As I woke up the next morning I didn’t know where to turn. I had serious misgivings about my choices so far. I was getting involved, and with that come a price, vulnerability. And that was a price I wasn’t sure I could afford. I also had made a new powerful enemy, knowing all too much about my shady past. Yes, I’m referring to Ivan that wanted to buy Alana.

But I knew some stuff about him too, and also a lot of the people, formerly spies and their special brand of special forces the Spetsnaz, that now belonged to some of the faceless elite in Russia. Russia is a very mixed society those days.

‘Glasnost’ laid the grounding of a free society and the ‘perestroika’ continued it. But there will always be problems with people living too long under a dictatorship. It makes you used to hierarchical decisions over your head, and it teaches you all too well on which side the bread is buttered.

So in a way it is very similar to the difference between delivering something good or delivering a hurt. When you deliver a hurt the one receiving it will remember, even if they let it pass. But when you deliver something good most will take it for granted, as they ‘deserve it’, tells you something of the ego, doesn’t it.

Here there was a whole population used to ‘hurts’ and when they wanted to exchange it, well, they did it the only way they knew of. By hurting each other all over again, all thinking they knew what democracy was and craving it ‘their way’, and what can you expect to come from that?

Exactly what they have to day, a society balanced by leverages of hurt. The balance you can get when you and your neighbor both have that balance of arms, power, or even companionship? You name it, there are all sorts of variables hiding in it, and not all dealing with guns either. But instead of a democracy you will have what you can see there.

I thought of China for a moment, over one million people locked in to what some call ‘concentration camps’, where they get ‘re-educated’ in having the right ‘thoughts’, but also now having become the western worlds new ‘darling’ and ‘economic hope’. Ever wondered where that ‘momentarily monetary stability’ would go if they too had a ‘perestroika’?

But I didn’t really care, to me it was all about realpolitiks, those kind of politics based on ‘cannon boat diplomacy’. And China was good on that, as Russia, as US too. And when seen from that perspective moral always will lose, as conscience does too. So, I had made a big tactical mistake telling Ivan what I thought about his suggestion. And there would be paybacks coming, one way or another.

And what did I have to show for it? A kid that I not even could talk with, and now a nineteen year old that somehow seemed to know about me, making me quite nervous in fact. Not that I didn’t like them. I liked them both, but in ways I couldn’t understand, which made me both nervous and vulnerable.

I was seriously considering trying to place Alena in a foster family when Anna showed up in the Limo. She smiled but looked worried when she couldn’t see her scooter. But as she came aboard I showed her where I had stowed it and she relaxed again.

“Are you ready?” she asked me.

“Ready?”

“To go shopping with us?”

I hadn’t thought that one trough it seemed. I had thought that it would be enough with her, Alana and the Limo guy. As I rented the Limo I made it sure that I wanted one of their best. They knew me from before and had a good reputation for versatility, meaning that the guy driving it knew quite a lot more than just how to drive the damned car. But as she looked on me I reconsidered, she seemed so serious, as if it was the only right thing to do.

“She will be disappointed.” She said.

“I was planning on doing a little reconstruction on the boat today.” I said.

“Why?”

“Well, we won’t stay here that long Anna, you did read the contract I sent you, didn’t you?”

She twitched a little, looking unsure.

“Maybe I missed that.” She said.

“Well, if you are going to break it, better do it now Anna. I wrote that the nanny was expected to be on location at all times. And on location Anna is here, on my boat. We are leaving for a journey around the world in a few weeks and I need to make some rebuilding done here. I’ve already contracted some really good wood workers, redecorating and creating your and Alana’s room. If you have any considerations of your own as to the propriety of the situation you should tell me now.”

“My God.” She said. “No I didn’t know that. And I’m not sure my parents will understand it either.”

Seeing her I made another of those weird decisions that so plagued me those days.

“Look, I will go with you shopping. And then we will go to your parents, all of us, to discuss. If they say no then that’s that. Sounds okay with you?”

“Yeah, wov, ah, sure.”

The cabin was quite large, and created with the possibility of change. It already contained a kitchen secluded from the main sleeping room, living room combination I had designed. But I had drawn it so at there were clear boarders, you might call them, between the separate functions. All I needed was some nice wood to make the cabin into two sleeping rooms and one living room, all spacious enough.

And Alana’s and Anna’s I planned to make with two beds, Anna sleeping in the lower one with Alana over her. But knowing Alana I had decided to made the lower one big enough for two, just in case. My bed would be the one in the living room, doubling as a very spacious couch at daytime with the last room becoming a sort of guestroom.

