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Fucked up
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional.
In light of so many people posting daily about how their lives are going downhill... I thought I should post something positive.
I weighed myself again last night and I'm back down to 317lbs from 445 a year ago. My secret? Severely out of controll diabetes? Caused me to lose 145lbs of water. When i decided to stop paying my debts and buy insulin my weight balooned up by 40lbs.
I owe some 50k in debts but decided my health was more important than minimum payments. Luckily i don't own anything repossesable and im self employed.
My hormone levels are firmly in the female range and Im not suceptible to the ugly side dffects.
I bit the courage bullet and went and got fitted for a bra instead of guessing. I have major boobs now and zero padding! Did you know that fat girl bras are supposed to be extra tight in the band? This alone is what seperates the tvs from the girls... No tv could find this discomfort sexy long term!! *grin*
My personal life is looking up. I joined a local camera club and am exercising a lot more and have rediscovered photography in the digital era. My first outing i was lamenting my camera being damaged after sitting overnight in a puddle of cooking oil. It is one of those point and shoots but one of some quality before taking a bath... So i was whining and after the get together we scampered over to this womans house where she made a gift of a spare camera she thought lost and replaced was found inside her ski helmet. Its like a 400 dollar camera. Well colour me pleased.
I rarely get "read" except on the phone. People think im hideous but harmless; no threat to their BFs so i can be a woman if i wanna. Men dont wanna date me but are semi comfortable talking to me as any ugly woman.
I take umberance to being "trans" Like gwen said the price was to high. Im soooo over being transanything. Im just your average 50yo double bagger woman.
Ill likely die alone but im mostly over crying about that.
Im happy to report im a recovered survivor of physical and mental abuse but it doesnt effect me much at all. It was 35 years ago and i have put it behind me.
So to summarise im FINE! Carry on!
Dayna
Comments
I am glad you positive outlook on life!
I do agree there has been a lot of negatives in people's lives here. Most of us are broken, but, we can take those pieces and reconstruct ourselves to be a better person: one more closely to who we want to be. Just keep at it, live to be happy and do what you can for others when possible and appreciate others for their differences.
Being intelligent and doing something about turning a negative into a positive takes courage.
When and where to do it comes from wisdom.
Being positive makes all the difference.
Sephrena
my life is going uphill!
not downhill! I'm happy for the good stuff going on in your life. And sorry about the difficulties, but at least you're keeping a good attitude.
I have to ask...
How exactly did your old camera manage to spend several hours sitting in a puddle of cooking oil?! That has to be the strangest tale of the demise of an item of electronic equipment I've ever read...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Puddle
I had been using veggie oil at my desk in a small finger bowl to scrub rust off some frying pans. Overnight a cat must have knocked a bowl over right next to where id set my 12mp camera. If id placed it other side up i could have whiped it off. Lying on its back the button and display leached up the oil. Fearing the worst i took apart the display and mostly cleaned it with paper towl to soak up the oil. The button however refuses to come apart and being oil it wont dry up. It clicks inappropriately hundreds of times a second and its very difficult to make it selle down.
Dayna
If you stuck it in the oven
would you have sauteed pics?
Glad to hear you've adapted and moved on, it's really the bottom line and only course. Like you I'm acclimatised to being on my own for the rest of my days, not sure a blind man would find me attractive and I'm not going to be anyone's housekeeper. Instead I'm paw-maiden to a pair of ingrates who miaow/nag me incessantly.
I'm FINE too and off for a bike ride.
Angharad
I'm F.I.N.E
Dayna, I am as large as you are. Funny thing is that I have as much fun as any jock because most any lady sees me as harmless.
May Your Light Forever Shine