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In the past 5 months I have realized I am as a flower ... like a seed planted in the ground I only existed, struggled with my life and hid from myself. Potential was there, waiting for me to realize living was not a punishment, but a gift from god. When my spirit was woken the seed cracked and I became aware of myself and a little of my surrounding. As time progressed the sprout broke through the ground and I was no longer hiding from myself and my surroundings. However, it was not until I formed my bud that I realized the true potential I had in my life. Even though I have been abused most my life, the patterns of my past were weakened and new opportunities presented when I allowed myself to see the world in all its glory. So like a plant my bud has opened and allowed the flower within to spread and allow the world to behold my inner beauty. I live and I am terrified and yet exhilarated - there is so much I have yet to experience. I smile and yet I cry - there is so much I have yet to feel ... I so wish I could share my gifts with those I love.
Small steps, little breaths ... I can do this ... I can share with those still in my life. I do cry that I have hurt some with my actions. There is nothing I can do expect live my life and pray for forgiveness. Perhaps one day ...? In the meantime I will continue to concentrate upon growing, being ... becoming healthy, and accepting the spirit of who I am.
It is with tears flowing down my face, a heart that is filled with love and yet full of pain, and my spirit morphing into that which God has given me the potential to realize that I continue my journey and pray that each step I take, each beat of my heart I sense, that I not fall into the traps of the past and experience the exhilaration today.
Comments
It's your life
No one has the right to tell you how to live it, so get on and do so while you can. As for asking for forgiveness - are you sure it's you who should do that or should the others? You can't be someone else, only yourself.
I wish you happiness in your journey.
Angharad.
Angharad
I second Angie's comments.
I wholeheartedly agree with Angie's comment. To thine own self be true etc ...
You must only live the life that serves to keep you happy and sane. As you grow towards that conclusion your will realise this more and more. If you have hurt some by finally being yourself then they too are to blame for being intransigent and unconstructive in helping you walk a road that you have to walk.
Each of us must walk our own paths and when our paths cross with others, we should treat those other travellers as friends.
Good luck on your new journey.
XZXX
Bev.