So You Want To Be A Girl, Do You
by Barbara Lynn Terry

Chapter 1.

Part 1 - We Begin The Beguine

"So, you want to be a girl, do you." It was a statement rather than a question. My name is Stephen Jean Kelly, I am eleven years old, and I am shorter than my mother's five foot, six inches, but not by much. Maybe an inch if that. My hair is a little long, because I never used the money for haircuts, and my mother had asked me several times why not.

I just simply told her that girls don't have short hair like guys do. That is what led up to this particular day when mom had blown a fuse. She had known that I was in to her clothes both in her closet and her dresser. She also knew that some of my girl friends were giving me cast off clothes they didn't wear any more. She finally figured that if I wanted to be a girl, she was going to give me the chance to see what it was like. But she didn't ask me if this is what I wanted or not, she just took on herself to start everything moving so I could be a girl.

"Let's get your hair set, since you won't get it cut." She took me by the arm and sat me down at the kitchen table. "You sit right there until I get everything ready." I was in no position to argue, and I really didn't want to. But I made one last effort to "try" and squeeze out of this.

"But mom, you can't set my hair, I have school tomorrow."

"You should have thought of that before you used your haricut money for other things than getting your hair cut. Since you say that girls don't get their hair cut, I assume you are talking about that you want to be a girl. So now I am going to set your hair, like I do for the ladies that come to the salon."

Mother was a licensed cosmetologist, and she did hair and makeup, and even counseled the ladies she did hair and makeup for.

"Alright, I am going to slip this around your neck. Usually, for what I am going to do, you would put a protective paper gown over your clothes, but this will work just as good." She moved a kitchen chair over by the sink, with the back of it up against it. "Sit here, and tilt your head as far back as you can."

I did what she had said, and she started rinsing my hair with warm water. Then she started putting shampoo in my hair and washed it, twice, and then she conditioned it twice. She didn't dry it completely dry, she just dabbed it with a towel to get most of the dripping water out. Then she started putting rollers in my hair, first at the top, then the sides and back. She put some kind of smelly something or other on, and said it would hold the curl better. She just called it a setting solution.

After she was finished putting the rollers in, she then took her portable hair dryer and put the plastic cap over my head and turned it on. While my hair was drying she started filing and shaping my finger nails. She then put something on she said was a base coat, and two coats of burgundy nail polish. After my finger nails had dried, she put on what she called a top coat. While my hair was still drying, she started on my toe nails. She cut them, buffed them, filed them, and polished them the same way she did my fingers. The only difference was that my toe nails were cut straight across rather than shaped to a rounded tip. After thirty minutes were up, she checked my hair to see if it was dry, and it was. She took the hair dryer cap off of my head, but left the curlers in.

"Tomorrow morning, you will be getting up a little bit earlier because I have to get your hair brushed and looking pretty for the boys at school. And don't think you can wiggle out of this. This has been coming for a long time. I have your clothes all picked out for tomorrow, and the principal said you can dress like a girl for however long it takes for you to realize that you are a boy and boys don't wear dresses. Do you understand what I just said?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good! Now, I am not in favor of you doing this, but I am at my wits end. You have to learn that you have to act the way society says you must, and that is, you have to act like a boy. Anyway, You will be going to school like this until I say it is alright for you to return to being a boy. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

I certainly did understand, and most of the guys at school left me alone because they thought I was a girl, albeit a tomboy, but nevertheless still a girl. When they see me tomorrow, they will think their suspicions were confirmed. But, there were a couple of the girls in my class that said I would make a much prettier girl than an ugly, stupid boy. I agreed with them. The problem I was going to have though would be with the teachers. But that is for tomorrow, so let's just enjoy the night, before the battle of wits begins.

"Stephanie, come up here to my room, please." I went upstairs to her room, and she was holding a lilac, full lentgh nightgown, that had imprinted violets on it. She told me to undress, and put the night gown on. I took off all my clothes, except for my undershorts. She handed me the nightgown, which I had put on. Then she handed me a pair of lilac panties, and told me to go in the bathroom, and take off my boy's underwear, and put on the panties. I did as she said, and when I returned to her bedroom, she told me to sit on her bed.

