“We’re sorry, but your voice is just a bit too… masculine for this character.”

…

“I’m afraid that it just isn’t what we’re looking for.”

…

“It just doesn’t fit the character.”

…

“Well, the character is a girl, you see.”

…

Rejection after rejection after rejection. I’ve been trying to break into the voice actress scene for a while now, doing dubbing for foreign films, anime, and cartoons. Unfortunately, I’ve just hit brick wall after brick wall. I’m rarely called on for auditions, and when I do, the people in charge of casting are less than enthused. I don’t know if it’s because I’m transgender, or if I lack talent, or if I simply don’t fit the roles, but I’ve been passed over time and time gain.

I take a deep sigh and lie down on my couch. My roommate leans against the back of the couch, and offers me a can of Pepsi.

“No good today, either?” she asks.

“Another failure,” I tell her.

My roommate Marcy is also a voice actress, a newbie like me, but she seems to be able to land more roles. Maybe because she’s cisgender and pretty, but maybe it’s just because she’s so good. The few times I’ve heard her audition, she took my breath away. When I train with her, I sometimes get goosebumps. She deserves the roles that she’s getting, no doubt.

“Have you considered auditioning for transgender roles?” she asks.

“If one would come up, sure. But how many canonically trans characters come up?”

“Good point. And when they do come up, they’re filled by cis guys pretending to be girls.”

“I know, right! Maybe it isn’t so bad for voice acting, but for live action stuff? It drives me up a wall!”

I sit up on the couch to make room for Marcy, who thanks me and sits down elegantly. She has beautiful long legs that she likes to show off in short shorts and skirts. She really is the ideal woman.

“Is that a look of envy of lust?” she asks, giggling.

“Ah, sorry!” I say, looking away.

“It’s fine, it’s fine! I know that I’m hot, so you and anyone else who wants can stare all they want!”

I sigh. “I really wish I had your confidence.”

“Then stop wishing and start acting! Do you think that I’m naturally this confident? No! I’m an anxious mess beneath this facade! But I’m playing up the character of a confident woman, and you should do! Half the battle is in your head, you know?”

“Battle?”

“Yeah! You can’t win a fight if you’ve already lost in you mind!”

“I’m not really planning on fighting anyone, though…”

“Come on, Hina, not literally! I mean, it might apply to literal fights too, but I mean auditions! You’re fighting for your life behind that mic, making the best impression possible!”

“I’m not sure that’s how it works.”

“It is! You need to slay your enemies – the other auditioning voice actresses – with your words!”

“Are we still talking about voice acting?”

“Yes! Listen, you’re a good actress, okay? But if you hesitate, then that’s it! You know that directors can smell fear! They’re like sharks in that way! Just one drop of blood, and it’s all over!”

“Marcy, I can barely wrap my brain around half of what you say.”

“Okay! Listen to just this, then, okay? Be confident! You’re a good actress! Our manager has another audition lined up for both of us this weekend! It’s a special role, a pair of girlfriends! And we have to audition as a pair!”

“That’s weird.”

“How so? I think we would make a lovey-dovey couple!”

Marcy embraces me, and squeezes me tight. She rubs her face against mine, and I can feel my body quickly getting warm.

“Alright, alright!” I say, pushing her off of me. “I think it’s a bit too warm for this level of skinship. Can you email me the script we’ll be reading off of?”

“Already done! Check your email!”

I grab my phone, and pull up my email app. Sure enough, the script and details about the roles are there. I take some time reading over the information, then open up the script on my phone, and signal for Marcy to start us off.

Suddenly, it’s like a switch has been flipped in Marcy’s brain. Her brilliant smile turns to an expression of pain, and her bubbly personality to one of despair.

“Jessie!” she cries out, holding her hand towards me. “Please! Don’t do this! Think of all that we’ve been through together! We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve suffered pain that nobody else could even imagine! And through all of that, we smiled!”

I wear a face of disgust as I glare at her. “And what was it all for? We lost everything we had ever cared about! My family! My job! My friends! Everything I had ever had was taken away from me! And yet I’m expected to just grin and bear it?”

“No! You don’t have to just grin and bear it! I’m here for you!”

