Chapter 6

"You know your father didn't mean it," my stepmother said as I sat on the swing on their porch.

"He meant every word, Marie!" I said.

"You have to see things from his perspective, Luke," she said. "You don't know how embarrassed he was when he saw you on CNN. His friends let him have it really hard."

"No harder than me," I said. "Does he think I like to be called names? Does he think I like being picked on? Does he think I like being beat up?"

"You know he doesn't," Marie said. "I guess that's one reason he doesn't want you playing field hockey or competing in gymnastics."

"That's right, sport!" my dad said, coming back at on the porch. "That's why I'm going to call your mom and tell her I don't want you to do that anymore."

"What if I don't want to quit?" I said. "Because I don't."

"Do you want people to think you're a fag, son?" he asked. "I don't want people thinking my son is queer. I don't want people to think my son is a sissy."

"I'm not gay dad!" I said. "But I don't care what people think."

"But what if I care about what other people think," dad said. "Do you like people making fun of your family?"

I ran off the porch and went running into the woods. I hated coming to California during Christmas. It wasn't very fun for me or Katie even before I decided to go out for field hockey or gymnastics.

My little brother Micah and little sister Sasha, his world evolved around them. Even moreso now that I was doing, in his words, "sissy-things. He spent most of his time out in the yard trying to teach Micah to "play ball" so he wouldn't grow up to be a "sissy" like me.

I sat in the swing at the park wishing I were back home. I couldn't wait to get on the plane and head back East.

"Is this swing taken?" Marie said.

"I guess not," I said.

Marie wasn't the evil witch mom claimed she was. She could be pretty cool sometimes.

She was what my uncle Joe called a "feminazi, tree huggin' liberal." How she hooked up with dad amazed him, since dad was "Mr. Right-wing Republican'."

I was just beginning to understand what some of that meant.

"My favorite event is the uneven bars," Marie said. "I always felt like I was flying."

"I didn't know you competed in gymnastics," I said.

"All the way through high school," Maria said. "I haven't mentioned it to your dad, but I'm proud of you. Everybody in my NOW chapter thinks you've got to be one special kid. I tell them you are."

I smiled. She brushed my hair out of my face.

"I will try to smooth things over with your dad," she said. "But you've got to give him some time."

"But I just want him to accept me for who I am," I said. "Not for who he wants me to be."

"I can't promise you that he'll fully accept that, you know how he is," Marie said. "But you know I have. I'm proud to say I've got a beautiful stepson who isn't defined by what other people think he should be.

#####

"You've got to overcome your fear, Luke!" my Aunt Paige said as I balanced with one foot on a beam maybe four inches wide and a few feet off the ground. "I'm here. So are Claire and Willow. We'll help you if you fall."

I hopped and landed on my other foot. I then pivoted around, but slipped off the beam.

"I'll never be able to do this!" I shouted.

"Don't ever say never," Aunt Paige said. "I know you can do this. But you've got to let go of that fear."

The truth is it wasn't just the fear. It was the frustration of the trip to California. It was dad's disappointment.

"Why couldn't dad just let me be me?" I thought.

He didn't call to demand that I quit. Marie was true to her word. But he didn't mask his disapproval even after Marie's talk.

"Something's gotten into you," Coach Mills said the other day at practice.

I was afraid of letting them know how I felt. I couldn't be free in practice. I was afraid it was going to affect me at meets.

My dad had me questioning everything. Should I even be playing field hockey or competing in gymnastics, much less wear a dress for homecoming or a sorority function, much less be in a sorority?

I mean, what kind of boy does those things? Maybe dad's right. Maybe there is something really, really wrong with me.

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Lucas?" Claire asked during practice.

"I'm afraid she's right," Aunt Paige said. "There is no use practicing any further unless you are focused like on gymnastics like you normally are."

Just then a woman came into "the barn". It was Marley's mother.

