Link: The Wisher's Paradox Title Page and Description

---

Scared and alone, Christina huddled in the dark of her best friend's bottom drawer, unsure how long she would have to wait there. Praying silently, she tried not to cry.

Please God! I... I wanna have my old life back! I want Mother and Daddy! Just... make it all go back to the way it was! I don't care if I have an ugly boy's body! I don't know what to do! I've had to do a lot of things I don't want to do just to survive! I ran away, I've lied, I took these clothes! I feel like I'm doing everything wrong! What should I do? Waiting in the silence, she could hear muffled voices, but not what they were saying. It was then that she felt a new terror. Oh no! I gotta go to the bathroom!

At that, she began to silently cry.

She lay there for what seemed like forever, her legs cramping and her bladder feeling like it was about to burst. Hearing movement in the bedroom, the voices became clearer.

"I told you, officer! He's not here!" Kathy insisted.

Opening the closet doors, Raul pushed the girl's clothes out of the way to see if anyone was hiding in them. Seeing nothing unusual, he looked around the room. Leaning down to look under the bed, he saw nothing but the girl's sweaters and stood back up, sure now that there was no one else in the room. "Your mom said I could look around, Miss Grant." Turning to the girl, he tried to see if she was looking anywhere particular.

Knowing where Christina was, Kathy couldn't help but look at the drawer, wondering how long the poor girl could stand being in that tiny space.

Seeing her glance, he looked at the dresser. Narrowing his eyes, he stepped closer to look it over, opening the top drawer.

"Hey!" Kathy yelled. "That's my underwear! Get your pervy hands off! Mom!"

Linda Grant came into her daughter's room and saw the officer searching her drawers. "Officer Martinez!" she shouted at him. "You said you were looking for the Cocoran boy! He's nearly as tall as I am! He can't possibly be in one of my daughter's drawers! What are you really looking for? That's enough! Get out!"

Closing the drawer, Raul turned and tried to de-escalate the situation as he'd been trained. "Mrs. Grant, you said we could search your premises. Your daughter was looking over here, so I looked too. Unless you have something to hide..."

Now furious, Linda stepped into the room fully and pointed to the door. "Out, Officer! You don't have a warrant, Walt is obviously not here, and now you're fishing for something else! I want you out of my house now or I'm gonna call and report you for an illegal search! Out!"

Knowing he couldn't continue to try and find the girl's cell phone to prove she was in on this odd conspiracy, Raul sighed in defeat and left the room, Linda following him to the front door. "Very well, Mrs. Grant. Please let us know if you hear anything."

As soon as the two were out of sight, Kathy knelt down. "Christina? Are you alright?"

Nodding, the trapped girl squirmed. "Yeah. I gotta go to the bathroom, though! Bad!"

Grimacing, Kathy was torn, knowing that if she let the girl out too soon she might get caught. "Just... try and hang on a few more minutes, OK?"

"OK." the girl replied. "Just... hurry! I don't know how long I can hold it!"

Running out into the living room, she saw her mother on the porch talking with the officers. Racing back to the dresser, she pulled on the drawer.

It wouldn't budge.

"Um... I can't open the drawer, Christina! Can you help from inside?"

Reaching up with her hands, the folded girl tried to push her fingers out of the drawer to pull, but there was no room. "I cant get my fingers out!"

Trying once more, Kathy pulled as hard as she could, giving a tiny space for Christina to get the slightest grip on the edge with her fingernails. With the added help, the drawer slid out slightly, just enough for Christina to slip her fingertips out and get a better grip. With another pull, the drawer slid out more, inching enough for Kathy to put her whole body weight against the drawer. With one last heave, the two managed to open it once more.

Climbing out carefully, trying not to wet herself, Christina was finally standing next to Kathy. "Thanks!" she whispered, wrapping the other girl in a tight hug with her legs crossed.

Hugging her back briefly, Kathy let go and ran back out to see if the coast was still clear. Seeing her mother still on the porch, but not the officers, she knew time was short. "Quick! Go!" she whispered.

Wasting no time, Christina walked with just her knees and feet, holding her thighs together as tightly as she could. Reaching the bedroom door, she quickly crossed the hallway into the bathroom and closed the door. Close to losing control, she quickly got her pants down and sat.

What she experienced next was the most wonderfully bizarre sensation of her life. Having not even looked at what was between her legs, and having no experience at actually being a girl and all the physical complications involved, she nearly panicked at the simple act of going to the bathroom.

That was when she started to cry again, which made her cry even harder. I am so sick of crying at everything! What is my deal? Why can't I control my feelings anymore?

