Rachel squeezed my hand when we saw a girl a couple of years younger than we were united with her family.

"You'll be reunited with your mom and sisters, too," Rachel said reassuringly.

I nodded. But I also had to fight back the tears.

The girl told us her name was Ruth when we met her on deck of the Carpathia. I actually recognized her. I saw her a couple of times when we were on the Titanic. Her family, like mine, had been traveling second class.

She didn't recognize me. I mean how could she? Not in a dress, scarf and a hat.

Her parents were missionaries in India. Her little brother got sick, so they decided to move to the States. Her father was too sick to travel, so they left him in India.

She told us she got separated from her mother, younger sister and brother when she went back to get blankets. Like us, she ended up on one of the last lifeboats to leave the ship. In fact, I think ours almost fell on top of hers as they were lowering us into the ocean.

She stayed with a young Polish girl once she got on the Carpathia and was telling us the girl's baby was missing. We found out later the baby was alive and well.

While Ruth was talking to us, a woman came up and asked her her name. The woman told her that her mother had been looking for her.

Rachel held my arm tight when she was told her family was safe.

"I know it reminds you of you and your family," she said.

"I wished I could tell mom," I whispered to her.

But I didn't want my secret to get out. It might stir up trouble.

There was already resentment to a man Grandmama called Mr. Ismay.

"He runs the White Star Line," she told us.

I didn't know what the White Star Line was until she told us that it was the company that owned the Titanic.

"There are lot of people who wished he had gone down with the ship," Rachel said. "I heard a lady mention that that would have been the honorable thing to do."

He supposedly was sick. He was given the doctor's cabin aboard the Carpathia.

"He gets to be in there while we're all crowded into large rooms," I heard a woman say. "He's going to be sleeping in a nice warm bed while all we have are a few cots. And the rest of us are sleeping on the floor."

Hearing the talk about Mr. Ismay had me wondering. I asked Grandmama if staying on the Titanic would have been the honorable thing for me to do, especially considering that me pretending to be a girl was the only thing that saved my life.

"There is a big difference between you and Mr. Ismay," Grandmama said. "He's a grown man, the man who ran the company that owns the ship. You are but 14. You should have never been refused a seat on a lifeboat."

She told me a story about her late husband, John Pierpoint.

"Even though his father was wealthy and could pay for someone to take his son's place, Grandpapa fought in the Great War," she said. "He was a young officer. He told me of a battle they fought called Petersburg. He was walking along and saw a dead boy lying in a trench. He found out the young Johnny Reb was only 14."

He told me "I swear, Aggie, boys that age should not be called to fight a grown man's war. And young boys should not be asked to act like men when a ship is sinking."

She grabbed my hand and told me and Rachel to come with her. As we were walking, she pointed out a Titanic officer who was talking with a member of Carpathia's crew.

I recognized him immediately. He was the officer who would not let me on the boat with my mother and sisters.

"Ask yourself, if you're not supposed to be here, why is he?"

She had a point.

She told me his name was Lightoller.

"After keeping men out of boats, he and a few other members of the crew found a boat themselves and did their best to save their own lives," she said. "And we did our best to save yours. So I don't want to hear anymore of this foolish talk."

"Yes ma'am," was all I could say.

*****

Grandmama was our rock from the moment she saved me on the deck of the Titanic. But like the rest of us, even she had a breaking point on our journey to New York.

Rachel and I noticed her sobbing on her cot.

"Grandmama, what's wrong?" Rachel asked.

"Oh my babies, I just found out some dear friends of mine didn't make it," she said.

Almost from the moment we reached the Carpathia, she knew some of her acquaintances didn't make it.

A man she called "J.J." didn't make it. I found out he was the kind Mr. Astor who helped us aboard our lifeboat.

"Everybody says he was the richest man in the world, and he has left his poor young widow," Rachel said. "But grandma thinks a man named Mr. J.P. Morgan is the richest man. And he was the man people say really owned the Titanic, not the Brits."

But it wasn't Mr. Astor's death that upset Grandmama so much.

"Ida and Isador did not make it," Grandmama said.

"They were an old couple we ate with a couple of times on the Titanic," Rachel said.

"Old people?" Grandmama said. "Ida and Isador were about my age, and your Grandpapa, if he were still living."

Grandmama told us their last name was Straus and they had owned Macy's Department Store.

"We were competitors with them, but they were always a delightful couple," she said. "Your Granpapa and I traveled to many trade shows with them."

"We're sorry, Grandmama," I said.

"Thank you girls," she said. "I'm just so tired. I'm ready to get back to New York."

A few minutes later, a young member of Carpathia's crew walked up to Grandmama.

"We're allowing families to send a short message to loved ones, do you have anyone our wireless man can send a message to?" he said.

Grandmama nodded. He handed her a notepad.

She wrote down an address and the name of a Henry Hobbes.

"Henry, we are safe. Bring plenty of clothes. Book us a hotel for a couple of nights and arrange for travel back home to Philadelphia. Sincerely, Aggie."

"Thank you ma'am," the crew member said. "I'll see that it gets sent as soon as we can."

"Who's Henry Hobbes?" I whispered to Rachel.

"He helps Grandmama run the business," Rachel said. "He helps handle her affairs. I think he has a thing for Grandmama. And boy will he be surprised when he meets you."

*****

We noticed her leaning on the rail of the Carpathia all alone.

Rachel was always pretty bold and felt like we should walk up and talk to her.

She wasn't that much older than us. Grandmama said she was only 18, and pregnant.

I was shocked to find out she was the one Rachel was talking about who was married to Mr. Astor.

She told us how much she missed her husband.

"I'm surprised you girls are talking to me," she said. "Talking to me I'm sure will create a scandal."

She was already one of the most talked about people on what was turning into a ship of gossipers. Maybe not as much as Mr. Ismay, but people still talked about her.

"It may be their way of dealing with the shock and the grief," Grandmama said of the talk.

Having someone to talk to seem to make her feel better. The only people who really talked to her since boarding the Carpathia were her maid and nurse.

She told us her name was Madeleine.

"We're not worried about a scandal," Rachel said.

"Besides, we have a scandal of our own," I whispered.

"Oh, what is that?" Madeleine asked.

"She's really a boy," Rachel said.

Madeleine Astor had a big smile on her face.

"You're too pretty to be a boy," she said. "But don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Besides, I want you girls to come visit with me when this is all over."

We didn't know why we felt compelled to tell her.

"She needed some cheering up," Rachel said.

Maybe it helped her knowing there were others out there who were having a hard time like she was.