"Stephanie, I want you to know that you look very beautiful, but you are a boy, and you should be lucky that you are, because girls are treated as non-entities, women are treated as second class citizens. Women get paid less than a man for the same job and performance, and are beaten and cheated on by men. Women just will not amount to anything in a man's world."

"Mother, where are you? Are you in the 1960's or are you still in the 1930's?"

"What do you mean by that? Of course I am in the 1960's."

"But where is your mind? Mother, this is not the same time that when you were young. This is a different time, and even when you were eleven years old it was a different eleven than it is today. John F. Kennedy is president, not FDR, and it is a totally different time. Mother, if I have to go through school as a girl, then I will go through school as a girl, because I am not getting my hair cut like a boy would, and I am not going to stop wearing my friends clothes that they give me. I am also not going to stop acting like a girl either.

"You may punish me by making me go to school dressed as a girl, but I will be the best girl I can be. Mother, I can never be the son you so badly need, but I can be a wonderful daughter. If you will let me, that is."

"Well, whatever, I have to work tomorrow, and the school is right on the way. I am going to make sure you go in the school in your dress. We will see what kind of a day you have. If these boys beat you up, I hope that it will teach you a lesson. If that does happen don't look at me to do anything about it. This is your doing, not mine."

"Yes, ma'am."

When mother got like this, it was no use in arguing with her about it. Just take what she dishes out, and hope for the best. Yes I was very afraid for tomorrow, because not all the boys thought I was a tomboy. There were some guys that called me a faggot and other dirty names, and there were guys that told me I needed a good solid beating. I was hoping to get to my girl friends before any of these violent boys got a hold of me. This way I could get their boyfriends to look out for me. Some of them knew I was a guy, a very feminine looking guy, but still a guy. But they said that I should be dressed in nice dresses and have my hair done. They agreed with their girlfriends that I looked better as a girl than an ugly, stupid guy. Like I said, I had agreed with them.

These were my protectors, and I needed to get to them before the ones with no brains got a hold of me.

"Alright Stephanie, it is time for you to be in bed. I will wake you up in the morning and brush your hair out. Since it is only the beginning of school, you can wear pantyhose on your legs, which don't seem to have any hair on them. Well, that will come, but right for now, you are lucky you don't have to shave them. I will show you how to properly put on pantyhose in the morning. Now you pay attention to what I do, because you are going to be doing this yourself."

I didn't want to rain on her parade, but what she didn't know was, that I knew how to put makeup on, I knew how to fasten a bra behind my back, and I knew how to put on pantyhose. But I was going to let her think I didn't. I can be a good actress when I have to be.

I got in bed, and mother tucked me in, something she hasn't done in the last last two years. She kissed me on my forehead and said, "good night, darling." Then she left, turning off my room light, but only closing the door, so the hall light didn't keep me awake. She used to do that when I was younger. That was so she could hear me in the night, if I was crying or had a nightmare. I laid on my side, because the rollers were very prickly. What we girls go through to look pretty.

Part 2 - Stephanie At School

The next morning, she came in fully dressed, and said it was time for me to get up. She said she had to get me ready for school. Of course, if I had had an alarm clock, I could have gotten up by myself and gotten myself ready for school. I mean, I knew how to do everything she was going to do, except the hair part. So, I let her think I was a dunce when it came to being a girl, and let her work her magic.

My hair wasn't really all that long, but it was long enough to put into a girl's style. My hair was just past my ears, and instead of an outward flip, my hair curled to the inside, and my bangs covered my forehead. For the first time since I had been dressing in my friends clothes, I noticed that my hair shimmered in the light. Mother noticed it too and said I had beautiful natural highlights. I smiled when she said that, because it was the first real compliment she gave me. As a girl, that is. After she had done my makeup and brushed out my hair, she said it was time to get dressed. She wanted me to show her what I knew about dressing as a girl. I was delighted to show her.

The first thing I did was put on the bra, fastening it behind me, like I had been doing it all of my life. Then I stepped in to the white half slip, and then put on my blouse. The blouse was supposed to be tucked in the waistband of the skirt. Then I stepped in to the plain, lilac skirt. I sat on the bed, and took the pantyhose from its wrapper, and slid them up my legs as far as my knees. Then I stood up and wiggled the pantyhose up to my waist. I made sure the waisteband of the skirt covered the waistband of the pantyhose, but I could do that while wearing the skirt. After making sure everything was on, straight and firm, I posed this way and that, and smiled. Mother wasn't too happy about me smiling, because I mean, this was supposed to be a punishment. Yeah, right!

