal. Christina never realized that Andrei had always been by her side, at least not until after he was gone. She cast frequent glances out the kitchen window, expecting Andrei to return at any moment.

        After dinner, Christina sat with her family in the living room. As the night grew long and the fire died down, one by one, they went off to bed. Christina sat alone, watching the last embers glow in the fireplace.

        "Christina," a voice said. "Christina."

        Christina felt a hand on her shoulder, shaking her. She opened her eyes and saw Nina standing next to her in her pajamas. "Nina?" she said groggily. "I must have fell asleep."

        "Christina, it's almost one in the morning. Go to bed."

        "I will," Christina yawned. "I'm just waiting for Andrei to come home."

        "Christina," Nina began as though she was pointing out something painfully obvious, "I don't think Andrei is coming home anytime soon."

        "No, he will," she asserted, still sleepy. "I told him I needed to see him tonight. He'll be here."

        "Okay," shrugged Nina. "Just don't stay up all night." Nina went back upstairs, leaving her cousin to wait for Andrei.

        Christina stared at the old clock. She was so sleepy that she momentarily forgot that it was broken. Rising from the couch, she went to the wall and stood in front of the it. With her finger, she pushed the two hands into position to read one o'clock.

        She went to the window and pulled back the curtains. The long driveway was blanketed in darkness. There was no sign of Andrei. She realized that Nina was right; she'd have to talk to Andrei tomorrow. Dejected, she climbed the stairs and went into the bathroom, where she relieved herself and washed off her makeup. She was so tired she forgot to brush her teeth before retiring to her room.

        As Christina entered her bedroom, she switched on the light and saw that Boris was lounging on her bed. "So I see this is your room when I'm away," she said playfully to the German shepherd.

        Boris did not get up, but he started wagging his tail. His eyes followed Christina as she took off her dress, waist cincher and underwear.

        Rifling through her drawers, she pulled out a long, white cotton nightgown. She pulled it over her slender body and buttoned the two buttons on top. The gown exposed her shoulders and her cleavage; Christina had long since stopped buying clothes that hid her chest.

        Boris watched her take her cell phone out of the purse on her vanity.

        Christina dialed the speed dial number for Steph. After only one ring, the phone picked up and she heard a recording.

        "Your service has been temporarily suspended," the voice said. "Please contact customer support to reinstate your service."

        Christina turned off her phone and dropped it back into her purse. She had already forgotten that her service was turned off. It was an unwelcome reminder that just beyond the comfort of Oak Grove, things were coming apart at the seams. She frowned as she looked around her room; she had only a handful of nights left here.

        Christina forced herself to not think these things. She wanted to fill her mind with more wonderful memories to sustain her once all of this ended.

        Turning off the light, Christina climbed into bed next to Boris, who apparently had no intentions of moving. She wrapped her arm around the dog and snuggled close to him, saying nothing as she rubbed his belly. She tried to sleep, but she was worried that with only a week left before Christmas, she may not have time to execute her plan.

 

        Christina spent the weekend trying to corner Andrei. It seemed that he always left the house before Christina woke up, and returned long after she went to bed. She wasn't entirely sure Andrei had even come home on Sunday night. The only time she did see him was when he was dropping her off or picking her up from the store. She tried to drop hints, but she couldn't speak openly about her plan for her uncle's gift in front of him. To make matters worse, Nina was spending a lot of time with David, though not as much as Andrei spent with Steph. It reminded Christina that she was single at Christmas. At least she still had her uncle. She spent every day working with him at the grocery store. How many times had she tried to bring up his tax problems? There was never a good way to say it. She knew she had to do something soon.

        It was late that Tuesday when Christina and Alek returned from the store. Andrei didn't even bother getting out of the truck before he rushed back to Steph's place.

        Christina sat in front of the fireplace and kicked of her snow covered boots. She heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs.

        Nina entered the room wearing a long dress that looked too formal for dinner.

        "Hey Nina," Christina yawned. "What's the occasion?"

        "David is picking me up. We're going out to a movie."

        "Again?" Christina complained. "But we're going to eat right now!"

        Nina sat down on the couch and said, "I guess it's just you and Mom and Dad tonight."

        "Why is everyone so busy? It's Christmas!"

        "Sorry," Nina winced.

        Christina noticed that her cousin looked preoccupied with something. "What's up Nina?"

        "Nothing," she denied as she stared at the fire.

        Christina waved her hand in front of her younger cousin's face to break her gaze. "I don't think it's nothing."

        "Well ..."

        "Well what?" Christina asked with concern.

        "How many dates ... I mean ... when you date a guy, how long is it before you should consider ... you know ..."

        "Know what? What do you mean?" Christina asked in a confused tone.

        "You know," Nina said in a whisper, "Before you ... do ... 'it.'"

