Father Just Doesn't Get It - Part III
by Barbara Lynn Terry

Previously:

"Rights for what. I haven't done anything."

"Okay, but do you understand the rights I just read to you?"

"Yes."

"Good, let's go." They took daddy outside where a police van was waiting. they put daddy in the police van, and the van drove off. The officers came back to the house. "Here is a show order, to meet us in the district attorney's office at two o'clock tomorrow afternoon. He will be formally charged with attempted murder, and he will be in the county jail, unless someone can make his bail."

"Don't look at me. He can rot in that jail as far as I am concerned. We will be there tomorrow. Thank you, officers."

They both tipped their hats, and they left.

I guess he finally broke, but not the way I wanted to see it happen though. I guess father just doesn't get it. Sigh.
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Chapter I - Father is charged with a crime.

That night I slept fitfully. I dreamed that daddy was coming at mom and me with a knife, and was going to kill us. Only our faster speed over his enebriated brain saved us. As I kept dreaming the same scene over and over, I heard a far away voice calling my name. As I started to open my eyes, I heard mother calling me.

"Honey, time to get up, sweetie. I let you sleep in as much as I could. We have to be at the district attorney's office at two, and it is going on eleven now. Are you going as Jimmy or as Joanne?"

"Joanne, mom. Mom? I want to be Joanne forever."

"Honey, you can be whomever you want to be. Everybody has that right, no matter where they live, or what body they have. Remember when I said that 'if it were up to me, I would have had you in skirts a long time ago'?"

"Yes."

"Well I didn't mean that in a bad way. Ever since you were very little you always argued with your girl cousins about which doll you wanted to play with, and then you even snuck in their rooms a few times that I know of, and was wearing their dresses. Joanne, honey, you have been more of a girl than you know for a long time. I am very happy you are going to stay Joanne, because I have always wanted a daughter.

"You standing up to your father the way you did, showed me just how much of a girl you really are. When you were telling him off, so to speak, you were using feminine hand gestures as well as inflecting some of your words the way a girl would do. I have my pretty daughter now, and we are going to have so much fun. When we get back from the district attorney's office I want you to try on a few of my dresses and skirts to see if they will fit you. Would that be alright?"

"Yes, mother, it would be more than alright. If we can wear the same sizes, then we can share clothes."

"You know what else I was thinking about too? I was thinking that maybe this weekend we could go to a spa and get pampered. We would get waxed, massaged, our hair and nails done, and then go out and have a nice dinner. What do you think?"

"I would love to be pampered."

"Spoken like a true girl." She rubbed her nose with mine, and made a wrinkly face. Mom's the greatest. "Okay, you go and get your bath, and I will find something for you to wear."

I went in the bathroom, and ran my bath water, putting in some lavender scent bubble bath. I had time for a bubble bath, because we didn't have to be there until two o'clock, and it wasn't even eleven yet. I sat in the tub thinking about what mom had said. She knew about me wearing Kathy's and Carla's dresses when I was little? I couldn't believe she never said a word about that. I know I said I want to stay as Joanne, but the thought of having surgery of any kind scares me though. Well, whomever mom makes an appointment for me with, will probably clear that up. I am hoping. I washed all over and then got out of the tub after rinsing off the errant suds that just stick to you like glue. I dried off, and went to my room to get dressed.

I got into my panties while I was still wearing the towel. Then with them in place, I put on the half slip with lace hem, and then the bra. After the first few times, I remembered what mom had showed me, was to put my fingers on one hand by the hooks, and the fingers on the other hand by the eyelets, and then slide the hooks in. It was simple once you mastered the technique. I put on my stockings, by rolling them up my legs evenly. I ran my hand over them to make sure they were smooth and firm, but not tight. I didn't have to attach these to garters, because they had elastic tops. I then put my off white blouse on, as it was made to be tucked in to the skirt. I then put on the navy blue skirt, tucking the blouse in as I pulled the skirt up. I then stepped in to a pair of mom's off white, two inch heeled pumps. Well mother, whether you know it or not, we wear the same size. At least for now. Making sure everything was in place, and proper, I went downstairs.