"I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for the clinic," she told my Aunt Paige. "I want to thank you, too, Lucas. I do know you're a boy. She doesn't. She can't stop talking about her big sister!"

"We appreciate that, Mrs. Morgan," my Aunt Paige said.

"Call me Kim," she said.

"I enjoyed working with Marley," I said. "She's a special girl."

"Lucas, I want to know if you can do me a huge favor," Mrs. Morgan said. "I won a radio station contest and got two free tickets to the Jonas Brothers concert. I'd love to go with her, but she keeps talking about wanting to go with her big sister. It's a week from Saturday."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Sure, why not?" I said.

Part of me thought, "you've got to be kidding."

But Marley melted my heart during the clinic.

I really didn't want to disappoint her.

####

I have to tell you I stayed in my little funk for about a week.

Mom tried to pry things out of me, so did Coach Mills. And Aunt Paige. Not even Gina or Beth could drag out the feelings going on inside my head about what I went through with dad.

It showed at the meet. None of my scores counted for the team in the vault or the floor. We still won, but it was by far the worst I'd done since the season began.

I thought about those things heading to Marley's house before the concert.

"I really appreciate you doing this for Marley," her mother said.

Marley was at the sitters while her mother came and picked me up.

She told me how Marley's dad ran out on them when Marley was just a baby. He paid no child support, had nothing to do with her.

Marley's mom was laid off from her job just before Christmas, so Christmas was a little skimpy. They were just now getting back on their feet.

"I found a job a couple of weeks ago, so we've been able to hang on to our apartment," she said. "Marley's had to learn to do without a lot of stuff that most little girls take for granted."

That's why the night of the concert was going to be a special night for her.

"Mrs. Morgan, can you do me a favor?" I asked. "I know this may be a strange request."

"What is it?" she said. "You've got me a bit curious."

"You said Marley thought I was a girl," I said. "She might be disappointed seeing me like this."

I was dressed in a T-shirt and boys blue jeans.

"And?" she asked.

"Can you help me look as much like a teenage girl as possible?" I said. "You know, one that really likes the Jonas Brothers."

She laughed.

"This is going to be fun!" she said as we pulled into the drive way.

She called the sitter and told her Marley needed to stay over a little while longer.

She told me to follow her up to her bedroom.

"Let's see," she said. "We're about the same height, that helps."

She pulled out a pair of faded, ripped women's blue jeans. She pulled a Jonas Brothers t-shirt from her dresser drawer.

"I got these during our trip to Disney last year before things got really tough," she said.

She then disappeared into her bathroom and came out with a bras in her hand.

"This belongs to my 12-year-old niece, she left it when she went home," she said. "Go in there and put them on."

She then applied the makeup and did my hair. She put a "doo" rag on.

She also gave me a little information on the Jonas Brothers before Marley came bouncing through the door.

"My big sister's here! My big sister's here!" she said.

"Yes, and we're about to go see the JONAS BROTHERS!" I said as she gave me a big hug.

"You know my little sister Katie is extremely jealous of us tonight!" I said as we walked out the door.

The concert itself, well, it was loud. Imagine thousands of screaming girls...well about 4,000, with maybe a few dads or brothers drug to the concert. But the crowd had to be about 99 percent female.

Marley was in heaven. She screamed at nearly every song. She told me she was in love with Joe. I joked with her and claimed I had a crush on Kevin. We danced with the rest of the girls.

I was for one night the one thing my father despised..."a girly-girl."

And it was fun, especially knowing that it made Marley's night.

"I love you big sister," she said as we walked to her mother's car.

"I love you, too Marley," I said, almost in tears.

Marley couldn't stop talking about the concert on the way home.

"You two seemed to have had a great time," she said.

"Yes, we did!" I said. "Tell your mom we're going to have to have another girls night out. Except next time, we may need to bring my sister Katie."

"Well, there is the Taylor Swift concert coming up next month," her mother said. "Maybe I can swing three tickets."