Chapter V. I’m Going Crazy

The last time I saw my father was when I was in sixth grade. He had dropped us off at school and that night, his car, the one that Alex drives now, was found on the side of the Springdale Hwy. No damage, well, nothing out of the ordinary. The glove box was untouched. There was still an immense pile of coffee cups on the passenger side and fuel in the tank.

No key in the ignition.
No other tire tracks.
No blood.

It was like he simply vanished from the Earth and Mom carried on without him--trying to show that life goes on. We all heard her crying sometimes at times she would get drunk by herself and we would have to clean up the bottles before the morning.
Alex took pride in the car, leaving it exactly as it was found and adding a few more dents and dings to the front bumper. He had rolled it..well, landed it on its side for a few seconds when he went off the the same highway, near the Grey family farm.
Alexis never took his departure well and she refused to accept Alex as 'the man of the house' because he still acted like a kid. That was about the time she started flirting--somewhat--with Wes.

Wednesday pulled closer to Paul and carried on in the way she always did.

I was still trying to figure things out and my choice to learn about guys was a poor one. We both wanted to get away from home life, reach out and catch that star in the sky that was ours. Too bad mine was a shooting star...possibly jettisoned garbage from the space shuttle or a meteorite for my luck.
* *
I woke up the next morning to an eerie silence, except for the sound of music playing downstairs, which never happened due to our helter-skelter to get ready in time to get to school.
Something was off and I didn't want to think what it was. The sun was out, but it didn't feel the same as it did when I would get up for school-a bright light shining into my room-this was more like when I was already at school. I got out of bed and ran into Wednesday's room, as she had a clock.
9:30!
It was nine-fucking-thirty in the morning! I ran downstairs in my pajama pants and a shirt.

"Alex! Alexis? Wednesday!"
"Yeah!" Wednesday yelled from the kitchen. She stood at the stove, frying eggs with Paul and some other guy, I had forgotten his name.
"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Yep."
"Where's Alexis?"
"Alex left early this morning so Alexis rode the bus."
"Left?" I stammered as the kitchen door opened and two other guys walked in.
"Do these look done?" She asked Paul.
"They're done. Oh, we should add some cheese."
"John, get the cheese out of the fridge. Top shelf."

The one referred to as John dragged his feet to the refrigerator, opened it wide and looked all over--except for the top shelf.
I walked past the group and grabbed the phone from off the wall. We had one phone in the house and it was in the kitchen. Fortunately, we had like a 25-foot cord so we could at least go into the bathroom for privacy. I didn't care who heard me at that moment, but I didn't really want an audience.
"Reardan-Edwall High School," a voice I recognized as Laverne, the school secretary answered
"Yes, this is Linda Moone. May I speak to Alex, please?"
"Please hold."
"Oh I'll hold," I thought "I'll hold his throat in a death grip and squeeze ever so much!"
I stamped my feet, clenched my teeth and thought of the most horrific things I could do to my brother as I waited for him to walk to the office.
"Yeah, mom?"
"What the Hell were you thinking?"
"Cherry?" He asked with a bit of shock.
"Who the hell else?"
Wasn't like mom would ever actually call the school. If she wanted to talk to him she'd wait until the evening to bust his ass. If it was a really big deal, she'd come to the school herself and yell his name at the front of the main (and only) hall in the high school.
I was still pissed.
"Why didn't you wake me up this morning?"
"Maybe I didn't want to...I'm not your dad.”
"Thank God for that."
"Just take the day off, Cherr-"
"-I don't want to take the day off. Wednesday may want to, but I don't.”
I used to wonder how many classes Wednesday skipped (quite a few) and how she managed to pass her classes (still haven't figured that out).
"Then ask Paul to give you a ride to school. He's not here so I assume he's there."
"Take some responsibility you prick!"
The line clicked off. He f'n hung up on me!

I opened the bathroom door, walked calmly through the kitchen and hung the phone up like a normal human being would while on the inside I wanted to throw it against the wall.
The sink was once again filled with dirty dishes.
Thirty minutes later I hoisted my backpack and walked to the kitchen door.
"Where are you going?" Wednesday asked from the couch. She was lying next to Paul with a blanket over them. It didn't take a health class to figure out what was going on,
"To school."
"Is Alex coming to pick you up?"
"Yeah, right.," I replied as I opened the door.

I wasn't going to ask Paul to drive me to school--I was going to walk the entire damn fifteen miles if I had to. Cut across a Hutterite field, dodge traffic in the Springfield Gorge and hope to God that it didn't rain. I got as far as the opposite side the gorge before my anger subsided and I wondered if it was worth walking the rest of the way. It was more than likely after one o'clock and school would be over before I got to town. That and my feet were freaking killing me.

* * *

"Are you stupid?
"It looked like the right thing to do at the time."
Christy stood over my sprawled out body. I had collapsed on her bed right after peeling off my shoes. I arrived at her house a little after four o'clock.
"You want to tell me why you walked from home to Reardan?"

Christy lived a few blocks down the road from the school. She lived in the basement of her grandmother's home. Which was kind of cool as there was an abundance of privacy (as she never stepped foot downstairs) and never seemed to notice how many teenagers were there--as everyone would walk down the steps on the outside of the house.
Granted, a lack of supervision could cause a few problems...like sneaking a bottle of triple sec and some lemonade and getting so smashed up that I had a debate with Josh that God could be a woman and he agreed with me...of course, we were naked at the time so between that and the booze coursing through our veins, well, you know.

Alex had picked me up a few times from Christy's house after making a few deliveries around town. He never said anything even though I was sure he could smell the sec and sex. Still, that didn't give him a freaking "Get Out Of Jail Free" for leaving behind that morning.
"Because I want to nail my brother's ass, that's why."
"Really? Christy asked as she closed her bedroom door and took out a pack of cigarettes.
"No, but it gave me some time to think about things."
"I would have stayed home, maybe had a beer or a cig instead."
I nodded as Christy lit one and took a drag.
"I really wanted it to work, Christy. I really did."
"Josh?" She asked and gestured to me if I wanted it.
"Yeah, to think we could've lasted."
I declined the smoke with a flailing of my hands.
"Josh is, was, will be, a total loser, okay? Just move on away from him, and let it go.
"You don't understand. He said he loved me and I said I loved him, and-"
"And he fucked you up good."
"I don't want to think of it that way." I replied as I sat and looked at my swollen feet.
"What else do you call it? You're thirteen, he's thirteen. Yeah, true love at first sight."
Christy again offered me the cigarette and this time I took it.
"I didn't have sex with him to make him stay with me, Christy."
"I know, but everything changed after that, didn't it?"
I took a small puff and, shockingly, didn't erupt into a coughing fit. It was as if my body wanted the smoke. "Yes, yes, we want to accelerate our sweet, sweet death. Give me more!"
"Don't need to remind me. Yeah-we kept doing it. Not the best thing to do, I guess."
"I could say something about your name and the-"
"Please don't."
"Love's a bitch, Cherry."
"Life's a bitch."
"And then you die."
I could only nod.

It was after ten when the call came from my mom. She was pissed and wouldn't let me say anything over the phone about what happened. I thought maybe she'd let me explain what happened on the way home; since she refused to let me just stay at Christy's house for the evening,

"What the fuck were you thinking, Cherry? I come home and you're not there and nobody knows where you are! How do I know you weren't dying out in the middle of a ditch somewhere?"
"I was trying to go to school."
"You were trying to go to school?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you go with Alex and Alexis?"
"No one woke me up," I replied while looking out the window.
"That's your responsibility, not anyone else's."
I turned back to her and could see her scowling face in the dim glow of her cigarette and the dashboard lights.
"Then how do I get to school? If he wants to leave without waking me up or he just wants to leave without telling anyone...he does it. How am I supposed to deal with that? You're never home to see these things."
"What do you want me to do, Cherry? Quit my job and sit on my ass all day and collect food stamps?"
"No, I just wish you'd be a mom sometime."
The car screeched to a halt and I found myself screaming and grabbing the "oh shit" handle on the door!
“I'm not being a Mom? Do you know what I do? I sacrifice my life for my damn kids. I'm trying to keep us going here and it seems all you care to do is break everything up.”
“Me? Why does it always fall on me?”
“Because I expect better from you.”
“Why? Am I not allowed to fuck everything up like Alex or Wednesday?”
“Cherry Aylesea Moone! I don't want to hear you talking like ever again!
I didn't look or say anything to mom as she started the car up again. We drove the rest of the way in silence.
When we arrived at home I grabbed my bag, got out of the car and closed the door as calmly as I could before I made a dash for the house. Alex was in the laundry room, a small room off the side of the kitchen, taking clothes out of the dryer as I stormed by.
“Hey, Cherr-“
“Go to Hell, Alex!” I yelled as I opened the door to the kitchen.
“Already been there.”
"Should have stayed!"
Alexis sat on the counter as she talked to someone--probably Wes--on the phone.
“My mom just retrieved my little sister. Yeah, she tried to walk to school again, she-"
“And you can join him!” I yelled to her before going to the ladder and climbing up to my room.
"Really?" Wednesday spoke in a muffled voice.
"Yeah, we could." Paul was there--I almost wanted to ask him when was he going to start paying rent or at replace our food,
"Then I can leave this hell-spawned house.”
I slammed my bag on the floor and dragged it into my room.
"Have a good day at school, Cherry?"
I refused to talk to her; as she could have woken me up. She could have thought...hey, before Alex leaves or the bus arrives I should wake my little sister up so she can go to school.
"I want that one." Paul said.
"Sexy."
"We need to order, like, mass invitations."
"How many people do you plan on inviting?"
"You're family's pretty big, our friends, I want them all there when we get married."