"You look very pretty, honey. I am glad I put that outfit out for you. Now, come over here, I want to put a little mascara on your eyes. You won't need anything else while we are at the district attorney's office. Later on, you may want to put a little lip gloss on." Mom's the greatest because she wants me to be happy. And I am, really.

"Mom, will daddy be in the district attorney's office with us?"

"I don't know, sweetie. But if he is, he will have the police there to make sure he doesn't do anything to either of us. All I am going to do is sign the complaint against him, and that should keep him in jail for a long time. Don't you worry none, we will be safe, the police and the district attorney will make sure of that. Now, what would you like for breakfast or lunch, or both?"

"I just want a slice of jelly toast and milk. I'm not too hungry."

"Are you nervous, sweetie?"

"Yes, and scared too. I...if daddy is there, I want to sit as far away from him as I can."

"I can understand that. Rinse your saucer off, and let's get going. I want to stop at one store on the way."

"What store, mom?"

"You'll see. It's a surprise."

"Okay, I'm ready"

We got our purses, and we went out to the car. After making sure I was buckled in, mom started the car, and drove us to the mall. We went to the second level, and right to the piercing pagoda.

"Mom, what are we doing here?" I asked, a little excited.

"May I help you?" A young woman said. She had suds from the hoops she was wearing to the top of each ear lobe.

"Yes, my daughter wants to get her ears piereced."

"Very well, I'm Vickie. Will you come right this way, please?"

I sat on a high stool, and she took this thing that looked like a giant stapler, and put in the studs we had picked out. Mom had picked my birthstone for August, and I heard a pip, then another one.

"There, all done. Here is your ear care kit. It has a solution in there for cleaning your ear lobes. These studs have to stay in for at least six weeks. That gives the ear lobes time to heal. Will there be anything else?" Mom gave her a set of silver hoops, and then paid for them. The piercing was free because mom bought the hoops and the studs.

"Now, let's see what your father says about this." We both giggled. "I love your studs honey. but make sure you clean them every day. I will show you how, when we get home. Let's go keep your father in jail."

Mom drove us to the courthouse, and we went to the second floor. She showed the lady the show order, and we were told to have a seat, Mrs. Rogers would with us as soon as the officer showed up. We sat down for like five minutes, before one of the officers that arrested daddy came in. He signed something on a clip board, and then came over by us.

"Mrs. Adkins, your husband says you want your son raised as a girl, and that he didn't mean anything by his threat. He said that it was just in a manner of speaking. Now what me and my partner saw was a man coming at you with a weapon in his hand saying he was going to kill the both of you. He is being formally charged with two counts of attempted murder today, based on what we saw and heard at your house. Do you still want to go through with this?"

"Yes."

"The ADA today is Carole Rogers, and she is a bear. Your husband will be in the room while he is being charged, but he will be handcuffed and shackled and sitting in the corner of the room away from the both of you. Now, for what it's worth, Mrs. Adkins, your daughter does look beautiful, and doesn't seem to be objecting to anything."

"Because I'm scared sir. My father is a mean person, and if things don't go his way he starts making threats waving something around. When you arrested him, it was the first time he ever moved toward any one of us with a weapon in his hand. He scares me."

"Well young lady, you have nothing to worry about. He is in jail, and he is going to stay there."

Just then a lady with light auburn hair, sky blue eyes, and what seemed like a forced smile, came out and greeted us.

"Hello everybody, I'm ADA Carole Rogers. I will be prosecuting your husband for brandishing a weapon saying he was going to kill you and your child. In this state that is attempted murder and is punishable if convicted, by a sentence of twenty five years to life imprisonment. In other words he would have to do twenty five years before he could even be considered to be out on parole. Let's go in my office, and we can discuss this further." We went in her office, which was small. I started getting scared, and I think it showed. "Is there something wrong young lady?"

"This is really small. He...he...he can't get....to...us...can...can...he?"

