Father Just Doesn't Get It - Part II
by Barbara Lynn Terry

"Are you getting your hair cut, if I want Jimmy instead of what's-her-name?"

"Joanne," mom and I said in unison.

"No daddy, we already talked about that."

"Then you stay as Jo whatever."

"Joanne," mom and I said it again.

"That's all I needed to hear, dear. You now have a very beautiful daughter, and I will lay down the ground rules for her. Come Joanne, let's leave your father to his paper."

We went in the kitchen, because mother was going to tell me the ground rules for girls. Daddy really stuck his foot in his mouth this time. I really had to giggle though, because I wondered what the kids at school would think of me in dresses. Well that was for September anyway and this was almost the end of June.

"Now Joanne, your father has already said he wants you to stay as Joanne, as long as you refuse to get your hair cut. For me, I think you look good in long hair as a boy or as a girl. Besides people have the right to live as they see fit. Now, young lady, since your father wants you as his daughter, you are a girl in this house, and you will share the household duties with me. I will teach you how to cook meals like we have for dinner. Breakfast you already know how and lunch is simple. But this is summer, and there are a lot of things you can no longer do as Joanne that you did as Jimmy. "You cannot go out after dark, without me, your father, or both of us. Or even a boyfriend later on. Right now you are a fourteen year old girl, and the dangers are more so for us than they are a man. Honey, you can get out of this right now, if you get your hair cut."

"No mother, if it means living as Joanne because I have long hair, then I will be Joanne."

"I thought as much, but I had to ask. Now, I will not mince words here. I have always wanted a daughter, but when you were born those hopes were dashed, because I cannot have any more children. That is why it was so important for me to be in your corner. Also, a girl sits up straight, shoulders back, and either you cross your ankles right over left, or cross your legs left over right. When you cross your legs, make sure your dress or skirt is pulled down as far to your knees as possible.

"I am going to teach you how to apply makeup, how to do your hair, and how to moisturize your skin. I have a face lift pack in my room, I will show you how to use it. When you put these clothes on, the only real thing I had to help you with, was hooking the bra behind you. But you did it only after a few tries. When a girl or a woman eats, we just don't take large bites like we're starving to death. We take small bites, and we bite with our teeth. Your father seems to use his whole mouth." I giggled. "You have a curfew now too. If you are out with friends, either they have to drive you home, or you have to call home and either your father or I will pick you up. There will be no more walking home after dark for you. You must be in this house no later than nine o'clock on a week night, and no later than eleven o'clock on Friday and Saturday nights. Unless of course, you are at a sleepover with your friends. Then your curfew is for the house you are staying at, and you must obey them.

"If your father wants you to get him a beer from the fridge, just tell him that you can't because I told you not to. Simply put, you are too young to even handle beer, or any other type of alcohol, unless it is rubbing alcohol we keep in the medicine cabinet. Except for the talk every mother gives her daughter, there is one more thing I want you to do. From now on, your bed will be made before you come down for breakfast, and the clothes you are wearing will be neatly folded on the back of your chair, or hung up in your closet. Your shoes can be on the floor neatly, by the foot of your bed. Your father leaves for work at six in the morning, and I will make his breakfast. Do you have any questions?"

"Just that how long do you think daddy will last seeing me everyday as Joanne?"

"That is a very good question, and the answer is, we will just have to wait and see. Tomorrow I will take you shopping, and we will get you your own wardrobe. Now you have a choice. Do you want me to pack your boy clothes away, so that maybe you can wear them later? Or, do you want me to give them to the second hand store?"

"Give them to the second hand store. Mom, will Dr. Granger let me take hormones?"

She was smiling as she looked at me. "Honey, we will go to Dr. Granger and let her give you a physical examination, and then if everything is alright, she will ask you a lot of question without me being in the room. There is nothing to be afraid of, dear, she asks every girl these questions. You know Joanne, if you would have come to me when your father first started calling you a sissy, we could have done a lot in these two years. Let me ask you this. If you could right now, have an operation to make you physically female, would you want to do that?"

"I don't really know, mother. I mean, on the one hand I want to say yes, but on the other, I want to wait to see what happens with daddy."

"Well at least that is an honest answer. Now young lady, let's get dinner started. There is an apron over there by the pantry door. Put it on, so you don't get your dress soiled. Now go in the pantry and bring me out a two pound bag of spaghetti. I will get the water started."

She put the water in a tall kettle, and then after turning on the stove, she came and helped me get the things for making Italian spaghetti. Since I knew what she was making, I got out the Italian sausage balls, and the ground beef for making meatballs. The next thing was the spices she used, and as the water boiled, she put in the spaghetti noodles. Seven minutes later they were done, and mom had the meatballs already. I watched her how she did them, so I could do them next time.

"Honey, did you see how I did the meatballs?"

"Yes, mom."

"Good. Would you like to make the meatballs next time?"

"I would love that."

"You never did talk much like a guy. You talk like you are a girl. Your voice is in the alto range, and your giggle is high pitched too. Are you sure you never thought about being a girl before this?"

"Mom, there are thoughts in my head all the time, about what would I look like, if I was a girl. I don't know, mom, I can't really describe my feelings. When I said you could give my boy clothes to the second hand store, I was thinking how nice it would be to stay Joanne, and wondered what my friends would say when they saw me in a dress. Mom, I'm not confused, I just don't know where these feelings are coming from, and it isn't because of the clothes I am wearing. I have had thoughts like this for a long time."

"Is that why you were so willing to dress as a girl?"

"Partly, but I really wanted to get back at daddy for his abuse. I feel that he will break sooner than later when he sees me everyday. I am not going to back down from him. I have taken his abuse for the last time. But these feelings, mom. Where are they coming from, and what do they mean?"

