This week end, I saw my step sister who is 4 years older than I and the conversation brought up something that my half brother's wife remembered my step father telling her in bragging tones.

I thought I remembered being in girls clothes when a toddler and I remember Mom and my step father getting in a horrendous fight about making me a boy. There was much anger and swearing, I got spanked because I was so frightened,he cut my beautiful hair off. All the time I was growning up, I always feared him and he beat me harshly constantly. My therapist says that when it came time to identify with a strong male figure, I rejected him because If he was what males were, I wanted nothing to do with them.

My childhood included all that and rape too.

As many of you have, lived throught the same sorts of things, you may know how meaningful it can be do recieve validation that the contents of your flashbacks and haunted feelings are not false.

May you all share my joy.