Yeah I know, I could have kept it open, connected to the living room but somehow it felt right to do it this way. Another of those decisions I had no clear explanation for. It was as if my brain planed on its own, only informing me on a ‘need to know’ basis. Ever felt that way? It’s a really weird feeling, isn’t it?

Now Alana came out from the cabin. Still tired and in my T-shirt she stormed over to Anna throwing herself in her arms chattering like there was no tomorrow. And as they started to jabber away I once more felt as if I had made the right choice, even though I normally would have cancelled her contract learning that she had reservations.

After all, I was prepared to pay her big bucks for a rather uncomplicated work, including letting her get a free trip around the world. But those two suited each other so well it hurt. We went into the cabin where Alana magiced forward a grey dress and some fitting underwear from a small bag, finishing her magic with a pair of sandals. I went out to let her dress and when they came out after me Alana pirouetted, looking enticingly happy.

“Wooov!!! Nicce Alana.” I said smiling as she run to me to hug. Yeah I know, maybe I laid it on a little thick there, but hey, she did look nice. And I did want her to know that I saw it.

“It’s mine, my mum had it saved but I thought it might suit her. At least until we finished shopping.”

“Did you tell her?”

“No.”

“Well, why don’t you do it?”

And as she told Alana you could see her light up again, suddenly treating her dress with a great reverence. It was as I expected, Alana would be devastated if Anna didn’t come. Alana said something to Anna making her laugh and as I looked at her expectantly she explained, reddening somewhat under my gaze.

“She told me that she never would take it of, Sir.”

“Sir? If we are going to travel the world Anna you better learn to call me by my name, and that’s not sir.”

“Sorry, Edgar it is then.” She smiled a little sheepishly at me.

“Well tell her she will need to if she’s going to show us the new ones she will be getting.”

As Anna and Alana continued chatting I locked up the boat, making sure that I didn’t forget anything. I then called the renovation firm asking them if they could come tomorrow instead. Finishing my call I went up to the Limo checking the guy sitting in the driver seat, patiently waiting. He seemed near thirty, any which way, having dark hair in a very tight crew cut. The black sunglasses he wore mirrored me darkly as I leaned in through the window, studying him, sitting sort of laid back with a very calm expression on his face.

“You do carry?” I asked him in a low voice, in vain trying to find a outline of his piece.

He nodded. “Yes sir.”

“And they told you know that there might be unfriendlies around?”

“I know Mr. Andersen. I’ve been fully informed by the firm.”

As I said, I’ve used them before, and they were good, very good at their work.

“Well then, my name is Edgar and yours?”

He smiled, the first smile of the day I guessed.

“Andrew, Sir.”

“Pleased to meet you Andrew, and no more Sir, thanks. I want us to blend in, and we’ll get rid of the limo as soon as you can arrange it. I want something more discreet.”

“No problems Edgar, it will be okay today though?”

“Yeah. Today it will be perfect.” I answered, and it was, considering the visit to Anna’s parents, but already thinking of all other things I needed to fix before the day was over.

As we drove away the girls seemed to feel as if they suddenly had been elevated to the status of movie stars. I was almost expecting Alana to start waving at the people we passed on our way out of the marina, you know, that gravely gracious wave a queen gives, meeting her subjects. And Anna seemed to want to make herself invincible, like Greta Garbo, that Swedish actress who was so well known for her reclusiveness.

And the shopping turned out to be more fun that I expected. Alana had to be a born again mannequin, loving to model for us. And seeing how Anna looked at some of the stuff I gave Alana a nudge pointing to her, and the dress she so wistfully was looking at, nodding. She got my intention perfectly and more or less bullied Anna into trying it, getting a smaller one for herself. As they came out they both looked ravishing pirouetting for me and Andrew.

The funniest thing was that both Andrew and Anna seemed to have a really good taste here, when it came to what would suit Alana. And the way he had looked at them, and felt the quality of some did make me wonder a little though. After all, I had an extensive knowledge of how different people’s preferences could be. Not that I cared more than in the manner that knowing was to be prepared.

“Ever got out of the closet Andrew?” I asked him in a low voice, taking a wild shot as the girls disappeared again.

His eyes became a little colder as he studied me. “Closet Sir?”

“Well, does your firm know?”

Now he seemed a little troubled hearing me, and as I saw him twist I knew I was right.

“Look Andrew, I have no intention of telling them, but I need to know. If there is anything someone can use to intimidate you, then you’re no good to me, do you understand? And if you’re planning to continue working as a bodyguard you better consider your options”

He seemed to think it over for a while and then he nodded, almost imperceptible.

“You’re right Edgar, the firm doesn’t know. And I do like to dress up at times.”