"Honey, if I make an appointment for you to see a therapist, will see who I make the appointment for?"

"Yes, mother, I will."

"Good girl. Now call your father in for dinner."

I went in the living room, and stood in front of him, again. "Daddy, mom says that dinner is ready."

"Thank you, uhm, who are you?"

I didn't say a word, but went back to the kitchen to help mom bring the food to the dining room. I told her what daddy had said, and she just said she will take care of it. After daddy said grace, we all sat down.

"Nora, who is this girl?"

"You don't recognize her, Steve?"

"No, can't say as I do."

"Does the name Joanne ring any bells?"

"Is she Jimmy's friend?"

What was it they said about people in self denial? Daddy either didn't know who I was, or he was doing a good job of acting.

"No Steve, she is not Jimmy's friend."

"Then what is she doing here?"

"She is your daughter, Steve."

"I don't have a daughter, and where is Jimmy."

"Jimmy turned into Joanne."

"This is Jimmy?"

"No Steve, this is Joanne and she is your daughter."

"I should have known that sissy wouldn't..."

"There will be none of that Steven Adkins. You said if she didn't get her hair cut, she would remain Joanne until she did. Well mister, she told me in no uncertain terms that she is not getting her hair cut. This is your daughter and her name is Joanne. This was your choice, and I will not have you belittling her because you have a preconceived notion of what a man is or looks like. If you want to bully someone go down to the tavern and bully your friends. Oh! By the way, Steve, Joanne said she is going to need a girl's gym set for school."

It was a good thing that daddy wasn't trying to swallow his spaghetti or he would have spit it up.

"Girl's gym set for school? You don't mean to tell me that sis..."

"Stop it, Steven! Stop calling your daughter that filthy name. I have an idea. Why don't you sleep on the couch for a few nights, and see if you like it."

"I'm not sleeping on any couch. I run this house, and I will do and say what I want."

"Would you like a divorce, Steven? Well, you won't get one. And another thing too. You do not run this house. The bills are in my name, as is the lease. I make a wonderful living doing what I do, and your pitiful income seems to be spent at the bar, or on your newspaper, or whatever it is you do in your den. But there is one thing you are going to be forced to do. You will have to look at your daughter everyday, until you change your mind about long hair."

"Ha! That will never happen."

"Well, since you seem to think that only girls have long hair, then you have a daughter. I think I will see an attorney and have her name permanently changed to Joanne Adkins."

"You wouldn't dare. You're supposed to be on my side."

"And do what? Belittle our only child because you're a bigot? Is that why I am supposed to be on your side?"

"I am not a bigot, I am just looking at things realistically."

"If you were, you would allow your son to have his hair long without calling him names. But since you can't do that, then she will remain your daughter. There is one other thing too, Steven. Joanne has asked me to take her to see Dr. Granger and have her prescribe female hormones, so Joanne can mature like a girl."

"What!? You're not serious!" I spoke up at that point.

"Daddy, I am very serious. I have taken your abuse for the last time. Tell me something, daddy. Do you think it takes a real man to wear a dress?" He blew his top.

"You damned sissy, I have had it with you. You're going to get the beating of your life."

"You lay one hand on her, and I will have you aressted for trying to kill your only child. Whether that is what you are thinking or not. You want to play nasty, Steven, I can play even nastier if I have to." Way to go, mom!

"You mean to tell me, that you approve of this?"

"Yes, I do. Joanne is a beautiful girl, and she deserves our respect for who she is. I won't lie to you, I have always wanted a daughter, and your words has made that possible."

"My words? How the hell did my words make you having a daughter, possible?"

"You said so yourself, not more than three hours ago. You said if Joanne didn't get her hair cut, then she remains Jo whatever, and we said Joanne together. Apparently you didn't get it."

"You know what you both need, a good solid beating."

"Is that so? Come Joanne, your father apparently feels a little on the ill side."

"I am not ill. Where are you going? I'm not through talking to either of you yet."

Mom and I went out the back door, to our neighbors house and called the police. Daddy was out of control threatening to kill us, she told the police on the phone. It wasn't long and the police came to our neighbor's house and talked with us. Mom told the officer that daddy was out of control threatening to kill me and her for supporting me. The officer asked if he used a weapon in his threat, and mom said he was waving his pointed can opener at us saying he was going to slash our throats. The officer asked if there was a back way into the house, and we took them through the back door. Mom went to the stove, pretending to look at something, when daddy came toward the kitchen, with guess what. His church key.

"I see you in there. Now I'm going to kill you, and that sissy of a son too."

As he entered the kitchen, both officers had him on the floor and in handcuffs. The church key they put in a plastic bag that said evidence.

"Sir, you are under arrest for attempted murder, two counts. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say now, can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney during questioning, and if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you by the judge. Do you understand these rights I have just read to you?"

"Rights for what. I haven't done anything."

"Okay, but do you understand the rights I just read to you?"

"Yes."

"Good, let's go." They took daddy outside where a police van was waiting. they put daddy in the police van, and the van drove off. The officers came back to the house. "Here is a show order, to meet us in the district attorney's office at two o'clock tomorrow afternoon. He will be formally charged with attempted murder, and he will be in the county jail, unless someone can make his bail."

"Don't look at me. He can rot in that jail as far as I am concerned. We will be there tomorrow. Thank you, officers." They both tipped their hats, and they left.

I guess he finally broke, but not the way I wanted to see it happen though. I guess father just doesn't get it. Sigh.
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I realize this is another short chapter, but if you want to read more about Joanne's journey
into girlhood, please say so in your comments. Thank you for reading. Barbara