“You’re only here for yourself! You used me as a plaything!”

“That’s not true!”

“And where were you when I needed you? When I was kicked out of my house, you were living in the lap of luxury! When I lost my job, you were enjoying preferential treatment at your father’s office!”

“I couldn’t tell them that I was gay! They would have abandoned me!”

“Oh, pity! My family had already abandoned me! But you weren’t willing to put yourself on the ledge the same way that I was, huh? Because I was only a side character in your life!”

“You know that isn’t true!”

These two characters are lovers in a drama involving a lot of teenage angst. They’re fresh out of high school, and struggling to make things work; between their love life, jobs, and family, everything seems to be pulling them in different directions. This is the climax, where the characters have a huge argument about whether or not they are actually there for one another. Thankfully, they do end up making up, and by the end of the scene, they’re crying into the arms of one another. I guess sometimes it does you good to just put everything out there, to say just what it is, exactly, that is bothering you.

Marcy is playing it up, not just in her voice, but physically, as well. She’s actually crying, and clinging on to me.

“Eleanor,” I say, in the role of Jessie. “I don’t think I ever realized just how much you really meant to me. Truly, I’m so sorry! I–”

I pause as I read the next few lines, blushing a bit.

“Hey, I know you like method acting,” I say to Marcy, “But can we be sure not to actually act out the kiss–”

Marcy puts her hand to my face, and brings her lips to mine. I’m stunned, just sitting there with eyes wide open as her lips lightly touch mine. She pulls her face away, but keeps her hand on my face, her other resting on my thigh.

“Jessie,” she whispers. “Our love is one that was forged in the fires of war, strengthened by the shouts of hate. Now and forever, I swear upon my life that I will always put you first. I love you.”

I just blush wildly. Marcy giggles at that.

“Oh, Hina, that looks on your face really is adorable, you know!”

“You’re pushing too much!” I tell her, looking away, and pushing her away.

“Really? You’re the one groping my boob, I’m just acting out the script!”

I gasp and pull my hand away. “I’m sorry!”

She laughs, and moves away from me. “No worries, no worries! I’m the one who came onto you, there! Did we want to move to the last scene of the show, then?”

“Sure,” I sigh, happy to get this scene over with. “What happens in this scene?” I mutter, as I scan the script.

It’s a sex scene.

“I’ve actually got work to do today, I’ll see you later!” I shout, basically jumping off the couch.

“No worries! I’ll be happy to practice this scene with you any time!”

“Stop being such a pervert!”

She sticks her tongue out at me, then focuses on the script on her phone. She has a serious look on her face now. Even though she’s having fun with this, she’s also doing her best. Maybe that’s the best way to approach this.

Every day, I spend hours practicing the script. After and between college classes, after work, while in the shower, in the mornings and late night while I’m free. Whenever Marcy is also free, she joins me. We spend maybe one or two hours together every night rehearsing, thankfully without any funny business.

Finally, the day of the audition comes. I’m sweating bullets, sitting in the waiting room alongside Marcy. She seems totally chill, though, smiling and humming and scrolling through social media on her phone.

“Isn’t this dress totally cute?” she says, showing me a skimpy dress.

“Feel free to wear that, but stay clear of streets or you may cause an accident.”

Eventually, the two of us are called in for the audition. We stand behind a pair of microphones in a soundproof box, with the producer and a few others behind a glass screen. They take a second to make sure everything is good on their end, then the producer tells us to go ahead and start.

The scene is one in which the girls were messing around in Jessie’s home, when suddenly her father comes home and finds out.

“No! Dad! I can explain!” I gasp, covering my mouth, and trying to evoke a look of absolute fear and dread.

“We were just discussing skin care tips!” Marcy/ Eleanor says.

The man who is playing the father – a well known voice actor with a gruff voice – shouts over an intercom. We both flinch in surprise, not expecting his voice. My heart is legitimately racing with fear now.

“Do you think I’m a fool?” he shouts. I can feel my entire body shaking. “I’ve had by suspicions, but now it seems that I’ve been proven right! Well, no daughter of mine will be hooking up with girls!”

The characters run around the room, screaming and panting, which Marcy and I have to reproduce, as they try to evade the large man chasing after them. They eventually slip out of the room, and into the hallway.

“Which way?” Eleanor asks.

“Upstairs!”

“What? No way! We have to get out!”

“Trust me! I’m your girlfriend, aren’t i?”

She hesitates for a second. “Right. Lead the way!”

The characters run upstairs, seemingly a foolish move, as how are they supposed to escape the house from up there? Well, it turns out that the attic has a secret passage out of the house that the father didn’t know of. The girls make some chaos, including spiling marbles down the stairs to slow the father down, and close doors to confuse him in regards to where they may have gone. They make it to the secret passageway in the attic, and escape from the house. The passageway twists and turns, eventually leading out into the forest behind the house.

“Why the heck do you have a passageway like that?” Eleanor asks.

“Grandma was a slut, and grandpa worked long hours! Still, she wanted to be sure to slip her partners out of the house in case he came home later! Mom uses the tunnel too, sometimes!”

“Your family is seriously messed up!”

“I know, right? But it came in handy, right?”

“Why not use the front door, though?”

“Are you kidding me? He would have a clear view of us across the living room and front yard! He was a lineman back in high school, you know! Not a good one, mind you, but he still played in a few games!”

She laughs. “Well, it’s a good thing he wasn’t in any smart clubs, huh? He may have found the passage by now!”

“Please! He makes my mom do all the cleaning, so we’re in the clear, there! Still, it’s not a good idea to stay here too long! Let’s get moving!”

The scene continues into a chase through the woods, until the girls eventually reach a cabin. There, they hide out, and wait for the father to pass by. As they do, they’re pressed up close to one another. As the fear fades, the romantic tension builds. The characters stare at one another for several seconds, and then…

Marcy leans over and kisses me on the lips. I gasp in surprise, but she gives me a serious face, telling me to continue the script. My eyes flicker to the director, who seems to have his full attention on us.

“Eleanor!” I hiss. “Is this really the time?”

She giggles. “Well, your father is gone, isn’t he?”

“We don’t know that for sure! Stay quiet, you idiot!”

Marcy pinches my cheeks. “Oh, but you’re just so cute! And besides! We kind of got interrupted back there… Don’t you want to get back to the fun?”

“You idiot, do you even realize the position we’re in? A crazed bigot is hunting us, and we’re trespassing on some random person’s property! Do you realize the danger that we’re in?”

The door to the cabin is thrown open. Heavy footsteps echo through the mostly empty house. The girlfriends huddle close together in a closet, praying they won’t be seen. The shadow of a body passes by them. They’re tense for a moment. The shadow passes, and the footsteps grow quieter, until finally, the door to the cabin is closed shut, and the characters are home free.

“Finally,” I sigh.

“Jessie?” Eleanor says, and when my character looks down, she sees the beautiful, begging face of Eleanor. “I think I may have peed my pants a little.”

I laugh. That line wasn’t in the script! She’s supposed to suggest that they get out of here immediately! I don’t know what Marcy is doing, going off script like this, but it’s best to just go along with it

“After a fright like that, I can’t blame you!” I manage to say through tears of laughter. “Come on! Let’s get out of this cabin, and somewhere safe!”

“Cut!” the director says. Marcy and I are staring at him, praying that we did good.

The people behind the glass speak for a few moments. Finally, the directer speaks up once more.

“Alright! Good job, girls! I think having an actual couple like you two work on this is a good call. Right now, you’re our first choice. We’ll call you in a week or so and let you know if you’re hired.”

“Yay!” Marcy throws her arms around me, and we fall to the floor.

“Ow!” I complain, though it’s only a halfhearted complaint. The fact of the matter is that I’m smiling and laughing. Maybe Marcy’s slight insanity is to our benefit, after all?

“Let’s get home,” I say, pushing myself off the ground. As we step out into the waiting room, Marcy grabs my hand. I look over to her, and her dazzling eyes seem fixed on mine.

“You did a good job back there… girlfriend!”

I’m dragged out of the room. Marcy is laughing her head off. I can’t help but crack a smile, too. We go out to dinner that night, and end up having fun later at home, too. I’m happy to let her have her way with me. After all, she’s super cute, and I have her to thank for bringing the best out of me.