Mother then looked me over, and said she had to do one more thing. She fished around in her purse, and took out a tweezers. "Now hold very still. Don't move until I say I am finished." I sat there motionless, and then I felt her take the tweezers and start yanking hair from my eyebrows. This would add another look to me that I didn't have before. Mother thought she was punishing me, and I will let her think that. After she was done with both eyebrows, she then put some mascara on my lashes, and said that girls would kill for my lashes because they were long and thick. I looked in her compact mirror, and I smiled.

"You may be smiling now, young lady, but you won't be smiling long. This is going to be a very crucial week for you. If you can survive this week, we will talk about you remaining as a girl. But right for now, this week is going to be a lessons learned week."

I thought to myself that yes this was going to be a lessons learned week alright, but it was going to be her and my teachers that was going to do the learning. Alright, so what do I know about teaching an adult something? Not much, but I think that if I stick to being as feminine as possible, which for me isn't hard to do, and if I can get one of the boys to be my "boyfriend", then maybe I won't have any problems at all. Maybe. We will see.

We didn't have a car yet, so we had to take the bus whereever we went. The bus I had to take had most of the kids from my classes on it. So this would be the first test to see what they thought of me in a dress. Last semester I wore clothes that both a boy and a girl could wear. The teachers didn't tell me to go home and change in to a skirt, but they did keep an eye on me, and when I used the girls restroom, nobody said anything, either.

But this semester, after the staff sees me in my skirt, I will never be able to get away with wearing pants again. So, we went outside and waited for the number 27 to take us to Wells street. Normally I just walked from the bus stop at north 27th street, and west Wells street, and walked the few blocks to north 19th street, where Wells Street Junior High School was. (Author's note: Today the building is now the Milwaukee Rescue Mission.)

As we got off of the bus at north 27th and west Wisconsin Avenue, we walked across the street and waited for whatever bus came. A number 10 came along, and we got on. The bus took us to north 18th street and west Wisconsin Avenue where children's hospital was located. We walked the one block back to Wells street, and to the school entrance right there on 19th street.

When the bell rang, mother gave me a hug and said be good, and to meet her at the salon when I got out of school. The others thought it was funny that "mommy" had to take me to school. But I just ignored them. I found Sally Langston and Michelle Dearborn at their lockers.

"Hey girls."

"Hey Stephanie. OMG girl! I just love your outfit."

"What these old rags, oh I've had them for a while," I said casually, like it was nothing. Of course they knew better. "We have to get everybody together, because we need to talk. Look, as long as I stay with you and the guys, I will be alright through lunch, but we must talk though. I think my biggest problem is going to be the teachers because they still have Stephen down for my legal name."

"Don't worry, girlfriend. We can handle these teachers. Last semester we were still at Cass Street, and this is the first time in junior high school."

"Yes, Sally, but dinglebutt saw me come in dressed like this. It is going to be hard for me to come to school wearing any kind of pants, even if they are androgynous."

"Don't worry, when it gets really cold outside, we can wear pants under our dresses and skirts to keep our legs warm. We will be there for you, girl. That's what friends are for."

"I'm also worried about those boys that called me faggot and worse last semester. Some of them will be going here, and if they see me, they may hurt me."

"You don't have to worry about that either. Let me see your schedule." I showed her my schedule, not knowing what she was looking for. "Well girlfriend, you don't have to worry about the teachers. Your schedule says Stephanie J. Kelly on it, and you are listed for girls gym right after lunch."

"OMG! What will I do about showering? The other girls will be in there and while they don't bother me, what will they think about a naked male body in their shower, let alone their locker room?"

"Leave that to us. You know something. You look really cute when you get worried, because your cheeks turn a really nice rose shade. I think it's cute."

"Well, I'm worried is all. I have never had to take gym before. I can't take boys gym because of the guys that want to beat me up."