        Frustrated, Christina shook her head and muttered, "What do you mean, 'it?'" Her eyes went wide with horror and all the color drained out of her face. She repeated, "IT?"

        "Keep your voice down!" Nina whispered, "Mom and Dad are in the other room!"

        "There is no doing 'it!' Do you understand me? You are way ... way too young for 'it.'"

        "David wants to do ... 'it.' We've been dating for six months now. He said that everyone else at school is already having sex."

        Christina gripped her brow with her thumb and forefinger as though she was developing a headache. "Look Nina," she explained, "Most boys will tell you just about anything if they think it will get you into bed. Especially a boy like David."

        "What's that supposed to mean?" Nina shot back defensively.

        "Well ... Nothing." Christina didn't want to push her cousin away by telling her what she really thought of David. "The point is that there is no magic amount of time you date a boy then it's okay to have sex. You only do that when you're much older, and you're in love." Christina caught herself and blurted, "Married. When you're married. Not before. How long has David been pushing for ... 'it?'"

        "All the time," Nina shrugged. "Especially after last week." Nina realized she was giving far too much away and stopped dead in her tracks. She stood up and said, "I think I should check my makeup before David gets here."

        Christina grabbed Nina by her wrist and pulled her back onto the couch. "What was last week?" she commanded.

        "Well," Nina blushed, "I sorta kinda touched 'it'"

        "What do you mean 'it!'" Christina shouted.

        Nina whispered, "His penis."

        Christina held her head again and muttered, "Don't, don't, don't, don't, say that word."

        "Well what do you want 'it' to mean? Is 'it' doing it or touching an it, cause frankly, I don't know what anyone is saying anymore."

        "You touched his 'doodle.'" Christina said gingerly.

        "Doodle?" Nina repeated sarcastically.

        "Yes!" Christina barked under her breath. "And I told you there is absolutely no touching David's doodle!"

        "It wasn't just David who wanted to do it! I wanted to see what it was like."

        Realizing that yelling at Nina wasn't going to solve anything, Christina did her best to calm down. "Look Nina, it's normal to be curious about those things. And certain kinds of touching feels really good. It's okay that you feel that way. It's okay that you even wanted to do it. What I'm trying to tell you is, don't let David talk you into anything that you're not ready for."

        "Okay," Nina responded.

        "I'm sorry I overreacted."

        Nina nodded. She pondered what her cousin had said then she plainly asked, "Have you touched Richard's penis?"

        "What?" Christina shrieked.

        "I'm sorry," Nina said defensively, "Richard's doodle."

        "No! Absolutely not!"

        "I just thought since you are dating him that maybe-"

        "No!" Christina interrupted. "We are NOT dating! There is no doodle touching going on and there never will be!"

        Nina started to speak but was interrupted by the sound of a car horn honking outside. Standing up, Nina started for the door. "I have to go, Doodle-" Nina blushed and corrected, "Uh, David is here."

        Once Nina was out the front door, Christina jumped up from the couch. She hurried to the window and watched Nina as she walked out to David's car. It irked Christina that not only did David not come to the front door, he didn't even get out of his car. She thought she saw David lean over and kiss Nina after she got in, but she wasn't sure. What she was sure of was that she didn't trust David, and she didn't think David was a good boy for Nina.

        Christina felt guilty as her cousin drove away. Nina didn't know that after Christmas, Christina Chase was never returning. Christina didn't know how she was going to survive without talking to her younger cousin on the phone or seeing her anymore. She promised herself that she had to find a way to set Nina on the right track before she left.

        Christina focused her mind on what she had to accomplish before she stopped being Christina Chase. She saw her uncle emerge from his bedroom and decided to seize the moment. She couldn't let herself linger on her guilt or her grief; she had an agenda, and she had to see it through.

        "Uncle Alek?" Christina called out to the older man.

        Alek entered the living room and beamed at his niece. "Yes Tina? What is it?"

        "I need to talk to you about something," said Christina, holding her hands behind her back.

        "Can it not wait until after dinner? It's almost time to-"

        "No," Christina interrupted, "It's important."

        "Of course Tina, what is troubling you?" Alek asked tenderly.

        Christina began, "When I was here for Thanksgiving, I heard you and Aunt Misha fighting ..."

        Alek shook his head dismissively and said, "Do not worry about that, it was just a spat. Everything is alright."

        "But I know what you were fighting about. I know about the problem with the IRS."

        Alek didn't speak, he just looked at his niece with piercing eyes.

        "I read one of your letters," she confessed. "I mean, I don't really understand everything that was in it, but I've been doing a lot of research. I think you should talk to an accountant or a specialist or something. I don't see how you could owe that much money. Anyway, I was thinking, maybe there's something I can do to help?"