"No honey. See that chair right there. He will be brought in through that door, and shackled to that chair. It is bolted to the floor, so he can't move it. There is nothing to be afraid of. The police and I will make sure of that. Now there are a few other things I need to go over before we bring him in.

"First of all, I understand you are actually a male, dressing as a female. Did anyone put you up to this, or force you to do this?"

"No ma'am." I went on to tell her everything that happened. About father calling me a sissy because of my long hair, and telling me I should be a girl if I am going to have long hair. I told her how mother had stood up for me, and it was father's wish I remain as Joanne if I didn't get my hair cut.

"Alright, that explains a lot. I was told he was saying your mother was forcing you. Since you explained the way you did, I can see that it wasn't rehearsed. Alright then, I have just one more thing, and that is for you to sign the complaint. Officer bring in the defendant." When daddy came in the room, Mrs. Rogers looked at him very sternly.

"Sir, you are being formally charged with two counts of attempted murder, to-wit: That on the 20th day of June, you did approach Mrs. Nora Adkins while she was in her kitchen, threatening to kill her and your only child. You were waving a can/bottle opener, with the pointed end towards Mrs. Adkins."

"I was in such a rage, I really didn't even know what I was doing. I drink quite a bit and I get angry when I'm drinking. I really didn't mean anything by what I said at my house.

"Sir, you cannot use alcohol as a defense here, because as I understand it, you have been calling your child a sissy because he wouldn't get his hair cut. Then I am told they gave you an ultimatum. You either accept your child as a son or as a daughter. You said that your child remains your daughter if she wouldn't get her hair cut. Does that sum up pretty much how things went, sir?"

"Yeah, it does. Good riddance to the damn sissy."

"Sir, your tone is just a little on the nasty side for me. Now, Mrs. Adkins, please read this complaint and sign it if it is correct. If it isn't correct, let us know what needs to be deleted or added."

Mom read the complaint, and she showed no emotion as she took the pen and signed her name to it.

"Thank you, Mrs. Adkins. Will you get your husband a lawyer, or does he need one appointed?"

"Let him have an appointed one. I am going right from here to an attorney's office and file for divorce. He has picked on our child long enough with his abuse and threats. No, I won't be getting him an attorney, and he doesn't have access to my bank account either. We never had a joint account."

"Nora, please, please get me a good attorney."

"Not on your life, buster. You put yourself here, and whatever you get won't be good enough. If it were up to me, I'd chain your sorry ass in the basement and feed you peanut butter and jelly bread with water. You are a miserable man, Steven Adkins. When I file for divorce I am asking for my maiden name back, and that Joanne's be the same as mine. You brought this on yourself. Will that be all, Mrs. Rogers?"

"Yes, we will let you know when you have to come to court. The sheriff will serve you with subpoenas to come and testify.

"Nora, please get me..." That was all we heard from daddy as mom had closed the door to Mrs. Rogers office. Daddy will be in jail until whenever. I hope he can't get out too soon.

Mom was going to take me shopping, but she said getting the divorce papers right away was important. I guess mom had had enough of daddy's abuse too. Mom said that because he had threatened to kill us with a weapon, she would ask that he not have any visiting privileges with me. I said I didn't want to visit with him anyway.

"Good girl. Now, when we go in the attorney's office I am going to ask the attorney if we can get your name changed to Joanne. Would you like your last name to be my maiden name?"

"Yes, mother, I would."

"Did I ever tell you what my last name was before I got married to that jerk?"

"No."

"It's Cummings. So do you want to be known as Joanne Cummings?"

"Yes, mom, I do. I don't like the last name of that thing that dared to call himself my father. He is mean and he is dangerous. When you called the police, I was scared he would come next door and hurt us."

"Well, he can't hurt us any more now. So when we get to this attorney, I am going to tell him that you would like your name changed from Jimmy Adkins to Joanne Marie Cummings. That way, even if your father got out of jail, he wouldn't know where to find us. He never could remember my maiden name without looking at the marriage certificate. I have the only copy here, and I don't think they will let him have a copy if we are divorced. Especially if he was convicted for trying to kill us.