"Girlfriend, don't worry. I also see something else on your schedule too. You also have home economics. So do I and so does Michelle. I bet there are others that know you that have these same classes. We will see, but you leave the locker room up to us. We will run interference for you. I don't think the other girls will much care as long as you act as the girl you are. See we know who you are inside, but some of them don't. So we will talk to them. Look, today is the second day. You just tell the teacher you don't have any gym clothes yet. She will let you slide. Michelle and I will work on the other girls."

"Okay, you guys are so wonderful."

"Hey, no crying, you'll mess up that beautiful makeup job. Who did that for you?"

"My mother did. She thinks she is punishing me by making me dress as a girl and going to school."

"Didn't you tell her you already knew how to put makeup on?"

"No. I just let her think she was teaching me something. She even came with me to school to make sure I actually went in the building. I did tell her that I was not going to stop being a girl, and she said we will see. I'm not really afraid of the teachers, well, maybe a little, but it's the guys that want to beat me up."

"Well, you stick with us, girlfriend, and we will be the female three musketeers. We will see who is in our classes. The only class I don't have with you is study hall. But Dan does. So, tell you what. I will talk to Dan and tell him that Stephanie finally decided to stop being a tomeboy."

"Hey look at this. The faggot came to school dressed like a fag."

"Jimmy Henderson, maybe I should tell Dan you called me a faggot. What do you think he will do to you?"

"No, not you, that thing next to you there."

"Oh no he didn't."

"So you called Michelle a faggot? That is interesting. I'm sure George will want to have a talk with you. Won't you George?"

"You bet, I would."

"Hi, hi Geor, George."

"Still up to your tricks hey Jimmy? What did you father tell you on the last day we were at Cass Street?"

"You can't always protect that faggot. We will get it no matter how long we have to wait."

"Don't hold your breath. Stephanie let me see your schedule." I handed my schedule to George. "I see that all of your classes are with Sally and Michelle, as well as Karen Osborn and Sally's sister, Janet. There is safety in numbers, especially where Jimmy Henderson and his two friends are concerned. Nobody pays them any mind, and the other boys just ignore those three. You also have study hall with me and Dan. That's good because we can all keep an eye on you. Stephanie, I told you at Cass Street you would make a better girl than a guy. I wasn't kidding, you're a knockout." Michelle nudged him a little, and we all laughed.

Now I knew I had my same protectors that I had at our last school. It wasn't that I couldn't protect myself, but all I knew about fighting was kicking, biting, clawing, and pulling hair. Like the girls do. I never could fight like the guys do, and I don't want to learn, either. But with my girl friends all here, and their boyfriends, I can look forward to a good time here.

Sally and Janet were the ones that first showed me how I looked dressed as a girl. That first day at their house, while their parents were still at work, they had me dress up in one of Sally's outfits from the skin out. After I was dressed, and had my hair brushed out a little, I posed in front of her mother's full length mirror. I was smiling because I loved the way I looked. It was Sally and Janet that taught me how to apply makeup, and how to fasten a bra behind my back. I had done it so many times now, that it just came natural.

This went on for about a month, before their mother came home one day, unexpectedly, and caught us doing a fashion show. We don't know how long she stood at the door watching us, but it had to be a while, before she made herslef known.

"You look really pretty, Stephanie."

"Thank you, ma'am," I said, smiling at myself in the mirror.

After that day, she didn't care if I wore Sally's clothes or not. It was Sally's idea to give me her cast offs instead of just giving them to the second hand store. These were the clothes mother had found in different hiding paces around the house. At first she just threw them out, but she kept finding skirts in boxes here and there, and dresses hanging in the back of my closet, she just snapped, and now here I am in school fully dressed as the girl I should really be.

We all went in to our first class and homeroom, and waited for the second bell to ring, which it did a second later. The teacher called our names from her grade book, and when she got to my name she just said: "Stephanie Kelly?" I said here, and she marked it down. Then she told all of us that the seats we were in was going to be our seats for the semester. Then she got right down to the first lesson of the year.

This was English class, and all I knew about English was that it was the language we spoke and understood. As far as writing it, well that was nother matter. I did write a poem about safety crossing the street when I was at Cass Street, but Mr. Knuth kept it. I did get an A+ extra credit for it though. But beyond that I understood nothing about participles, pronouns, adjectives, and the like. But I guess I was going to learn. I had giggled silently to myself, but Mrs. Richards, our teacher heard that.

"Is something funny, Miss Kelly?"

