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I long to live, I want to die.
I long to die, I am still alive.
I long to live, why can’t I die?
I long to die, I always survive.
I long to live, whats wrong with suicide?
I long to die, I cannot end my life.
I long to live! I must survive!
I have struggled all my life with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I had an abusive childhood because of who I am, I carry many burdens both mentally and physically as do we all. I made several attempts to end my life and came very close many many times., I still bear the scars from those attempts, They like my thoughts of death will never go away. I can not think of many times where my life was worse than it is now. I have asked time and time again how can god allow me to live like this. I asked every pastor, minister or reverend I have met and never got a suitable answer. I couple months ago I finally asked god, and for an answer he showed me how to control my suicidal tendencies, to live with my burdens, I have not yet learned to over come them but I will soon. TG related suicides is high enough, I know many of us do not believe in god, but please find your own answer and help end the path of destruction in our community.
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My dear sister, When you
My dear sister,
When you think you are alone, in that dark, cold, pit of doubt, fear, and hopelessness please remember that there are many you can turn to, who will share compassion and love, fear and sadness, and understand what you are going through.
For myself I am balanced between the desires to life and die, and believe that the next time I try to suicide I will succeed. I ask myself daily "why" to my goddess, and I feel her love and borrowed strength to help me complete my journey. The last time I tried to die, I took sleeping pills and was refused entry into the spirit world. I cried for days, and became weaker and more withdrawn. I remember that 3rd night, and the crying and pain I was in, and falling asleep. I had a vision walk and mother earth and I talked, and I felt so selfish, hurt, and broken all at once. I also felt her love, compassion, and concern. She has lent me strength and desire to live and learn. From her gifts I have begun to recover and desire more within my own life.
I am always here for you, and will listen without judgment, will cry with you, and understand your pain. I can give you my love and concern and hope.
Know you are always loved for who you are spiritually. And remember, Head held high and shoulders back.
Kendra