"And whether he intended to or not, he is being charged with that because of what the police saw. So he won't be able to get out of this." We got to the attorney's office, and we went right in. "Mrs. Nora Adkins to see Mr. Brown."

"Yes, ma'am. Just have a seat and he will be right with you." The receptionist was pretty with brown, shimmering hair. Her smile was contagious and she said her name was Darlene. We sat for a few minutes, then a very tall man came out of an office and told us to come in. When we got in his office his name plate said John Keenan Brown, Esq.

"What can I do for you, Mrs. Adkins?"

"Two things, if you can. First I would like to file for a divorce from my husband." Mom told him all that had happened, and where it was now in the court. "Then I would like you to file a petition on behalf of my son to change his name from James Adkins, a male minor, to Joanne Marie Cummings, a female minor. Also with the divorce I would like my maiden name of Cummings restored."

"I had another client that had her son's name changed to a girl's name, not too long ago. I will charge you one thousand dollars for both cases. The petition for your daughter isn't going to be too complicated, but the divorce can get messy. You say he is in jail waiting to be tried on felony attempted murder charges?"

"Yes."

"Might not be as messy, then. Alright, here is how I work. I will take a day to research and type up the papers, and then have you come back tomorrow and read them over, and sign them if they are correct. If they aren't correct, then tell me what needs to be corrected or added, and we will make the necessary corrections. All I need for the name change petition is the child's date of birth." Mom gave him my birth date, and then said we should come back the next day, after three in the afternoon.

We left the attorney's office and headed for the mall. Mom was taking my shopping to get me a whole new wardrobe. A girls wardrobe. Isn't being a girl fun?

When we got to the mall, mom had to park quite a ways from the entrance to the J.C. Penny store at the back of the building. The mall was very busy today because most of the stores were having sales. Since we were at J.C. Penny, we started there. We went right to the misses section, and found several dresses, skirts and blouses for me to try on.

The first dress has a powder blue top with an off white skirt that had a flower garden on it. It was very pretty. It had a scoop neckline, and a hidden side zipper. The skirt fanned out and the bodice hugged me like a kid glove. It came to about two inches above my knees. Mom put that in the bought pile. I tried on a skirt and top, and the top was very pretty. It had a gold cat in a basket with six kittens. It was really sweet. The skirt was just plain sky blue, and was an A-line. Everything I tried on came fashionably above my knees by at least two inches. Some were a little higher. The next skirt and top were very pretty too. The top had written across the breast, "I LOVE MY TEDDY BEAR", and it had a picture of a girl holding a small brown teddy bear. It was so cute. The skirt was another A-line in turquoise, and it matched the top. We got that too. After we had gotten a bundle, if you will, of clothes for me, mom said we should look for some bracelets and necklaces, and a few more earrings.

We left J.C. Penny and started walking through the mall. We were looking in the different stores as we went along. We came to a small jewelry store that was expensive. Mom told the man behind the counter what she was looking for, and he pulled out several cases of necklaces, braclets, and even a few siler and gold hoops.

Mom looked at them, then decided on one silver necklace and one gold one. She picked out several silver bangles and a few gold ones. The silver necklae she put around my neck. The man said it was very pretty on such a pretty girl. I blushed ten shades of red, pink and purple. If this is part of being a girl, I just love it. Mom said we needed to go to a few more stores, and she paid the man by writing out a check for the jewelry. This silver necklace alone was almost three hundred dollars. They had more there that were more expensive. But they had diamonds in them. This just had a small silver heart dangling from the chain.

The next store we went to was a ladies shoe store. They had everything in young styles, styles for mom, and styles for older ladies too. The young girl with blonde hair was behind the counter when we went in. She came around and asked if she could help us.

"Yes, my daughter needs a few pairs of shoes. She needs heels, skimmers, mules, sling backs. Let us see what you have."

"Yes, ma'am, I will be right back." She left for like five minutes and came back with a lot of shoe boxes on a cart. "Sit down, dear, and let's measure your foot." I sat down and put my foot on this metal thing that had two slides. One for the top of the foot and the other for the side of the foot. She said the top slide showed the size, and the side slide showed the width. "Well, you take a five narrow. You're very lucky that you have small feet. Alright, let's try on the selections I brought out.