"No ma'am. It was just something I had thought to myself."

"Well then, just giggle in your thoughts from now on."

"Yes, ma'am."

I looked over at Sally and she just smiled. From that moment on, the kids in class said she had supersonic hearing. So we just gave her the name of superwoman. The class today was about writing, and to make sure we knew how to write in proper English, she told us to write a one page essay of our choice, but not to copy it from any book. It could be on any subject, but only from our minds. This was not as easy as it sounded, because what she wanted us to do was write in proper sentences. So, well, here goes nothing. I wrote about how my mother had shown me how to apply makeup, leaving out that my being dressed the way I was, was a punishment, or so my mother thought. Why is it adults never listen to children? Well someday we just may find out.

The bell had rung for the end of class, and Mrs. Richards told us to leave our essays on her desk on the way out. We joined up with Karen and Janet, and we walked to our next class. Jimmy Henderson and his cronies were in the hallway.

"See guys, I told you they were all lesbians."

We just giggled and kept walking. We didn't have any classes with either of them, so we just ignored them. When we got to math class, Mr. Jenkins was the teacher, but he was young looking, and a stud. I had mentioned that to the girls, and they all agreed. He wasn't wearing a suit like the other teachers, but was in jeans and a long sleeved, solid blue shirt. He was clean shaven, and had a full head or rich, dark brown hair.

When he called the roll, he said the same thing that Mrs. Richards had said about our seats. Then he started the lesson. He gave us problems to do that were written on the board, then told us to hand them in at the end of class. As I was doing my numbers, I had to sneak looks at him, and I found the other girls were doing the same. When a man can catch the eye of all the girls in class, then yes, he is definitely a stud. It seemed we had just sat down, when the bell rang. As we left the room, we left our papers on his desk.

Our next class was geography. I knew where some of the places in Wisconsin were, like Wisconsin Dells and the Cave of the Mounds. But when it came to geography in other places, I knew hardly anything. I guess I knew the capitols of each state and of the United States, but everybody knows that. I knew where each state was, but that was about it. I was about to learn where Mount Rushmore was, Old Faithful, and more.

Mr. James L. Johnston, Esq., was our teacher. I wondered what the Esq. meant, and was to find out it stood for Esquire. What was an Esquire? I will have to look that up. But, for right now, we were going to learn about places and things. This was really something, because this was more than what we had studied in our last school. Mr. Johnston wanted to know if we knew anything about any of the geography of where we lived. We all raised our hands. Everybody talked about that they knew where the zoo was and where the library was, and museum. When Mr. Johnston asked us if we knew on what longitude and latitude Milwaukee was located, nobody knew. We were to find out that longitude was the north south lines we saw on the globe and latitude was the east/west lines we saw. He said that Milwaukee was located on an intersecting line of 42 degrees, 57 minutes, 0 seconds north by 87 degrees, 54 minutes, 0 seconds west, at William Mitchell Field (better known as Billy Mitchell Field). Of course, I am really going to use this when I grow up. I giggled to myself, and Mr. Johnston didn't hear it. The bell rang for the end of class, and we all filed out.

Our next room was the lunch room located in the basement. We put our books in our lockers, and headed down to see what the school was serving. Our experience with school food was not the best in the world, but it kept us from starving until dinner. I giggled to myself again. Junior high school sure was a funny place to be at. Anyway, I am not going to describe the "food" because we have all been through the cafeteria lines more than once. So you can use your imaginations. After we had what we wanted on our trays, we all sat down together. Jimmy Henderson came over and asked me for a date.

"I'm sorry Jimmy, but I am all out of dates. I may have a few prunes or artichokes left, though."

"I should kick your a.." He didn't get to finish the last word before Mr. Crew, the boys gym teacher grabbed him by the collar.

"Why are you being profane to these ladies?"

"This one here is a fag, and deserves to get his a.. uhm rear end beaten."

"May I see your schedule, please?" I showed him my schedule. "Well, apparently you just don't like this young lady for some reason. But I will say this. We don't assign girls gym to homosexual boys, if that is what you were referring to by using that "F" word. Now, If I hear of you bothering this young lady at all, whether here or away from school, I am just calling your parents and let them know you like picking on girls. You had better walk the line. What is your name?"