Heading out into the living room, Kathy slipped her phone out of the table drawer and into her pocket again just before her mother came back in. "So, what's their deal, Mom? Why was that guy looking in my drawers?"

Shaking her head, Linda closed the front door behind her. "He says you told him you lost your cell phone, but he thinks you still have it and were lying to him. Did you?"

"Did I lose my phone?" Kathy asked to buy time. "Um... yeah. Somewhere at school today. I'm sorry Mom! I wasn't gonna tell you! I was hoping I'd find in the Lost and Found tomorrow so I wouldn't get in trouble! Daddy told me that if I lost my phone, I wouldn't get another one 'til I was sixteen!"

Hearing what she believed to be a confession of the truth, Linda just looked at her with a frustrated smile. "Well, at least you didn't lie to me! OK! You see if it's in the Lost and Found tomorrow. If it isn't though, I'll get your dad to agree to give you a second chance. It won't be a smartphone, though! We'll dig out your old flip phone and you can use that until you learn to keep a better eye on where your phone is!"

Beaming at how nice her mother was being about the invented situation, Kathy hugged her quickly. "Thanks, Mom!"

"I just don't like you not having a phone if you need one!" Linda explained.

Pulling away quickly, Kathy backed away toward her room, not wanting to turn around as the phone in her back pocket would be easily visible. "Still, you're the best Mom ever!"

Heading toward the kitchen, Linda tried to get the whole situation with the police out of her head. Thinking of the Cocoran 'boy' being missing scared her more than she wanted her daughter to know. He and Kathy have been close friends for so long! "I'm going to start dinner, sweetie. Your homework done? If not you better get at it!"

Still backing away, even though her mother was turned away, Kathy crept her way toward her room. "No. I... I was worried about C... Walt... and then those cops came... so I better get started."

Hearing Kathy head off into her room, Linda sighed. She doesn't seem that upset about Walt. In fact, she seems pretty unfazed about it, as though she... Pausing mid-thought, the woman looked toward her daughter's room and remembered what Officer Martinez had said about Kathy's phone having been used by a girl named Christina who was trying to make people think she was Walt. That's the truly weird part. she pondered. Christina is the name of that girl that her mother was asking if she could stay here a few days before canceling... and it's also what Kathy used to call Walt when they were toddlers. I wonder...

Christina finally pulled up her jeans and baggy boxers. Having taken several minutes trying to figure out how to clean herself after going, she was finally satisfied she was dry enough and dressed. The experience was both amazing and terrifying. Having wanted that part of her to be like a girl for so long, and feeling uncomfortable about what she used to have there, finally having the body parts she'd always wanted still left her feeling mildly perverted for even touching it with toilet paper. It didn't even matter that it was her own body now; it somehow felt wrong.

Pushing those thoughts aside for the moment, Christina started toward the door after flushing when she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye. Stopping, she turned and looked at herself in the mirror. It was the first time since waking up that she'd had the chance to see herself when she wasn't busy trying to survive.

The sight that greeted her was astonishing.

In place of the normal features she'd hated seeing in every mirror, her face was the exact image she had of herself in every dream she'd ever had. At the same time it was familiar, it was eerily disquieting to see it in her waking life in a real mirror. Unlike her dream self, the real thing looked a little dirty and her hair had become unkempt and scraggly. It was still naturally curly and a lovely golden yellow, but it was wild and unstyled. I look like I've been living on the streets for a month already!

Fascinated by the image in the mirror, Christina was hardly even aware that the bathroom door had opened.

"Oh!" Linda startled at the strange girl in her bathroom. "Who are you!?"

"Walt!" Kathy yelled as she saw her mother discovering their hidden guest.

"Walt?" Linda asked in confusion, turning to look at Kathy and then Christina in turn. "Alright, young lady! Who are you and where is Walt!? His parents are worried sick!"

"Mom!" Kathy interrupted. "That is Walt! She turned into Christina this morning, but no one will believe her except me!"

Trying to wrap her mind around what her daughter was saying, she watched as the strange girl in her bathroom descended through surprise, then shock, terror, and finally falling to the floor in wracking sobs.

Ten minutes later, the three of them sat at their dining room table; Kathy and Christina on one side, Linda on the other.

"You expect me to believe that Walter Cocoran, the boy who's been your best friend for eight years, just woke up this morning in the body of a girl? Do I look that gullible?"

"Mom!" Kathy whined. "You gotta believe me! It's her! I mean, him... No! I mean her! Walt always wanted to be a girl and she got her wish, but now her own parents don't know her! She never told them she wanted to be a girl, so now they won't believe her!"