The first pair was a black pair of pumps with a stiletto heel. Mom said no, so she set those aside. The next pair was an off-white, sort of cream color that had an ankle strap and two inch heels. After trying on several pair, mom decided on six pair, and each of them different for differentt hings. The Impalas mom bought me were just gorgeous. They were white with pink markings and an impala logo on the outside. The other five pair were for school, and for going to school dances or other nice functions where I would need to be dressed really nice. Mom paid the lady and we left the store. I was wondering why girls needed all these clothes, so I asked mother.

"Mom, why do girls need all different types of clothes?"

"Well sweetie, we like to have different lingerie for different outfits. Sometimes when a boy or a man asks us out, we go shopping again, because we feel that what we already have just won't do. So we shop for that perfect dress, get the lingerie to go with it, and the shoes, and even different stockings too. Then we have to look for the right jewelry to go with the outfit. So, the rule of being a female, dear, is that we never have enough clothes, shoes, lingerie, jewelry, purses or makeup. Besides women are shopping creatures and don't get me started on sales."

"Being a girl is certainly a lot of work."

"Yes, dear, it is. We have to look our best all the time, and then sometimes we just dress for ourselves too. A woman does like to feel pretty all the time even if it is just for herself. If she is married to a wonderful man, she likes to look pretty for him. Just remember to be as pretty as you can make yourself, and you will definitely reap the rewards. And Just because marriage didn't work out for me as I had hoped it would, dosen't mean it won't work out for you. You are only fourteen dear, and you have your whole life ahead of you. We are starting you out right with the hormones now. It is a good thing your male puberty is late, because now you can develop like a normal girl. We will see just what your therapist says.

Chapter II - Dr. Granger.

We got home and put my new clothes away. Mom started looking through the phone book to see what the number was for the psychiatric hotline, because they would know who to recommend. When she explained everything to the lady on the phone, mom said they gave her the number for a Lisa Dowling who is a psychotherapist. She said that this lady has more than one transgendered client, so mom said she would call her and make an appointment. I sat right there while she made the appointment.

"Yes, I understand. Alright, that was Friday at four thirty. Thank you." She hung up and looked at me and smiled. "When we go to see Lisa, she will want to talk to me first, and then she will talk to you. Whatever you say, she can't tell me unless you say it is okay. So this Friday you have your first appointment. I know everything is going to be just fine."

Since today is Wednesday, we had two days before I had to see Lisa. I hope she is nice. Anyway, mom also made an apointment with Dr. Granger for my physical for tomorrow. So today, we had a girls night in, where mother did my finger and toe nails, set my hair, and showed me how to use the different types of makeup. She explained what coverup was for, and foundation, and then she showed me how to apply the face powder in light even strokes using a small powder brush. She showed me how to use eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, lipstick, lip gloss, and lip liner. She had me practice and practice until she was satisfied that I could do it on my own. But she said too that she would be there to help if I forgot. She said using makeup was like anything else, practice makes perfect. Then we popped some popcorn, and we sat and watched The Princess Diaries. I had seen this movie several times, but I always enjoyed it everytime I saw it. We talked about fashion and mom was surprised that I knew quite a bit about women's clothes.

"Dear, you are a natural for a girl. Have you been dressing in my clothes, lately?"

"No mom, but I have been talking to the girls at school about what they were wearing, and they seem to count me as one of them. They weren't surprised when one of the girls came to school, not feeling very well, and said she had just started. The other girls were not embarrassed with me being there, and they talked about their periods, and the pain the cramps caused. One of the girls mentioned bloating, and they all went, ewwwww, and then they laughed a little. Then Jeri told me I was the luckiest girl of all because I didn't have to worry about periods or having kids, as she put it.