"Nunya. That's my name. It's none of your business what goes on between the students."

"Is that so. Just where did you hear that from?"

"I ain't sayin'."

"Well, are you just going to stand there?"

"I'm waiting for you to go so I can kick this faggot's ass."

"Mr. Crew, his name is Jimmy Henderson," Michelle said, with a satisfied smile.

"I'm gonna get you bitch. You can't protect this faggot forever."

"Maybe they can't, but we can have you expelled from MPS. That means you would have to either move, or go to an institution to finish school. I think you had better come with me."

Mr. Crew took Jimmy out of the cafeteria, and later on we were told that he was suspended for a week. We all agreed that when he does come back, we had better be very aware of the threats he made against Michelle and myself. Jimmy and his two friends seemed to be the only ones that bothered me. Everybody else left my friends and I alone. Well, unless we were talking about one thing or another in class. But Jimmy's two friends seemed to be followers instead of leaders. So maybe without Jimmy they would settle down. Maybe. I guess we will see.

As the first bell rang for the end of lunch, we all went back to our lockers and got our books for this afternoon. We girls went to the gym, and Sally and Michelle immediately went over to where the girls we flocking around the first row of lockers. They were talking in hushed tones, so I couldn't hear what they were saying. After they were finished talking, Kathy Nesbitt came over by me and assured me that as long as I behaved as the girl I am dressed as, there would be no problems from the rest of the girls.

Kathy Nesbitt was kind of like the queen bee, and what she said almost all of the girls followed. Of course there were those of us that Kathy didn't impress, but if she said it was alright for me to be in the shower with the other girls, then it was alright. But I was still going to give them this one day, because I really didn't have any gym clothes. That was one of the things mother had forgotten. I will have to remind her of that when I meet her after school.

The next two classes were home economics and history. We didn't really do anything in these two classes except talk. Miss Jameson in home ec talked about sewing, cooking, and child care, and said it was important for girls to know these skills. She said since there were no boys in our class, we could concentrate on what a woman's place in the home is all about, and what we need to do to keep the house and the family from falling apart.

In history class, Mr. Davis said that we would be learning American history. That is what the United States is all about and how it came to being the United States. "You boys especially will be interested in American history because it has war, fighting, arguing, and more. Things boys like." We talked until the bell rang, and then we all went to our lockers and put our books away. We didn't have any homework, so we didn't need to take our books home with us.

"Hey guys, I gotta meet my mom at the beauty shop. I will see you all tomorrow. We hugged and said cya tomorrow, and I left to walk down to twelfth street to catch the number 12 or 23 and head over to Vliet Street. My mother worked in the beauty shop in the Schuster's department store right at the corner or North 12th and West Vliet streets. (Author's note: This building is now the Milwaukee County Department of Health and Human Servcies.)

Part 3 - Shopping

I got to twelfth street and got on the number 12 bus. I got off at Vliet street, and went in the store. I took the escalator to the second floor and sat down in a chair at the salon and waited for mom to finish. When she came over to me, she said I had an appointment to get my hair done, on Saturday at one o'clock in the afternoon.

"Hi Stephanie. You look very pretty today."

"Thank you, Gina."

Regina Smock was the receptionsist and also a beautician. She was younger than mom, and had nice sandy blonde hair. She always had a smile, and whenever I would come in and wait for mom, we would talk.

Mother and I went over to the juniors section, and mother was looking at dresses. Mother said I needed my own clothes, instead of my friends hand me downs. So as we looked at the dresses, mother looked at me, and finally said.

"Since these are going to be for you, you pick them out. But nothing too short now." I giggled.

As I looked through the racks of dresses for fall, I saw several that I would like to have. One was just what I had always wanted. It was a cream colored dress that had three quarter sleeves, a back zipper, and it came to about two inches above my knees. As I was wearing it, mother said it would do, because that is what young girls are wearing these days. She said that was as short as I was allowed to get. I picked another nice dress that was caramel in color, had a scoop neck, and had long sleeves right down to my wrists. It buttoned in the front and was actually a shirt dress. This one also was two inches above my knees, so I put it with the other one. Then the next dress I tried on was soft, and felt like nylon. It in fact had a nylon/tricot lining in the skirt. I put it on and stepped out for mom's approval. All of the dresses were two inches above my knees, and I was happy mom was letting me wear something that the rest of the girls were wearing. This after all was 1961, and styles were changing. I just wonder how short a dress or a skirt could really get. Well, I wasn't going to dwell on it. The next clothes we looked at were skirts. Okay I wondered. Just how long is mom going to keep me dressed as a girl? I hope forever, but I'm not that sure. I saw a caramel colored skirt, I just had to try on. When I found it fit, I needed to find a caramel top for it. I found one way toward the end by the wall where they had the junior tops. I took it in the changing booth and tried it on with the skirt. It fit perfectly, and you could hardly see the bra straps through the shirt. That was one set I had. Now to find another one.