Looking up slowly after drying her eyes, Christina looked at her best friend's mother. Sniffing back more tears, she took a frustrated breath, having to explain it all over again wearing on her heavily. "It's true, Mrs. Grant. I... I'm Walt... or at least, I used to be. I prayed every night for seven years to be a girl, and last night the angel Lisbeth gave me my wish, but didn't tell me that no one would know it was me!"

Hanging her head guiltily, she had to admit everything. "Well, she did give me the chance to ask her questions about it first, but... um... I didn't think to ask much of anything before jumping at the chance. I... I wanted it so bad, I didn't think! Ask me anything! I know everything I knew as Walt!"

Shocked that both this strange girl and her daughter were trying to tell her something as unbelievable as the idea that the sky was pink, Linda shook her head. "OK. What's your name?"

Sighing, she hated any time she had to say her given name. "Um... Walter Devon Cocoran is what my parents called me. Really though, I'm Christina Joy Cocoran. Kathy gave me the name Christina when we were little so I'd have a girl's name. I picked Joy because anytime I could be Christina, I was happy, but that was only ever in my dreams. When I was awake, all I could ever be was... was Walt."

Being a saleswoman for an electronics supply company, Linda was very good at reading people. She read every potential client she had and could tell when they were lying to her, when they were trying to downplay interest in her products, and a dozen other hidden body language clues. Everything she knew about subconscious social queues was telling her that Christina was telling her a truth she normally tried to hide. On top of her knowing it was Kathy who named her Christina, and what she'd suspected of her daughter's best friend for many years, led her to only one logical conclusion. The girl totally believed what she was saying and it all fit the facts... except one.

Boys don't magically change into girls overnight. Ever.

"Listen, I think you actually believe what you're saying, but..."

"So you believe her, Mom?" Kathy interrupted.

"I didn't say that, Kathy." Linda retorted. "I said I believe she believes it's true! People trick themselves into believing things that are impossible all the time!"

"Why do you say it's impossible, Mom? Didn't you tell me that angels are real? That they watch over us and help when they can? So why can't you believe that an angel helped Christina?"

Caught with her own words and beliefs, Linda considered the question. Why can't I believe it? I know an angel saved my life that day. There's no way I could have gotten out of that car on my own, and I know someone opened the door and pulled me out before it started to burn, but no one was around for another minute or two, and by that time the car was burning and Daddy...

Her thoughts turning sad at the memory of the day her father Henry died, she remembered all the justifications people told her back then for what must have really happened. The police investigator said that someone must have been there, but they never came forward because they were a criminal... but Linda saw nobody there when she looked around after they put her down. Her emergency room doctor said that Linda must have opened her own door with a burst of adrenaline... but the accident had jammed it shut so tightly that it would have taken the Jaws of Life to open it.

In the end the only one to believe her was her own mother, Judy. She told Linda that since her father was killed instantly in the crash, it must have been him as an angel who had saved his only daughter. Linda had never stopped believing that.

"Well, Mom?" Kathy asked impatiently.

Shaking herself back to the present, Linda took a breath and let it out slowly before answering. "OK. You're right, sweetie. I do know that angels are real and help us when they can. But this?" She turned to the small girl looking like she was trying to be even smaller to avoid Linda's gaze.

"I wish I could take it back, but I can't." Christina mumbled as tears fell from her eyes. "I'm a nobody now! I might as well be dead! No one would even miss me! All they want is stupid Walt!"

"No!" Kathy screamed. "Don't even think that Christina! I love you!" Even as the words escaped her lips, Kathy's eyes went wide and she clapped her hand over her mouth in a vain effort to stop them after the fact.

Both Christina and Linda turned to Kathy in utter shock at her revelation. After a moment, Christina swallowed hard and asked, "You... you love me? I thought you loved Walt. You mean, like a best friend, right? Like a sister?"

Linda didn't need to hear her daughter's reply. She knew. She'd known for several months that her daughter was falling for her best friend and falling hard. It went beyond a simple crush. Their years of spending time together and the ease of their relationship just fed into the girl's attachment to 'Walt'. With her having just started her first menstrual cycle that winter, her budding womanhood had made her see her best friend in the new light of attraction. Now she had transferred that growing love onto the girl who truly believed herself to be Walt, which meant her daughter's heart believed it too.

"Sweetie?" Linda probed delicately. "That's not what you meant, was it?"

Looking from one to the other, Kathy still held her hand over her lips, trying to decide who was right, unsure even herself. Do... do I love Christina the way I loved Walt? I mean, how can I? Christina's a girl! Realizing how much of a girl 'Walt' had always been, she found the internal argument silly. What difference does it make what she looks like if she's still Walt? I... I mean... Christina! It wasn't Walt's body I loved, it was... it was her! I loved Christina the whole time! I just forgot she was there! Suddenly in a mild bit of shock, Kathy panicked and ran to her room, terrified of her own feelings.