“Okay, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Only the fastest outing I ever had.” He muttered back, sounding less than thrilled about it.

“Relax, as long as I know, you’re cool with me.”

The girls came back, all red and excited. As we left the store both had gotten themselves some really pretty things, Anna protesting wildly over the expense of it but, as I pointed out Alana’s disappointment if she refused, finally accepting with grace and humor.

After buying some more practical things for the journey in the sports department, like raincoats, gumboots and such we went to the lady’s shoe department where I and Andrew left them to their own.

Alana did as always, as soon as she spotted Anna looking at something she forced her to try it on, and if they fitted, well, presto, then it was sold, the shop attendants absolutely loved her. And Anna, once she started to get into the fun of it, gave her the exact same back, they were as two sisters preying as they ravished the shop. Well, friendly ones at that.

“Ever thought about traveling Andrew?” I asked him.

He looked at me suspiciously.

“I’m, and the girls will too, wanna come?”

Yeah, I know. Another impulsive decision of mine, but look at it my way first, before you draw a conclusion. One of the premier facts of life is that to hold knowledge of something that the other guy doesn’t want you to talk about is to create leverage. And in my kind of business that’s always a bonus.

There was also the fact that I know would be responsible for two females, in one boat. Yes, I didn’t really know if it was going to be Anna yet, but I hoped. A nanny she would get and I much preferred it to be the one with us now. And then I would like one guy more, after all, I can’t be everywhere all the time, can I?

And as I said the firm was good, very good, with a lot of expertise and they knew my demands since earlier. So if they had recommended Andrew as their best then he had to be very good too. And perhaps even better than they thought, if he had succeeded withholding his crossdressing from them.

“Where?” he asked, suddenly sounding curious.

“Around the world Andrew, and you can crossdress to your hearts desire with me. I’m cool with it.”

Andrew thought about it. I could see the cogs rotating and I could also see that he was tempted. I wasn’t sure what more he had hidden from his employers but I was sure that I was going to know before we left. I told him to think it over while I went to the men’s room, well there I called a conduit to a ‘friend’ of mine, an earlier CIA employee, which will go unnamed here as we go way back, still with a lot of access to places where nobody sane ever should allow a man like him, or woman, well, let’s call him a man for the moment.

When I finally got him to call back, yeah, he insist on that kind of thing, safety comes first and all that, I asked him to do a in depth analysis of one Andrew Greenbaugh, working for ‘Limos unlimited’, also telling him that there might be some ‘gender issues’ involved, knowing that his interest would peak considerably at that. It would be expensive but this guy only did quality work and best of all, he kept silent. I threw in Anna’s name too, just for a lark. Not that I doubted her but I wasn’t known for my stupidity, even though I secretly had started to doubt that, well, recently at least.

As I came out he seemed to have reached a decision.

“If you can clear it with the firm Sir, I’m interested. Are you serious about the crossdressing part?”

“Of course I am, if you’re good at it, it will be our asset. You never know what can happen, and I have old, as well as new, enemies to consider here.” Wondering about Ivan as I said it, he had come on to me in a strange and ugly way over the net, not like the Ivan I remembered?

“And the girls, Sir?”

“Hey, it’s for your work, right. We need you to blend in. Oh, is there anything you need? If there is, put it on the expense account and I will pay for it. Or maybe you would like a separate account? I’ll arrange one for you tomorrow, and Andrew, I do expect you to model them for us.” Smiling innocently as I said it. Well, he had to take the step some time, right?

That must have been a first for him, and me. Making one of ‘Limos unlimited’ finest blush like a little girl, but it did make him look sort of pretty. Studying him some more I could see that he had the makings of a quite convincing lady, delicate features easily lending themselves any which way, boy or girl, and he was wiry, not bulky. Not so much Navy Seal material as SAS, if you know the difference? They train having different prerogatives in mind, and I will admit that it’s stupid comparing, but to me SAS still held the versatile edge, perhaps due to my own experiences. Thinking of it, he did have an accent, didn’t he? And that word ‘firm’, dropped so easily?

“Andrew, I’m just wondering. You’re not from here, originally, are you?” Taking another wild guess.

“How can you tell?” sounding curious more than worried, as if he had been pretty sure on his new ‘legend’.

“Let’s just say that I have extended knowledge in some fields.“ I answered smiling at him.

He nodded as if I just had confirmed a suspicion of his. I had a distinct feeling that he would know pretty much all there was to be known about me before we left too. After all, if it was as I expected, he too would have his ‘connections.’

“And Andrew, another thing. Don’t believe everything you hear about me, okay.”

