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So I lost a friend yesterday.
To give you guys some context, a couple of years ago I joined a local writing group.
We would get together once a week and share pieces of our writing and provide feedback to each other.
We had to put things on hold during COVID, but the leader of the group and I kept in touch, and she was responsible for me getting my short story published.
Well, while we were talking on the phone, I apparently said something that hurt her feelings, and the next time we talked, I thought we had cleared the air and everything was okay again.
She decided to have a meeting of the group at her house, and used meetup as the place to register if we were coming, but I couldn't seem to find the group, and sent her an email saying that.
She emailed me back, saying I should be able to do something so simple, and in any case she was still hurt and did not me to come regardless.
So I've punted away one of the few offline friends I have, and I feel like crap about it.
Comments
It cuts deep and triggers self doubt
when this happens. I don't know enough about the whole situation,
or about your friend and what she's like to say she's overreacting
(some people live for drama + playing head game...) but I sure
know the feelings that come from being "unfriended" in real life,
so... HUGS! And please don't necessarily assume the blame
is all yours. In the years I've known you I get no indication
that you are callous, selfish or inconsiderate
or whatever this person is accusing you of.
I think quite a few others here would agree.
Can I get an AMEN?
~Veronica
The Potato says:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/o4jTclx61Tc
Don't be down Dorothy
Meetup is a mess when it comes to a user interface. You are not alone in having problems with it. Hardly a month goes by and at least one member of my local WordPress group complains about missing the previous meeting because of Meetup.
Personally, I think that for many small groups using something like Meetup for a meeting is overkill when a simple email exchange would do just as well.
Take care.
Samantha
Not Everyone Is Like You
We tend to judge what other people do -- by comparing it to what we would do under similar circumstances.
People are very different. What they would do and what we would do are often miles apart.
From what you've posted here, it would seem you are very careful about other peoples' feelings. Most people are quite callous.
WIIFM is their watchword.
You seem to be a very nice person with an above-average intelligence.
This morning I met with an old friend who just started a business. He's having cash-flow problems. He should have known they were coming and readily admitted that he had screwed up. To solve his problem, he slow paid another friend of mine. My other friend is not cash flush.When word got back to me what was happening, I stepped in. I loaned my friend $5,500 to bring things back into line.
The strange thing was that my friend just didn't understand how slow-paying the other friend was a problem. My friend is an amazing graphic designer. I've noted in the past that many creative people lack total awareness of the consequences of their actions.
As in all generalizations, there are exceptions -- and I might be totally wrong.
At any rate - it doesn't sound like it's about you. Wait a few days. If you still want to be included in the group try communicating again. There might just be a problem that has nothing to do with you that will resolve itself.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
sorry u lost your friend
Hopefully things will work out. I have no idea what you said, but if it is any consolation; I have stuck my foot in my mouth (figurativelly) so often I am surprised there is not a hit on me lol.
Melodramatic maybe, but hunny.
If she was a real friend she would have talked to you about it instead of being so malicious, the fact she doesn't want you there, u might have to cut more ties, she might use the time to bad mouth you, then dispite if she feels guilty she likely will not admit it & continue it out of her own feelings and denial. it happens. I know it sucks and perhaps it is not my place to say it, but every girl has to deal with this sort of situation.
This is what they call catty & spiteful, the wonderful world of dealing with girl's as a girl. Guys will tend to get at you physically but a girl will go above and beyond to 'pay you back' thats why its so rare to find a girl incapable of playing even field with one another. So far, it is just not being 'invited' to the party.
Think of it as HS ok. She is having a party previously a friend & not inviting you but inviting everyone else.... more often then not is to sway the general party on their side of things, even if blowing things out of proportion. Be prepared, not only to personally deal with all this, but also potential need to play an even field.
Maybe I am being overdramatic, who knows. You deserve to know the truth.
Do not let this set you back. I spent most of my life completely ostracised and abused. A few words by someone claiming to have been a friend intentionally in the negative over a few misplaced words viewed negative but unitentional is far greater in true offense then the one having done so unintentionally.
Wish I could do more to help, lots of hugs
With Love and Light, and Smiles so Bright!
Erin Amelia Fletcher
Some women are so catty
Right after my wife and I moved back to the States with our second child, who is 26 now, one of my best friends (I use the term best lightly) disappeared, not letting anyone know where he'd gone.
About three years ago, I found a mutual friend who had contact with both of us on Facebook. I tried to say hi to my old friend, and he immediately blocked me.
Contacting our mutual friend, I asked if he knew why that was done. He came back a few minutes later saying, "He says you know what you did." This was news to me. I have looked a few times to see if I'm still blocked, but there seems to be no talking to him. The sad thing is, both of us went into the ministry after high school.
Neither his family nor I have any idea where he is, or why he left. Sometimes you just have to let people go. It's often said that they only end up hurting themselves. I'm not sure I agree with that wholeheartedly. With this friend, I'd love to know what happened. As far as I knew we were friends, and then he disappeared. It doesn't make sense to me.
With your friend, Dot, I would say, if she calms down, great. If not, I would think, as much as it hurts, you're probably better off without her.
Meanwhile, have a huggle or two!
Hugs!
Rosemary
Oh no!
I'm so sorry to hear 'bout ya losin' your friend. I've never been all that good at makin' friends, so I'm not sure if I'd have any useful advice on how the help with makin' things better with her. I have lost a couple of friends I did manage to make, so I can sorta imagine what ya might be feelin'. I hope things work out for ya.
{{{huggles}}}
I lost a very dear friend
who just stopped responding to my messages and emails. I began to wonder if I had done anything to cause it and on meeting another friend by accident, I mentioned this loss and he told me she'd met some new bloke and dropped all her old friends and gone off with him. I was reassured that I wasn't to blame but I still miss her friendship, although perhaps she didn't see it like that. It's a free country so I can't say too much except I sometimes have higher expectations of behaviour than some others and am frequently disappointed.
So it may not be anything you have done, Dot.
Angharad