---

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar, nor any other copyrighted materials. I just play with the setting and mess it up ;)

I do intend to follow up with more chapters, though my writing muse is pretty damn erratic, and I don't know when exactly the next chapter will come up, so I'm not making any promises.

Now that we have all that out of the way, lets continue with the important stuff:
 
 
True to Yourself - An Avatar A.U.
 
 
Masks, everyone wears them. Whether they know it or not, there is hardly anyone who shows his or her true face all the time. In an unguarded moment true colors may show, and people will generally scramble to cover up their little slips. But sometimes masks are so ill-fitting, so incongruent to whats behind the mask that it cracks. And eventually, it will break.

A small bubble of liquid floating in the air above my face slowly came into focus as i regained consciousness. I'd been in cryo for 6 years if everything had gone right. It seemed like just a moment though, were it not for the bursting headache throbbing within my skull. A computerised voice informed me of the pending arrival on Pandora in 4 hours and 30 minutes.

Pandora. It had been my dream to go, but never my destiny. My sister had been the scientist, she had trained countless hours linked up, and studied years to get where I now was. Jill, my twin sister, with whom I had shared all of my dreams, my hopes, who stood and supported me when dad choose a different path for me, supported me without effecting anything, but she was still there for me.

Jill who, as it turned out to be was my identical twin. Yeah, you hear me right. Jake, the big army guy wheeling around in a wheelchair trying to proof he can still do everything anyone else can is the identical twin to his scientist sister. A fact i found out only recently at the RDA recruitment office.
 
 

--6 years, 1 month earlier --
 
 
"So Sully, we have a proposal for you." I tilted my head just slightly at that. Normally it's all 'Mr this' and 'Mr that' but all of a sudden the recruiter only used my last name to address me. "You are aware that your sister was part of our Avatar program I presume?", the pompous ass in an ill-fitted monkeysuit asked me with a near sneer in his voice. "Yes sir. I am."

"Her untimely end has put us at a huge disadvantage." He paused shortly as he brushed off my sisters death as nothing more then a monetary loss. I hated this man more by the second. Some punk had put a bullet in my sister, over nothing more than the paper in her wallet. It wouldn't be long before he'd be out of jail, with the current shortage of cells, but my sister was now forever gone to me. My other half, the bright side of my life, blown out, over... gone.

Not noticing my anger at his disregard for my feelings he goes on, "Creating an Avatar is a costly task, combining the DNA of the Na'vi with human DNA so that a link can be established is a painstakingly complex and expensive. We've spent millions on your sisters Avatar, millions that the RDA would hate to see wasted." He paused for a moment as if waiting for the horror of such losses to sink in with me. As if I cared about their money.

"We did a search on every member of your family to see if a match was close enough to be able to establish a link." I wondered where he was going with this. I didn't know that much about Avatars, but it had to be a pretty damn close match, and gender was a full chromosome off the DNA scale that was different. Why was he telling me this? "We found a perfect match Sully. You."

Again the man was silent, waiting for the news to sink in. On one hand he just handed me my dream, to go to Pandora with my sister, to study science instead of the military life that had been forced on me. My sister was gone now, but the chance to study there was still so much better then remaining here on earth living a life I never wanted. Something didn't sit right though. I cleared my voice before i spoke up.

"You are asking me to drive a female Avatar sir? But hold that thought. I don't know too much about the process, but I'm pretty sure gender is a deal-breaker. A complete chromosome mismatched? I can't even be a close match, let alone a perfect one." The sneer on the mans face slowly changed into a smirk.

"It would be a deal-breaker yes, but as I said, you are a perfect match." I tried to process this information and obviously took too long in doing so. "That's right, Sully, a PERFECT match, down to the last gene." Again I struggled to make sense of this information. I was by no means stupid, but what i was told just didn't make any sense at all. The RDA recruiter was only too willing to explain though.

"It seems your daddy dearest was so desperate for a son that he manufactured one when his wife was pregnant with identical twins. He used his doctor privileges to get access to hormones and manually injected them into one of the embryo's. From even before birth you've been fed a carefully mixed recipe of hormones and hormone blockers. Remember those vitamins you took every day to help you grow strong? The vitamins you kept taking even after your fathers death? I'm presuming i don't have to tell you what they were now, do I, Miss Sully?"

Internally a war raged as I heard what had been done to me. Emotions followed each other up faster then i could keep track of. Insult at my manly pride, anger at my dad for using me like that. Anger at the RDA for their lack of tact. Grief over my sisters death. And an undefinable sense of relief. Relief? I didn't have time to ponder it though as the recruiter once again marched onwards.

"We know how you were forced into the Military. We know you would've prefered to be a scientist. We offer you that chance now. Go to Pandora in your sisters place, ride her avatar and help us retain our investment."
 
 

-- Present Time --
 
 
I was still conflicted as hell, but in the end I had decided to go. I didn't believe the RDA at first until I went to see a doctor myself. An independent one mind you, neither affiliated to the RDA nor to my dad. I gave them a blood sample from me and asked them what they could tell me about it, without giving any background information.

So the RDA was right. I was meant to be a girl. There was just one problem with that though. I wasn't one. Yes, the way i was forced to live by my dad never felt right to me, I realised that now. I never quite fit in, even if I often was the best of the group when put to the test. I never felt at ease, never felt that I was where I was supposed to be, except when I was with my sister. I never knew the source of that unease though. Was this the source?

Even if it was a possible source for my sense of displacement, that didn't mean I was happy with it. My whole life had just been turned upside down. Everything I thought to be true turned out to be a lie. Ironically it was my fathers words that propelled me to accept going to Pandora. Face your fears. I chuckled wryly to myself. Famous last words. I doubt this is how he meant those words, but he's six feet under and unable to direct my life anymore.

So I decided to face my fears and go to Pandora. I didn't give in without giving them hell though. In the end they had no choice but to allow me one thing or loose all those millions spend on the avatar. My sister was to come with me. It had always been her dream to go to Pandora, and with no near family left alive I was sure she would have preferred her final resting place there, probably with me.

About this I had no illusions. Pandora was a hellhole. As intriguing as it was, as beautifully wild, mesmerisingly beautiful, it was also very lethal. I would spend the rest of my life on Pandora doing research, however long (or short) that would turn out to be. And I wanted to be buried with my sister, my other half. The person I was even closer with then I had ever imagined. And the further from the society that fucked us up, the better.

The distorted voice coming from the intercom announced that we were landing in five minutes and advices us to buckle up. I fastened my seatbelt tightly as I got ready for my first steps on Pandora.

It will be a new start, one like never before.

Fears, here I come.
 
 

-- To Be Continued... --