He just nodded again, confirming my suspicion. And he knew that I knew I realized as he smiled thoughtfully.

“Well Sir. Let me recommend you to do believe what you hear about me, too.” Suddenly unflappable.

“I will son. I will.” I answered as laconically as I could, rendering me a new, even more suspicious look from him.

Maybe I should certify myself?
Can you do that?
I thought.

===

==

=

It seemed as Anna worked for the Russian mob. I still had grave problems with accepting it, but it was the sheer truth according to my ‘friend’. He had sent me an urgent warning as soon as he had found out. And as I read his mail again, for the third time, I thought back on the conversation I had had with her ‘Parents’.

They had seemed like a perfectly normal old couple, living in their small house, at the outskirts of Santa Barbara. It had been quite a drive there which was somewhat unexpected, as I at first had expected her to live with them near me. But as she had explained it she had moved to a youth hostel to be able to meet me like I wanted, I had accepted that at its face value, and Andrew had drove us all down to meet them.

We had had a very nice conversation with them, me hearing them voicing most of the reluctance and worries that any parents would have with the idea of letting their daughter travel around the world with a perfect stranger. I had succeeded in calming their fears rather easily though. Perhaps that should have made me suspicious? But at the time it only made me proud over my skills of negotiation. So what? I have an ego too.

I couldn’t understand why they needed to plant her with me though? And it made me wonder about her age too. There had to be some long range plans set in motion here I guessed. Her past was a total unknown according to my friend’s source. She might even be a ‘special’, sent here just for me. If so they had researched me really well. She was all I was interested in, in a woman.

But her English was so incredibly perfect, not the slightest accent, and that knowledge of malls and clothes? If it was true she might even be one of those really gifted spies, the ones they trained in their special schools, wasn’t there an ‘American school’ in Murmansk? And if that too was true they really must have it bad for me, but, for what purpose?

There was that old adage. ‘Keep your friends near you, but your enemy even closer.’ Well, her and me would be real close from now on I decided, bosom buddies in fact. Although I wasn’t so sure that they knew what they had set in motion sending her here. I had a feeling that her meeting Alana had put a new spin on it, an obstacle in their way, and an unknown that they would need to analyze before they could start to move their pieces on the board again. But then again, they hadn’t been there as I had, watching those two interact.

Could that be the reason she had became so reserved when we were at her ‘parents’? A fear that she would let on, inadvertently, just how much she cared for Alana? Maybe she wasn’t all that they expected then? I remembered how Alana had seemed to lose all vitality, disappointed drawing back inside herself as we talked. Had she felt the same?

I hated the fact that I couldn’t talk Russian with her, it would have helped greatly here. Remember that I was an accomplished manipulator, able to read people very well. Even though lacking in empathy I was very good in reading their ‘behavioristics’, if you see what I mean. And looking at again I thought that the signs had all been there for me to read if I only had used my eyes.

But it still meant that I had to be very careful with her, my personal codes was only accessible through my laptop, and I had a very secure cryptography on that, never the less I would have to lock it into the safe from now on. Also I needed to fix Alana’s documentation ASAP. But it was relaxing to find that Andrew was as I had thought though. A former SAS operative, already having served two terms with them, but getting out as he found himself having increasing trouble making it work with his chosen lifestyle.

Not that they couldn’t have used him, but the Special Forces was very much seen as a ‘macho lifestyle’, so he would have had to get out of SAS eventually and into the more clandestine services, even if his mates would have accepted it, as they probably would have done if I knew them right. But if he had chosen that path there might still had been rumors coming, reflecting badly on the service. I could understand his choice there, he had cared for his unit even as the pressure to follow his own path had grown increasingly relentless.

But I expected him to be just as good as I had guessed, not that there was that much information on his missions, but that was only as it should be I thought. I counted myself lucky to find a rough diamond like him, especially in the light of what I now knew about Anna. And yes, I still had problems believing that one. It was such a letdown for my ego, letting such a thing slip through. But we would see, she had finally met her match I thought. No, not in me, in Alana, I had great trust in my new daughter’s ability to evoke that unwavering loyalty. It was a rare gift indeed, to be able to bind a man like me to her purpose.

As we went to sleep that night I had hurried everything I could, letting the renovation firm know that this was top priority and that there would be quite a bonus if they finished in less than a week. They had already been renovating for three days and I had decided not to give it more than ten days, at the very most. And also to take them to sea at no notice at all. I didn’t want to give Anna the slightest chance to do whatever she was meant to do, or for her to plant tracking devices. I also decided to let the limo service do an electronic sweep before I left, checking for them. She had a surprise coming to her.

And I, I felt as if I had lost something I didn’t even have.