Looking down and resuming her self-loathing, Christina shook her head and began to cry again. "I just cause problems for everyone! Becoming me killed the boy Kathy loved, and she can't love me the same way! I... I gotta go!" At that she got up and started quickly toward the front door.

"Christina!" Linda shouted. "Stop! Please!" Chasing after the girl, she caught her just opening the door. "No! I can't let you leave! Not like this! You might do something... terrible!" Pushing the door closed, she took Christina in her arms and held her as the girl broke down and sobbed openly.

Wrapping her arms around the woman in a desperate need for comforting, Christina was devastated. Kathy loves me, but she can't have me 'cuz I'm a girl like her and she doesn't like girls that way! Remembering what Kathy had said about Samantha, a girl in their school who admitted she liked other girls, Christina was certain she'd put her best friend in the worst position possible; loving someone she could never have.

"It's OK, Christina!" Linda soothed her, petting the back of her head the way she did to her own daughter when she was upset. "Shhh! It's OK! It's not your fault! OK?"

Trying to calm down, Christina felt her fear and anxiety melt away in the woman's motherly embrace. I wish this was Mother! she thought. Accepting the affection nonetheless, the preteen just let go of her fears and relaxed into the moment, feeling safe and cared for as she cried heavy sobs.

While her mother consoled Christina's raw emotions, Kathy lay on her bed sobbing into her pillow. Holding it with the same desperation Christina held Linda, Kathy found herself wishing that the pillow was her best friend, but at the same time conflicted with that image in her mind; at once drawn and repulsed by the idea.

After several minutes, Linda felt Christina calm down and pull away. "Are you better now, Christina?"

Nodding, the girl wiped her cheeks. "Yeah. I'm OK now. Thanks."

Looking toward her daughter's bedroom, she desperately wanted to comfort her child, but was afraid to leave Christina alone in fear that she would leave and might even hurt herself. "Christina? I... I need to talk to Kathy, OK? I need to talk to her alone. Will you wait at the dining room table for me?"

Pressing her lips into a line, the depressed girl nodded glumly. "Yeah. I... I understand."

Shaking her head, Linda held Christina at arm's length by the shoulders. "No, I want you to promise that you'll wait at the table. OK?"

Looking at the floor, she shrugged and nodded. "OK. I promise. I'll wait at the table 'till you come out." Walking back to the dining room, she sat down sadly, wondering what new torture awaited her next.

Linda hesitated only a moment, looking at the sorrowful girl and wondering if she was doing the right thing in leaving her alone to attend to her daughter. Steeling herself, she turned away and headed for Kathy's room.

Hearing the gentle knock on her door as she continued to wrestle with her mixed emotions, Kathy shouted into her pillow. "Go away! Just leave me alone!"

Opening the door slowly, Linda saw her daughter stretched out on her bed face down. "Kathy, dear? I can't do that. We need to talk about this!"

"What's there to talk about?" the girl spat. "I'm a freak! An eleven year old lesbian, Mom! That's Walt out there, and I love him! Her! I love her! I... I can't love her, Mom! I just can't!"

Stepping into her daughter's room slowly, Linda wanted to comfort her, but felt there was nothing she could say to fix this problem. "It's OK, Kathy. I... I know how you feel about Walt. I've known for a while." Approaching the child's bed, she sat on it and ran her hand between the girl's shoulder blades, rubbing gently to try and sooth away Kathy's pain.

Her mother's mollifying tone and the feel of her near helped calm the girl enough to think more clearly. Sitting up, she turned and looked up into the woman's eyes; her view distorted by the wetness in her own. "That is Walt, Mom! I know you don't believe us, but I know it's her! I can feel it! She... she knows everything about him! And her eyes! I can see Walt in them! It's her!"

Taking a breath, Linda shook her head in her own disbelief at what she was about to say. "I... I believe you, sweetie. I know it's insane, but... I think I can see him in her too!"

Getting up, Kathy wrapped her arms around the woman's neck. "Oh Mom! What're we gonna do? She's alone! And scared! Her own parents didn't believe her and called the cops on her and let them take her away! She doesn't have anywhere to go!"

Hugging her daughter and petting her head, Linda shook her head. "I... I don't know, sweetie! Honestly, I'm more concerned about you and what this must be doing to you! This is obviously very hard for you to handle. You're only eleven and dealing with things far too difficult even for us grownups! I... I wish I could tell you something that would help, but I just don't have any words that will help."

Hugging her even harder, Kathy relaxed some, content in the knowledge that at least her mother wasn't angry that she had such strong feelings for another girl and didn't think she was crazy for believing Christina's incredible story. "I... think I'd die if I lost her, Mom! I'd do anything to fix this for her, but I can't! I... I can't even deal with my own problems with her being a girl now, let alone hers! I... I tried, but they're just too big! What'll we do?"

Thinking a moment, Linda started going through everything she knew. After a moment, she broke the hug and looked at Kathy seriously. "You're the one that sent me that text from Marie Robbins, aren't you?"

Turning away embarrassedly, Kathy nodded in admission. "I'm sorry, Mom! I... I just didn't know what else to do! She had nowhere to go! You know that the cops are looking for her. They think she knows where Walt is. She snuck away from them when they took her to the hospital."

Parsing the situation, one part still didn't make sense. "OK. So why did you say she was going to her uncle's house? I already said she could stay a few days. You fooled me completely, which we'll deal with that later." she added with just a hint of irritation and menace.

Kathy shrugged. "Christina made me. She didn't like my lying to you and pointed out you'd be suspicious that she didn't have any other clothes and stuff. She has nothing, Mom! Even the clothes she's wearing she got from a donation bin! I think the only thing she has that's hers is Walt's underwear! Can I give her my old outfits from last year so she has something?"

Nodding in understanding, Linda pursed her lips. "Walt always was honest to a fault. He... um... she... wouldn't let you get away with much! It's one of the biggest reasons I let hi... her... hang around you so much, even though he was a boy. I thought he'd be a good influence on you!" Thinking a moment, she added, "I think it'd be OK to give her some of your old outfits. I was going to donate them when the box was full anyway."

Making the girl smile a little, knowing Christina had at least one grownup on her side, Kathy's smile melted quickly. "Um... what am I gonna do, Mom? I mean, Walt's a girl now! I mean, she was always a girl, but now she's a girl-girl! I can't be in love with her! I just can't! But I am!"

Smirking slightly at the girl's innocent selfishness in the face of much bigger problems, Linda was blunt. "Why can't you love her, sweetie? It's not like you have much of a choice in the matter! The heart wants what the heart wants! You can't just turn it off! Did you love Walt's body or who he... she... was... is... as a person?"

Having her own internal debate asked out loud helped Kathy parse the issue. "Um... I love her! The person Walt always was! But now she's in a girl's body! When she was Walt I could have done something about it. Now? I... I just can't, Mom! I... I don't like girls that way!"

Sighing, Linda shook her head. "What exactly were you going to 'do about it', sweetie?"

Suddenly embarrassed, Kathy turned away and looked at her nightstand. "Um... you know! Stuff! Maybe getting her to notice me? Dating? Stuff!"

Using her fingertip, Linda turned her daughter's head to face her once more. "You don't need to be ashamed of how you feel, sweetie! How does... um... does Christina feel about you?"

With a shrug, Kathy looked at her lap. "I... I told her how I felt about Walt before we came home. She said she never thought of me that way before. Now I just like, confessed in front of both of you that I still love her, even though she's in a girl's body now. I... I just don't know how I feel about that part. It's not like Walt was a hunk or anything! I mean, she was cute, but that's not why I loved her! It was because she was so nice... and sweet... and... and..." Sighing heavily and dreamily, she smiled. "...and wonderful!"

Taking her daughter into another hug, Linda held her for a moment while she sorted out what to say. "Well, what you do now is up to you, sweetie. There's no reason why you can't date her though, if you want to. Once you're old enough, that is! Eleven is a little young to start a serious relationship! But honestly sweetie, you're not the first girl to have the problem! A lot of girls have found themselves falling for someone who they weren't necessarily attracted to. When I first met your father he was... well... sort of... um... geeky, if you can believe it! Why don't you just give it time? See how you feel in a few months when you both turn twelve? How does that sound?"

Swallowing hard even at the idea of dating another girl, she saw the wisdom in her mother's words. "OK, Mom. Thanks."

"Feeling better now?"

Kathy nodded and stood up along with her mother. "Yeah. I feel bad, though! Here Christina is dealing with huge problems and I'm worried about me!"

Heading toward the bedroom door with her arm around Kathy's shoulder, Linda laughed lightly. "It's natural, sweetie! You're still just a little girl and this is a big problem! I'll help how I can, though! OK?"

Smiling up at her mother, Kathy knew that somehow, someway, her mom would find a way to make it all work out. "Thanks, Mom! I know she'll appreciate the..."

As she was about to finish, Kathy looked at the living room with the dining room table visible just beyond. What she noticed first was the silence. That's when she noticed what she wasn't seeing.

Christina was gone.