She took a deep breath, taking in the sea air. It was salty, refreshing. She was wearing a chiffon wrap over a blue bikini. It made her feel beautiful, sexy. A pair of hairy, tanned, muscular arms enveloped her. Oooooh, she playfully screamed. It was Tom Selleck!

“Honey, you’re irresistible!”, he whispered.

“You’re just horny, Thomas!”, she giggled.

He fell backwards onto the sand, taking her with him. She squealed, giggling. She did enjoy when he overwhelmed her with his size. He turned to be on top of her and they kissed. It was the most erotic moment of her life. He had began the launch sequence.
He fondled her and removed her bottom garments. She moaned as he entered her, his maleness engorged and burning….

“Kathleen? You awake?”

She opened her eyes. “Heyyy”, she groggily answered, smiling. Janet was here! Woken her up from a most delicious dream but hey, JANET was here!

“sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, hun. Just was so excited to talk to you after your surgery”, Janet smiled lovingly.

“No no, that’s ok, Jan. I’ve been asleep for most of yesterday anyway”

“What’d the doctors say?”

“They said it went well”, Kathleen was unable to resist smiling widely

“Oh good, good. You’ve finally become your true self. I’m so happy for you!”

Janet was Kathleen’s neighbour from her earliest memories, when they called her Kenny. Janet was an older girl, by two years, with auburn hair which was almost always in a ponytail. Kathleen had always been jealous of how Janet had boys swarming around her whenever she hanged out at the park. They always tried to impress her and she loved the attention.

But Kathleen was different from other boys and Janet knew it. When Janet spoke to her, it was never flirtatious. At first, Kathleen thought it was because Janet treated all younger boys like that but no, she treated other younger boys with absolute disdain, that is, when she even deigned to talk to them!

With her, Janet was very kind. Janet would tell Kathleen that her mum got a new dress and it was so pretty and lacey. There was a longing in Kathleen’s eyes. To be pretty and desired.

“Janet, why do you hang with me so much?”, she asked in one of her more existential moments in Janet's room.

“Cuz we're sisters and that's what we do”

“I can’t be your sister. I’m a boy!”

“Hun, you only think you’re a boy. You’re really not. Boys are so rough and tough. They love football, cars. They talk about girls. You…not so much”.

“Oh..I”, Kathleen couldn’t go on. She was tearing up.

“It’s ok, hunnie. It’s better you come to terms with who you really are. You’re a sweet, feminine girl. And underneath that boyish shell is a real pretty princess”

A real boy would have been very offended at that. Shouted at her and walked off. But Kathleen did not. She knew Janet was right. She went quiet and looked down.

“Tell you what, why don’t we try this?”, she took off one of her hair clips, combed
Kathleen’s hair with her fingers and slipped the clip on. Kathleen turned to her mirror and look. The effect was stunning. Not because she looked like a prom queen or anything. Her gender had just became ambiguous.

“See…girl”, Janet said happily.

She proceeded to brush some mascara, ‘to bring out eyes’, she said. She brushed some rouge on Kathleen’s cheeks, nothing too obvious and finally the piece de resistance, some pink lippy.

“You’re not a boy anymore. How does that feel?”

Kathleen sighed and said, “feels very real”

“What shall we call you then? Kenna, maybe?”

“I like Kathleen. Kathleen Rose”. It was her true name for as long she could remember.

“Awww, so sweet. Come on, girl. Let’s go to the café!”

It was their local breakfast café. Literally across the road from Janet’s. Kathleen wanted to say ‘no’, of course but that café at this time would be empty and in any case, no kids from our school ever went there. She acquiesced.

“Who’s this pretty girl, then?”, Kamal, the portly Pakistani owner of the café asked.

“This is Kathleen. She was my friend, Kenny. Now she became a girl”, Kathleen panicked at Janet’s expose.

“Oh, that’s nice”, Kamal was unfazed. “In my country, many boys become girls. They’re called khusrey”. He smiled and left them to order.

And that was it. Janet had pushed Kathleen over the edge into an abyss which she wouldn’t like to escape from.

They did not go to the same college as Kathleen went into culinary sciences. She was a great cook, perfect wife material. But they met up a lot. Janet helped her acquire hormones through her friends. It wasn’t exactly above board but who cared? Kathleen just wanted to be a complete woman and experience life.

“Kathleen, it’s time to find you a boyfriend”, Janet decided.

“WHAT?! I’m not ready, Jan.”

“Hunnie, you’re not a lesbian, right? Nothing wrong with that but I don’t think you are”, she wasn’t and Janet knew it. She had no sexual attraction at all towards women. Kathleen shook her head.

“Ok look”, she continued. “I have a date with Colin on Saturday. I’ll get him to bring Simon along”

Kathleen blushed. She was terrified but also, she wanted this. The attention of a boy would be quite exciting.

The date went smoothly though the beginning, Kathleen was shocked when Janet reminded Simon of Kathleen’s status. For a minute, Kathleen hated her but as Janet reasoned, it was better for Simon to know and refuse then to find out later, possibly get mad and put Kathleen in danger. It was a logic which was hard to disagree with.

Kathleen did not hit it off too well with Simon so they stopped seeing each other but the ice was broken – Simon’s peck on her lips awoke in her the first pangs of womanly desire. She lay in bed that night dreaming of what it would be like to be with a man.

It was also Janet who encouraged her to go to Thailand for her surgery after a few years of living as herself. Janet also actually went with her and paid for it herself. It was a holiday for me, Janet said. Kathleen was already stuck with a hefty bill and so was very grateful. While Kathleen was under the knife, Janet waited at the hotel. She did not want to wait for so long at the hospital.

“So I guess your journey ends here, huh? You’re now your true self”.

“I guess. I dunno if I was too hasty. It’s just that things with Dev are really good and I want to be ready for our wedding night”, Kathleen enthused. She and Dev had been dating for a few years and enjoyed each other’s company immensely. She wanted to be a complete woman for him.

“Of course, of course. You and Dev are great together. You did the right thing”

“Janet, I’m so tired. May I sleep for a bit?”

“Sure, girl. I’ll come back in the morning, ok? I met this guy at the bar last night. Let’s see if I can pull him tonight!”

“Go on, you tart!”, they both laughed.

Kathleen was alone again, slowly slipping back into sleep. Maybe she can resume that lovemaking session with Tom Selleck. But her thoughts wandered. She thought about her parents, how they would absolutely disown her for the sex change. They were already shunning her for living as a woman. She thought about work, how people would whisper behind her back. She smiled for a moment thinking of her handsome man, Dev. He was so sexy and desirous of her all the time. Insatiable. But Kathleen’s smile faded when she thought of Dev’s family. How they would never accept a transsexual like her. That was her final thought before she slipped into the world of dreams.

Kathleen Rose dreamt a nightmare.