"We always sit together, because the boys won't let me sit with them. But the girls seem to have made me one of them. I didn't mind, and when I said we needed to give daddy a lesson, I really meant it. Mom, I am fourteen, five foot, one inch tall, and I still have a high voice. Don't misunderstand me, but I think my voice is getting higher too. Most of the guys my age have deep voices, or are just getting their 'man's' voice as one of the girls called it. I seem to be getting a woman's voice.

"When we see Dr. Granger tomorrow, can we have her give me a full physical with blood work too?"

"Yes, dear, I think that would be a very good idea. So let me get this straight then. Are you saying that the reason you want to stay as Joanne is because you feel you are a girl, or are becoming a young woman?"

"It could be mom. My voice is getting higher, but I still function as a male. One of my teachers last semester said that sometimes a boy's voice becomes higher before it gets lower. Do you think my voice will get lower?"

"I'm not sure sweetie, but we can have Dr. Granger find out for us. Anyway we both need to get to bed because you see Dr. Granger in the morning. Tomorrow you can wear your powder blue, jacquard print skirt with the light blue blouse. I will wake you up early enough that you can get a good bath in. Good night, sweetie, and sweet dreams. I love you."

"Good night mom, sweet dreams and I love you too." After affectionate hugs, I went to get my shower and get in bed.

A girl has to stay clean, and never goes to bed with a day's sweat and dirt on her body. I grabbed my bath caddy, my pink baby doll, a clean pair of panties and my robe. I took my shower and then went and got in bed. The next morning came too quickly and I was up and on automatic pilot.

After my my nice rose scented bubble bath, I went and got dressed. My powder blue, jacquard skirt, with my light blue blouse was just what I needed this morning to make me feel very feminine. The skirt also had a little lace around the hem, and zipped at the side. The blouse was a back button, and mom had to help me with it. My lingerie was just simple white. I put on my blue Mary Jane's and then put my hair in a pony tail. I looked like I was twelve instead of fourteen. But that is alright with me though, because the cuter I look, the better.

I went downstairs and mom was already cooking breakfast. She made us each one pancake, two strips of crisp bacon, and one slice of wheat toast. I had milk and juice and mom just had her coffee. After we had eaten, we cleaned up the kitchen, and then we left for Dr. Granger's.

When we got to Dr. Granger's office building, there was hardly anywhere to park. Mom parked across the street at the parking lot, and Dr. Granger always validated our parking tickets. That meant she paid the parking fees for her patients. Eloise Granger, MD, was mom's age, with flaming red hair, and sky blue eyes that sparkled when she smiled. She was in the waiting room talking with another patient, when we walked in.

"Nora, good to see you. Go right in, and I will be right with you." She talked to the other patient for just a bit longer, then came in her office. "You look very pretty today, Joanne. I understand that you want a complete physical. That's good because you will need one for when school starts in a few weeks. My, I can't get over how pretty you look. Well, shall we get started then?

"Your mother tells me that you would like to develop like a girl instead of a boy. Is that right?"

"Yes, doctor. I want to stay as Joanne forever." She smiled and nodded.

"Alright then, come with me. I am going to have Shirley draw some blood."

Shirley Adams was Dr. Granger's nurse. She had these sky blue, sparkly eyes, and a figure that any girl would die for. Her sun yellow, blonde hair was perfect, piled high on her head and held with a scrunchie. She had two butterfly clips, one on each side just above, and in front of, the ears.

When I got in the exam room just off of Dr. Granger's main office, I was told to take off my skirt, blouse and bra, and put on a paper gown. Then I sat on the bed, and waited for Shirley. She came in with five glass tubes, a long rubber hose thing, and a small butterfly needle. She put on her rubber gloves, and then cut the tip off of one finger. She felt around for a vein, and then used an alcohol wipe to sterilize the area she was going to take the blood from.

She put the needled in my arm, and the blood flowed into the tubes, one at a time. When she was done taking yhr blood, she said the doctor would be right in. I won't bore you with the physical examination details, we have all been through it dozens of times. After she was finished with my physical. she said she had some questions for me, and I was to get dressed and meet her in her office. I got dressed, and went in the office and sat down.

"Joanne, before I can prescribe any hormones for you, I need to ask you some questions. If I prescribe hormones for you to develop like a natural girl would, will you take them as prescribed?"