"Honey, why don't you try on several at a time?"

"Because mother, if the skirt fits, I want a matching top for it." For the first time, I saw mother give a resigned look. "Mom, are you alright?"

"Yes honey, I just figured out who you really are."

That was when I knew she was keeping me in skirts forever, because she saw a girl instead of a boy. Only a girl would want to match her skirts immediately with a top and try both of them on. It was this day that Stephanie Jean Kelly was really born. I gave mom a big hug, and went in search of a skirt and top. I found a blue, A-line skirt that fanned out some, and a lighter blue top. I tried both of them on, and they fit like they were made for me. Then I went out and picked out a really nice rose skirt, and went in search of a top. I found one in exactly the same color, and went to try them on. I now had three dresses, three skirts and three tops. Mom paid for them, and then said we should get something for lunch, and then come back. She said she wanted to talk to me anyway.

We took the bus to Wisconsin Avenue, then changed buses for further down Wisconsin Avenue. This bus let us off almost rigth in front of the door to Woolworth's. We sat down in a booth. The waitress came over and asked us if we were ready to order, and mom said not yet. She left the water but took our drink orders. Mother ordered coffee for her and milk for me.

"Honey, we need to talk. After we get our orders, we will talk about a few things." The waitress came back over and took our orders. Mom ordered a roast beef sandwich for her and me, no gravy, with a side salad. She went to put our orders in, and mom asked me a question that exploded inside my head. "Would you like to be my daughter, forever?"

"OMG! Mom. If you only knew how long I had dreamed of that. Yes, I want to be your daughter forever."

"You know, that I will have to make an appointment with you to see a psychiatrist. That is just to make sure this is what you want. Now, most psychiatrists are going to tell you that you have something wrong with you, because they won't be ready to say that you are a female inside. But maybe we can find a woman psychiatrist, if there is one."

"Mother, there isn't a psycho that can tell me who I am."

"Psycho?"

"It's what we kids today call psychiatrists. Either that or a head shrinker, you know, like from Borneo."

"Just don't say that to them when you are in their office, though."

"I think we can get your birth certificate changed too. We will see if a doctor can give you a physical and then give us something to change your birth certificate with. We will see. But first, I want you to see this psycho." I giggled. The waitress brought us our orders, and we talked about doing more shopping after we were done.

When we left after mom paid the cashier, we went to Gimbels just a few blocks down. Nobody on the street gave me a second look and older ladies just smiled at me. When we got in Gimbels, we looked around, and they also had a bargain basement where you could get nice clothes cheaper than on the upper floors. This is where they resold all the clothing returns that people bought but brought them back.

This time we were looking at lingerie, as mother said I needed bras, panties and slips. I didn't argue, and set about looking at what I could get away with. Mom wanted me to have just plain briefs in different colors, and they had to be nylon. I picked out ten pair, in different colors and we then looked at the slips. I only wanted half slips, but mom said alright but I needed at least three full slips. so I got five half slips all in different vibrant colors, and three full slips in basic white. Then mother said I needed shoes, so we went to the shoe department, where mother had me try on penny loafers, Mary Jane's, high heels with two inch heels. and then she had me try on a pair of high heels that was almost a caramel color that would go with my caramel colored skirt outfit. Mom paid for these, and we left the store, and got on the number 10 bus again, and went to 27th and Wisconsin Avenue, the transferred to the number 27 and went home. When we got off at Galena, we waited for the traffic to stop coming, and we crossed the street. As we entered the house, mom told me to go upstairs and put my things away. She said she knew I knew how to put them away nicely. I said thank you, and went to put my clothes away.