        "Help," her uncle stated flatly. He exhaled forcefully and paced back and forth in front of the girl. "Help!" he exclaimed. "Help by reading things that are not for you?" he shouted.

        "I didn't mean to-"

        "Oh but you did!" Alek barked. "And now you think you know better how to run this house? You think that just because you spend your holidays here, that you know how to better take care of this family?" Alek's face burned with anger.

        "I didn't say that," Christina said as her eyes welled with tears.

        "No, you did not SAY anything. You go around sneaking. And plotting. And now you talk about things you know nothing about!" Alek paced back and forth like a predatory beast in front of cornered prey. "We are not to speak of this again," he commanded. "Do you understand?"

        With tears streaming down her face, Christina trembled, "Yes sir."

        Alek shot her a steely glare before turning his back and walking into the kitchen.

        Christina saw her aunt standing beside the kitchen door. She wasn't sure how much Misha had heard. Without saying a word, Christina ran past her aunt and up the stairs to her room. Throwing herself on her bed, she clutched her pillow and wept.

        Boris skulked into Christina's room with his head down. He jumped up onto the bed, and lay at the foot while Christina cried.

        Christina didn't know how long she laid there; it was long enough for her to exhaust her tears. Sitting up, she wiped her face and arranged the skirt of her dress so it was no longer bunched up around her legs. She leaned over and scratched Boris' belly. The dog knew that Christina was upset though he didn't understand why. Christina heard a knock on her bedroom door and muttered, "Come in," with a voice that was spent from crying.

        Misha came into the room carrying a plate of food and a box of tissues on a tray. She placed the food on Christina's nightstand then sat on the bed next to her niece. "Your uncle should not have spoken to you that way, Tina," she soothed as she handed Christina a tissue.

        Christina hunched over and blew her nose. She stared at the tissue in her hand. Without lifting her eyes, she whispered, "I know that I'm not really part of this family. I just wanted to help before I-"

        "Tina!" her aunt scolded. "You are never to speak like that again. You ARE a part of this family. Your uncle ... all the men in this family are very stubborn, and very proud. They do not like to be told when they are wrong."

        Christina looked up with red, puffy eyes and said, "I shouldn't have taken that letter."

        "No you should not have, but your heart was in the right place, child. You did what you thought was right, and Alek should not have yelled at you. He is not angry with you, Tina. He is angry at me. Mostly, he is angry at himself."

        "He sounded pretty angry at ME," Christina insisted.

        "He is frustrated," Misha explained. "He does not know what to do, so he yells."

        "What ARE we going to do?"

        "Things are going to work out."

        "How can you know that?"

        Misha put down the box of tissues on the bed and took her niece's hand. "Because I have faith, child. Because everything happens the way it is meant to. Yes, life feels hard, but you must always be grateful for what you have, and take the opportunities you are given."

        "But they're going to take the store!" Christina whined. "And maybe the house, too."

        "When the time is right, we will know what there is to do."

        "That's it? We'll just know?"

        "Yes."

        "Aunt Misha, I just don't know how you do it! I mean, the world is a mean place- it just gives you things so you can lose them. One day It gives you love, just so you can feel so empty when it's not there anymore." Christina's eyes welled up with fresh tears. "I had it all figured out in my head; the way I was going to spend Christmas, but it's not happening. I wanted to help, but there's nothing I can do. And Andrei is not around when I need him more than ever. Even Nina is gone. And the thing is, I'm almost out of time. You know I don't fit here. I wish I did. But it's like, no matter how hard I try, it just doesn't matter. Nothing ever matters."

        Misha wrapped her arms around her niece and rocked her gently. "My darling Tina. Life has been unkind to you, this is true. But how long are you going to keep searching for all the things you already have?"

        "I don't have anything," she whispered.

        "Nonsense. You have us. You always will."

        Christina mumbled, "It's complicated."

        "And you have Richard," Misha added.

        Christina sat up out of her aunt's embrace and winced. "I'm actually trying to get rid of him."

        Boris, no longer content to sit alone at the edge of the bed, inched forward and dropped his head into Christina's lap.

        "And you have Boris!" Misha grinned.

        Christina laughed, though her throat was still tight from crying. "Him I want to keep," she said as she scratched behind the dog's ear.

        Misha took another tissue from the box and cleaned the tears from Christina's cheeks. She stood up and said, "Do not burden yourself with all this worry. It is not your job to keep this family together."

        "I know," she frowned. "Uncle Alek made that very clear."

        "Ah yes," Misha said from the doorway, "But he was wrong. It is not his job either. It is mine."

        Misha winked at Christina as she closed the bedroom door behind her.

---

Edited into coherence by Holly H. Hart.
Thanks to Sephrena Miller for taking an early read.
Hope you enjoyed it. If you liked it or hated it, please leave a tasty comment.
Krunch Away!