"Yes."

"Is it your wish then, that you want to be a girl physically?"

"Yes."

"If I could get you in to court today to have your name changed, would you like that?"

"Yes, more than ever."

"Now, will you be embarrassed to go to school as Joanne?"

"No, doctor. The girls at school count me as one of them anyway, and the guys treat me like a girl."

"From the time I give you this prescription, you will be required to be Joanne for good. This, I believe, they call the real life test. You have to be Joanne fully for one year or more, and then when your therapist and I are satisfied that you have sucessfully completed the real life test, then we can talk about the surgeries you will undergo to be physically female."

"Surgery kinda scares me, doctor."

"There is nothing to be scared about, Joanne. The doctor who does the surgeries is very good at what he or she does. I will give you a list of plastic surgeons who do srs, that means sex reassignment surgery. Some are even saying gender reassignment surgery, but it is the same thing. When it comes time for you to have your surgeries, we will talk more about who you want for your srs surgeon. But just remember this, young lady. The surgeries are only the beginning of your life as a female. Anyway, here is your prescription for your hormones. I am prescribing twelve milligrams of estradiol to be taken in six milligram increments twice a day, and two hundred milligrams of prometrium. That is a progesterone that all females produce naturally, but you need just a little help. Do you have any questions, dear?"

"Doctor, my voice seems to be getting higher, instead of lower. One of my teachers said that sometimes a boy's voice gets higher before it gets lower. Do you think my voice will get any lower than it is?"

"Well, I can hear the pitch in your voice now, and you sound every bit a girl when you speak. Have you been having a sore throat, like sometimes when you talk it sounds like you're voice is raspy and not clear?"

"Not lately, but it did a couple of months ago."

"I see. Nora, take her to see Dr. Malik and see what is going on with her vocal chords. I am interested in finding out about this too. Is there anything further?"

"No Ellie, I think you have covered it completely, for now. We will see what Dr. Malik has to say about her voice. I will have him send you a copy of what he finds."

"That will be fine, Nora." She got up and walked us to the door, and then she gave me a big hug and told me I was very brave for standing up for myself and being who I am. I smiled, and then we left.

"I think this visit went very well. Let's get your prescriprion filled, then we can go and get some lunch." Mom had that far off look in her eyes, and I got a little worried.

"Mom, is everything okay? You look like you were far away there for a while."

"I'm fine, honey. In fact, everything is fine. I was just thinking how beautiful you look, and what your father is actually missing out on. But we won't dwell on that. He made his bed, short sheets and all, so he has to sleep in it. You are so pretty though."

Mom was thinking deeply at that point, and we had arrived at the pharmacy. Mom handed my prescriptions to the pharmacist and she said it would be about twenty minutes, because she had a few to fill before mine. We said we would wait, and then we wandered around the store.

We ended up in the cosmetic aisle and mom wanted to get me more makeup. She said a girl never has enough makeup, and that there were different cosmetics for different looks and different outfits. She said first we found the outfit, then we found the the lingerie, then the shoes, a purse, and the right cosmetics. She said that is why women have more cosmetics than what it seems they need. She laughed a little, when she said that I would be following in those footsteps.

When the prescription was done, they called my name over the intercom. We picked up the hormones, and then went out to eat lunch. Mother was telling me that in her day, they had counters in the drug stores where you could sit and have a soda, or a banana split, or maybe a burger and fries. She said she was kind of sorry they still didn't have those. So we ended up at Big Boy's and I had a chicken salad and mom had just coffee. Mom took out three of the estradiol because they only came in in two milligram maximum doses, and one prometrium. I took them with my water, and I was now officially on my way to being the girl I am.

Did I do all of this with daddy, so I could be Joanne? I don't know, but he did get me so mad when he kept calling me a sissy. I hope they dig a pit under the jail and bury him in it. I guess no matter how I look at it, father just doesn't get it, and maybe never will.

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If you would like an explanation of how vocal chords (cords) operate and what they look like, here is the wikipedia link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vocal_folds