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I am coming to recognize how I have allowed the events of my past to make me paralyzed in the present. After having my ability to act or think or feel for myself broken, its going to take some doing to learn how to take charge and to no longer be a victim. Its not going to be easy to break this, but break it I must, if I want to be more than a pinball in a pinball machine, as a friend said. I have to learn to trust myself to make decisions, to live with the consequences, and to stop being a deer in the headlights, because we all know how that turns out.
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Being a victim
Years after my 40 year marriage is over, I begin to see some of what happened as victimisation, except that most of those things I did were acts of kindness, and if they really were acts of kindness then what the other person did with my kindness is their problem. The kindness is of no less value because the recipient chose not to accept it in the same vein as it was given.
Others see me as being taken advantage of at times, but I am what I am, and at times it takes strength to stand up to people who say that I am a sap, too easy, a push over, or being taken advantage of. I know you to be a person of faith, so Jesus Christ made a sacrifice for us. What we do with that is of no less value even though a person chooses to keep on hating, keep on being drunk, keep on stealing, keep on beating his wife. One day, it will all come back on us.
Gwendolyn
Go for it! = )
Cast off Negative Nelly and embrace Positive Polly*! ^_^
*As named by Jonelle when I asked who Negative Nelly's opposite was.
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Merry Christmas from BCTS's resident Extravagant Honorable Trans-Cat-MegaTomboy! ^_^
You Just Made My Year!!!;)
[email protected] Soooooooooo glad you remembered that, and managed to send it to another dear friend.;)
Love You Both,
Bailey's Cuter Half;0
Jonelle-Elise
[email protected]
=)
Which year did I make for you? We were kinda on the cusp there. = )
Either way, I am actually reputed (offline) for having a very good memory. But, forgive me if I don't make my signature image into a cat/elephant-girl...
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Merry Christmas from BCTS's resident Extravagant Honorable Trans-Cat-MegaTomboy! ^_^
Dear Dot,
I woke up the other day and started fantasizing. I used to do it constantly, in my old life, but it's been rare in the last twenty years. I thought about having magical powers; I thought about the power of Helen in Return to Sender; that was way too much. I fell into the old groove; I wanted to be a GG, much younger, a little shorter, reasonable pretty and completely natural looking, BUT.... what I wanted the most was to be free of all my brain/psych problems: depression, winter depression, communication and understanding problems from Asperger's, no memory problems, no social phobias....
I woke up a little more and thought of what one therapist or other (or my blend of them!) had said. It was to imagine that I was whatever I wanted to be (realistically) then think of what I would want to do. I would then think of how I could do it, then attempt it! I had to realize that I would most often fail, but I might make a little progress toward what I want, once in a while. I might also feel a little happier with this game to break up the monotony of depression and withdrawal.
I also had to keep trying, because I would have plenty of complete failures and/or keep doing the same old thing, sitting in the house and reading on my 'puter. I forget this idea much of the time; I need to keep reminding/refreshing myself. I think this is a little different than being "positive" and thinking that that will make things better. It's more playing and imagining and not stressing and doing it over and over....
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Ready for work, 1992.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
learning and growing
Being brainwashed into "learned Helplessness" can appear as a bottomless pit. The brainwashing is hard to overcome. It is possible. It is not an easy journey, but worth the trip. Finding ones-self is invigorating. Taking control of your own life is undiscribable. Knowing when to step into the light versus when to run away from it, will keep the doe alive. We are here to help and support you. You have already taken the hardest part of the journey, knowing you have a problem and deciding to do something about it. That first step pails in comparison to all others, for the brainwashing had trained you to be helpless, now you will find that you are not. Good luck on your journey. I have been on mine for years.
Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek