I don't know why I did it. Sentimental maybe. I put up a Christmas tree. Just a small one. Not that this place couldn't handle a larger one or even a huge tree. I didn't want the memories.

I am Steven V Miller. Retired US Air Force. Spent 30 wonderful years. Flying for Uncle sugar. Then another 20 flying for UPS. I retired two years ago. I lost my lovely Michelle, a year ago. We had purchased this house as our retirement home. 3 bedrooms 2 ½ bath. It is on top of Melrose Mountain in the little town of Tryon, NC. Looking down the hall at the door to our room. A place where I rarely go into since. Well since the love of my life passed in that very room. She took her last breath in that room. With me, our granddaughter, and our son holding her hand. Micheal's wife holding him, Our granddaughter was 12.

I haven't slept in our bed since, Michelle passed. That was our bed I have no right sleeping in it without her by my side. I usually just fall asleep, or pass out where I am. Usually my lazy boy. I can drink pretty heavily at times. I try not to in memory. I try and keep off if it when Micheal, Sandy and Mindy are here. I don't want my son and his family seeing me.

My dear Michelle and I always loved Christmas time. She would go all out on the decorations in the house. While I took charge of the outside. Our first Christmas here. We would have lights on the house, on the garage. Strung down each side of the driveway. I didn't care if our electric bill doubled for Nov and December. While I was in the service. I decorated our home whether it was on or off base. She would have every room in the house decorated. Including the bathroom. A huge tree in the living room. The Angel on top almost touching the ceiling. Decorated with many strands of lights, Ornaments both store bought and hand made. Decorated the tree. While most of Micheal's school made ones were given to him for his families tree. We did have a few. We also had some made by Mindy, for grandma and grandpa.

Well back to the present. I am sitting in my chair, our two mini Dachshunds taken over my lap. Sophie and Slinky. These two little girls were a gift from Micheal last Christmas. We have had Dachshunds since we were married. Even having Buster in the wedding. He thought they would cheer me up. It did only slightly. Last year I didn't even put up any decorations. No tree, nothing.

I just stared out the window. The fire in the fireplace slowly dying out. Not wanting to disturb the girls from their place.

'Should I have told her my deepest secret.' I have thought ever since Michelle died. We have told and talked about just about everything in our 47 years we were together. I told her everything but. That ever as far back as I remember I wanted to be a girl. I have always thought I was born in the wrong body. With the way my parents were and then School then the military. It was kept hidden for so long.

I would see a beautiful woman and dream I was her. It wasn't anything sexual. Just wanting to be a girl. It was especially hard when I saw a beautiful young mother with her children. I so envied them. It drove me almost mad. What kind of a man would Michelle have thought of me wanting to be a girl. A decorated Air Force pilot. Wanting to be a girl. What would my friends say. My parents rest their soul would spin in their graves. My dad was completely biased against anything out of the normal. While my mom was a little better. I knew that both of them loved me and Julie my little sister. How would Julie take this news. Her brother wanting to be a girl. She maybe Okay with it. However I will never find out. As I will likely die with this secret wish.

Looking at the clock, It was 9:30. I might as well go to sleep. I didn't worry about the girls as they use their doggy door. Micheal and his family and Julie and her family are coming here for Christmas. Presents were under the tree for all of them.

As I went to get up, “Sorry, ladies. Daddy needs to get ready to go to sleep.”

Both looked at me, and begrudgingly hopped off. I used the bathroom, brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas. That is the only time I go into our room is to change. Looking at our bed. Made perfectly. I had to turn away. As not to start crying.Going back into the living room. I made sure the spark curtain was completely pulled on the fireplace. Don't want any accidents. Shutting off the lights and the tree. I settled in my chair. My two warmers joined me. Laying across my lap. Turning on the radio. Listening to Christmas music. I wound up crying myself to sleep as it brought back memories. Michelle would have Christmas music playing all day Christmas eve and Christmas day.

“Sophie, Slinky You have been good girls this year. So Santa may bring you something tonight.” I told my lap warmers. They both wagged their tail. A lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I drifted off to sleep.

I had gotten up at 1:43am to use the bathroom. Of course the girls followed me. They want to be with me everywhere I go. Even to the bathroom.
They have learned to stay out of my chair when I get up. As they usually have to move when I get back. So, as soon as I sit down again. They are up on my lap.

I don't know how long after I fell back asleep. I heard, GRRRRRRRRRRR.

As it is usually Slinky, “Slinky stop it. No!” Then Sophie starts in. growling. I can feel them tensing up. Just as I was reaching for them. The tore off of my lap. Good thing I keep there nails trimmed. Barking and carrying on, they ran to the front door.

“Hey, Quiet.” I yelled. No use. Something has got them riled. Probably a deer or something in the yard. Getting out of my chair.

“I told you two to stop, now.” I headed for the front door. As I neared the door. I could see what they were barking at. What it was I didn't know. It was a small white light about 6” in height.

“Girls, it is just a light, someone threw in the yard.” As I reached down to grab them. This strange light got brighter. It was lighting the whole front of the house.

This light, what ever it was. Got brighter still. It made Sophie and Slinky yelp and run back to a darker area. Of course being Dachshunds they continued to bark at it. I had to put up my hand to shield my eyes. I don't know why I did it. I stepped out the door. The front patio cool on my feet not cold as I expected. The light wasn't giving off any heat. Yet, I was comfortable. Shading my eyes. This light began moving, almost pulsing. Then it admitted a tone. That gained volume. I continued to get louder. Until I couldn't stand it anymore. I passed out right on the front porch.

“Mom, Mom, wake up its Christmas morning.” I began to hear in a soft voice.

Another voice, and gentle shake. “Common, Mommy. We want to go open our presents.” The voices sounded almost the same.

“uhhhhhh” I moaned.

“We hate to do this. Get her guys.” One voice said.

I felt a bouncing on what ever I am laying on. Then the face licks came. I could feel three separate tongues.

“Ok, guys I'm up.” A strange voice came from me. I opened my eyes, brushing the noses away from my face. Standing next to the bed I was in. Looking directly in my face were two little girls.

They both smiled, each missing a front tooth. “Merry Christmas, Mommy.” They said in unison.

My eyes focusing on them, they were identical twins. “Ah, huh.” was all I could manage.

I went to sit up. First brown hair fell in my face. Then the heaviness on my chest. Then I felt smaller. Then it hit me. I was Cassandra Emily Blanchard. I am married to Major Carl Eugene Blanchard, an Air Force Pilot. The girls are my twin 8 year old daughters. Miranda and Marissa

“Mommy, are you OK?” One of the girls asked

Looking around. I was in my bedroom in my bed. But how. I looked at the mirror on one of the dressers. It wasn't me looking back, but a young woman, she looked around 32. I was looking through brown hair as was the lady in the mirror. Moving my hand to brush the hair away. The lady did too. Then I looked down. The reason I felt the heaviness on my chest was I had breasts. They weren't big but there none the less. I knew it was me. Some how some way. Everything clicked.

“Marissa Jean, That was mean having the guys to get me.” I said as I looked at our three miniature Dachshunds. Cripto, silhouette, and Majestic.

“Sorry, Mommy. But when you didn't wake up. I figured the guys would.” My daughter said.

“OK,”opening my arms. For a hug. “Merry Christmas. Girls.”

After I got my hug. I got up. Putting a robe over my shorts and tank sleep set.

“I wish daddy was here.” Miranda said. Echoed by Marissa.

“I do to girls. But he is doing his job keeping our country safe.”
Something deep in my mind said that this isn't right. I was somebody else. But who? Everything was the same, We were in base housing at Ellsworth Air Force base in South Dakota. We had been here a year. The house was the same. Yet something was off.

“Since daddy isn't here this year. You two wait here while I plug in the tree.”

“OK, Mom.” They said.

I walked down the short stairs to the living room. Plugging in the Christmas tree.

The tree had all the presents me and Carl had gotten the girls. We have Santa coming over at 9 to give the girls their presents from Santa. One of the guys from Carls squadron dresses like Santa and visits those who have younger kids. Delivering the presents from him. He is so sweet doing this.

“OK, girls you can come down now.”

All I heard was a rush of feet. All 16 of them. Rushing down to the living room. Of course the dogs all piled up at the end of the couch. Marissa and Mandy found their spot on the floor.

I started handing out gifts. I had to stop several times at I swear I read Michelle on the tag. Michelle why did that name seem significant. We left Daddy's gifts under the tree to open when he gets home.

The unwrapping frenzy began. Paper flying everywhere. As the twins open there presents.

I just watched with pleasure as they opened them. I waited on mine as I knew that I would be getting more soon. We put all the wrapping paper in a bag. Just as the dogs perked up and like a shot headed for the front door.

As normal they made a ruckus. As there was a knock on the door and a HO HO HO. Marissa was the one who got to the door first.

Opening it, “Mom, it is Santa?”

A Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas. Came from the jolly St Nick.

“Guys, Back.” She told the dogs as she opened the door. Letting Santa in.

The dogs acted weird. Instead of Barking and carrying on like they normally do. They were whining and jumping up at Santa. They know Mark, as he had been over a few times. But they usually bark at him for a few minutes then wander off. Not this time.

“Merry Christmas, Marissa and Miranda and Cassie.” Santa said. “you have all been good girls this year.” He opened his bag and began giving presents out. Mark is given the presents by the parents and he in turn gives them to the kids.

I watched as Mark/ Santa gave out the presents.

Turning to me. Time seemed to stop. Only one moving was Me and Santa. He spoke to me. “Well, Steven how do you like your special present.”

“Whattttttttt?????” then that deep feeling came exploding into my mind. I was Steven Miller retired pilot. Widower, Father, Grandfather. Most important. I was a girl inside. Something I never told a soul. My two careers, my retirement, my losing my precious Michelle.

“How, Why?” I finally asked.

“Steven, I have always known your secret. I had wondered why you never shared it with your wife. She would have supported you. She loves you so. She is the reason why I am here. She wants you to be happy. She sees you moping around the house. She thought something special would help. It seems to have helped. She sees you happy. Not just on the outside but in your soul.”

“Who are you? Are you Santa or someone else?”

“Steven I am your guardian angel. Would you like to live, continue to live the life of Cassandra Blanchard.

“What about my Michelle. I love and miss her so much.”

“Steven, Michelle wants you to live this life. She wants to see you happy. Experience being a woman and a mother. In the end you will be reunited with all your loved ones.”

“Well, If my Michelle wants me to be happy. I agree. As long as I will see her when the time comes for this body.”

“You sure will. I promise.” There was another bright flash of light.

I was standing there. As the girls took the final presents from Santa. The dogs were still whining and jumping at Santa.

Wait a minute. I looked at Santa closer. I saw things I recognized. Then I looked into his eyes. But it wasn't Santa or Mark. I then knew why the dogs were acting they way they were. I know those eyes. Those are the eyes of someone I dearly love. They were Carl's eyes.

I jumped into his arms and planted a lip lock on my husband.

“ Mommy, What are you doing? Kissing Santa. Daddy's not gonna like that.” Marissa said. Miranda just put her hand over her mouth.

Breaking the kiss. “I don't think your dad will mind. Pumpkin.” Santa said. As he pulled off the fake beard.

“DADDY?” Miranda screamed.

“Yes, princess.” He said.

Marissa then screamed, “DADDY”

As they both jumped up to hug their dad. The fur kids had known. They must have smelt him or something that the guys recognized.

My loving husband and father to our girls has come home. I couldn't help myself, I planted another lip lock on him. Our tongues fighting. After checking that my tonsils had not grown back. The girls grabbed a hand and pulled him into the living room.

“Merry Christmas, Daddy.” both of our girls said.

“Merry Christmas, girls.” He said as he grabbed them both in a hug. Giving them both a kiss on the cheek. “Are you going to see what Santa brought you?”

“yeah” came from both of them. As they tore open their new presents.

As I was going to sit next to him. Carl pulled me into his lap. Wrapping his strong arms around me.

Looking into his pale blue eyes, “I thought you had another month until you rotated back?”

“Well I found out that we had completed all our missions ahead of time. So they brought us home early.”

“If I knew who to kiss at the Pentagon I would do it.”

“The hell with them. Just kiss me.” I did just that, kissed my husband.

“Amazing how fast you get somewhere when you are authorized to exceed the sound barrier.”

“You didn't? Over land?” I knew a sonic boom would rattle a few nerves.

“Nope, but soon as we were over the Med. It was full speed ahead. I ran Mach 1.2 all the way across the Atlantic. I had to slow down when we hit the coast. Mach .9 is plenty fast, though.

My Carl, Is the pilot of 'Midnight Express' A Rockwell B-1b strategic bomber.

“So, girls do you like what Santa brought you?” I asked our girls.

“Yeah,”Marissa offered.

“Santa brought me what I really wanted, my daddy home for Christmas.” Miranda squeaked out.

“That was my wish too, Miranda.” I was still choked up. My eye still wet with tears.

Daddy how did you get the presents that Santa was bringing us?” Marissa questioned.

“Well, I was flying along. George was resting as were Scott and Patrick. All of the sudden. Woosh, something red passed us.”He made a hand jester. “I am going over the speed of sound yet something passed us. Like we were on the ground. I watched in the direction it went.

“Well, I saw it bank into a turn. What ever it was it made a U-turn and came back towards us.”

“What happened Daddy.” Miranda asked. Her eyes wide. As were her sisters, who was nodding.

“What ever it was shot past us, again. I thought I was seeing things. Next thing I know is I am seeing rain-deer out my window. They slowly moved up until I was looking at the Jolly old man himself.”

“SANTA?”Marissa hollered.

“Yes, Pumpkin. It was Santa himself. I heard him say. “I'll be right over.”

“Next thing I know is Santa was standing between the two front seats. Red suit, white beard, even a sack on his back. George, Scott and Patrick had woken up. George was saying. "Carl what going on.”

“What did you say, Daddy?”

“I guess that Santa wanted to make a visit.”

Santa began. “Thank you 4 for your service to your country. I am proud to give these presents to you for your family. A pile of presents appeared in each of our laps. I couldn't see the controls.”

I said, “I said, Excuse me Santa, Sir. It is difficult to operate this aircraft when you can't see.”

“Oh, Sorry.” He waved his hand. The presents disappeared. “The presents are in your flight bags. For when you arrive home. Merry Christmas to you all. He said. Then Santa disappeared back over to his sled. An with a wave of his hand, Bam, He took off out of sight.”

“Once we landed, and got debriefed and out to our cars. We opened our bags and there was the presents right were he said they would be.”

“Wow, Daddy. You actually met Santa?” Miranda asked.

“I sure did.” My husband said.

“Now its time for you and Mommy to open your presents.” Marissa told us. My girls handed out the presents. I didn't know what they were, as I had my best friend and George's wife, Wendy. Take the girls shopping for me and Carl. I did the same with Johnny, and Gail, their two. It was fun.

I opened up clothes, a couple of movies. They even found the special edition this years Christmas Barbie. I collect them.

“Thank you girls, and Santa.”

In unison, “Your welcome, Mommy.” Our twins said.

“So, who's ready for my famous cinnamon rolls?” I asked my family.

“Me, Mommy.” Miranda called.

“I am” Marissa hollered.

“I'm not going to be left out.”My sweet husband said.

“I'm sure the guys will too.” I looked at our cluster of Dachshunds. They were all staring at me. I mentioned something about food.

As I went to the kitchen to put in the rolls I mixed up last night. The girls were gathering their new clothes together.

I began hearing holiday music. Carl must have put on the radio. One of the stations in Rapid City, SD. Just plays holiday music Christmas day.

Turning on the oven to preheat it. Making sure everything was ready. I slid the pan into the oven. As soon as I stood up. I felt a pair of arms encircle my waist. I leaned my head to the left. Carl kissed my neck passionately.

“God, that feels so good.” I managed to get out. Carl let his hands wander inside my robe. Under my tank top. His fingers worked their way up to cup my left breast. They were a little more than a handful for my husband.

I reached behind me and caressed the bulge in his flight suit.

Our enjoyment was cut short as Majestic, and silhouette came running in followed by Miranda.

“Momma, Can I get some orange juice.”

Krypto came running into the kitchen. All three dogs stood by the back door.

“I'll get you and your sister some juice if you let the guys out?” I said.

“Why don't you have some water. You can have juice when we sit down for breakfast.”

“OK, Daddy.”

Miranda turned to head back to the living room.

“Hey, princess. That deal also meant letting the guys out.”

“OK, Daddy.” My daughter said as she let the doxies out in the back yard.

“Can you and your sister set the table , please.”

“Yes, Mommy.” She said. “Marissa, come help me set the table for mommy.”

“OK,” We heard Marissa. Then both of our daughters came into the kitchen. Getting the silverware out of the drawer. Each with a handful went to the table.

“Are you sure those are our girls.” Carl asked. “no complaints, out of either one.”

“I think that it is Christmas, or that you are home. Believe me we have butted heads more than once while you were deployed.”

“But, I am home now.”

Turning to my husband and putting my arms around his neck. “Yes, you are.” I gave him a passionate kiss. “You had better make up for something we missed tonight.” I whispered in his ear.

“Do you have to do that in front of us?” Our smartass #1 complained, Maranda.

“Ah, Yeah.” number 2 added.

Carl turned around. “Just wait in about 10 years we will be doing it to you. When you both have boyfriends.”

“Ewwwww.” They both ran off.

“Don't go far, cinnamon rolls are about done. Ladies.” I told them as the timer in the stove went off.

“I'll get our drinks, Sweetheart.” Carl pulled out four glasses and our coffee cups. He poured Orange juice in the glasses and coffee in our cups.

There was a bang at the back door. The guys wanted in. Opening the door, three snow covered doxies came rushing in.

“Wait.” I called. Silhouette, and Kripto stopped. Majestic kept going. “Majestic, get back here.”

She just turned and looked at me. Almost saying. 'you want me, mom.'

I wiped off the snow and cleaned their feet.

“OK, guys.” 12 feet scrambled towards the living room.

I carried the pan of cinnamon rolls and Carl did the drinks.

We all sat down and ate breakfast. With three sets of eyes watching us.

While the girls played, I cuddled on the couch with Carl, listened to Christmas, and watched the beautiful snow falling.

“This is the best Christmas I have ever had. Merry Christmas, My love.” I kiss my husband.

All of my stories are purely fictional, the some places are real, some are not. The names and personnel used in all my stories, are also fictional. They may be based on people I knew but, Any resemblance to anyone living, dead, or un-dead are purely coincidental.

I write my stories as a fantasy. While based on this world. Things in my story could stretch reality. However I write my stories from my mind. I reserve all rights to my work. Any form of duplication without my permission is forbidden. Please enjoy reading them as I have in writing them.